


Encounters Under Dawn's Light

by theworkingprince



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Eventual Smut, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Long Shot, M/M, One True Pairing, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 116,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25560238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworkingprince/pseuds/theworkingprince
Summary: A romance fic that expands and adds-on to key story events and scenes while following and developing the relationship between Dimitri and M!Byleth switching each chapter between the two characters' perspectives.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 33
Kudos: 75





	1. The Ashen Demon

It was only after I saw his smile that the thoughts that had settled in my stomach became something more. We were both covered in sweat as our victory flowed over us, my classmates, and everyone who supported the Blue Lions and we had Edelgard lying in defeat on the ground. The sun was making his pale skin glow as he kneeled over a bit to catch his breath before he turned to me and surprised me with the smallest of smiles. It wasn’t anything like Annette’s large grin that showed off her white teeth or Felix’s smug upturned lip that confirmed his belief in his skill or Ingrid’s relaxed and prideful smile. It was just a slight pull of his lips up and a quirk of his eyebrows that greeted Dimitri. But it was that small smile accompanied by his eyes that really became the image that haunted me. I could see so much happiness radiating from their deep waves that my heart lurched forward and the muddled mess of my feelings towards the Professor shot even further down into my groin. The sight of his uncontained happiness as he walked over in battered armor towards me did not help calm the sudden after heat of battle that began to wreak havoc on my thoughts and control.

“We… managed the win… Dimitri.”

He stretched out his hand still with the small smile reaching the slight wrinkle of his eye and I somehow wished I could remain almost collapsed on the field at this moment. So I could take my time seeing how not even the sunlight seemed to rival how brightly and true his emotions shone through to everyone who might turn to look. Even as I surrendered and reached out my hand and felt his thin and long fingers wrap around my skin, not quite being able to enclose all of my hand, our first physical contact had me panicking and wondering if it was noticeable how shamefully aroused I had become over my own teacher! It was so shameful to have my mind muddled in passion instead of our collective triumph when the Professor was so sincerely happy in that regard.

Once I was standing I managed my own painful smile.

“Looks like we have Professor.”

“Are you okay?”

“Ah, yes. Why?”

“Your smile looks a bit forced so I’m wondering if Edelgard really did more of a number on you.”

“Ah… ah… ah…”

He was leaning in to gaze at my face and it was unbearingly uncomfortable. Not to mention the happiness that he thought might hide again under the blue of his eyes was still lingering on the surface and sparkling as their blue caught sunlight. I was beginning to feel the sweat leak out of my pores as I felt my body lean back and away.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, you’re mistaken. Our fight with her simply took a lot of my energy. My, uh, body is so tired even my, uh, face can’t hold a smile too long.”

“She was real tough.”

He thankfully pulled back and I was able to quiet my heartbeat and groin quick enough as Edelgard rose to her feet and Claude sauntered over.

“That was quite a fight Dimitri, Professor. I must admit I’m quite crossed that the Black Eagles were defeated but it was a close and narrow defeat.”

“You really did quite the number to Dimitri and I. It was great to see how well you’re doing under Manuela’s guidance and your own training. Dimitri is so tired he even forgot how to smile!”

The excited rush of his voice and sudden, slight chuckle had all three of us wide eyed staring holes at him. His chuckle dragged on a bit until he noticed our shocked stares and quirked his eyebrows in confusion.

“Is something wrong?”

“No Teach, it's just… none of us have seen you so animated.”

“Quite. Your normally cool demeanor seems to have been displaced with a really warm and relaxed one.”

“Have I truly been so distant…”

The Professor’s eyes began to turn downcast and with the threat of losing his glimmering eyes I stumbled forward and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Of course not Professor. None of us mean it to offend or make you feel bad. I’m simply… captivated by how happy you look. The others, I’m sure, agree with me. So please, let's bask in our victory and head back to celebrate.”

“Yes Professor. I’d like to discuss on our way back any recommendations you might have for my strategy if I’m ever caught in a two on one battle again with similarly strong opponents.”

“Of course! We can talk it over as we go back to camp right now.”

The two of them walked on ahead, Professor still with the small smile, as they began to discuss last stand battle tactics while Claude and I walked a little further behind out of earshot of them. Claude had his hands folded behind his head nonchalantly while still staring at Professor’s back with a curious gleam in his eyes.

“Teach sure is chock full of mystery. Being appointed a professor by Rhea out of the blue, his connection and ability to wield the Sword of the Creator, and now his stone cold demeanor broken with a smile.”

“Well like any other person the Professor has his depths and complexities. I’m sure the suddenness of his appointment and teaching us while partaking in combat has surely made it difficult for him to adjust and get comfortable.”

“Come on Dimitri. You don’t believe any of that lie you just spit out. It’s clear to me that the Teach is obviously some kind of special as a combatant and teacher. But with that smile now… it turns out he’s gotten hidden and powerful charms. He’s strikingly cute when he lets himself go. Makes me wonder how deep you can go in him.”

“Cute!? How deep!?”

“You heard me. Or are you going to deny the obvious little beaut you’ve gotten lucky enough to catch in the Teach? I’m sure even Edelgard and the stick you both seem to share lodged up in your ass has already noticed it too.”

My cheeks began to burn and Claude’s eyes gleamed with mischievousness as he watched my face begin to burn deep red.

“Ah, I seem to have underestimated your go-getterness, Your Highness. It seems Edelgard and I were the ones who were slow on the uptick. My oh my if only Sylvain knew you could pull hard moves when you were into it.”

“You’re wrong! I’ve never had such shameful thoughts regarding the Professor. It’s true that his smile is truly captivating and that we all were caught by the sincerity of his emotions… but that’s where it ends for me.”

“Is that right? So if Sylvain or say… I was to confess my infatuation with Teach and swept him off his slender little legs, you would have no qualms with it? Wouldn’t come cry and beg me on your knees, ‘Claude please don’t take my man away! You are so striking and charming I’d have absolutely no chance if you so much as winked his way. Please, leave him for me.’”

“I… I… I would have… no…”

Claude suddenly slapped my shoulder with the full force of his body and I groaned as the sting awakened the soreness of my body.

“Your Princeliness, how about you don’t force it? I won’t touch dear Teach don’t worry. Just promise me you won’t coward away for years until someone with more courage steals the chance to keep that beauty all to himself, yeah. I’ll be rooting for ya!”

With that little tidbit of romantic advice, Claude ran ahead and caught up with the other two. As they began to talk and Claude began to test the Professor’s new emerging expressions with his usual antics, I was allowed the time to think over our conversation.

It’s true that I was feeling something, but Claude was wrong to think of it as passion or courtship. These feelings though they rang true with heat weren’t anywhere close to romance given that the Professor would never reciprocate such a relationship. We had only spoken privately a handful of times and they were primarily focused on our monthly mission, logistics, my progress in class, and when the conversations didn’t focus on things like that they always focused on the other Blue Lions. It occurred to me that I didn’t know the least thing about who the Professor was beyond what I gleaned upon his arrival and from others who were familiar about talk of him.

Just listen to me. I had to shake my head at my own ridiculousness.

I shouldn’t show him such discourtesy as to believe the common mutterings of tall tales. If I want to get to know him, I should be forthright and ask him directly. Yes, they’ll be a feast to celebrate our victory once we return to the Monastery so that will be the best time to make small talk and hear from him especially since he seems to be in such a great and open mood. It would also be a nice way of unraveling these feelings and getting a better understanding of where my heart was landing on the matter. It did very little to lie to myself about what I had heard from Claude, so I would admit that I grew distressed at the scenario he had suggested.

My heart did lurch to imagine some man sweeping the Professor off his feet. Just thinking that the Professor would ever show that small smile to someone he had caught the eye of as suddenly and passionately as he did mine was almost horrific. The warmth that the bundle of confusion in my stomach had been began to resettle there into an anxiety at the thought of not being able to know him beyond the instructor and mercenary. To have the deep interiors of Byleth locked away from my sight was the most agonizing thought, so it was safe for now to admit to myself that at the very least I wanted to know him. Know him intimately enough to call him a dear friend more than anything. And I carried this need to know all the way to the Monastery.

“Here’s to the Professor! May we have more victories that bring me the wins with the ladies!”

Even Sylvain’s self-aggrandizing toast couldn’t faze Ingrid and our general sense of joy at having been declared winners of the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. We were all sitting in one of the middling tables at the dining hall. The entire place was full of noise from the constant chatter of students and faculty to the busy sounds of the kitchen that was trying to serve out food for the excited rabble of the Monastery. Felix, Annette, Ashe, and Ingrid were sitting across from Dedue, myself, the Professor, Sylvain, and Mercedes. Most of us were in the midst of eating desserts at the end of a long meal and the table was divided in a battle of which dessert was the gift of the Goddess.

“I think the saghert and cream is delicious. My parents used to make it all the time in our restaurant and their recipe made it especially fruity and light.”

“Ooooo, I’d have to agree with Ashe. How can you not like a sweet baked treat? And when it has fruity cream and reduction!? You’d be mad to choose anything else as the top dessert! Absolutely insane! It’s a perfectly baked bundle of sweetness!”

“Well, I think the subtler hints of sweetness of a warm sweet bun is the best. When the bread comes out of the oven golden brown and so warm it feels like your holding spring sunlight, that feeling my friends is the epitome of treats. Stuffing your face with their fluffy goodness, ugh. You can never go wrong with traditional Faerghus confections.”

“I’ll have to concede this to Ingrid. I think sweet buns are simply the most satisfying.

Even if you can’t taste a single bite, you can feel the warmth and effort put into making it.”

“See! Dimitri agrees with me and having the future king of the Kingdom on your side is practically placing sweet buns on the throne of desserts as the unquestioned ruler.”

“Nonsense Ingrid. I think the refreshing sweetness of a spoonful of peach sorbet melting on your tongue is the one to beat. As someone who bakes, it's hard to argue with juicy peach slices frozen on ice cream.”

“Gotta hand it to Mercedes peach sorbets are hard to beat. It’s hard to eat them back in Gautier territory with how cold it is so getting to eat one for the first time here at the Monastery was a real palate opening experience.”

“Whatever Sylvain. What about you Dedue?”

“... I would have to be of the same opinion as Annette and Ashe. Saghert and cream is remarkably technical to bake. You have to make sure the balance of the bake and the mixing of the fruit cream is good or the entire confection will taste off. When it’s done right, it’s delicious.”

Annette and Ashe high fived each other with smug grins right over a grumbling and annoyed Ingrid. She turned with folded hands towards Felix.

“Felix?”

“I have no interest in this conversation.”

“You have to have an interest because I say so. Now, pick.”

“Pick what?”

“A dessert! What other thing have we been talking about?”

“I hate sweets.”

“Well congratulations! For just this second, at this table you _will_ like sweets and tell us which you like.”

Felix gave Ingrid an annoyed stare and let out a sigh.

“If I choose yours will I be allowed to exit this useless conversation?”

Ingrid simply continued staring at him.

“Fine. Whatever cavity inducing sweet she chose is also the one I pick.”

“There you go. It’s a tie.”

“That’s totally not fair Ingrid! You intimidated poor Felix into making a decision!”

“I did not!”

“She did not.”

“Well it’s not over! Our Professor still hasn’t voiced his opinion on the matter either. Professor! What do you think of this dilemma?”

Annette cocked her head up and asked him in a very matter-of-fact tone while Ashe folded his arms and nodded solemnly in agreeance. Ingrid was tapping her fingers on the table practically burning holes into the Professor. Dedue sat quietly and looked curiously toward the Professor. Mercedes smiled absentmindedly into the cup of her peach sorbet, savoring every spoon in her own world. Sylvain was already aggressively eyeing up girls around the dining hall while Felix wondered if that alone was good enough to strangle him for.

And I turned to look at the Professor genuinely curious like Dedue to know what his favorite dessert was. He was blushing a bit under the sudden attention of most of our eyes. Under the flickering lighting of the dining hall it was hard not to find myself equally as entranced with his sudden timidness as with his smile. He turned to me to search for an answer and it kind of hurt me to simply shrug my shoulders and force his answer, especially with the most invisible pout that twisted his lips. Regardless, he gave a deep breath and straightened his shoulders to sit straight. Ingrid, Ashe, and Annette were practically leaning across the table as he breathed out and put on his usually emotionless face.

Before he smiled sheepishly and clutched his peach sorbet in his hands saying, “I’m sorry but nothing can really beat peach ice cream.”

“PROFESSOR!!!!!”

The three big competitors collapsed on the table in pure fury as the three warring groups ended in a tie.

The hall was beginning to empty out a while after that and slowly each of the Lions began to trail out. Sylvain shouted a goodbye as he chased after one of our classmates to her annoyance and Felix gave a curt “bye” as he stood up and left. Annette, Ashe, and Ingrid walked off in the revived heat of dessert argument so consumed by it that Mercedes who tagged along had to give a polite wave before rushing after them. The only people left were Dedue, the Professor, and myself and the Professor was in the midst of enjoying his third helping of sorbet to notice they were all that was left in the hall.

“Your Highness, are you ready to return to your quarters?”

“Uh, if you don’t mind Dedue, you may go ahead. I’d like to speak to the Professor. I’ll head to my quarters once I walk him to his.”

“Your Highness, I’d prefer to wait outside the hall for yo…”

“I’d like to speak to him at length and in private, if you would.”

“... As you wish, Your Highness.”

Dedue reluctantly stood up and made his way back to his own quarters and I turned my attention to the Professor who was stuffing himself silly with ice cream.

“I wanted to properly thank you Professor. For both your guidance and leadership of the Lions and myself. I’m sincere when I say I’m incredibly happy to have had the chance to have you as our professor.”

“Mmm! Ah, you don’t have to be so formal in your thanks. All of you put in a lot of effort to get to this point. Don’t sell yourself short either Dimitri. You’re also their leader you know. They all look up to you too.”

“Still, you have my eternal gratitude.”

The Professor didn’t answer. Instead, his spoon kept scooping small bits of ice cream as the silence between us began to weigh heavy. He even seemed to have slouched slightly at my response and now I was in a panic. Did I say something wrong?

“Do I… really seem distant? Like I’m… incapable of feeling anything?”

“Oh ah… of…”

“It’s just that… your reaction earlier along with Claude and Edelgard’s have been floating around in my mind for the entire day. I was wondering perhaps if I’d done something wrong in how I interacted with everyone.”

“Professor… It's true that when you first arrived here at the Monastery and until recently you were a bit of an enigma and it was difficult for people to know how to approach you. Even I felt… unsure about how to feel in your presence. But I assure you, our surprise was purely one of wonder and appreciation. That you’ve grown to feel comfortable enough to laugh and smile, even if it’s only the slightest of smiles and laughs, have been one of the greatest gifts I have received this year and I’m sure that holds true for my classmates.

Have you not noticed? How everyone crowds around you for your attention? How they come to you because they want you to listen to their troubles? If you were truly someone incapable of feeling, then you wouldn’t go out of your way to help those who come to you and they wouldn’t trouble themselves in seeking you out..

I have to admit. There was a time that I questioned if you truly cared about any one of the Lions or if you were simply a mercenary being swept up in the winds of chance. I’m ashamed to have even considered such an idea now because even if you didn’t wear your heart on your sleeve your feelings came through in your actions. I ask forgiveness now if my attitude or demeanor ever contributed to this feeling of inadequacy.

You have been a gift from the Goddess in almost every regard to everyone… even myself. I cannot imagine a future where I wouldn’t want you here beside us.”

A silence hung between us where a response should have been, but I simply let the weight of my words settle in before I said anything else. I watched as the small silver spoon topped with the last melting bit of peach sorbet disappeared between his lips and he kept the spoon in his mouth for a few seconds, all the while staring into the empty bottom of the cup, before he placed the spoon with a light clang on the table. He stood up quietly and titled his head towards the doors that lead to the classrooms without turning around.

“Do you mind taking a walk with me? I’m sure you must be tired from our journey but I would appreciate some company.”

“Of course. Lead the way and I shall follow.”

He began to walk and I quickly followed suit.

The minute we stepped out into the Monastery grounds the crisp night air began to bite into my face and carried with it the scent of the shriveling leaves of the Wyvern Moon. When I looked up, I was greeted by millions of twinkling stars that swam across the deep black of the sky and they all seemed to swim around the glowing body of the moon. Our feet made small taps on the stone that hummed in the air but were quickly lost in the larger looming silence. We passed through the Academy and the large wooden doors that hid desks and chalkboard and passed by a couple of wandering cats and dogs that rushed around to play hidden games out of sight. We finally reached a bench between the training grounds and the reception hall and the Professor, instead of sitting, chose to lean against the ledge of the monastery wall and look up at the night sky.

I slowly walked over and leaned on the wall beside him.

“It’s always… rather difficult to hear people say or suggest I’m emotionless. It’s something that’s difficult to explain to others, but there’s always been this—wall between a part of my mind, I think, or at the very least it’s what makes sense to me.

Hanneman the other day while we spoke referred to me by the nickname I’d earned while working in my father’s mercenary group. “The Ashen Demon” is what they called me. I was this cold, calculating, and lifeless apparition on the battlefield that mindlessly cut down those we were hired to kill in the name of those who gave us a sum of bullions. The minute I was old enough I was put to practice with the sword and took to it quick enough to start helping out on our assignments. It was only ever my father and I so I was happy to finally be finding a way to earn a place among the other mercenaries. But the minute the rumors spread around about my behavior on the field and out of it, the rest of the mercenaries gave me a wide berth.

They started to think I had no semblance of empathy or compassion and that if they got on my bad side I wouldn’t hesitate to cut them down. I was surrounded by grown men who themselves didn’t care about shedding tears or having heart to hearts about their fears and yet I became the “demon” of their gossip. I became untouchable—unlovable. And you have no idea how much I wanted to scream out. When I heard conversations about their families, I wanted to ask how many children they had or who was the person they’d decided to be with. When I heard them laughing, I wanted to laugh with them and feel the warmth of a joke too. When they told stories about their journeys and old jobs and close calls, I wanted to be sat between and among them and imagine those stories as being real. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to.”

The Professor tilted his head down and the messy mop of his hair created a shadow that hid his narrow feline eyes and his lips from the bright and warm moonlight. He was opening the palm of his left hand over and over again.

What kind of expression did he have now? Would his eyes be shimmering with tears? Would his lips be trembling? Would he let my hand slip into the empty air he was trying to grasp with his and let me fill the emptiness with mine?

“My father—hasn’t been the most open either. He probably thinks I don’t know, but I can tell that my struggle to be more emotive has taken a toll on him. I know he gets frustrated by my inability to show him some sort of affection and for that reason I don’t blame his own sort of distance and overprotectiveness of me. But it felt like I was suffocating back then. I was surrounded by people. I was surrounded and still drowning. I wanted to cry so bad. I wanted to cry and scream and pull my hair out. But every time I thought of feeling something my body just wouldn’t move. It refused to call out for help.”

The Professor turned his head back up to the sky. The strands of his hair still covered the top of his face, but now the moonlight filtered through their long stems like moonlight weaves between the trees of a forest and the light that made it through was all caught in the deep and swirling blue of his eyes. I could see the sharp and angled shadow of his nose’s peak cast over his left cheek, see the shimmering gloss of tears that rimmed his eye, see the long curve of his lashes that fluttered up and down. There was a quaking sigh that slipped from his lips that meandered on shaking feet.

“I remember it you know? The face of the first person I killed. The smell of his blood as sharp and hot as the iron of my blade. The panic and fear that swam in the wide open sockets of his eyes when he knew it. That he would die. The sudden heaviness of his body when it crumpled down without a soul in it. It got heavier and heavier as the light and color bled from his skin until it sagged down into the dirt. He looked so cold and faraway. And I was standing over him with his blood on my blade. I was standing over him and I wanted to vomit and cry, but all I did was leave him there. I left him there and killed someone else for a job.

‘The Ashen Demon.’

I hate that name. It isn’t even a name. It’s a _thing_. A thing that I’m not. A thing I don’t want to be.”

It was right as his voice quivered at the end of that sentence when I pressed my palm into his left palm and fit my fingers between his own. His hand was small enough that my hand almost seemed to engulf it. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze and pressed my shoulder against his own so that when he decided to turn and face me I could see all the tears that were simmering at the very bottom of his eyes.

“Pro—Byleth. Right now, do you know who I see in front of me? An incredibly talented, charismatic, and—beautiful man who is so sensitive to those around him that he’s always fretting over them. I see a man who has learned slowly and with a lot of dedication how to laugh and cry and smile again. You’ve grown so much and—I know that when I look at you in those quiet moments at the training ground late at night when you’re learning sword play and lance work and reading tomes that you’re doing it all for everyone else. You’ve accepted a great responsibility—but you’re not alone. We’re all here for you. I am hear for you. And when you are stumbling, I will be there to pick you up. When you are hurting, I will be there to listen. When you feel alone and afraid, I will be there to hold your hand and remind you that you’re strong. Because you do all of this for the Lions and me, we’ll do just the same for you.

I’ve killed many myself with these hands and the memory of their deaths also…linger on me. It’s something that you simply can’t escape from. I sometimes fear the faces of those who die in battle and tragedy might melt into one seamless identity, but the more lives I take the sharper and shriller their voices become in my head.”

I felt his hand suddenly tighten around mine. He leaned closer as slowly as a leaf rattled from its tree branch until his shoulder finally settled into the nape of my shoulder and I could feel that trembling sigh rack his body. His warmth against my right side seemed to glow dully like an ember as my left side felt the increasingly sharp bite of the night air. But even this small glow felt like it would threaten to topple me over like his small smile. My hand was pressed up and trapped by his and I was becoming increasingly aware of our proximity and the things I’d let slip from my own mouth.

When I saw the tears glimmering at the rim of his eye—I couldn’t help but think the sight a testament to his beauty, the beauty of his eyes that were in danger of betraying his distant body that seemed so far removed from his interior. I couldn’t help but imagine what other faces he could make, how much warmer he would feel if I could simply hold him even nearer, if I was allowed by him to explore every inch of his body and press down on his soft stomach, caress his long legs, leave a trail of kisses going up the valley of his spine, and sift my fingers through the blades of his hair. I felt my entire body burn brightly with the hope laid deep in that imagination and squeezed his hand even tighter. This was something much more powerful than the sight of him at Gronder Field.

I wanted to protect him.

I wanted to learn how I could love him.

We spent what felt like hours like this. I simply stared out into the speckled canvass of the sky while he slowly but surely reigned his breath in and I could feel the softening thump of his heart become steady and sure. But he didn’t pull away like I though he would. Instead, he settled himself even more and moved his head until it sat comfortably in the crook of space between my shoulder and neck and I could feel the warm breath of his mouth slide down my collarbone.

“I’m—sorry to have lobbed that heaping mess of a story on you. It’s a bit unbecoming of me as a teacher.”

“Nonsense. I’ll be quite frank with you. If you think I’d be leaning on the edge of a monastery wall staring at the night sky with my Professor leaning on my shoulder thinking of it as just some student-teacher talk, you must have absolutely no respect for my ability to read the room.”

“Well, I’ve heard some pretty horrifying stories from Sylvain about your said “abilities,” so I wouldn’t be so matter-of-fact offended by it if I were you.”

“Right. I’m assuming he’s told you about the dagger one?”

“What dagger? This one’s new to me.”

“I’m surprised by his self-restraint then. It’s really not worth repeating.”

“You can’t walk it back now. You’ve got me really curious.”

“Ah, perhaps some other time. It’s quite honestly not the most flattering to me as a man.”

Byleth let out a small sigh and stood straight up leaving my shoulder at the mercy of the chilling air. He kept his face titled up at the moon and the hand that I had warmed with my own straightened down and intertwined with his other.

“I realize my father had and still has apprehensions about our being here. His relationship to Rhea I’m quite sure is… strained at best. But I couldn’t be more grateful to have this opportunity to be here. I’m not much older than all of you and at times it feels like my position gets in the way of—the friendships I’d like to have with you all. I feel a great deal of anxiety leading you all into battle and not because I doubt your talents and prowess, but because it would pain me to lose any of you out there in the chaos and violence. What I appreciate are these quiet and loud moments here. Pointless arguments about deserts, Ingrid scolding Sylvain and Felix and stuffing her face full of food, Ashe’s idealism and sincerity and his fear of ghosts, Annette and Mercedes’s sweets and unrelenting optimism, Dedue’s silent and watchful care over the garden and all of us, and of course you.”

“Me? I’m not sure—”

“What you do that I appreciate? You’re really much too hard on yourself Dimitri.

I appreciate your unwavering courage and bravery. How mindful you are of others and how thoughtful you are. But above all, I appreciate how you can be vulnerable as well. That you are so careful to the point of fearing your own strength because you might inadvertently harm others. And because though you say you had doubts about me that never once stopped you from making me part of the group. Making me feel a part of this insanely warm and messy and loving family.

Rhea and my father might not have noticed it themselves yet—but above all…”

In that moment, he turned to look towards me again and I felt my own heart lurch with a loud heartbeat.

The wind was blowing strands of his hair all across his face and the moon was now free to spread across every inch of his pale skin. His hands were neatly clasped in front of him. But above all, where I had seen just hints of happiness and contentment before, there was now an enormous smile that stretched across his face with glimmering teeth threatening to outshine all of the stars in the sky. His eyes pierced right through me glowing with a lukewarm light that held me right in place.

“…above all I am grateful that you’ve made me feel like a real person. That I can talk and laugh and cry. That I’m worth something outside the battlefield. Thank you with all of my heart, Dimitri.”

“Beautiful.”

The minute I let out the word my cheeks flamed up and I had to nervously rub my neck as I looked on for Byleth’s reaction.

All he could do was blush and look down at his clasped hands.

“Thank you.”

An awkward silence hung in the air before Byleth began to walk forward, his cheeks still stained a shade of cherry red.

“Well, why don’t we see some of those manly charms of yours. Care to walk me back to my room?”

“Ah, of course! I’d be happy too.”

And so we started to make our way to the dormitories with Byleth walking slightly in front of me and a slight awkwardness still lingering on around us. But mixed right in with it was a silent warmth and comfort. It felt like we had finally broken through to each other and that we each had begun to see and understand one another in a close and intimately personal way.

But at the same time it did nothing to dispel the growing heat at the pit of my stomach. How every sight of him had me wanting to rush forward and trap him in my arms. How I desperately wanted him to begin to see me more as Dimitri the man and not the academy student. How there was still so much more I wanted to know. How there was still so many ways I could learn to love him.

We finally reached the door of his room and Byleth made his way up the stone stairs and I watched him from the bottom of them. As his hands touched the door handle, he turned around and gave me a slight smile with a thumbs up.

“I’d give that a B+ effort in charm and manliness.”

“B+? That seems awfully unfair.”

“It’s totally fair. Where was my goodnight? Or sweet dreams? Sylvain would’ve already been at least begging to make it past my door.”

“Has he done that? His chasing knows no bounds.”

Byleth and I let out a laugh and we simply stood there watching one another.

“Well? I won’t go in until you complete this task properly.”

“Right.”

I took a deep breath and put all of my back into taking the most obnoxious and deep bow which Byleth returned in kind with the most dainty courtesy.

“Goodnight, Byleth.”

“Goodnight, Dimitri.”

And with that he disappeared into his room while I stayed a few minutes looking after him wondering what he was doing behind his door. Laughing? Smiling? Blushing? Wondering or maybe thinking of him?

I had to shake my head as I began to walk away to reach my own quarters.

“Claude, you always seem to hit right on the nerve.”

It would pain me to see Byleth swept away from me because he already felt like such a big part of my life. The silent comfort he brought with him. The way he could bolster your pride and confidence and motivate you to finish things through. There was no one who brought me this sense of comfort and warmth besides father, mother, Dedue, Glenn, and Rodrigue. And I had already failed to protect three of them.

I had to get stronger. In order to prove my love and silence their voices. To make those responsible answer to their cries. I—have to do this. It’s the reason I’m here.

But now I also needed this strength for Byleth. To help him erase those lingering faces and clean that dripping blood from his hands. To love him so deeply he’d never think himself inhuman, monstrous like I am.

I needed to prove myself to him.


	2. The Boar

“And there we go! Nice and comfy in your brand new home little guys.”

I patted the bulging mound of soil a bit more around the bases of the forget-me-nots with my small spade as I admired them from my crouched position at the ledge of the stone planters. My eyes were right at the same height of the small blue and purple flowers and I watched them lull gently with the breeze that was blowing into the greenhouse through the wide-open doors. They sat among shrubs and small trees as well as other much larger pitcher plants and violets in the only space I could find for them right at the lip of the planter’s ledge. With every gentle push of the breeze, their blue and purple heads came down to kiss the grey stone ledge.

It would be quite difficult for people to appreciate them if I was being honest with myself, but at the very least I would come by to tend and talk to them.

“You guys get kind of lost among all these burly and rough plants, but I’ll pay you all a visit every weekend to see how you hold up.”

I sent them a small smile and wiped my hands unconsciously on the bare white of my thighs groaning as I watched the sixth or seventh smear of brown dirt brush across. Since I had foregone pants in favor of a pair of summer shorts Mercedes had sewn for me, the habit of wiping my hands on my legs became an increasing nuisance as I only managed to get myself dirtier. I tightened my lips and placed my hands on my knees.

“I’m already going to have to head to the baths after this so I might as well see what else needs to be done around here.”

I glanced around each of the planters looking for weeds or drying plants or any plants that needed trimming or some form of maintenance and found myself surprised at how uncharacteristically clean and organized the entire place seemed to be. I fiddled with the rim of my brown summer hat giving the place another look around in case I’d missed something but…no. The greenhouse couldn’t be so perfectly pristine every day like this unless someone was spending their entire days cooped up in here. I’d at least think there’d be some plants that needed watering.

My legs began to wobble from being crouched for so long and I simply let them fall under me and let myself fall backward until I was laying on the stone ground watching the noon clouds run past each pane of glass on the greenhouse’s roof.

“You guys have quite a view here. You get to see days and nights and all kinds of strange and wonderful things fly past. I’m quite envious actually. It’s been quite a while since I could just be wrapped up in such a nice quiet like this. It feels like I’m always in a rush and being pulled by the arm left and right.”

I sat with my hands folded on my stomach counting the clouds that flew by.

“May I ask—what exactly you are doing on the ground, Professor?”

I shot up like a notched arrow at the sudden sound of Dedue’s voice and pretended to wipe away at my thighs and fix my summer hat as I sent him a small smile.

“Ah, I was planting some forget-me-nots and decided to try and—see what their perspective of the greenhouse might look like.”

Dedue continued to look at me with the only hint of a reaction being an upturned eyebrow that seemed to be leaning heavily into judgment territory. I felt the tips of my ears begin to burn and so I quickly hid myself away by turning back to my forget-me-nots and playing around with their leaves.

“We all have our habits and methods of gardening. Why not give mine a try? I’m sure you’ll find it just as eye-opening as I do.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Ah—right. Sorry.”

The air suddenly turned quite balmy and awkward as I continued to distract myself with the greenness of each leaf that I caressed through my fingers. I felt Dedue walk past me and begin inspecting Lily of the valley flowers in the large planter at the back end of the greenhouse and followed him with my eyes. You could just barely make out a thin tugging at his lips as he looked over each of the flowers there. It was one of his rare smiles.

The atmosphere between us had changed considerably since our first meeting. He was quite distant and guarded when I was introduced as the professor of the Blue Lions and I couldn’t quite fault him either. I was a complete stranger who was suddenly put in a position of relative power over the group and in direct contact with Dimitri with which he had sworn an oath to protect. It also didn’t help that besides Dimitri there was no one he trusted or tried to befriend given the ridiculous and rampant hatred around him being a man of Duscur.

He was unsettled by my persistence in speaking with him and I didn’t quite do my best in clearing up misunderstandings back then since it was difficult to emote or show feelings. I tried my best to reach out because in many ways I thought life had placed us in similar situations. My time as the “Ashen Demon” in my father’s mercenary group and the sudden transition hear and Dedue’s loss during the Tragedy of Duscur and the violence he faced here—we were both stuck in places where it was difficult to love ourselves and let ourselves be loved.

But my skin and place of birth were never weaponized against me.

Although Dedue looked intimidating and large, it didn’t escape me how little he sometimes spoke of himself. He had taken some of the things people said to heart and even begun to believe them. And even then, his first thought when he told me not to associate with him was for my sake, my reputation.

It isn’t that Dedue dislikes speaking and befriending others. He, in fact, is so overly considerate he simply at times takes a while to find the exact right words the other needs to hear. So I don’t mind the balmy awkwardness from time to time.

“It isn’t selfish or shameful to find time for yourself.”

“Sorry?”

Dedue’s voice interrupted my thoughts and I noticed him now looking directly at me from where he’d decided to sit at the ledge of the planter. His arms were crossed in front of him and I could see already some specks of dirt staining his usually crisp academy uniform. The sunlight gave his frame a glowing hue but also cast a deep shadow on the stone below and his earring twinkled every now and then.

“It isn’t selfish or shameful to find time for yourself.”

“Wh—”

“I heard you speaking with the flowers.”

The tips of my ear and now my cheeks began to burn bright.

“Ah, so you heard all of that.”

“Indeed.”

“Sorry. I’m sure it wasn’t at all flattering to see your teacher laying on the ground talking to flowers by himself.”

“I am not mentioning this to ridicule you. Talking to flowers, yourself, or not talking at all. Gardening, cooking, baking, or fishing. These are all valid ways of making space for yourself.

It is tiring to be around people just as it is draining to be alone. It’s a delicate balance you have to discover for yourself.”

He wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Ever since Gronder Field and our night of celebration, it felt like everyone was curious to get to know me more than usual. Sylvain uselessly flirted with me, Annette and Mercedes dressed me up as much as I let them, Felix and Ingrid were keen to push me to my limit in training, and even Ashe seemed keen to gush over books with me ever since he’d noticed my fondness for fairytales. I didn’t ever get much time with Dimitri since both our obligations pulled us in different directions most days outside of classes. It had already been a few weeks since our conversation that night.

And although I appreciated the Lions, it was true that I couldn’t help but savor these rare moments of stolen silence where it seemed I was the only one around.

“Huh, it seems almost hypocritical of me to want moments like these.”

“Why is that?”

I walked over to the main planter and sat just a little bit away from Dedue and followed a bee as it nuzzled its body into the opening of a red carnation.

“I confided to Dimitri that I always felt detached and alone during the time I spent as a mercenary in my father’s group a few night ago after our victory feast. My reputation made me infamous and dangerous so I often found myself lost among a sea of people wanting to feel like I belonged. And now here I am complaining about receiving just that treatment.

Everyone wants me close now. People enjoy talking to me like I enjoy talking to them. I’m in a space full of life. I’m beyond happy to have a place to call home and people I’ve come to consider family. And yet…”

“It takes a lot of bravery to ask for this space. At times people will misinterpret your feelings because you yourself are finding the right way to explain them. Maybe they will be hurt. Maybe they will be angry. But saying no to favors, to talks, to hangouts, is something we all must do.

It is not easy for you or me to go from places of isolation to suddenly be thrust into such a public and open space. It takes time to balance and understand. I’m sure all of them will understand your feelings.”

I looked away from the bee and found Dedue sending me one of those small and rare smiles and couldn’t help but feel a gentle warmth spread from deep inside my heart. The sunlight kept giving him that ethereal hue around his frame and the sunflowers’ huge heads arched just slightly over his head. He really seemed to belong right here like a gentle part of the scenery.

I sent him my own small one and he was seemingly caught off guard by it as he looked up at the glass ceiling, his cheeks flaming up red ever so slightly.

“I can see what he sees now.”

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“It’s nothing important.”

Well, that was fine too. Dedue wasn’t big on words, but he was perceptive. He’d always know without speaking when someone needed help and was ready to simply sit next to them in a small place of quiet like this. It was his way of being there for me right now. To just sit here and tell me a word of advice and then let me think and think on it. Among all of the flowers and sunlight.

“Are you to blame for how annoyingly tidy this greenhouse is?”

“That is correct. I know the others are annoyed with me as well for not asking for help. But this is the time I use to also get away and empty my mind. I suppose they’ll have to remain annoyed for the foreseeable future now that Flayn has entered into the kitchen with me.”

“How are her cooking lessons going?”

“They—are going.”

“Ah, right—well I’m sure if anyone can build up her skills in the kitchen it’ll be you. The Duscur style dishes you serve while on cooking duty are incredibly delicious. Whenever Flayn can finally cook with a sense for taste and seasoning, I hope I can steal you away for my own mini-lessons.”

“Then I have a feeling you’ll be waiting a while.”

I let out a laugh that was louder than necessary, but it also got a chuckle out of him.

“Then I hope you won’t mind finding me here, trying to see what the flowers see from time to time.”

“Not at all Professor.”

After my talk and garden time with Dedue, I found myself immediately pulled away by Seteth once I stepped out of the greenhouse. Sylvain had gotten himself involved with another students girlfriend and an entire brawl had started when the student and a group of his friends confronted Sylvain in the reception hall. Safe to say it was hard enough to have to sit in the infirmary while Manuela patched him up and make sure he was alright without him tossing all kinds of flirtations at me because of my outfit.

_“Man Professor—those shorts are really a sight for sore eyes on you. I’m not complaining but if you keep dressing like that at the Monastery, you might start sparking less-than-holy thoughts among my fellow male classmates. Good to see you learning from Manuela!”_

Manuela then proceeded to dig her nails in ever so gentle on his busted lip for that last bit of commentary and that had him begging for mercy.

So now I found myself backtracked on feedback forms I was writing up for the Lions based on the weekly end results of their training performance thanks to the report I had to file with the Monastery on the earlier incident. My office was completely dark except for the bright glow of my lit candle which I was using in order to finish up these forms. The moonlight and starlight also spilled in from the thin windows behind me and helped chase away some of the lingering darkness my candle could not.

I looked up from the form I was looking at and caught sight of the still rather large stack to the left of me of other forms and let out a large groan as I let my forehead hit the desk.

“I should give up for today. I didn’t even get to change out of my gardening clothes thanks to him!”

Just then a loud knock came from the door.

“Come in.”

I heard the door creak open followed by a light sigh and the sound of heels clacking against the stone floor.

“Ready to give up for the day.”

I rolled my head up and sent Manuela a small pout to where she stood leaning on a bookshelf.

“Why is he like this Manuela?”

“You know men. If they’ve got the looks they also think they have the balls to go with them.”

“He’s managed to cost me several of my free days since I got here. I’m sure he just does it to push my buttons.”

“Well you’ve got a free day tomorrow too right?”

“I do.”

“Perfect! Why don’t you and I head out to get breakfast early and spend the day milling about in town? If we leave earlier enough and stay out the entire day, we’ll be able to escape our responsibilities AND hormonal adolescent boys in favor of some gossip and older hormonal men! It’ll be fun!”

“It does sound fun but as the head nurse do you think it’s safe to be out a day?”

“Oh please, plenty of the priests are adept at healing magic and medicine and if the students cause chaos those two old geezers Seteth and Hanneman can handle it.”

“It is really tempting—right, you’ve convinced me. Let’s make it a date.”

“Great! I’m looking forward to hearing about your escapades with men.”

“Escapades with men?”

I got up and blew out my candle sending Manuela a confused look as she raised her eyebrows at me under the glow of moonlight. She placed her hands on her hips as we began to walk out together into the eerie and dimly lit halls of the Monastery’s second floor.

“Don’t be coy. I saw you a couple of nights ago from a window on the second floor. You were near the resting area by the training ground staring at the stars with another man even leaning on his shoulders. Oooooo, I didn’t get a good look at him but who was he? One of the knights? One of the priests? Oh, I kind of want it to be a priest now that sounds like a real great story and night. Well?”

My ears began to burn a red probably bright enough to see in the dark.

_She’s surely talking about my conversation with Dimitri. It didn’t even occur to me how misconstrued the situation would be taken if anyone else in the monastery saw us. I just have to hope Manuela was the only one paying us attention or else it would just trouble Dimitri and his reputation. Since she didn’t get a good look at him, I could simply bluff my way through it while confirming some of her assumptions._

“Ah, right—I won’t deny it since you saw what you saw. I honestly thought the area was free of any onlookers but I guess I’ll have to be much careful next time.”

“Now I understand why my flirtations fell on cold shoulders. I don’t have the right parts to show you a good time. What a shame.”

She shook her head and sighed as I let out a laugh and began to walk towards the stairs. I could hear the loud clack of her heels follow behind me.

“BUT this I think turned out quite splendidly for me. I now have a fellow appreciator of the male body among this uptight staff. The two of us could really shake up the scene for everyone—make things a little more fun.”

“Really? I don’t think I’d have much of an impact in comparison to you.”

“Oh no, I will not have any of this self-deprecation from you. It’s obvious for anyone with two eyes that you’re quite pretty. Did you not notice the knights while you were in the reception hall scolding Sylvain? According to these two very experienced eyes of mine, they seemed to have forgotten all the trouble caused at the sight of those pale thighs of yours.”

“Ugh—must I never wear casual clothes in public again? It’s a bit shameful of me if I’m stirring up trouble like this. Not to mention if the Church were to know of my—attractions they would surely cast me out in the blink of an eye.”

We had begun to descend the stairs and just as we reached the bottom of them I felt Manuela’s hand on my shoulder and turned to look back at her.

Her light brown eyes were looking right at me with a gentle warmth to them accompanied by a closed mouth smile. The candle light flickered across her face and made the orange gloss of her lips twinkle periodically.

“It is true you have to be careful in places like these full of men with power and women who bend themselves over to please them. It takes a lot of will and courage and strength to stick true to who you are while playing your cards right. People will always try to use every part of you as a stone to throw back at you in shame.

When I was in Enbarr rising through the ranks of the opera company, it wasn’t a flight full of grace or white feathers. It was a slog through hidden knives and stains of blood. And that changed very little when I finally was the head performer of the company and theater. It was a constant performance of control and intellect to out maneuver the men and women who tried their best to topple me.”

She came closer to me and tapped my thigh with a finger.

“This here? Your body and beauty? It’s as much of a weapon as words, tactics, and swords. It’s all about the performance you give your audience and the more closely you live within the act the better you’ll keep your enemies on their toes if you ever reach a climax.

You’re smart, attractive, and compassionate. Your charms have earned you as many friends as they have enemies so lean into yourself. Trust what you’ve got to work with and if anyone gives you crap for enjoying the company of men you can kindly show them their place.

And of course—you can rely on me if you ever feel unsafe or threatened. Between the two of us we’ll have any fool down on their knees begging for mercy!”

Manuela sent me a playful wink and I couldn’t help but send her one of my own with a smile.

“Right. Thanks Manuela.”

“It’s nothing. I won’t speak of this to anyone else rest assured. And with that I’ll drop this sister and mother act. It really betrays my age.”

“Of course. I’ll let you get going to your own room then. I’ll be sneaking into the baths before heading off to sleep. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I began to walk back out into the open air of the Monastery grounds when I heard a light whistle and turned back to face Manuela.

“Remember we’ve got a girls day out in the town tomorrow!”

“Girls night out?”

“That’s right. We’re partners in this ongoing struggle for romance, love, and passion! We’ll stake out some men, talks about our types, our heartbreaks, our infatuations, our dreams. You’re officially one of us.”

I let out a laugh and shook my head at her.

“I’m seriously looking forward to getting in the trenches with you then Manuela.”

The minute my feet slipped into the warm depths of the monastery baths I felt all of the tension of the day melt away deep under the light steam of the water. I was unsure how exactly they managed to keep the water warm enough throughout the day and keep it from getting lukewarm, but I could care less frankly. All through my time as a mercenary I had taken cold baths in rivers, streams, and lakes surrounded by men with zero sense of privacy. The minute I got to take a warm bath here for the first time I felt there would be no way I could go back to cold baths ever again.

I let my body slip all the way down until only my head was popping out of the water and I let my eyes close.

Although I said I’d bluff my way through that conversation with Manuela, I can’t say I was expecting her to ask so directly about which gender I was attracted to. It wasn’t really a lie either. I had always felt more attracted to men and being surrounded by them most of my life I learned it very early own. In a strange way, the isolation I was struggling with was also beneficial in that it saved me from any awkward relationships I might’ve had with the men working under my father.

_Father…_

Father was someone else who was difficult to read too. I wasn’t sure really how he would react to the news that I was attracted to the same sex. Our relationship was only just going somewhere new now that I had started to find it easier to express my feelings and I was fearful something as surprising as this might ruin it.

I shook my head a bit.

_I’ll just have to tell him when I feel the time is right. For now, it’s enough knowing that whatever happens Manuela will be there to back me up_.

“Byleth?”

My eye opened in a flash as I heard Dimitri call out to me and I immediately let out a scream. I covered my eyes with my hands and tried hard to fight the crawling heat of a blush that was starting to cover me from my neck all the way to my ears.

_Holy shit I saw his—I did and it was—Goddess this is mortifying._

“Would you mind getting in the water first before have anything resembling a conversation!?”

“Oh! Oh—ah, right.”

I heard the gentle splash of the bath water and felt the tiny ripples as they licked at the base of my throat. I didn’t even have the courage to look him in the face and just—why did he have to show up now? And completely naked? To take a bath?

_Please leave_. _Please leave. Please leave. Please. Leave._

I moved my fingers slightly and uncovered my eyes and was greeted by Dimitri’s stare and his very defined chest.

But I immediately lost my sense of pride and common sense when I saw his skin clearly.

I swam closer to look at the many scars and bruises that marred his entire body. Some of them looked old, almost ancient with how discolored they were in comparison to the rest of his pale skin. Others looked like they had been sewn shut with needlework and you could see the closing where the two ends of a cut had been brought together. I could see his hands and arms through the clear water and they were covered in what looked like burns where his flesh had been left scarred and marred. There was a single long and shallow looking cut that ran right over his chest, right above where his heart was hidden in his chest.

Without even thinking, my hand reached out and traced the scar before landing right above his heart. I felt the sporadic beating of his heart going haywire in the pit of my palm. The spot became hot with the heat of both our bodies and I wondered why his body had been so violently marked like this.

_He’s a boar. He enjoys nothing more than spilling blood. Don’t let his act fool you._

Boar—that was what Felix called Dimitri. In my conversations with him and whenever Dimitri was around, he never failed to mention it. That Dimitri wasn’t who he said he was. That he enjoyed cutting through oceans of bodies on the battlefield. That he smiled and laughed while his face and armor were stained with blood. That he lost himself in the smell of iron and death.

“Byleth…”

At the sound of Dimitri’s voice, I turned my head up to him and saw him watching me with murky, cloudy blue eyes. His lips were closed and not a smile or frown would change them. His shoulders were slouching forward, his arms were wrapping around his torso, and his hair was completely wet and threatening to cover the eyes that had me frozen with my hand on his chest. It seemed like his entire body was curling into itself.

It was right when my knee brushed his thigh that I realized how close I was and what exactly I was doing. I yanked my hand away as if I had touched a flame and moved as far as way as possible in the bath. There was a considerable distance between us now and I hid my face under my own hair as a way of trying to cover the mortifying panic that was surely clear in my eyes.

_I’ve absolutely lost my mind. It’s so obvious he was completely disgusted by me touching him. He was even shaking. I just went and made all of this weird and harmful._

“I—”

“I must be really monstrous—for even you to pull away like that.”

Dimitri let out a low laugh that had my skin crawling.

“Felix has said it himself. This is a boar’s skin. The marks of a wild animal. Who is willing to come near this—thing.”

I heard the splash of water and turned to see Dimitri making his way to leave and without thinking once again I rushed forward and grabbed his hand.

“That’s not it at all. I’m not disgusted or scared or horrified.”

He stayed facing away from me and it felt strangely cold just staring at his back and watching droplets rush down the valley of his spine.

“Please—stay Dimitri.”

There was another brief moment of silence before Dimitri sunk back down into the water.

I let out a sigh and went to pull back my hand but his grip strengthened to the point where it was close to getting painfully unbearable.

“I just—I wasn’t sure what I’d do if even you came to find me…”

“Please, stop this. I realize that pulling my hand away like that might have given you the impression that I was somehow scared or terrified by what I saw, but that’s not the case Dimitri.”

I closed my eyes really tight and mentally began preparing myself for what was coming next. Having to have this talk in the baths while we’re both naked and holding hands was possibly the worst place I’d ever have to come out in.

“I’m telling you this so that you don’t go misunderstanding me if anything as awkward as this happens again, which it won’t. I pulled away because I realized I was touching another man’s chest without his permission and that that man happened to be one of the students that I was entrusted with looking after and training. I—I’m attracted to men so I also realized since you got in and I saw—you know what that this entire scene might be misunderstood if anyone saw us and that it might also be—disgusting or uncomfortable for you.

I know it might be getting really awkward to imagine sticking close to me as a friend or teacher so I won’t be hurt if you choose to distance yourself for a bit or longer. I only ask that you keep this to yourself. Besides you now, only Manuela knows about my attraction to men.”

There was a deafening silence that followed my explanation. I simply sat there watching the water ripple slightly around my chest and hoping he’d say—something. And also let go of my hand.

“Why did you touch my chest?”

“Oh—that. I realized I had never seen the skin on your body before. Not even your hands. You always wear gloves and a full uniform or set of armor so it was my first time seeing all of those scars. I was just worried, wondering if they hurt—the wounds that the scars used to be and why you got them, who gave them to you.”

I heard a trembling sigh escape his lips and dared to glance over and saw him with his eyes closed and head leaning back so that the apple of his throat looked like a hill protruding from his neck. I felt his hand loosen its grip on mine, but he still held on tightly enough to make it hard for me to take it back.

“I can’t tell you yet—about the why and the where and the what of them, these scars. But they’re reminders of some kind of the things that are demanded of me. The actions and path I must cut for myself and walk for myself. Marks left by those that I’ve lost and must help attain peace.”

_I’ve killed many myself with these hands and the memory of their deaths also…linger on me. It’s something that you simply can’t escape from. I sometimes fear the faces of those who die in battle and tragedy might melt into one seamless identity, but the more lives I take the sharper and shriller their voices become in my head._

There was a sadness underlying his voice now that was just as it was then. I had been distracted by my own feelings and ghosts but it was clear Dimitri was suffering as well with these voices—these reminders that echoed from each one of these scars on his body. The lingering memories of them must be haunting and loud and demanding.

He must feel obligated to be it—the Boar who’s heartless and blood thirsty and enjoys delivering death down on his enemies. The whispers of the dead and living that tell you must be it, this thing, the Ashen Demon or the Boar. The whispers that tell you it must be true because look at you—look at you with blood covering your hands.

I tightened my own hand around his.

“Then I guess we’ll have to work together.”

Dimitri opened his eyes and gazed down at me through the wet strands of his hair that stuck to his forehead.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s work to be everything but what people tell us we are. ‘The Boar’ and ‘the Ashen Demon’—at the end of the day they’re one and the same aren’t they. These things that aren’t us. Things that we’re scared to be. But no one can force us to be them, not any person or ghost or voice or memory or scar.

If we look out for each other’s demons, we can help bring the other back when they feel that they’re losing the thread of things. After all, no one can carve a path alone can they? You were there for me since the start of my time here at Garreg Mach. You did your best to quiet my fears just a few weeks ago when I was thinking it might be true—that I was something less than human.

So now here I am, naked in the baths with you holding your hand to tell you the same thing. The Lions and me—we’re all here for you so don’t go doing things by yourself. Don’t think that I’d think any less of you because of any scar or stain of blood. You’re Dimitri aren’t you? The same man who let me cry on his shoulder?

Well—I couldn’t imagine not having you by my side either.”

I sent him a small smile and I thought he might return it when he suddenly yanked me forward and wrapped me up in a chest crushing hug. I could hear small sobs and felt the way they made his entire body tremble as our chests were pressed up against one another.

“Thank you—Byleth.”

His voice barely came out as a whisper. It felt heavy with the weight of what those scars had meant to him and I couldn’t help but use my free hand to gently pet the wet mop of his golden blonde hair.

I could hear my own heart through my ears. It felt just like when I had my hand pressed on his chest. Unbearably warm and sporadic and once again I felt like that night we were alone. Under the sparkle and luster of stars letting my tears dry on the shoulder of his uniform while he held my hand—while he comforted me. How we spent it in a silence that was an attempt to heal and feel loved and warm and real.

Except now here I was becoming that space for him. His tears getting lost in the body of the bath. His sobs being tremors that disturbed my skin and the calm water. Under the steam and the candles, we were probably just a single massive shadow to anyone who might see us. Our chests we’re so close that my nipples were grazing his skin and I had this unbearable urge to spontaneously combust but here I was—comforting him in the cage of his hug. It was another space. Another attempt to heal and love and be warm and real.


	3. Mother

The air still held a crisp chill to it as I made my rounds through the Monastery grounds on morning patrol with Ashe. The sun was beginning to paint the sky shades of purple, pink, orange, and red as it peeked above the mountains that surrounded the grounds. A few Knights of Serios passed us by and I nodded my head to return their greetings while Ashe continued to yawn with his hoodie pulled over his head. I had felt slightly bad for waking him up so early, but he was the most reliable of the Lions and I hadn’t had the opportunity to bond more with him yet.

Of the Lions, I knew only Felix, Sylvain, and Ingrid intimately since they were childhood friends and Dedue because he’d been serving me for the past few years since the Tragedy of Duscur. Annette, Mercedes, and Ashe I had only met at the beginning of the academic year so their level of comfort with talking to me was a progressive one. Safe to say Ashe was the hardest one of the bunch to crack.

He felt quite insecure about himself thanks to his social standing and felt that keeping our relationship much more formal was a way of respecting the perceived divide he felt existed between himself and I. No matter how many times I tried to tell him it was alright to talk to me as an equal and friend, he couldn’t seem to quite escape his humble habits especially when we were performing tasks together.

“Sorry to have woken you so early. I’m sure I interrupted your much deserved rest.”

“Oh—no, no Your Highness. It’s honestly quite embarrassing to admit this but I’m only tired because I spent most of the night reading a novel until my candle burnt out. Of course, I could have gotten up from my bed to get another but—it was so dark in my room by then that it was really safer to sleep.”

“Was it really that enthralling?”

“Quite! It’s a tale about a woman who was born a commoner and is the sole survivor of a bandit attack on her hometown. The bandits had burned the entire town down and she was so distraught with her injuries and the loss of her family and friends that she resigned herself to die there among the ashes until a band of mercenaries found her. The group wanted to leave her there given that she was inconsolable and any attempt to pull her from the pile of ashes she was crying on was all in vain. However, the leader of the band lingered and stayed beside her for four days until she didn’t have the energy to cry anymore and fell asleep. He carried her along with them as they kept moving and although she was distraught and angered with them at first, she was ultimately grateful to them for having brought her to her senses.”

“A romance then?”

“There is indeed a real focus on the romance between the woman and the mercenary, but there’s also an intriguing complexity that makes the read all the better.

The writer of the tale, a man who lived somewhere near the border between Faerghus and Adrestia, was said to have never taken a wife or woman. The writer later died from a heart condition sometime after the publication of the tale and at his funeral there was said to be a man who was just as inconsolable as the woman from the tale draped over his coffin. No one had seen this man before and they were struck by the beauty and sincerity of his grief.”

“His lover was a man then?”

“It appears so. Scholars who’ve studied the tale say there’s a very curious focus on the bodies of the other mercenaries. In a couple of chapters where the men of the group are shirtless or naked, the narrator lingers on describing them and the woman herself at times merely watches them from a distance while imagining the mercenary and the proximity of his men to him. They believe the tale might be inspired by his relationship with the man and that he sometimes inserts himself into the character of the woman to express his interest in his lover and male bodies.”

“That is most fascinating. You hardly ever here such love stories between two men or two women in Fódlan. I’m sure there must be couples like that though I suppose they keep their intimacies close to the chest. To think literature could be such an explorative space.”

“Yes! I agree whole-heartedly, Your Highness. The scenes between the woman and the mercenary were already breathtaking and visceral but now that I’ve realized how the woman serves as a vehicle for the writer’s own love I find myself even more repre—”

Ashe stopped himself from finishing his sentence and began to fidget with the strings of his hoodie. My face twisted in a bit of confusion as I waited for him to respond as we made our way to the steps near the Monastery graveyard.

“—I mean it just makes the tale that more riveting to me. Ah, that’s why I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I just had to keep reading it.”

“Well, based on all you’ve said I’ll have to read it for myself then.”

“Oh—if you do have the time to read it, then you’ll have to tell me exactly what your thoughts are on it. The romance between the woman and mercenary, the revenge subplot, the other members of the group, who ends up being your—”

“Ashe, Ashe! You’ll end up spoiling the reading if you go on any longer.”

“Ah! Right—right, sorry Your Majesty. I just started imagining having someone else to talk about the novel in detail with and I guess I got carried away. I tried to talk about a childhood tale that I was re-reading through with Felix, but—well it ended as well as you’d think it would.

Sylvain doesn’t have the mind for reading if we’re being honest and Mercedes just enjoys torturing me with—ghost stories whenever we try talking about what I’m reading. Only Ingrid and the Professor enjoy having really thorough conversations with me which was surprising to me in the moment. Ingrid is always so no-nonsense that seeing her gush about books so animatedly like I did was shocking but nice. The Professor I’d just figured would be far too busy to talk to me about something so trivial but he was the one who approached me to talk about some fairytale he’d been recently introduced to.”

“Well, it seems you’ve formed a strong group of avid readers for yourself then.”

“Yes! I’m very grateful to those two for giving me the time of day. And of course…”

He then took off his hoodie and let the air tousle loose strands of his hair as we paused by a bench that sat facing the great and looming shadow of the cathedral. He leaned over the bench with his hand draping lazily over the top plank and gazed with a smile at the bluing sky. I stood next to him and watched pairs and groups of bishops and monks make their way across the cathedral bridge as the morning bell began to toll and echo all around the Monastery grounds. Underneath the loud tolls, you could just make out the threads of conversations turned into echoes by the great distance between us and them. Even the loud beating of wyvern and pegasus wings became merely complementary sounds to the loud and insistent tolling.

“…I’m grateful to all of you. To think I came from losing both my parents and living in the alleyways trying to keep my little siblings fed—to standing here beside you and everyone else that I call a friend at the Monastery. I’m truly privileged to have been able to meet you all.”

“You earned your place here Ashe! There’s no person I know that works harder than you and who simply enjoys being able to help others. Although I would wish you weren’t so stubborn about doing it all on your own, your standing here at Monastery is due to your own efforts.”

He chuckled a bit and shook his head.

“I am privileged. Leonie managed to nab a recommendation only because her hometown pitched and raised the money to buy her a place her. I was simply lucky enough to have met Lonato while doing something as lowly as stealing to live. She had always known since she met Jeralt that she wanted to be a mercenary. Every step she took was taken by her own efforts and the additional support she earned by being such a helpful and honest worker back home.

I would like to say that I work so hard and help others so much because I wholeheartedly enjoy doing so but—that’s not quite true. Deep down I know that it’s, in part, fueled by my own insecurities. At the end of the day, nothing can erase the fact that I’m just a commoner street rat. The death of Lonato and Christophe have proved that. Now that the Church has taken the former Gaspard lands and my siblings were taken in by the church of the Castletown, I’m right back where I had started. No family or name or blood to protect me. The power and protection I had for my siblings and I came from Lonato—not me. I have nothing.

Lady Rhea allowed me to continue my enrollment here, but that doesn’t quiet the anxiousness inside me. I have to spend every minute here proving above doubt to others and to myself that I belong here. That I deserve to be here.”

Even after calling himself a street rat, Ashe could still be leaning here with a smile on his face. The sun had finally peeked its entire face out of the mountainsides and had begun to chase away the shadows from his face until we both stood here—glimmering under the rays of a new sun.

“It’s not true that you have nothing. You have your siblings don’t you and—you also have us.”

I reached out and ruffled the messy mop of his grey hair as he tried swatting my hand away.

“Hey! I’m your subject not your little brother.”

“You are my ridiculously stubborn little friend though and as such you deserve to get your hair messed with for having such lowly thoughts of yourself.”

We both let out a laugh as Ashe threw my hand off from above his head and tried to tame the baby hairs that were sticking out like twigs.

“Yeah, yeah, haha—aren’t you so funny throwing in a jab at my height. Such an original sense of humor.”

He shook his head and a nice, comfortable silence began to hang around the two of us as we continued to take in the scenery.

I could only imagine how hard it must be to lose his second family. Even if Ashe was old enough to enroll here at the Academy, at the end of the day he was still a kid. Someone who had to face the realities of battle in the most horrifying ways—killing Lonato a man he’d come to think of as a father. Despite the insecurities he’d voiced, I couldn’t help but admire how resolved and focused he was even in the midst of his own grieving. He’d said he was nothing, but I could still see that unmissable glimmer in his eyes and that permanent smile on his face as we took in the scenery. He knew who and what he wanted to be now and I would help him by making sure his third family came out of every future battle safe and without harm.

Ashe turned to gaze to his right when he suddenly stood straight and walked closer to the ledge of the stairs heading down into the cemetery. I followed behind him.

“Isn’t that the Professor? It looks like he’s standing over a tombstone in the cemetery. He must’ve gotten here before us if we didn’t happen to run into each other on our way here.”

I followed his line of sight and—surely enough—Byleth was stood over a tombstone laying down some flowers across the bottom.

“Do you think someone he knows might be buried here?”

“I would think so if he’s going to the trouble of laying out flowers.”

“Let’s wait for him here then and give him the time he needs to do what he has to before trying to talk to him.”

Ashe sat down on the ledge of the Monastery wall which made my heart skip a beat as I fought the urge to pull him back and force him to sit on the bench. But I couldn’t really linger too long on my panic for him, Byleth’s silent figure in the cemetery held my attention. He was tracing something with his finger on the grey slab of stone and I could hear some garbled mumbles that I assumed was him speaking. The sun’s emergence meant that, as he kneeled in front of the tombstone, its elongated shadow seemed to wrap him up tightly in a strange bubble of darkness separated from the morning light. He fiddled a bit with the flowers some more before he seemed to freeze—his body not moving at all save for his fingers once again tracing away at the head of the tombstone.

And then—

“ _In time's flow—see the glow / Of flames ever burning bright. / On a swift—river’s drift / Broken memories alight. / If I were—to dive in / To its waves of sorrows and tears. / Would you be—waiting there / a reflection of what I hold dear?_ ”

The lightness and sorrow that echoed out across the quiet was—breathtaking. I had no trouble hearing it as he sang with his head titled up with the sun just barely lighting up the top of his head to the bottom of his eyes. Every note seemed to be just like a wave threatening to crash back down with the sadness that underlined it. Each note rang and rang out wanting to be heard. I had never once heard this song or melody before, but Byleth was singing it now—to someone buried somewhere underneath the ground he kneeled before.

“Wow—the Professor has a really beautiful voice! That’s to be expected though. He leads our choir practice in the cathedral all the time although he usually only sings mostly to us and himself.”

“I’ve never heard him sing before.”

“Ah—right. Your duties always make it hard for you to participate in the recreational class activities that the Professor encourages us to take. Well—you heard him now, but I wonder why he’d be singing here? I’ve never heard that song before—I wonder if it holds a special meaning to him.”

The song was definitely a melancholy one. The idea of diving into the river of time where countless memories—both sad and happy—were drifting in order to catch a glimpse of a reflection—the reflection of someone who was dear. My heart began to rattle around inside my chest as I struggled to keep myself composed. My eyes were threatening to let loose a torrent of my own memories but I had to take a few breaths to control them.   
Why did such a song have such a strong effect on me? Was it the meaning I’d imagined behind it or—because it was Byleth who sung it?

It was as I was thinking these things that his gentle steps up the stairs brought me back into a right state of mind. He had his head hung down slightly staring at his feet while he made his way up and so he didn’t notice us at first. Ashe immediately hopped off and ran over to the top of the stairs to greet him.

“Hey Professor!”

Byleth immediately looked up and sent us a small wave and smile as he jogged up the stairs to meet up with us.

“Hello Ashe, Dimitri. What are you two doing up so early and out here?”

“It was my turn to take the morning patrol shift so I asked Ashe to accompany me on it. We were actually just here taking in the morning sun when we spotted you at the cemetery.”

“Yeah! That was some pretty beautiful singing Professor. You had Dimitri and I totally captivated! I don’t think either of us have ever heard that song sung anywhere before—is it an original melody? Or maybe some kind of lullaby?”

Byleth flushed slightly and sent us a small smile. Once again—my heart rattled around inside my chest.

“I’m not quite sure of its origins myself. I was having tea the other day with Lady Rhea when she decided to sing it to me. There was something—strangely familiar about it and I asked her where she’d heard of it. However, she only mentioned that her mother had sung it to her when she was younger and that she didn’t really know much about it either.”

“Tea with Lady Rhea? I don’t think that’d be enjoyable at all. The few times I’ve seen and spoken to her I’ve almost had a heart attack just trying not to say something rude or ridiculous. Oh—please don’t tell her I said that!”

“You really have nothing to worry about Ashe. She might seem really cold and calculating but—there’s something oddly reassuring about the way she speaks to you alone. I’m sure she’d only be saddened to hear you think she’s scary.”

“You say that but during the trial of the Western Church…”

Byleth’s eyes softened slightly at the sight of Ashe slouched form and he walked over and ruffled his hair.

“It’s okay. I’ll keep my talk of her and the church to a minimum. I realize it’s insensitive of me to talk highly of her considering all that’s happened. I haven’t quite accepted her decision on how to handle the insurrection myself either. I promise next time—if she were to do something so equally inexcusable—I’ll be the first to protest and voice my concerns.”

Ashe flushed as well and quickly tossed Byleth’s hand off his head.

“Yeah, yeah. Now would everyone PLEASE stop treating me like a kid! I don’t need all the head pats.”

“Really? You complain but you seem to enjoy them very much while you’re in the moment.”

“Well, in a few years when I grow some more and you’re still stuck as a tiny professor, we’ll see who’s the one getting tortured and assaulted with head pats.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get a chair.”

Ashe let out a sigh and Byleth let out a small chuckle before landing his gaze on me.

I tilted my head slightly down and couldn’t help but have my eyes wander to the chest plate of armor that was hiding his bare chest. It was a bit of a—challenge to forget that strange night at the baths. It wasn’t my proudest moment to completely breakdown and cry like that in front of Byleth and have him console me with a hug not to mention the fact that it was painfully obvious in this emotionally sober state that we were both completely naked and I just yanked him to my side. Watching him trace the tombstone with his fingers reminded me of how he had touched the scar on my chest—how he’d looked closely at the dark shadow it had left on my skin with such raw concern that I was now taken aback. I could still feel their warmth playing out across my chest and even harder to forget—was the now clear image of his nipples grazing across my collarbone and chest. How they were smothered by my sudden hug. I couldn’t help wanting to have a look at them right now—now that I was with a clear head so I could remember their appearance—test their sensitivity with my own fingers.

“Dimitri?”

I was greeted by Byleth’s face mere inches from my nose looking up at me with concern and immediately stumbled back feeling my face burn up in the process of regaining my composure.

_Goddess—I’m the worst. Thinking of Byleth in such a revolting manner after he has been nothing but kind and understanding to me. I’m desecrating his body and character by thinking these thoughts. I must find a way to stop them—these daydreams._

“Are you alright Your Highness?”

“Ah—yes, yes I’m sorry. I got lost in my thoughts for a bit.”

“I was asking if we were still going to visit those kids in the monastery town. You’d asked me a couple of days ago if I’d accompany you since you’re teaching them the sword—right?”

“Quite! Pardon me for not hearing you the first time but if you do still have the time to spare, then it would be lovely to have your company for my trip to town.”

“I would love to! Are you still on patrol or have you finished?”

“His Highness and I still have to go through the Knights’ Quarters and the dormitories, but if you’d like I could finish up our rounds so you can head out with the Professor sooner.”

“Ashe! We just spoke about this earlier but don’t for a second think I’m going to let you do something that’s my responsibility by yourself. Let’s get going. I’ll see you by the market gates around—let’s say eight.”

“Of course. I’ll let you guys get to it then and I’ll finish up a couple of things of my own before leaving. I have to review some concerns Seteth is having about missing students with the other professors so if I’m not by the gate before you I’ll most likely be in his office or on my way from there.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll be seeing you then, Byleth.”

“Likewise Dimitri! Take care Ashe!”

He gave us another wave before he walked off into the monastery disappearing into the cool shadows of its halls.

Ashe and I began to walk down towards the Knights’ Quarters and already there were many Knights and students beginning to mill about and crowd the walkways between buildings. A few people we knew waved and shouted hello and we returned it in kind.

“Byleth—huh. You’re on a first-name basis with the Professor?”

_Crap_.

“Ah—when we’ve had private conversations it’s always seemed—a bit strange to simply call him Professor. He actually prefers being called by his name since he thinks “Professor” is really distant and empty and a strange way of erasing who he is.”

“I never knew! He should’ve told the rest of us just as much. Now I feel bad for spending months simply calling him Professor. We all probably made him feel really bad.”

“You’re overthinking it. It’s one of his preferences. I’m sure he wasn’t at all offended and besides—I’m sure he’d like you to call him whatever you’re comfortable with.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Byleth had mentioned wanting others to call him by his name a few times in the conversations they’d been able to have after the baths. However, the reason for me calling him by his name and encouraging Ashe to keep calling him Professor—well that was a strange one. It might be strange and childish—but I wanted to save that slice of him for myself. The Professor everyone saw was not the same man I had seen so many times since his arrival at the Monastery. I had managed to carve out a special place for myself alongside him where he felt at ease enough to show me all of the layers there were to him. If everyone began calling him Byleth, then—I guess—maybe he’d find someone else to fill the space beside him. And just as Claude had teased me before, the idea of that was an unpleasant one that rolled around anxiously at the pit of my stomach.

“Right. While we walk, do you have any other reading recommendations?”

“Is there a genre you typically enjoy?”

“Not really. I’ll take whatever recommendations you’ll give.”

“Well—okay. I’ll skip knights tales and such because you’ve probably read all the same stories I grew up reading and listening to and we’ll get right into popular fiction. People tend to discredit writers who focus on mass appeal because it doesn’t have these overtly grandiose conceptions of itself. Still—a lot of them have really gripping stories and amazing characters if you know where to look for them.

There was one I read a few weeks ago called _Down the River, Up the Stream_ that had to do with a bishop of the Church and her love for an Alliance trader and it was sooooo riveting because…”

“I’m here!”

Byleth came jogging down the steps of the Monastery marketplace and it took me quite a few minutes to realize it was him considering he had ditched his usual armor for something more light and casual. He had on what looked like black tights that went from his ankle all the way to his waist and hugged so tightly it made me slightly uncomfortable wondering how he managed to feel relaxed in it. He had on a sweatshirt that was a light mint green that looked to be made of wool-like fabric and brown slip-on shoes with what looked to be small flowers sewn into their design.

As he approached me, I noticed that everyone who saw him in the marketplace, particularly the men, seemed to follow him with their eyes as they began whispering while stealing glances at him. Before I even realized it, I found myself throwing steely cold gazes in their general direction until they caught sight of me and seemed to lose interest.

“Did I keep you waiting?”

“Not at all. I realized it might take you a while to end your meeting so I was just minding my time by looking around the marketplace for a bit.”

“Still—sorry to be late. We can discuss what Seteth told me when we get back to the Monastery in the afternoon. Why don’t we head out. I’m sure those kids in the Monastery town have gotten sick of waiting for you to arrive.”

He began to make his way past the Monastery gates and down the long and winding staircase to the Monastery town and I followed close behind him.

Unfortunately, from the distance I was following along behind him I became painfully aware of how the black tights hugged his legs and ass close and left nothing to the imagination. The large bulge of his thighs seemed to threaten to burst out of the seemingly thin black fabric and his sweatshirt would occasionally lift up just enough to see where the curve of his waist began and the deep valley of his spine. Not to mention how the two mounds of his ass stretched out the fabric and seemed to slightly jiggle at each step his foot hit on our way down. All the blood on my head was rushing down south and I quickly had to start talking before I embarrassed myself in front of Byleth with my obvious desires.

“I’ve never seen an outfit quite like that. Where did you buy it?”

“This? I didn’t actually buy it though I had offered them to pay for it. Mercedes and Hilda made everything that I’m wearing the sweatshirt, tights, and shoes.

You already know Mercedes has a skill with needlework and sewing and Hilda is actually insanely artistic and crafty. The two of them are teaming up to make up a communal fashion closet for the Monastery since, according to Hilda, ‘These people are totally not cute.’ They told me about their idea and they’ve been asking me to try the clothes they come up with to see how well they wear.”

“They seem quite—form-fitting. Aren’t they more akin to women’s clothing?”

“Well, they technically are what I’d guess you’d call ‘women’s clothing’ but Hilda and Mercedes are designing them so they can be form fitting for anyone who’d like to wear them regardless of sex. Frankly, I’ve always enjoyed form-fitting clothes and I feel comfortable with everything they’ve lent to me. I hope that—doesn’t change your opinion of me.”

“Of course not! I—ah—I—ah—I simply was asking because they really do compliment your body. The outfit looks stunning on you.”

_Compliment your body!? Stunning!? I’m just digging my grave here how can I be such an idiot!_

As I was wondering how I could best go about getting swallowed by the ground, Byleth seemed to slow his pace enough so that we were now walking side by side and the edge of my right thigh could feel the warmth of his as our legs brushed alongside one another. He folded and clasped his hands behind himself and from the peripheral of my eye, I could see a small smile and red tint color his face.

_Shit. Now that wasn’t fair._

“Thanks.”

“Right, right—right. Think nothing of it.”

I really needed to steer my thoughts away from—his body and there was still something burning inside my head from earlier this morning.

“This morning you were at the cemetery laying out flowers on a tombstone. Is someone you know buried there? Of course—if you would rather not say, then I’ll also respect your privacy.”

“Don’t worry. It’s no secret at all. I was visiting my mother’s grave. She died while giving birth to me so I never once got to see her or what she looked like. I didn’t even know her name until Lady Rhea told me.”

“You had to hear this from Lady Rhea? Did Jeralt never mention her?”

“I’m not completely sure but—I think father just can’t bring himself to try and remember her. I’m sure her death was really painful for him. He had fallen in love with her after all and made me. I had no memories or sense of her so I grew up without ever thinking once on it but—one-night father got really drunk and he ended up mentioning her. He went on and on about how beautiful she was—how sincere and honest. No one had a heart as big as hers.

When I was carrying him back to the inn we were staying at, he began to rant and shout. ‘She did something to her. She did something to the baby. She didn’t have to die.’

I never brought it up to him and he never again spilled his heart out.”

“How did Lady Rhea know her?”

“Lady Rhea said she had found my mother on the streets of Fhirdiad during one of her state visits as Archbishop and saw her begging for money outside of a church. My mother was a teenager then. She had no family or friends left and so Lady Rhea ended up taking her back to the church to raise her as her own. She considered my mother to be like a daughter since she’s never once given birth to one of her own.

Sitri is my mother’s name.

I can’t tell you how many times I said it in my head after. I didn’t even bother touching my tea or eating a sweet. All I wanted to know was—who was my mother? Did she hate cold baths like I do? Was father her first and only love? Is my hair the same color as hers? What kind of advice would she give me? How lovely were her hugs? What were her hobbies? What kind of faces did she make when she smiled or cried? Was her laugh ridiculously loud or did she hardly laugh at all? How did she feel when she knew she was pregnant with me? Why did she give up her life for a baby she’d never hold?”

“So the song you were singing—it was for your mother.”

“Yes. Lady Rhea said she’d sung it to my mother countless times when she nursed her back to health. My mother was quite frail so she could never leave the Monastery grounds and it was easy for her to severely injure herself if she strained too much.

The song was passed down to Lady Rhea by her mother. It was her mother who wrote it and so only they and my mother ever knew it. Of course—now I know it and you and Ashe have heard it as well.

It was the first time I’d be meeting my mother. While I was standing there I asked myself—would she recognize me? Would she even know who I was? How would she if she died without holding me in her arms?

So—on a whim, I simply sang it. Hoping my mother might hear my voice and wonder who it was who had come to comfort her. Wonder why they knew that song—why they asked her if she’d waiting for them. I wanted her to hear me—wherever it is that she’s gone.”

This was the first time I’d heard of his mother. It was strange to think I’d never thought to ask of her sooner, but I guess I also haven’t really spoken of my mother much at all either.

“We’re much the same then. I only have vague memories of my birth mother but she died when I was still young. It was my stepmother who I considered to be and acted like my mother. Though her existence and presence within the Kingdom were kept a secret from the public, she was always there for me in my moments of weakness.

The Tragedy of Duscur—it took much from me. My father and Glen died in the fires of that battle there bodies almost beyond recognition. But my mother—her body was never found. I didn’t get to properly see her off and so I’ve always wondered where she could’ve gone—that she took her entire body with her. Though maybe it was a hidden blessing—not to have to see what had become of her.”

“I’m—sorry for your loss.”

“It’s quite alright. Even if her body is missing, I am lucky enough to still have memories I cherish of her. I’m glad you’ve gotten to know more about your mother.”

“I am glad as well. It feels like getting to know her in a way is also helping me understand myself. Like there was always something I didn’t know was missing of me until now.

When people die, their loved ones struggle to remember them and keep the image of them vivid and whole. They have to sift and sift through their memories, through time to keep them close. Without any memories of my own, she had already been lost somewhere deep in the waters of my heart. But now as I sift through the memories of others—it feels like she’s here somewhere—waiting.”

He began to hum the melody of Lady Rhea’s song and I was pleased to listen to his voice as I began to hear the distant sound of people.

We were approaching the end of the stairs and I could begin to see the neat bodies of the town’s buildings as they came to view and saw the large crowds of people crowding the market place and could hear their loud exchanges with merchants as they haggled for lower prices. There were also quite a few people passing us on their way to visit the Monastery and we had to squeeze past the crowded base of the stairs as we began to push through the crowd.

“It’s—quite crowded today.”

“The merchants have just returned so it’s to be expected. Everyone wants a first shot at the latest merchandise they’ve brought from across Fódlan. Here—”

I reached back and grabbed a hold of his hand.

“This will make sure we don’t lose each other for now. I’ll clear the way for us.”

I began to muscle my way through with Byleth following closely behind. Crowds like these had never been something I enjoyed because, besides the muggy and sweaty claustrophobic proximity to people, it was also a dangerous place to be. Usually, there’d be a security detail that followed any of the three house leaders solely because of their importance to each of their nation’s futures but my visits to the town’s school were my time to get away from my responsibilities while still doing some good.

And I wanted to show Byleth—let him see for himself these small spaces I’d created so that maybe he’d like to be a part of them as well.

“Should I have dressed expecting to instruct? I know you told me to change into something casual—but you’re most definitely not going casual. You’re wearing a set of personal armor and even brought your sword!”

“You’re dressed fine. I invited you because I wanted you to simply see what I’ve been up to with regards to helping these kids. You already work hard enough at the Academy so take this time to relax and just enjoy our trip—understand?”

“It’ll feel a bit strange but—okay. I’m already enjoying this immensely.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes! It’s been a while since we’ve gotten to talk privately again so I’m glad you’ve carved out this time for us.”

_For us…_

“Of course! Ah—think nothing of it.”

Suddenly I was becoming hyper-aware that we were holding hands while making our way through the cobblestone streets. To all appearances, it was exactly as if we were—on a date and that idea had me feeling almost over the moon with joy. I wasn’t sure if I should be mortified by how much I was enjoying this or delighted by how strongly I felt.

We had already managed to make it past the marketplace but I still let my hand hold on to Byleth’s as we kept walking. I kept side steeping shop and street vendors who were trying to flag us down to look at what they were selling. Byleth kept shouting back apologies as I steamrolled past them wanting to get to the school as quickly as possible so that I could make the most of the day the two of us had. At this rate, we’ll make ourselves look ungrateful by arriving so late.

I pulled Byleth to our left in order to take an alley corridor that would let us out right in front of the school building. I only ever used it when I was in a bit of a time crunch since it was usually safer to stick to the crowds but we did need to hurry ourselves. Not to mention even the alleys of the Monastery town couldn’t escape from being filthy and full of all kinds of vermin—both human and animal.

There were scraps of food, random garbage, empty crates, and tons of broken bottles and shards of glass lining the alley. I tried maneuvering us around the glass as best I could to make sure Byleth didn’t somehow get a shard stuck on his feet. The smell was also none the pleasant. It smelled like a combination of urine and rot that had Byleth slightly gagging behind me.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Sorry—the smell was getting to me there for a bit.”

“I should’ve just led us through the main streets.”

“It’s fine! I know we’re already well late now. I don’t want you to look bad since I kept us waiting so long.”

A few rats scuttled past us as we began to reach the end of the narrow alley. But just as I could begin to see the outline of the school building, a man slinked out from behind a stack of wooden crates in front of us. He had a cigarette lit and hanging from his mouth as he twirled a lone dagger between the fingers of his left hand. His black hair was pulled back with a red headband and his brown eyes glanced over at us as he looked us over.

I glanced behind us and noticed two other men hiding—crouched behind their own stacks of crates.

_They must’ve come out of the backdoor of one of these buildings._

I pulled Byleth behind me and felt his hand’s grip tighten.

“Well—what have we here. A couple of Church lackeys by the looks of it coming down from their high and mighty castle. They even sent us a really pretty looker this time.”

The man whistled and tried stepping further left to catch a look at Byleth and I moved my body to keep him shielded behind me. I glared daggers at the man and touched the hilt of my sword.

“Man—can’t even let me take a better look? You look like a real loyal dog then.”

“What business have you for stopping us? I’d recommend not wasting our time unless you’re looking for trouble.”

The man threw his hands up and leaned against a crate as he made a waving gesture toward the main street.

“I ain’t looking for anything. I just wanted a look at your partner. You can’t blame a man can you?”

He reached down with his free hand and adjusted himself in his pants and I felt the hand gripping the hilt of my sword begin to crinkle the metal. I was seconds away from simply unsheathing it and slitting the man’s throat when I felt a tug on my hand. I squeezed it in return and took a few seconds to compose myself.

“Very well. Then we shall be on our way.”

I began leading us once again as we walked forward. The man continued to leer and run his disgusting eyes over Byleth as we passed him but before we reached the exit of the alley I saw from the corner of my eyes the man reach out with his free hand to grab Byleth and I felt his hand slip out of mine. My hand went right for my sword but just as I began to pull it I heard loud crackling and a sudden white flash as what sounded like an explosion reverberated through my ear drums. I shook my head and tried to regain my vision a bit from the flash.

I turned around to find the man shaking uncontrollably—curled into a tight ball as he moaned incoherently on the ground. Right below his belly button and just before the seams of his pants was an angry circle of burned skin where his shirt had been singed off. I could smell the burning flesh and hear how his skin was still sizzling. I even smelled urine and noticed a dark stain around where he had been just seconds earlier feeling himself up at. His men rushed forward knocking crates over in the process as they unsheathed swords but they stopped short of us. They froze in place and began to slightly tremble as they looked down at their friend and up at Byleth.

Byleth was stood looming over the fetal man with his right hand still extended forward and crackling with small sparks of lightning. I couldn’t see his face from behind him but I could only assume whatever expression he had—it was making these men second guess their existences.

“Weapons aren’t the only way one can defend themselves and if you’d spent an ounce of the blood that you’d wasted here,” he stepped forward and kicked the man right where his penis was and the man screamed out, “on that brain of yours maybe you’d have thought of that.

You two—come pick up this worthless excuse for a man and drag him off to wherever rotting abyss you crawled out of. And if I ever see either of the three of you again, I promise I’ll singe the hairs on your dick off. Understand?”

“Yes!”

“Yes!”

The two men sheathed their sword and stumbled over themselves to grab their injured friend. They grabbed him by the arms and bolted back down the alley with his legs dragging across the stone, knocking over countless crates and piles of trash as they went.

I grabbed Byleth by both arms and turned him to face me. Without thinking, I let my hands feel around his body to check for any kind of injuries and roamed over every part of him with my eyes. I spent a good few minutes doing this over and over again until the fear settled and faded away at the bottom of my stomach.

“That bastard didn’t manage to touch you did he?”

“It’s nothing to concern yourself by. He only managed to pinch my left thigh before I returned the favor to him. I’ve dealt with plenty of men like him before when I was a mercenary. Don’t worry Dimitri.”

Without even thinking my hand reached down and griped his thigh and an uncontrollable anger washed over me.

_See—you can’t protect him. He’ll be another corpse like us soon. You’re too weak._ “Dimitri.” _How do you think it will happen? Will those thugs come find him with their friends when he’s alone? Will they beat him and cut him until his body is unrecognizable?_ “Dimitri.” _Or will they knock him unconscious you think? Take him back to their cozy den and have their way with him? Maybe they’ll take turns until his crying for mercy and he’s bleeding out of his hole?_ “Dimitri.” _Do you think he’ll cry out for you wondering if you’ll save him? Maybe when he’s lying crumpled on some filthy floor dripped in other men’s semen—maybe he’ll be dead eyed and naked wondering why you let this happen to him. Just like you’ve let it happen to us Dimitri. You’ll fail him Dimitri—Dimitri._ “Dimitri.”

I felt his warm breath against my ear and that was what brought me back. He had tried to reach me—wherever it was that I had gone. I could feel myself trembling and shaking. My breath was coming out ragged and I suddenly felt like all my strength had left my body. It felt like all that was propping me up was Byleth’s hands that were gently wrapped around my waist in a tight hug and the lingering echo of his voice in my ears diving into me to pull me back out.

My head was aching and I could still hear them—hear in their tone what they demanded of me. I could still hear them—they never leave me. They never forget that I have to pay up for allowing their suffering. I know—I know. I can’t let him join them.

“I should’ve—Byleth I—I was—my sword—but…”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m…”

“Dimitri. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

“Sorry—sorry—sorry—I’m so—sorry—sorry…”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

I can’t let him join them. I can’t let him join them. I can’t let him join them. I can’t let him join them—I can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I couldn't post on Sunday like I usually do. I've been feeling a bit unwell so I took some more time to write this chapter and I'm not sure how well it turned out. Thanks for understanding
> 
> I also wanted to mention that constructing Byleth as a character has been really interesting and fun. The extra work that I have to do making him make sense as a person who will obviously ask, discover, and connect more directly with people versus his in-game portrayal has been eye-opening. 
> 
> In this chapter, I expand and create his relationship with Rhea who I think would have obviously told and talked to him about his mother. It's crazy to think she'd give him a job at the Monastery just to never prompt or steer Byleth into becoming closer to her and seeking her out more.
> 
> I also extended the Song of the Nabateans by a couple of lines because it always felt incomplete in a way and it'll be an important device in a future chapter. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and stay healthy!


	4. A Hidden Canary

Everything in my office was given shadows by the constant flashing of the lightning outside the windows. The Monastery would slightly tremble as it struck the ground somewhere near accompanied by the loud crash of thunder. As I glanced over the report Seteth handed to me earlier in the morning, I couldn’t help but feel my skin crawl as I glanced away from it to look out the window. I could barely see out of the glass with how heavy the rain was falling and the air all around the Monastery had acquired a chill that was ominous and foreboding. I had lit quite a few candles and dispersed them around the room to see if it would help with both the darkness and the cold but even then it did little to dispense with the strange atmosphere. It was only made worse by the contents of the report.

According to Seteth, in just the past few weeks numerous students had begun to vanish from the Monastery without a trace. There was no clear pattern among those who had gone missing and the Knights could not find any evidence of an assault or attack anywhere in their searches across the Monastery. The only way anyone would find out was when the student stopped showing up to their classes or if a friend informed us that they hadn’t seem someone for a long while. The list continued to get longer and the more time since a student had been reported missing—the less likely it was that we would find them safe.

This was weighing heavy in my mind since us professors had met with Lady Rhea, Seteth, and a handful of trusted Knights like Catherine and Shamir about the possibility of more infiltrators like Jeritza within the Church. Safe to say it was a tense meeting and everyone seemed to be sitting on pins and needles as suspicions began to float around in the air.

It had to be someone who students could trust readily—readily enough to be surprised and not show signs of resistance or fight. Someone who no one would bat an eye at or think twice about wandering around the Monastery at any time. But that didn’t really narrow it down, considering there were entire groups of people who could have that kind of influence within the Monastery. The clergy, the faculty and staff, the Knights, even—students.

I glanced over at the report sitting on my desk.

It’s a horrible thought but—we would have to consider it. I would have to bring it up to Seteth whenever we see each other. In the meantime, I would have to be extra vigilant over the Lions and the other students. It would probably do well if I joined patrols of the Monastery throughout the day with the Knights and a good few on my own—that way I could with my own eyes look around and see if we had missed something or if someone was hiding it from us. When we found Flayn underneath the Knight’s Quarters we also found Monica who’d been missing for well over a year—they could be planning to use students for something that takes time to prepare.

“Are you done fiddling with paperwork yet? I’d very much like to go _anywhere_ else that isn’t this stuffy room.”

“Sothis—if you could pay attention to anything for five seconds, then you’d realize there’s a downpour outside. Where exactly would you have us go that didn’t involve being inside?”

She floated over into my view and gave me a small eye roll as she flicked a few documents I had laid out on my desk.

“You shouldn’t be stuck inside because of their incompetence. They’re the ones who let a rat inside their own Church. Come on! Maybe we should snoop around the Monastery a bit? If there’s hidden corridors and passages like the one the Death Knight used, then it would be much more beneficial to do a little bit of fieldwork—don’t you think?”

She wasn’t exactly wrong. It would be like doing the patrols I was already committed to doing but with a slightly irritating green headed girl filling up the silence with her snark. Not really the most appealing idea, to be quite honest, but she was sharp and it would be nice to have someone with me who I knew I could trust beyond doubt.

As I was thinking about her idea, she began to stack up paperwork as far up as she could while floating with her logs crossed looking about as happy as Seteth did when he wasn’t around Flayn. It was strange to think she had been floating around—somewhere inside me, in my consciousness, for close to a year now. It occurred to me that I’d spoken to my father about dreams where I saw a girl who looked exactly like her and that was well before my arrival at the Monastery. Maybe she had been with me all along. Maybe I just hadn’t been able to see or hear her until the moment I tried to save Edelgard and Sothis saved me.

Well—regardless. It was strangely comforting to know that I hadn’t been so totally alone as I thought I was before. She had always been there somewhere—ready to help me whenever it was that I needed her. A small smile slipped out of me and I watched her continue her little game with the papers. Though she was sharp and strangely wise, she was also slightly egotistical and ridiculous. But it all made her endearing, she was, in the end, supportive and always said things with me in consideration. She was a great partner.

“Would you not ogle me? Your face makes it difficult to focus.”

On second thought, maybe she was terrible.

“Right. It would be good to snoop around the Monastery like you said. The storm outside means that visitors will be non-existent and classes are already done for the day with no extracurriculars planned. I don’t have any summons from Lady Rhea or Seteth so we should have all of the afternoon to ourselves. I’ll have the Sword of the Creator and my magic if we run into any trouble while looking and you can keep a lookout for me. Let’s go.”

“See, my ideas are always brilliant. You should listen to me more often.”

“You're asleep in my head or wherever half of the time. You really want me to leave all the planning to you?”

“Point—taken. Although I do not appreciate your ungrateful tone while saying it. You could say, ‘Oh Sothis! If only you would wake more often so that I could receive your endless wisdom and be graced by your beauty.’ That is a much better way of addressing me.”

“You already have a big enough head. I don’t need to make it any bigger.”

“Huh—fine. Don’t come crying to me the next time you almost get a sword shoved in your back then.”

I got up from my desk and immediately winced. I rubbed at my thigh where Dimitri’s hand had left a really nasty purple bruise from our day in the Monastery town. The pure strength of his grip had managed to hurt my flesh and he kept his hand there until I’d managed to calm him down. He hadn’t taken the attempt against me well and kept blaming himself for letting me get hurt. Although I tried to explain that I wasn’t his fault, he would listen to none of it and had begun avoiding and ignoring me ever since then. I found myself wondering if perhaps I’d done something else to upset him while I tried to comfort him and it had honestly begun to interfere with my work. It hurt a lot to see him going so out of his way just not to see me outside of classes and I found myself over and over returning to the times we had together—especially in the baths. I felt my cheeks flare up and shook my head. _Idiot! Focus and keep your mind on what’s in front of you right_ now.

I grabbed a fresh new candle and placed it in a small metal candle holder while I went around putting out the candles around my office. Before I killed the last flame, I used it to light the candle I’d be taking with me. As I reached the door handle, I noticed a metal pin on the reading desk beside the door and contemplated if I’d need it while I snooped around. Nodding to myself, I grabbed it and slipped outside my door locking it as I went. 

Just as I turned around, I hit something and let out a small scream.

“Goddess!!”

“Whoa, whoa—kid. It’s just me.”

“Dad?”

“Sorry I spooked you. I was just coming over to see how you were holding up. You mentioned before that you were having spouts of headaches and dizzy spells. You feeling okay now?”

“It’s fine. This storm has just got me on edge for some reason. I’m fine now, really. I’m sure it was just something temporary. I might’ve been pushing myself a bit too much with classes and other duties.”

The candlelight flickered across his face as he furrowed his eyebrows and gave me a once over before letting out a sigh. He placed ruffled my hair a bit with his hand and then gave me a pointed and serious look.

“I believe you—for now. If anything and I mean anything happens and you start feeling sick, then please have someone bring you here to the infirmary so Manuela can look you over. Can you at least promise me that?”

“I promise. Happy?”

“No—not at all. I’d much rather you rest easy. Rhea and the Church are giving you far too much to do. They’ve got you wringing yourself dry and bending backward. I wouldn’t be surprised if your headaches are due to all this undue stress you’ve got working at the Monastery.”

“It’s not Rhea’s or anyone else’s fault that I’m working so much. I’m choosing to help out with extracurriculars and the investigations into student disappearances. No one’s obligating me to do them. It’s simply the right thing to do.”

“The right thing doesn’t always mean it’s what is best for you.”

“I’m not thinking about myself dad.”

He let out another sigh—something he was doing a lot of ever since we started living and working here in the Monastery. Before I knew it, I had been pulled into a hug and had my head placed right underneath his chin. He rested his forehead on the top of my head and kept stroking my hair as we stood silent there in the corridor.

“I know. As a dad, I just can’t help but want you to be more selfish with yourself for my own selfish reasons. Your mother was a wonderful woman but—she was frail and her body couldn’t ever withstand much. When you had that dizzy spell and fell to the ground in my office and Leonie and I had to carry you to the infirmary—I felt the same fear I did the first time your mother collapsed in my company. All I could do was pick her up and rush her to be attended. I had no power to ease her pain or help her recover.

I haven’t been able to sleep well since that day because I’ve started to think that—maybe I’ve pushed you too far. During our time as mercenaries, I never asked if you wanted to pick up the sword, to learn how to kill. Even if you didn’t say anything, I should’ve asked you. I’m sure you’ve suffered much living the way we did so I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?”

“For getting angry and jealous of how you’ve grown. Despite my apprehensions towards the Church, you’ve become your own person so quickly and independently here that I couldn’t help but feel inadequate. That I somehow failed you by not giving you something like this sooner. A place to call home and a space away from the gore and horror of violence. It’s made me feel that, were I to disappear suddenly, you would hardly notice me missing. Because there are people now here that give you strength and comfort and wisdom and love and spaces, all the things that maybe I haven’t done.”

I felt him begin to pull away and I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him even tighter, nuzzling my face into his chest. I could feel the slight hesitation in his hands before he once again began to ruffle and play with my hair.

What an idiot, I thought. Of course, I needed him.

“I won’t give you my forgiveness because there’s nothing to forgive. I won’t lie. It’s true that I much prefer this life away from the battlefield to the life of a mercenary but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t any value in the years I spent just us two. The times I grew so sick with fever I couldn’t move and you’d wrap me up in blankets and then hug me close to your chest. The way you played with my hair, like now, because you knew it helped me fall asleep. The time you first taught me to fish and I ended falling straight into the cold stream of water and I cried as you laughed at me. All of those moments are precious to me and I want to keep making more of those—here or wherever the winds end up taking us.”

We stood there for a while just hugging one another before he pulled back to look down at me and I sent him a smile.

“Right. Thanks kid. Think my age is making me melodramatic. I think I’ll head to the dining hall and get some food and drink. Want to come with?”

It was really tempting to have dinner with dad but I still wanted to have the afternoon to do a bit of my own investigating. Something about this entire situation still wasn’t sitting well with me but I didn’t want to tell dad that.

“I’ll have to pass. I was going to stop by the infirmary with Manuela before I headed to my room for the evening to try and rest. You’re right after all. I should be a little selfish and think of myself from time to time and I could really use the rest.”

He smiled and ruffled my hair yet again.

“That’s the spirit kid. I’m glad to see you still have ears to listen with. I’ll see you maybe later on today if not tomorrow in the morning. Be careful on your way back to your room. It’s incredibly nasty outside.”

“I will dad. You stay safe as well.”

“Don’t worry about your old man. Leave the worrying to me.”

He let out a small chuckle and turned away to make his way towards the stairwell down to the first floor.

I was about to return my focus to where I’d start my search in the Monastery when a thought began to nag at my head. Now that he had mentioned mom—before I knew it I looked on at his back and shouted.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about her?”

Dad stopped in his tracks and I saw his shoulders sag a little as he turned around to face me. A sad and forlorn look came across his eyes and I immediately regretted having asked the question at all in the first place.

“I know Rhea beat me to it but I was going to tell you about her and that she was buried here at the Monastery. I hadn’t told you before because—I thought you might somehow twist my own sadness into guilt when you were younger. That you might blame yourself and think you were the reason your mother passed. That’s at least what I would like to believe but truthfully,” he turned his right hand into a first and tapped his chest right above his heart with it, “I just couldn’t stand reliving those moments with her. Remembering how I had to watch them lower her into the ground. Remembering how much I loved her while I told you stories only to realize that I still loved her even as she was long gone.”

I wanted to say something more. I wanted to be able to give him some sort of response but no matter what I thought of there was nothing I could tell him to alleviate that sadness. I could tell by looking at his face and eyes that the pain was almost ancient, almost fossilized in that smile that didn’t reach his eyes. It was something I couldn’t fathom or touch because it was something unknown to me. So I had to simply let him go, let him face away and disappear around the corner at the end of the hall.

Our chances to talk and be together were short and small as his duties as captain of the Knights and mine as professor kept us apart even as we were living in the same space. I felt really sad to have made the end of our talk something unbearable and heavy but at the same time I didn’t regret it at all. I needed to hear the reasoning behind why he hid her from me from himself in order to begin to understand myself. It might have made things uncomfortable now but in the long run it was something that was best put out there and addressed before it kept eating away at my heart.

“That was a brave thing to do. Many would fester with their curiosity just so that they could maintain the comfort of ignorance but you cut right to it. It’s one of your redeeming qualities.”

“Thank you, small child. I appreciate the compliment.”

“I’ll smite you.”

“Do that and you’ll only be smiting yourself.”

“Hmph—let’s just get going.”

Right. I looked around the hall that was shrouded in shadows except for the flickering of the candles that hung from the wall and the occasional flashes of lightning through some window somewhere down or up the hall. Seteth’s report had mentioned that the Knights had combed the dormitories and academy buildings thoroughly and extra Knights had already been positioned in those places. It would probably do us good to check through the library for any books on the Monastery’s layout, something that contained maps or schematics of when it was built that might clue us into where any more passages like the one in Jeritza’s room might be. Ever since out encounter with the Death Knight, that passage had been demolished and sealed so if there was indeed another infiltrator within the Monastery—there needed to be another way for them to inconspicuously lure students into and take them away.

I made my way down the hall towards the library.

“Your idea of snooping around is to go read a book at the library?”

“Unless you somehow have a blueprint of the Monastery’s layout, we’ll need some sort of map or schematic that could help us figure out where any sealed of rooms or passages might be from when it was first constructed. The Knights have searched high and low in the Monastery but if there are more passages like the one in Jeritza’s room, then we’ll need to have a sense of how every building here was built.”

“Won’t that old bag Tomas be there though? He might annoy us with questions.”

“He had business today so the library is closed.”

“Ah—I see. Well, this is much more exciting than simply finding a book! We really are snooping behind people’s back how exciting!!”

We reached the two large doors of the library and I pulled the metal pin out and went to work picking the lock. Dad taught me to lockpick when I was about five for no real apparent reason actually. I thought maybe he was prepping me for the chance of running into locked valuables but we were mercenaries, not thieves, and we were paid well for our work. I guess maybe it was just one of those talents that came in handy in pinches like if you were imprisoned or actually treasure hunting and it was simply beneficial to know how to do them.

Regardless, I heard the click of the lock and gently pushed the door enough to slip in and close it again.

All the candles in here were unlit so my candle’s light stretched and stretched as far as it could, thinning in its brightness the further away it shone from me. There were a couple of book racks holding returned books beside some of the reading desks that the students had probably not gotten around to shelving the day before. I made my way around scanning the books for the section containing those that detailed the Monastery’s history.

_Grima & Other Mythic Dragons: A Compendium of Foreigner Fairytales. Loog: King of Lions. Fódlan Winds and Other Meditations on Nature. Down the River, Up the Stream. Accounts of the Faithful: The Goddess and Her Blessed Return._

_Ah. Here we go._

I pulled the candle closer to the section of books towards the bottom of this shelf and began skimming through their spines in search of one specifically about the Monastery’s construction. There many accounts of the faithful on their pilgrimages to the Monastery and others on the traditions and religious celebrations of the Church calendar and even a few on some of the Church’s military excursions from its founding to our contemporary. I was crouching at this point scanning the second to last row of books when I came across a book titled _The Goddess and Her Dwelling: Details of Garreg Mach Monastery’s Construction_. I quickly pulled it out and opened it, skimming through pages and finding countless detailed maps of the Monastery’s many rooms and their layouts.

“Perfect! Now we can really start our—”

“Can I help you, Professor?”

I jumped up at the sudden voice and turned around, keeping the book in my left hand hidden behind me, and turned to find Tomas standing a few inches behind me with a thin smile. The hairs on my hand stood up as he gazed over me and the light of my candle flickered in the brown iris of his eye. I had never interacted much with Tomas given how unnervingly vigilant he seemed to be whenever one came to the library seeking information. I usually went out of my way to use the library when he was out and it was open just to save myself from these strange and uncomfortable encounters.

_It could be anyone_. I had to remember that.

“Oh no. I was simply looking for a book Ashe recommended for me.”

“Is that what you’ve got hidden behind your back?”

“Yes—it is. It’s not really hidden. You just startled me so I reflexively moved my hand to reach for my sword,” I quickly pulled another book off the shelf with my left hand to hold with the other, “but forgot I had a book in my hand. Silly really.”

I pulled my hand in front of me so that I was now holding both books with both of my hands and sent Tomas a smile and curt smile. His eyes flicked down quickly to the books and then came back to land on me his smile never once leaving as the candle flickered in his eye.

“Great read those two. _Grima and Other Mythic Dragons_ is absolutely riveting a read considering it’s a collection of fairytales from foreign nations outside of the continent of Fódlan. If I’m recalling the tale right— _The Slumbering Curse_ was the tale of Robin, a young amnesiac, who perchance falls into the company of Chrom, a prince of kingdom bathed in light. Robin helped Chrom beat back many darkly and malevolent threats but was constantly tormented by horrifying visions where he struck Chrom down with a blade of pure light. You see, Robin had been cursed by his own father to be the vessel of a wicked dragon bent on returning to power in their plane of existence.

He was a prince as well but not of a kingdom bathed in light. Instead—he was the prince of a darkly kingdom dominated by the use of dark and forbidden magics.”

The tale did sound like something right up my alley but all I was thinking about was how to cut this conversation short and slink away.

“And so he ended up running away, scared that he might fulfill the destiny laid out in his dreams and scared of the horror that might take over Chrom were he to know who he was and destined to be. For over the time they’d spent together, he had found himself falling in love with the Prince of Light.

The ritual of Grima’s awakening was almost complete when Chrom and his army infiltrated the dark kingdom and its palace hoping to find Robin and interrupted it. The dragon had managed to siphon enough of Robin’s life to manifest itself in full form said to extend from the coast of one continent across the ocean to the next. Chrom ended up facing the dragon with a weakened Robin but Grima mocked the two lovers for he said he would always return and continue his existence within Robin if Robin did not sacrifice himself by landing the final blow.”

“That is quite the riveting account of the tale but—I would much rather read it for myself if you don’t mind.”

“Ah—of course, of course. Excuse this old man for rambling on. I’ve read every book in this library so I can’t help acknowledging when readers make an excellent selection. It is also most fascinating to hear accounts of dragons or dragon-like people from other cultures. I’m quite fascinated with the creatures you see.”

“Well—I thank you for the vote of confidence regarding my taste in books but I have to get going or else I won’t ever finish my work for the day. If you’ll excuse me.”

I began to turn and make my way towards the door when I stopped in my place. Tomas was now—standing at the entrance of the library instead of near the shelf we had been standing by. His two hands were folded neatly on his walking cane and once again his eyes glowed under the flickering of my candlelight.

“It is strange—I had thought I’d locked up the library properly before leaving for the day.”

“Ah—well, when I came the door was ajar but the lights were out. I came inside and asked if anyone was here but no one answered me then I figured I might as well see if the books I was looking for were here.”

“I am getting so old and feeble. Surely I forgot to lock up after I stepped outside.”

I nodded and began to make my way towards the doors.

“You have an interest in architecture? Strange—I’ve only ever seen you checking out fairytales and folkloric tomes previously.”

“It’s a simple curiosity really. This place is vast and ancient and I realized I hadn’t done enough with regards of getting to know it. I figured understanding how it was built would be a good start. Now if you…”

I was going to push past him through the door when his cane came flying down in front of me with a loud thwack. I shifted the two books to my left hand touched the belt of my sword.

“Simple curiosity can be quite a dangerous thing Professor. _Please_ , do be careful as you make your way back. Given recent events you should do better to not be caught alone or unawares while minding your business.”

I gazed over at him but he wasn’t even looking at me as he spoke. He was staring back into the dark shadows of the library. I didn’t even bother giving a response and simply stepped over his cane and began to make my way back towards the second floor’s stairs. All the time I could do nothing to halt the goosebumps that ran across my skin and with every bolt and flash of lightning I found myself looking behind me to make sure that strange old man wasn’t following behind me.

“What’s with that old coot? Was he threatening us!?”

“Once we’re done with our investigations today, I’ll have to advise Seteth to keep watch over Tomas and the library. That interaction with him just now—I don’t have evidence but my instinct tells me there’s nothing to trust in that old man.”

“I told you! Day one when we arrived he was far too curious with your arrival like it was something unexpected to him. There’s this air to him that seems familiar to me too—but I have no memory of anything before waking up and being a part of you. It’s been nagging me so much—agh!!”

“Don’t push yourself too much. Even if you can’t make sense of your past, together right now we can make sure to get to the bottom of what’s going on.”

I stopped at the top of the flight of stairs and sent Sothis, who was floating to my right, a smile before I cracked open _The Goddess and Her Dwelling_ and began to skim through passages and maps.

“Now—let’s see what this can tell us.”

Sothis’ yawning had become frequent and loud as we walked through the silent and almost abandoned cathedral. The storm had somehow managed to get worse as I’d run across the bridge with my cloak covering my head. My feet, legs, and arms were completely soaked and I silently thanked the Goddess that there was no one around to watch me as dripped water all across the marble floor. Slight shivers were racking my body as I began to feel the chill of the rain and hear the harsh screech of the winds that slammed relentlessly into the large wooden doors at all three sides of the cathedral.

Sothis yawned again and I glanced over to see her rubbing her eyes. We had spent a few hours combing the Academy buildings so I was guessing her time awake was already running short. She was trying really hard to fight it but—

“It’s about that time huh. It’s okay for you to sleep now. I’ve appreciated the company but I’ll take it from her Sothis.”

“I—I can—still—wake…”

“It’s really okay. If anything, I’ll make sure to wake you.”

“Idiot—how…”

I watched her slowly fade away as she began to slip back into her usual slumber.

It was actually not very often we got to talk and be together. Her sleep spells lasted days, sometimes weeks, before she would pop up again with her usual snarky remarks. At times I was always scared she might not ever come back when the time between her last appearance was particularly long but—she always ended up returning as if no time had passed at all. Her company did a lot to relieve the tension that I still felt hanging in the air.

“Thanks, partner.”

I walked over to a row of prayer candles and used them to light my candle once again. I began to move through the pews and could hear the tap of my boots against the floor, the splash of water drops following them, and could see the stark blue the entire cathedral turned when a lightning bolt flashed through the stain glass windows.

The cathedral was open regardless of the weather but it was nevertheless completely devoid of people at the moment. The winds and rain made it a bit of a struggle and annoyance to cross the bridge so only a couple of Knights positioned at the doors remained in the otherwise vacant space. I glanced down to look at the cathedral map from the book we’d nabbed at the library.

Before I’d walked over here, I went back to my office to drop off the book of fairytales and grab my cloak. I also checked to see if Seteth was in his office to warn him of my suspicions of Tomas but he wasn’t in and I hadn’t run into him anywhere else.

The map seemed to suggest there was an additional door or corridor inside the room of the Saints’ Statues and I made my way across the empty space leading to the central altar. I heard one of the main doors creak open from behind me but ignored it and stepped into the side room where the Saints stood.

I looked at the map again but it was frankly hard to make out. The page seemed to be really burnt and torn so some of the details of the map were missing. A large circle seemed to denote or door or corridor that was—in the floor?

I glanced around and noticed that the floor did indeed have a circular design with the crest of Seiros in graved within it. But—how was someone supposed to access a door like that?

I looked at the page once more and could barely make out a mention of “statues” which had me flipping to a couple of pages that detailed the Saint statues that were built to be housed here. There was the statue of Saint Cichol—Saint Cethleann—Saint Macuil—and Saint Indech…

I quickly glanced between the schematic of statue and the actual one standing in front of me. It seemed that—in the image of the book Saint Indech had the arrow notched in his bow pulled further back than the actual statue seemed to have it. I looked back and forth a few more times before approaching the statue and glancing around me to make sure no one was around.

_Should I climb the statue and—pull the arrow back?_

Well—I wasn’t getting anywhere unless I gave this a shot. I put my candle down by the base of the statue and scaled the statue and got on Indech’s shoulder before I inched across until I was sitting sideways midway on his arm. I reached out and grabbed the back of the arrow with my hands, putting my feet against the upper part of his arm and began to pull back with as much force as I could muster. I could feel my face turning red with the amount of effort I was putting into my pull and I closed my eyes trying to put more focus into the grip and pull of my hands around the end of the arrow. I started to feel the arrow loosening and moving backward as I felt myself slowly fall back with it so I kept adjusting my position so I wouldn’t somehow slip.

“Professor! What on earth are you doing up there!?”

“Ingrid!?”

The suddenness of her shout made me lose my footing and the slip had me launching backward as I heard the arrow settle with a click. I shut my eyes expecting to hit the marble when I felt something break my landing followed by a groan and loud clacking like someone had dropped something. I opened my eyes and found myself sitting on top of a very uncomfortable looking Ingrid and immediately stood up extending my hand down to her. She opened her eyes and took my hand and I quickly pulled her up. She wandered over to her fallen hero’s relic and picked up.

“Thank you. I’m sorry for—landing on top of you like that.”

“Goddess—what were you even doing climbing on a statue of a Saint?”

“Well…”

My explanation was interrupted by the sudden sound of groaning as the entire room of statues began to slightly tremble. I reached out to the base of the statue to steady myself and grabbed Ingrid’s shoulder to help her stay standing.

“What’s going on!?”

“I’m not really sure myself just—hold on for a bit.”

The trembling continued until a loud click echoed inside our room alongside another crash of thunder. The shaking and noise stopped and Ingrid and I were able to stand on our feet. I did a quick once over around the room and looked at the crest insignia in the middle of the room but—nothing had changed! It sounded like some sort of mechanism had started up but was it broken or non-functional? Ugh—it seems like this was all for nothing.

“Professor? Why were you messing with Saint Indech’s statue?”

“Ah—sorry Ingrid. I was doing a bit of investigating—”

I paused for a bit and looked over at Ingrid’s green eyes as they waited with a gleam for my response. _It could be anyone_.

I had to shake my head at how ridiculous I was. There was no reason to suspect the Lions. I knew them best and was around them constantly enough to know if they were up to no good. Even then, I trusted them with my life. We’d been out on the battlefield so many times and not once had they cowered away or backhanded me or themselves. They were there for me and each other when they knew help was needed. They’re the only people along with dad and Manuela that I fully trusted.

“I was doing a bit of investigating involving the missing students report Seteth delivered to me today.”

“There’s still no trace of them?”

“No. We had a meeting regarding that a while ago and although the Knights are keeping up their search and investigations—it’s looking more and more likely that we have some other entity infiltrating the Monastery.”

“Like Jeritza turning out to be the Death Knight? That leaves a lot of people as suspects in the Academy then.”

“Exactly. It could be anyone who is unassuming or trusted enough to not be suspected while they walk the grounds as well as someone who is well liked that students might follow them without being frightened or alarmed. There were no signs of struggle or an attack in any of the cases after all. Because we don’t know who it might be, I decided to do some of my own investigating alone and see whether or not I might be able to get a pulse on the issue.”

“That is the most logical decision. If everyone is a suspect, then it means evidence and reports could be tampered with and revealing your actions to anyone else might compromise and put you at risk.”

“Exactly. I was using this book on the Monastery’s construction to see if there were any blocked passages or corridors like the one we found in Jeritza’s room and it led me here. I pulled Indech’s arrow because it was not positioned correctly like it was in the sketch of its design and then I guess some sort of mechanism was triggered. But in the end, it looks like it did nothing…”

I trailed off and grabbed my candle once again, making my way towards the center of the room where the door had been marked. Ingrid followed me so that the two of us were now standing in the center of the room.

“The book said there was some sort of door here but—the mechanism didn’t seem to have opened it.”

“Maybe it’s hollow? Perhaps if we knock on it we might find a button or something to slide it open?”

“That’s an idea. Let’s feel around and see.”

We both got on our knees and began to feel around the carved out design of Seiros' crest.

“How did you end up in the cathedral Ingrid? I’d figured it was so nasty outside no one would really venture out here across the bridge.”

“I actually was on my way to find Sylvain after I had been shining my lance, Lúin, in the Knight’s Hall. Someone came to tell me he’d been up to his usual poor-in-taste antics with a group of female students in reception hall so I was on my way to,” Ingrid hit her fist into her open palm, “you know—give him the women’s touch he was yearning for. After I’d rearranged his balls, I saw you push past the door to the cathedral bridge in a hurry and I figured, because it was so nasty outside, that I’d see if I could help you with whatever you needed to get done. It also didn’t really sit well with me for you to be all on your own. The atmosphere today has been…”

“Ominous? Chilly? Unsettling?”

“Yes! My instincts just told me you needed some help and I was happy to answer it. At least, I hope I am helping. I realize you might not appreciate me butting in so suddenly…”

“I appreciate it Ingrid. It’s nice to know you’re always so on top of your surroundings. I thought I’d done pretty well not drawing attention to myself.”

“Maybe my sense were just heightened after I unloaded on Sylvain. That idiot—he really is the most ungrateful and narrow-minded man you could ever meet.”

“You’re not wrong. The other day I was the one dealing with his mess and filing a report with the Academy. Even then he had the audacity to make remarks about the shorts Mercedes made me that I was wearing, saying I’d learned well from Manuela.”

“He did not! Agh—maybe I should leave you and go give him another light feminine touch for the both of us.”

We both let out a laugh and I shook my head.

“Jokes aside—he’s got his redeeming points as well which makes all the more infuriating when he maintains the unredeemable ones.”

“Please tell me you haven’t fallen to his “charms” Professor!? I will have lost all respect for you if you’ve let yourself be swayed by him so easily.”

“Trust me it’s nothing like that. At the end of the day, he does defend his friends and help those who need it. The other day I heard him encouraging Marianne to find something to smile about and to practice it in the mirror even after she’d rejected his advances. It seems his obnoxiousness and flirtations at the end of the day are some kind of—defensive move he does to shield himself—although I’m not sure why.”

“You really are a Professor through and through then. If you can even find something likeable about Sylvain, then you’re definitely worthy of admiration. All three of those idiots have changed a lot since you’ve been in charge of our class.”

“I can’t take credit for all their growth.”

“That’s true—but you shouldn’t sell yourself short either. Sylvain’s begun toning down his antics, even if that’s not saying a lot, and he’s focused much more when you’ve been giving instruction though I’m half sure it’s because you’re—and I quote—“a disciple of Manuela” which I now know what he meant by. Felix has warmed and opened up a lot as well. I’ve even seen him hanging around with Lysithea and Bernadetta of all people. I even saw him eating cake—CAKE Professor!! We’re talking about Felix who refused to even have a conversation about desserts a few weeks ago and I just see him eating a slice ON HIS OWN and he didn’t even think to invite me.”

“That’s what you’re most worried about?”

“It looked like a really good cake.”

I shook my head and let out a laugh.

“And Dimitri’s—it’s hard to describe.

His eyes seem to light up when you’re in the same room in a way I’ve never seen them shine since we were little. He follows you around even if you don’t talk or see one another whenever you pop up around the Monastery. He’s laughed and smiled a lot more since the beginning of the year and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me seeing him—enjoying himself for once. It’s always felt like after the Tragedy he’s never been quite the same person.

He became distant and calculating. Despite his smiling, his smile never seems to reach his eyes. Whatever he did or wherever he went it was always to do something or because of something and never really for any of us, his friends. He’d even recently begun talking to me about someone he’s become interested in.”

“Dimitri’s interested in someone?”

“Yes. It came quite as a surprise to me as well. He says he feels—conflicted at best about having developed feelings for the person because he feels his betraying their trust somehow. Even then, he can’t help but feel strongly for them.”

I couldn’t really understand why my heart began to lurch painfully forward hearing that Dimitri had an interest in someone. It sent my mind spiraling down and down until I began trying to figure out who on earth it could be. Do I know them? Maybe I could ask around or be on the lookout for who I saw hanging around with him lately then I might get to know them and see if they shared mutual feelings with him and then—and then—and then…And then what? Why exactly would I be imagining all of this?

My mind was wandering away from the task when I felt my nail get caught in a gap between a section of the marble that seemed to have raised ever so slightly in the center of the room. I push the piece down and heard a loud click.

“I think I found the trigger for the door!”

“That’s great Profes—”

Before Ingrid could even congratulate me, the piece of the floor below us suddenly fell down a few inches and then slid sideways tearing the floor from below us. We both shot down so quickly we didn’t get time to let out a scream, let alone react. I glanced above us only to see the floor slide back into place and drown us in darkness as we continued plummeting down and down. I left my candle by Indech’s statue so all I had in my hand was the book.

“Ingrid!?”

“I’m here Professor!”

“I—I’m not sure how far this hole goes or where we’ll end up dropping. Just be ready for a really painful impact!”

“If there’s any solid ground below us, we’ll surely break our legs landing!”

“I know! We’ll just have to be ready for that possibility and hope that isn’t the case!”

Ingrid remained quiet after that and all I could hear was the sound of us rushing through the air. I didn’t even bother trying to reach out to grab something alongside the walls of the hole because that would only result in me burning my skin off or inadvertently breaking my arm. If we didn’t die in this drop, then we’d be needing all the strength in our arms to drag us—somewhere.

I reached out towards where I thought Ingrid was and felt around with my right hand before I felt my fingers brush against hers. I quickly gripped her hand and squeezed it.

“I’m right here too!”

I felt her squeeze back and we remained silent as the world seemed to rush past us as a boundless void.

I don’t know how much time passed but I began to hear something. I strained my ears to make out what it could possibly be. It seemed to get louder and louder. I could begin to hear it, the sound of water splashing, licking against the sides of walls.

“You hear that Ingrid?”

“I do. Thank the Goddess!”

“Get ready to hold your breath the minute you feel yourself hit the water. Can you swim?”

“Yes! I can swim!”

“Okay. Don’t let go of my hand. We’ll hit the water and have to swim up but there’s no sign of lighting or sunlight. We won’t be able to see anything so we’ll swim back up together and see where the water ends up leaving us.”

“I’ve got it.”

The loud crashing of the water below us got louder and louder until I felt my feet break into it and immediately we both gulped up a huge breath of air. My eyes were closed tight but I could feel the almost ice-cold water’s currents pulling us forward. There were so many layers to our blindness that had my heart racing with panic as we began to swim to what we hoped was open air. We broke through the surface of the water and began to take in panicked breaths as we heard the echoing sound of our hands hitting the water, trying to keep ourselves afloat.

“Do you think this is some kind of sewer system?”

“We fell pretty far down. Considering the water doesn’t reek in the slightest—this might actually be an underground river.”

“Which means it’ll empty out to either a bigger body of water by flowing into it or—dropping down as a waterfall.”

“Right. We’ll have to be ready for either so let’s be careful and stay together.”

Another silence came over us as we let the water carry us along with it. Our breathing seemed somehow heavier and louder now that we had no sense of sight or touch besides the rushing coolness of the water. Ingrid’s hand and mine was the only spot of comforting warmth as we simply waited to hear or see something.

Finally, I saw further ahead of us the tunnel of water we were swimming in start to grow bright. I turned to my right and saw Ingrid looking back at me with a tentative smile.

“At the very least we can see each other now Professor. You think the light might be the sun?”

“I have no sense of where we could be but it’s either sunlight or candlelight. We still have to be ready for another drop since we can’t see where the tunnel will be ending.”

“Right. I’m ready.”

We were approaching the end of the tunnel and our eyes had to adjust to the gradually brightening space. I could just make out a much larger river in front of us before we again fell down and crashed through water. We swam up and broke through the water and found ourselves in a large duct that seemed intentionally constructed. To our left, there was a walkway of stone lit by countless candles that went further up or down the flowing river. The water was much slower and there was no current pulling at us as forcefully as before.

“Let’s swim over to that walkway.”

We let our hands go and made the quick swim over to the ledge. I threw my leg up and rolled over onto the cold stone before standing and reaching back to help Ingrid. I grabbed her extended hand and pulled her out so that we were both now standing a dripping, shivering mess looking up and down the river.

“What is this place? There are lit candles up and down this path here so that means there must be—people or something living down here.”

“That would be the only plausible explanation. Whoever it is who’s down here—we have no idea if their hostile or friendly so for now we’ll have to decide in what direction we should head. Do you have any ideas Ingrid?”

“Well—if we head further back against the river we’d be heading towards its source but there’s no telling whether that would be some lake deeper underground or a source on the surface. If we follow the river where it’s going it’ll eventually let out somewhere outside or at the very least brings us to whatever body of water it empties into. We also have these candles. Regardless of who’s living down here, as long as we keep watch of them and where they stop or lead while we go, we’ll be sure to run into someone or place or thing.”

I nodded my head and glanced up and down the walkway. If we walked against the river up the path, it seemed as far as I could tell that the lights of the candles dimmed and faded considerably meaning that whoever was down here didn’t explore too far or really come this way often. If we walked with the river, it seemed the candlelight got a far bit stronger meaning it could be the direction of where someone’s camp or home might be based on the need to keep the area well lit.

“Right. Let’s head down river then. But let’s have our weapons ready and stick close together. Come on.”

“Got it. I’m right behind you.”

We started on our way following the river. I unsheathed the Sword of the Creator as I went and we settled into a silent unease as our footsteps echoed down the long tunnel. This seemed like it had been properly constructed using the same kind of bricks that the Academy buildings had been made of. I wish I could check the book for some clues about underground construction but—I looked at the muddled dripping mess of the book in my left hand. If it was completely destroyed by the water, then at the very least a large part of it would be unreadable and unusable from now on. I was already dreading the explanation I’d have to give the library about this…

The pitter-patter of droplets of water falling from us also joined our footsteps in a strange rhythmic chorus alongside a bit of teeth chattering from the both of us. There was no chance for us to dry ourselves down here so it was beyond a doubt we’d both end up catching a cold from this expedition of ours.

I turned my head slightly to check Ingrid. She had Lúin out and gripped with one hand but I could slight trembles and shivers that she tried to shake off. I can’t believe I’d managed to get both of us into so much danger.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault that you’re stuck down here freezing with me. I should’ve just told you to go back to the Academy.”

“It’s fine really. It would have been better not to have found ourselves in this situation but I’m definitely happier to not have had my legs completely broken and instead risk a simple cold. I also don’t regret being here with you because otherwise, you’d be down here alone with no to back you up.

You really should’ve asked one of us to accompany you before. If the situation in the Monastery is truly this dangerous, then you should have relied on us to be your supports. You’re a lot different from those bunch of idiots but—when it comes to Dimitri, Felix, Sylvain, Dedue, Ashe, and you—you’re all equally unwilling to ask for help when you need it. What would have happened if I wasn’t here? You could have ended up drowning or getting attacked by the person or people kidnapping students!”

I winced a little at the truth in her words. My mind flashbacked to my run-in with Tomas and the tense and ominous atmosphere I had felt before—if he is another infiltrator within the Church he could have easily attacked me or killed me and no one would be the wiser. I honestly had done a great job thinking all of this through but the reason I hadn’t relied on the Lions this time around was simply—because I was scared. I was scared that if they’d get involved with my searching they’d be targeted more specifically because I was sticking my head into places I shouldn’t. They were capable of defending themselves. They weren’t children after all.

But we had no sense of what this enemy was capable of or who they could be.

“You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t seek one of your sooner but I was afraid I’d be putting you all in unnecessary danger by doing so. If it was just me risking myself, then I would feel much better were I attacked or found out.”

“Well none of us would be. If you went missing or we found you dead you know what we’d think? Why did he go off on his own? Did he not trust us? Did he not think us capable? You’d have left us with an awful lot of guilt. So the next time, if anything like this were to come up again, I’d appreciate it at the very least that you’d rely on me. I am here hoping to be a knight someday after all and if I can’t even protect and aid my own Professor—then I might as well give up, right?”

She walked up so that she was walking beside me and gave me a small bump with her fist on my shoulder. She had a big smile plastered on her face even as water dripped down her forehead from her hair turned a wet and murky gold. Her eyes kept a firm and steel-like resolve. I gave her my own smile and returned the shoulder bump.

“I’m jealous of your resolve. Even in our missions, you never lose sight of what has to be done or the calm it takes to win the day. Just now we could’ve been crawling with our bare hands down this pathway with broke legs yet you simply accepted the possibility and were ready for it. You didn’t let the fear get to you.”

“And neither did you Professor! We both have resolve because we know what we are fighting for. I can only speak for myself but—I fight to protect those I love and the people I love and hold dear have grown since I’ve come to the Academy. You, Father, Ashe, Annette, Mercedes, Dimitri, Dedue, I even have love in my heart somewhere somehow for Felix and Sylvain, and—although Glenn is gone I still fight for his memory and to protect the people he held close and loved as well.

And your resolve comes from protecting us. You know exactly when things feel off and immediately try to ask if we need anything even if we deny and say that everything’s fine. You have a way of always knowing that things are far from fine.

In battle, you’ve many times thrown consideration of your own life to the wind to rush and take or block a blow for us. Although I am pained to think you’d so easily give your life, I’m also incredibly grateful to know you feel so strongly for us to do so.

Unless—I’m wrong about where it is your resolve comes from?”

I shook my head and couldn’t help my smile from growing bigger.

“You’re not wrong at all. I’m glad that the sentiment is mutual.”

Ingrid smiled before a serious look entered her face and eyes and she looked on ahead down the path.

“Besides—I’m not completely free of my own fears and insecurities.”

That’s right. I’d found Ingrid reading a note that had arrived for her a few days prior intently with a pained expression. She’d allowed me to read it. It was a letter from her father about another possible marriage proposal after the previous one had fallen through where Dorothea and I had accompanied her. She’d thought I’d laugh or find her situation funny but I didn’t laugh at all. Her biggest dream was to be able to serve as a Knight like Glenn and the men in the tales she loved so much but—the financial situation of Galatea lands in the Kingdom had her stuck between a rock and a hard place.

A beneficial marriage with another noble family could help their money troubles and bring relief to their family and people but she also thought it meant an ender to her own dreams.

“Have you spoken to your father?”

“I—haven’t responded at all to his letter. It’s hard for me to match his obvious excitement and I know—I know he is not doing this to hurt me or against my best interests but it’s difficult to see how I could keep my dream alive this way. With Glenn, even if it was something arranged, I at least knew him and his family well. I knew he would hold no objections if I told him my dream was to also serve and train as a knight. These men my father is finding for me I—know nothing about as you and Dorothea saw last time. He’ll surely want me to fit a role.

The role of wife. Never allowed to touch a lance again or fly above the clouds on a pegasus. Never allowed to fight with my own hands for the things I want to protect. Forced to watch from a window helpless as the world flies past me wanting desperately to fly along with it. And yet my duty as a daughter—my need to protect my family and ensure they have a good life is also something that I cannot give up so easily.

There is nothing more that I’d like to do than to tell my father what my true wishes are, what they have always been yet there is still something inside me that holds me back. That tells me that all I will do by doing so is disappoint him.”

There was always that fear deep inside me as well.

“I’m the same.”

“You Professor?”

“Yes. I’ve only recently begun to strengthen my relationship with my father when many things have started to come to light. The fact that my mother lived and died at this Monastery and my father kept it all a secret from me. The friendship I’ve begun to have with Rhea has disturbed him and the many issues like the student disappearances that have pulled us in different directions. There is also a voice that stops me from telling him—that I find myself attracted to men. I feel that if I were to tell him—it might be a nail in the coffin-like I’m dooming our relationship to fail.”

I shook my head and bumped her shoulder with my fist.

“I’ve only told Manuela and Dimitri aside from you so I’m counting on you to keep it a secret. What I will tell you from my experience is—every minute you spend delaying it and denying yourself the space to celebrate yourself in the light of day—is time you’ll spend at the edge of dawn watching the possibilities, the best you run away farther and farther from your reach. Build your courage. Build your confidence. Build your conviction. Take as much time practicing the words, the way you say them, decide when you’ll say them, think about how he’ll react, and be ready for when his reaction comes.

You’ll know when the right time to lay yourself bare is and, more importantly, you’ll be ready to pick yourself and keep going if it ends badly.”

 _Yeah—I also had to build myself up too and stop pushing myself back in fear_.

She returned the fist bump to my shoulder and I glanced to my side to see her wearing a small smile as we continued walking.

“We’ll help each other build our courage then. We can both practice how we’ll confront our fathers and if the fallout is painful—then we can head into town and stuff our faces silly and cry over a good plate of food!”

“Haha—of course. I’d love that.”

“And even without such a life-threatening fear, we could try out restaurants and complain about men together while still stuffing our faces in anger and disgust.”

“Do you really have so many complaints swirling in your head about them?”

“On Sylvain alone, we could get comatose with food and I still wouldn’t have gone through a fourth of the crap I have to say about him.”

“I guess now that I think about it I do have a ton of stories from my mercenary days. I used to have to pick up my father when he passed out drunk in taverns after we finished a job and got paid. This one time while I was carrying him passed out a group of older drunks followed me until I was close to the inn we were staying at. They kept catcalling me asking if I was the bitch he kept talking about in his stupor. Father and I don’t look anything alike so I guess they thought when he was raving about my mother that he was talking about me so you can only guess how pissed off I got.

Then they tried grabbing, tried being the key there, before I unsheathed my sword and cut one of their fingers off.”

“A finger!?”

“Yeah! Growing up within a company of all men when you’re not exactly as bulky or built as them means you’ve gotta learn quick how to deal with them. Of course, they were pissed and tried ganging up on me so I had to toss my father on the ground and take them on. After I was done, I found my father sitting up completely confused about where he was or what was going on still drunk.”

“I wish I could just cut a man’s finger off. I’m already imagining how pitiful Sylvain might look if I really did cut _something_ off. Sadly, that might earn us a continental war if his fangirls ever found out.”

“He has fangirls?”

“And boys but don’t tell him. He already thinks his dick is big enough we don’t need to go enlarging it for him.”

We both let out a laugh.

It was nice to see Ingrid so lively and carefree. She was always either training or taking care of the men in the Blue Lions classroom so it seemed she never had time for herself. She’d taken on the role of the mother without really saying she had.

“Well—it’s okay to let those idiots deal with their own problems once in a while too you know. If Felix and Sylvain offend anyone, then let them deal with it like the men they seem to think they are. If you do that we’ll have time to go on our restaurant eating spree.”

“You know what Professor—you’re so right! I should be eating my heart out on steaks and sweet buns and ribs and—ugh. I’m so hungry now. I had tunnel vision when I heard Sylvain was causing a scene that I didn’t get a chance to eat before I followed you.”

“We can eat once we get out of here. Speaking of which…”

The tunnel seemed to end ahead and when we stepped out of it we found ourselves in a large dome-like plaza. There was a raised platform in the middle with steps going down into a raised platform in its center. Statues of the Saints and Seiros herself decorated the plaza and there were four bridges going from the plaza into tunnels exactly like our own. The river we were following dropped off into a dark abyss that both Ingrid and I were brave enough to look down at. It was all awfully strange and yet…

“Do you hear that?”

“I do. It sounds like voices but the echo means they could be coming from anywhere.”

I gazed around at the three other tunnels around us. All three of them had similar lines of candles going down them as far as I could tell but one of them was surrounded by what looked like stacked crates. I looked ahead at the bridge in front of us and it looked well intact so we could definitely make our way across it.

“The voices might be coming from somewhere down that tunnel to our west. There are crates around its entrance so they might be camping out somewhere down there. Why don’t we make our ways over there and see what we can find.”

“I’m right with you.”

And so we began to make our way to the central plaza.

The sound of water was a bit deafening as it crashed further down below us and so it was a wonder the voices were loud enough to break through all this noise. Above us were strange light fixtures that emitted a dull green glow that almost looked like chandeliers. It was really hard to fathom that such an intricate place was below the Monastery but then again—this place was constructed hundreds of years ago.

The closer we got to the plaza the better we could tell the size of the statues and the ones inside the cathedral were nothing in comparison to these. These absolutely towered over us and as we entered the plaza next to the statue of Saint Indech we had to crane our necks back to get a good look at him from the base of the statue.

“Think you could climb your way up this one?”

“I wouldn’t ever dream of messing around like that with this one. I would be splattered on the ground.”

We walked alongside the edge of the plaza as we drew closer to the western bridge and Ingrid kept glancing around.

“What do you figure this place was? With the way the stairs are arranged, it kind of looks like an arena with stands around a stage.”

“The Monastery is quite old. This book I used to figure out the entrance down here mentioned that the part of the Monastery where we are used to being was built around the deeper structure of the burial chambers for the Goddess and her servants. The original structure could’ve been a lot bigger and involved more than burial chambers for all we know. After all, none of us are allowed to go in for ourselves to explore and look around just like we weren’t allowed to do so with the entrance and chamber we found in Jeritza’s room.”

“Right. It’s just difficult to think the Monastery could manage to keep all this a secret from us. Hilda had mentioned rumors in town of a shady place underneath the Academy where there was a central black market for Fódlan but I didn’t want to believe the Church would know that and allow its existence. Now though—if all of this is down here and we do find people living down here…”

“Yeah. We’ve seen that the Church doesn’t mind resorting to violence before when they dealt with the Western Church so it’s not hard to fathom them being involved with the black market trade to help them keep an eye on people and goods.”

“You’re right. I guess I meant to say it doesn’t help the doubts I have with how the Church carries itself. I was already not comfortable with the harshness of the trial against those involved with the Western Church so this all just seems really damning to me.”

I kept quiet.

It was a horrifying and unsettling notion to contend with. That while you thought you were doing good in preparing the next generation of leaders for the continent, you were also contributing to an institution that didn’t shy away from putting swords to people’s necks in the name of the Goddess. Getting to know Rhea made the matters even worse.

I knew she herself wasn’t at all a bad person and she looked after me almost like a grandmother would but—there was a real dissonance between the Rhea I saw around my tea table and the one who titled her head while glaring down at those bishops from the Western Church ordering the destruction and imprisonment or death of all those involved or thought to be. I was always meaning to broach topics about how the Church reacted to continental events when Monastery issues arise or when she steered the conversation to things that captured my attention like my mother. It was almost like she felt when I was slowly inching my way to asking and then she reset me back to zero.

We were finally crossing the western bridge and I could hear the voices muddled but quite loudly now. It was a wall of conversation similar to the town marketplace when I’d gone with Dimitri.

Dimitri…

“Ingrid—have you talked lately with Dimitri?”

“Not recently. He’s been ignoring everyone except Dedue. I did see him once training late at night but I didn’t want to bother him. He had this training dummy completely broken at his feet and I just felt like it was a bit—dangerous to walk up to him then. Why do you ask?”

I let out a sigh.

“It’s my fault he’s ended up like that.”

“How is it your fault?”

“The other day he invited me to watch him give children at a school in the Monastery town sword instruction when we were stopped by some random thugs in an alleyway. One of them ended up pinching my leg and I immediately hit him with a lightning bolt below his belly button and they ran away but Dimitri—took it personally. He thought he’d failed to protect me and wouldn’t calm down until I hugged and consoled him.”

“Ah—so that’s why he was railing against that dummy. Did he tell you anything afterward?’

“No. We went to the school and things seemed fine but after we returned he started distancing himself.”

“Well—I can’t really explain it to you completely and it’s not really my place to explain either but—it has to do with the Tragedy. After he lost both his parents so violently right in front of him and the brother of his childhood friend Felix, Glenn my fiancée, we sort of lost touch with him. He became solely focused on his duties preparing to be the King of Faerghus. The first day in the Academy this year was the first time I’d seen him since then. Only Felix had seen him and that was as a squire during some insurrections in the western Kingdom that Dimitri led the charge in quelling and well—you know what Felix has to say about Dimitri from then on.

I’m sure he’s scared he’d failed to protect you and almost let you die for not being strong enough or quick enough so now he thinks distancing himself from you will protect you.”

I feared as much. It would probably be impossible to get close enough to talk to him and get him to see it wasn’t his fault. If he kept up in this self-hatred there was no telling what effect that could have on his health and safety. Ingrid had mentioned he had someone he liked and—although it still made my heart lurch to think of it—I could ask whoever it was to help us calm him and convince them since they’d probably be able to have that effect on him. It was a really invasive question but—it was ultimately for Dimitri’s well-being so as I walked past the crates at the entrance of the tunnel I gathered my strength to ask.

“Ingrid, you mentioned that Dimitri had someone he liked, right? Maybe if we asked that person t—”

Before I could even finish, I felt my right hand get twisted painfully behind my back and felt the Sword of the Creator clang against the stone floor. I was about to swing my left hand with the book backward to hit back at my attacker when I felt the cold metal of a dagger press up against my throat. I was forcefully turned to face back down the bridge we had been walking on and saw Ingrid holding her lance ready to strike. I could see a slight glimmer of fear in her eyes as she gripped tightly onto it.

“Well, well—what do we have here? A couple of surface rats come down to play?”

Ingrid made a move to approach us but I winced as the dagger began to bite into my skin and I felt blood begin to trickle down my neck.

“Ah ah! I wouldn’t move closer if I were you. I’d hate to slice the jugular of such a pretty face. Now—be a dear Blondie and put down that lance.”

“I won’t!”

“Tsk. I guess I shouldn’t expect a woman to follow orders,” the dagger bit harder down and a small groan left my mouth, “Pretty Man, could you tell Blondie to toss her lance over here by your sword? Pretty please.”

He tapped my neck with his dagger and moved it enough to let me talk.

“Ingrid—do as he says.”

“Professor I—”

“Just do it, Ingrid. Trust me.”

She looked beyond reassured by me but she reluctantly placed her lance on the ground in front of her. The man behind me clicked his tongue.

“Kick it over here.”

Ingrid’s face was flushed red now with anger and she kicked her lance over with enough force to have it clatter against my sword.

“Well I could’ve done without the attitude but this will do. Now—care to explain what you’re here for?”

Ingrid stood silently glaring at the man behind me but he began to dig his dagger again into my neck and a panicked look came over her.

“We—We were investigating the disappearances of students from the Monastery grounds. We thought an intruder might have escaped through some hidden corridor or chamber and ended falling down here into a river. That’s all.”

“Hmmm—that does explain why you’re both so damp. You with the Church then?”

Ingrid was silent again and the man sighed.

“Come on Blondie! You really have no regard for the life of your friend here at all. Answer the question. You’re testing my patience.”

“I’m a student at the Academy and he’s the professor of my class.”

“A professor and student?”

There was a long pause before he removed the dagger and shoved me forward onto the ground. I gasped a bit for air—not having noticed I was holding a breath and Ingrid rushed over to me.

“Are you okay Professor?”

“Yes—I’m fine. It’s just a scratch.”

“Your name just Professor? Did the Church not give their dog the privilege of at least a name?”

I glanced over from where I was on the floor clutching my neck to look over at him. He had picked up my sword and Ingrid’s lance and was facing us from a bit aways. His hair was a bright lavender and his eyes were a purple that seemed to glow under the flickering of the lights having the same uneasy gleam to them as Tomas’ earlier in the library. It also looked like—he was wearing some kind of uniform that was white with grey and had black chains wrapped around in different places.

“My name is Byleth.”

“Well—Byleth and Blondie—why don’t you stand up and start walking. I might regret helping you out if you don’t.”

“How exactly will you help us?”

“By kindly showing you the way out. Unless you prefer to wander around down here with a cold before you slowly die or something.”

Ingrid pulled me up and we looked a wearily at the man before us.

“You cut his throat yet now we're supposed to believe you’re some gentleman?”

“You can believe whatever you feel like believing Blondie but the fact is I didn’t know who the hell either of you were until just now and these nifty little hero’s relics confirm you must be some hefty Church dogs. I’d rather not have dog blood on my hands and bring troubles to my people down here.”

It didn’t really sit well with me but there was nothing else we could do. We had to trust him at his word, at least for now.

He stepped back against the wall and waved his hands in a mock curtsy forward.

“After you guys.”

Ingrid and I walked passed him and followed the long tunnel forward while we heard him follow behind us. The cut on my throat was stinging quite a bit but it was nothing I couldn’t patch up on my own. A Heal spell could be enough to do but if I used any kind of magic now I’m sure this man wouldn’t react kindly. Given how swift and silent he was he also wasn’t someone we could mess around with.

“So—you’ve got missing students huh? Has the Church become incompetent or something? It feels like they should really be on top of who they have working for them. I heard you guys already had—who was it—another professor turn out to be a homicidal killer? Man. What a nightmare.”

“How do we know you’re not involved at all with these student disappearances?”

“Cause I’m not Blondie. What the hell would I want with some noble brats anyway? They’re useless, dead weight in the world that I live in.”

“And what world is that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know. Sorry, I’m the one with the pointy dagger in this conversation so I’ll be the one deciding what I ask and what I answer. I want to hear from Byleth a bit. He’s got a nicer face and a nicer attitude.”

Ingrid seemed ready to lose it and I gently touched her shoulder before letting it fall back to my side.

“Can you tell me your name?”

“Ah—leveraging my compliments to hit things right at the head. Why would I tell you?”

“I gave you mine didn’t I?”

“Yeah but you didn’t have a choice and I do.”

“Well, then we can walk in silence. I don’t bother speaking with men who aren’t even grown enough to stop jacking themselves off to tell me their name.”

A silence hung over us after that little quip. We walked and walked for a few minutes before I heard a tongue click.

“Got it. You won. I like a man who knows how to bite back good. Names Yuri.”

“Yuri. How exactly did you end up down here?”

“Ah ah. I ask the questions from now on. How’d you become a professor at the Academy? I heard you were a mercenary before the beginning of the school year and you don’t look much older than a student.”

“It was by recommendation. Alois, one of the Knights, recommended me to Lady Rhea after my father and I saved the three house leaders.”

“Those three idiots couldn’t even save themselves? Goes to show how useful the nobility can be. King, emperor, or leader. Just another warm body waiting to be dead at the end of the day. And Alois? That obnoxious geezer is still breathing? I can still hear his half-baked puns rattling around in my ear.”

“How do you know him?”

“I used to be a student as well—in the Blue Lions house but—well things happened and the Church decided to expel me. Then I ended up here.”

“Why would an expulsion lead you down here? What _is_ down here anyway?”

“It’s the place where all the dirty little things the Church can’t keep under its finger ends up landing. Murderers, thugs, the poor and despot, they all end washed up here by the Knights of Seiros and the Church.”

“The Church forces people down here?”

“Well—forced is a very specific word. People either end up here because they think it’s a paradise away from the watchful eye of the Church or the Church simply ends their life up there for them and if they want to stay up there well—they can as long as its five feet under the soil.”

That bit of information just added already to the uneasy feelings that have been bubbling inside my mind. I couldn’t be quite sure but if Yuri was being honest—then the Church was taking all of their power to push issues under the rug and stamp out people they thought problematic.

“Have you—seen any suspicious people wandering down here?”

“You're describing everyone down here. No one’s a friend down here.”

“I know but—”

“Yeah. I get you. Are there people that aren’t one of us down here? I have seen a couple of people I kept tails on who stayed near our place but as soon as I knew they had no interest in us and saw them move on and not come back I lost interest in following them. There were reports of some strange masked knight in black armor and a black horse but we never saw whoever that was near our home.”

“The Death Knight?”

Ingrid broke her silence to look over at me with concern.

“Jeritza did have a passageway leading to that underground chamber where Flayn and Monica were. It’s completely possible that he could have run deeper down and used the underground for whatever he liked which means…”

“That whoever is kidnapping students could also be using this place to escape the Monastery ground unseen.”

We were approaching the end of the tunnel and something I hadn’t noticed as I was distracted with our conversation was the loud rambling of voices. I began to make out makeshift tents and buildings with even market stand lining what looked like a central kind of street or corridor. There were countless people flooding the space and moving among each other. Most of them had humble or tattered clothing but a few had bandit armor and I even saw some children running among the adults. It was a complete town.

I turned around to face Yuri.

“Does the Church really know this place exists? Would they real—”

“Please, take the wool of your eyes. As a mercenary who’s traveled all over this continent, you should well know how the world works. Those with power and money aren’t above getting their hands dirty to keep it that way. This place? It’s just another example of that. Don’t pretend to be shocked or offended.”

I had to bite my lip.

It’s true. There was nothing I could really say. I couldn’t be horrified because I’d seen the force the Church was willing to use on anyone even militia or civilians. No matter what people made up the Church or my relationship with them—it didn’t take away from the fact that they were fine with how things were being done.

If the Church was stretched this thin trying to keep itself together with the risk of another infiltrator, then we’d never be able to figure out where the students were and who took them.

“Yuri, could you inform me somehow if you see any more unfamiliar people down here? Given the extent of how compromised the Church might be—there’s no one else but my students that I can turn to for help with this. If we don’t figure out who it could be that’s taking these students…”

Yuri let out a sigh before he walked up close enough that he could tap my shoulder if he wanted to.

“Because you’re such a pretty face, I won’t make a promise but I’ll keep these eyes of mine open enough. I might shoot you something if I do catch or rat or something. Now…”

Before I could even say thank you, he moved around me and hit me right in the back of my head. My vision went blurry and I felt my body crumple towards the ground before someone caught me in their arms.

“Professor! You said you’d—ah!”

I heard Ingrid let out a scream as my vision became blurrier and I felt my eyes start to close with the heaviness of my eyelids.

“I said I’d get your out of here kindly. Never said it’d be gentle.”

I couldn’t concentrate long enough to hear what curse Ingrid managed to yell out before I blacked out.

I felt a cold drop of water tickle my nose. My head was pounding and I felt my nose already getting runny as I let out a sniffle. My eyes opened very slowly and I had to take a few minutes to get a bearing of my surroundings.

Slowly, the canopy of a forest came into view along with the clear and sparkling twinkle of a starry night sky as I felt another drop of water splash against my cheek. I stretched out my hands and pushed myself up so that I was the very least sitting and I looked quickly around me. I saw Ingrid passed out just to my right, my sword and her lance leaning against a tree not too far away from us, and I realized we were at the edge of the forest line by the foot of the hill that leads up to the Monastery town and Monastery proper itself. The cathedral and Academy buildings loomed large lit by the starlight and moonlight.

I crouched beside Ingrid and began to gently shake her. She began to stir a bit before she shot up quick as a lightning bolt.

“Where are we!?”

“Calm down. We’re at the edge of the forest at the base of the Monastery.”

She looked around us swiveling her heard almost like an owl in her panic. There were blades of grass, twigs, and leaves stuck in her hair that had loose strands sticking up everywhere and was somewhere between wet and dry.

“Goddess! That idiot really knocked us out. My head won’t stop pounding.”

“At the very least, he was nice enough to leave us our weapons.”

“Right. What a gentleman.”

I stood up and reached down to pull Ingrid along with me. We grabbed our weapons and began to trek our way up the slope to the Monastery.

“It’s late. I’m sure we’ll be stopped by the Knights asking why we’re half wet and half alive. I honestly won’t have the patience,” I heard the loud growling of her belly, “OR the stomach to deal with it.”

I let out a small laugh.

“Well given that we’re so late as-is and we’ll be stopped for questions anyways, you want to stop by to get something to eat at town? It won’t be anything as great as a restaurant probably but it will be warm food to complain about our newly found male friend.”

“I’ll take the food AND give you a piece of my mind about that piece of work.

‘Blondie.’ I should’ve given him a bit of my feminine touch right square in his dick! Going as far as to imply I’m ugly. Sylvain and him might be long lost brothers.”

Ingrid kept rambling on a slew of curses and insults to the long-gone Yuri as I walked beside her.

I tried my best to laugh and add my own few tidbits to the conversation but the entire encounter with Yuri just added to the tenseness and ominous atmosphere I’d felt since Seteth’s report hit my desk. It felt like no matter where I turned there was something slithering there just underneath a shadow or behind the next corner and I found myself on pins and needles. No matter what—I had to make sure my students, my friends, everyone I held dear was safe from getting tangled up in all these blood-stained threads whether it was the Church, a nation, or hidden enemies who lingered in libraries or underground. I’d be ready to face down whoever it was that was trying to hurt the students.

As I continued to mull these thoughts over in my mind, the shadow of the Monastery fell over us as we stepped into the embrace of its walls and Ingrid’s warm and animated voice echoed around the cold air surrounding us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for my late post this last week, here's an extra-long chapter for your reading pleasure!
> 
> Jeralt, Sothis, Ingrid, and Yuri get a bit of spotlight this episode and Tomas as well though I rightfully made him more creepy and dangerous feeling because, well you know.
> 
> I did want to ask you guys who were your favorite ships for FE3H maybe even a ship that isn't as popular? For me, a couple of my favorites are Dimitri x M!Byleth (obviously), Hilda x Marianne, Ashe x Caspar, Felix x Sylvain, and Dorothea x Ingrid. My secret not as popular shift though is Ashe x Sylvain :O solely based on the Japanese version of their supports where Sylvain calls Ashe cute. 
> 
> No Dimitri :( I know but I figured I'd give them chapters to be their own people and occasionally angst over the other before we get to the real heartbreaking chapter leading to the end of Part 1: White Clouds. Only angst and tears shall follow muahaha!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I appreciate all the kudos and comments greatly they honestly make my day! Stay healthy and safe!


	5. The Memory of His Shape

“Your Highness.”

My hands couldn’t stop. The lance kept lunging forward and skewering holes into the hard flesh of wood. Although it wasn’t alive, the dummy still spilled wooden splinters and flakes just like blood as my lance twirled between my fingers. I could feel my eyes heavy with weariness but still I kept my eyes locked into the lifeless and silent body of wood before me.

“Your Highness.”

There was something satisfying with watching the cold steel tip disappear underneath the light brown skin. I would twist it and hear the alluring groan of the dummy as it shook with the force of my impact. It was difficult to stop when my mind wavered in its vision as the moonlight that poured into the training grounds turned the dummy’s hand into a man’s hand and the blank circle of a bag head seemed to morph into that sinister face emerging from the shadows depths—from behind that stack of crates. The twirling gleam of a dagger. The putrid stench of filth. The sound of scuttling rats. The glimmer of a smirk. The sizzle of charred flesh. Byleth…Byleth…

“Your Highness.”

I felt both of my hands suddenly gripped and stopped from their next swing. I tried to forcefully pull my hands away wanting to feel it. The satisfaction of my weapon penetrating…striking…sinking…ending it. That man’s life. I needed to make sure he could never touch him.

“Your Highness. That is enough.”

The stern voice of Dedue rung around in my head as I began to lose the energy to fight the grip he held on my arms. I felt my feet struggle to keep themselves straight and my vision slowly began to unblur as I felt the ache of my muscles.

In front of me lay the body of the dummy completely shredded apart by my lance. I had blown off its wooden spine and splinters and slabs of wood were now strewn around the training grounds. Its head lay pierced into the far wall with the metal of my lance shimmering as it hung there silently staring back at me. I could feel my hands begin to burn and looked down to find countless splinters stuck deep into my flesh and the palms bright red and throbbing.

I felt Dedue drag me away and set me down next to a pillar as my head began to pound more incessantly and loudly.

This had become a ritual of mine ever since the last time I had spoken with Byleth. I’d come to the training grounds at night and as I walked here I began to hear them—the voices of my mother and father and Glenn. They would mock me—tell me that I lacked the will and the strength to do it. Mow down all of those who would threaten to take the things that were mine away. They followed me and grew harsher and louder until I felt myself burning with their rage and anguish. Dedue would follow silently and watch as I decimated dummy after dummy until all I was doing was brawling with empty air and bleeding small streams of blood from the injuries I ended up giving myself.

I’d spend the night from the rising moon until its departure in mindless joy penetrating the wood with my lance. Imagining the next time. The next time anyone dared to get near him and how I’d enjoy it—watching their blood stain the heel of my boot as they begged for their life. Imagining Byleth’s reaction. The way he’d cling to me and thank me for protecting him and hearing the silence of the dead for the first time. Silenced by my ability to protect—protect—protect…

“You must stop this. Every night it is the same. You continue and continue training until you end up hurting yourself or tiring yourself into collapsing.”

“Dedue—this is what I must do. If you could hear them—the way their words dragged across the inside of your head—then you’d do as I do. Drown it out with the sound of your strength and resolve.”

“Resolve for what? To bring yourself to the doors of death? To wring yourself dry listening to their every whim? Dimitri—I am as much haunted as you are. My mother and sister accompany me wherever it is that I go. There is not a moment that I do not remember their faces of anguish, of pain as I help you on this path you are carving out.

But all that I love is dead, my legs and blood carry me to answer their pain at the cost of my life. You are selfish and self-centered in your actions. Did you not tell me how much your heart lurches for him—our Professor? Why do you ignore his voice for that of the dead? Ask yourself: would my father, mother, Glenn truly ask me to give up this simple happiness to spill blood in their names?”

I let my head lean on the cool stone of the pillar beside me.

I was trying. Trying to make sure I didn’t drag him into this path that I was on. Trying to push down these feelings that burned all the way into my groin. Trying not to remember the feeling of him on that night—the warmth of him as he leaned on my shoulder and the stars that sparkled inside the tears of his eyes. Trying not to expect it—the way he gently pulled me into a hug and let my head rest in the shallow valley of his chest. I was trying. I was trying.

“Dedue—it is because I am on this path that I cannot allow him to follow it with me. The reason for me being here at the Monastery—it is a single and simple thing. The strength and answers to who was behind the Tragedy and those who are pulling the string here in the Church’s shadows—I know beyond a doubt that they are related and connected. It’s my duty to offer their severed heads to the dead that roam inside my heart and head.”

“Dimitri.”

“I am here for one thing and one thing only. To exact my revenge and spill the blood that is necessary to get it.”

“That may have been true upon our entry into the Academy but—do you not feel that this has changed? You _have_ something to protect here—in this place of the living. There are still things that are yours—yours to hold in the pit of your palm.”

“Dedue—my hands are already stained with blood. How can I hold something so precious—when many have not had the chance.

He’s seen them already—the scars that mark and have torn through my body. Although he says he’s not frightened of them I know it deep down that when he sees me like Felix has—surely he will cower away. For his own sake, I ought not get any closer to him.”

“And so you think running away is sufficient an answer? Will your pride as a man allow you to let your love be plucked away before you?”

“Dedue—enough.”

“No, Your Highness. You will listen.”

Dedue came over in front of me and kneeled. His right hand came up to rest on my shoulder and I could see the dullness of pain that ate away at his eyes. His earring sparkled under the moonlight as he tightened his grip and stared me down.

“It appears that we both cannot be honest with ourselves. When I said that all I love is dead—that was not the complete truth though it might have been before.

I am not enough of a fool to deny how important many here at the Monastery have become to me. Mercedes, Ashe, Annette, Sylvain, and the Professor have a warmth to them that is hard to describe. Their eyes always seem to gaze right through me. No matter how hard I tried to put some distance between myself and them they always surprised me by completely closing it. I always thought that my being of Duscur would only serve to hurt those that wanted to be close, near to me and—perhaps I used this as an excuse as well. It was easier to accept and maintain the expectation that everyone would react like Felix or Ingrid to my presence—with hatred and spite solely for where I came from and what that made me or for who I presented myself as. Even then—Felix and Ingrid are not like most of those who detest my presence here at the monastery.

They, just like me, have endured an indescribable pain and loss that is not easy to forget. In our pain and anguish, it is natural for us to look for something—a person or a thing—to blame because without it there is only one thing left for us to do. To reckon with our loneliness and accept their departures and then—let them go. Not to forget them. Not to stop reminiscing on your memories of them. But to let go of their moment of death, be grateful instead for the moments they walked beside you.”

Dedue took my left hand and began to delicately and as best he could remove the splinters from my palm. I could feel the small pieces of wood slide out of my skin and the accompanying sting as the throbbing in my head began to lull and dull.

“I am not living for corpses, Your Highness. I am living for my friends who I’ve grown to need and love. For you who saved me from losing myself to the same voices that now threaten to end you. For the image of my mother and sister standing next to the warm glow of the kitchen fire as we cooked together.

These are the people that push me forward. Can you truly deny the warmth they provide you as well?”

Finishing with my left hand, he switched over to my right and I glanced over to see the small red splotches of blood that pooled around where he’d removed them.

It was true that I could not deny that there were still people here that I held dear and that gave me unforgettable moments of joy and laughter. Sylvain’s dating antics, Ashe’s book talks, Mercedes’ sewing lessons, Annette’s clumsy messes, Ingrid and Felix’s sharp and honest challenges to me, Dedue’s often silent and comforting presence, and Byleth—the spaces he created where I felt myself letting go of those voices. They were all living. They were real. They all in their own ways reaffirmed who I was even when silently I told myself and knew I wasn’t what they hoped I’d be. An example—a man who was merciful, noble, and empathetic.

Only Felix truly understood why I wasn’t a man to idolize. He saw me—what I become at the sight of violence and bloodshed when I am going to battle in the name of the Kingdom—under the guise of purpose and justice. I feel the same emotion overcome me like it does during these nights at the training facility. The satisfaction of sinking my anguish into flesh in order to quiet those voices and make them just that more bearable. To trade and delay their need for justice by delivering it in some other form—some other context. I was anything but merciful or noble or empathetic. In reality, once I enter the battlefield there’s nothing of me left. Out there—I can’t lie to myself about the monster hiding beneath my skin. I don’t even know which of the two is truly me anymore.

Dedue finally let go of my right hand and stood up.

“I am not forcing you to think like me or to veer off the path you’ve chosen. I am only asking that you consider rethinking what pushes you down it for your own sake. Regardless of what you decide, I will follow you until its conclusion. Of this rest assured.”

He reached out with his hand and I took it slightly wincing at the sting of the splinters wounds and the aching of my muscles.

“That should do for now but you should really visit the infirmary right as you wake up to get your hands disinfected and healed. When you get back to your room, find a cloth or something clothlike to wrap your hands with in the meantime. I’m sure your entire body will be completely ruined with all these late night training sessions and feel—frankly—like crap. Have Manuela take a physical to make sure you’re fine.”

“Jeez—you’re my friend Dedue—not my mother.”

“If wanting you to take better care of yourself is motherly, then I am glad to boast that title so long as you listen.”

“Ha—as straight-laced as ever I see.”

I went to make my way over to grab my lance that was still stuck in the far wall of the training ground but Dedue stopped me with a hand.

“I will take care of cleaning here.”

“Dedue.”

“You’re in no condition to argue let alone do anything more strenuous. I ask only that you please see to it that you walk back to your quarters—and rest.”

I threw him an annoyed glance but he maintained his usual deadpanned serious face as I admitted defeat and began to make my way out of the training grounds. I threw up my hands and let out an exaggerated sigh just to emphasize my annoyance at him.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll walk myself to my room. But I’ll have to make this up to you somehow, it isn’t right that you always feel obligated to clean my messes.”

“I do this because I want to. There’s no sense of obligation here.”

I turned back and saw him beginning to pick up the remnants of the dummies I’d broken throughout the night and couldn’t help the pang of guilt from rocking my heart.

_He was right. In a lot of ways, I have been selfish and even childish._

“Dedue—obligation or not I’ll still make this up to you. When I decide on how I’ll do that, I hope you won’t be as stubborn as Ashe in accepting it. Understand?”

Dedue turned around to look at me and sent me a small nod and a gentle smile.

“I understand—Dimitri.”

I sent him my own nod and smile before finally stepping out of the training grounds into the brisk night air of the Monastery grounds. The moon was beginning to hide behind the immense body of the cathedral and there wasn’t a soul around any of the walkways or paths around me expect the occasional passing by of a Knight.

I began to walk forward and groaned out at the aching burn of my arms and legs as I tried to take a step. Now that I was fully conscious and aware of myself, I could just begin to feel the stickiness of the sweat I’d let out during those countless hours of nonstop training and I felt well—disgusting. I glanced over at the baths and saw the gentle billowing of steam escaping from the roof. It wouldn’t hurt to take a quick bath after I grabbed some clothes from my quarters and it would probably help some to numb and soothe the aching of my muscles.

I nodded to myself, finding the idea to be a sound one, and began to make my way down the path leading down the dormitories when I noticed her for the first time. Lady Rhea was sitting quietly on a wooden bench staring straight ahead without any kind of motion or movement almost like a statue. I kept walking forward and tried to follow her stare only to see that she was staring quite intently at the door of Byleth’s room. Curious now, I veered off my straight path and walked over to the bench where she sat.

“Lady Rhea you’re certainly out quite late tonight. May I ask what you’re doing?”

There was no response. She continued to stare right ahead without even acknowledging my presence. Her hands were neatly folded into her lap and she seemed to be humming something underneath her breath. Her green eyes shimmered even underneath the shadow of the Academy building as she continued to stare at Byleth’s room. A bit of worry began to color my expression. It seemed like she was lost in her own little world and the intensity of her stare paired with the fact that it was directed at Byleth’s room caused a sense of discomfort to settle in me.

I moved directly in front of her to block her sight and she shook her head a few times, blinking as she looked up at me.

“Dimitri?”

“Yes, Lady Rhea. I greeted you but you didn’t respond. I was a bit worried that something might’ve happened to you. Perhaps you’re feeling unwell?”

“Ah—I see. Thank you for your concern but I assure you I’m fine.”

She didn’t make a move to get up or move. In fact, she began to tap her ring finger against her left hand as she lowered her gaze back down almost like she was impatient to be able to see Byleth’s room again. An even greater sense of unease washed over me as I stepped aside and decided to instead sit next to her on the bench.

“I had asked you before but—may I ask what you’re doing? Are you waiting for someone?”

“Oh—I was just hoping to maybe catch the Professor on his way to his room.”

“Isn’t it already—quite late to be waiting for him? Surely he’s already sleeping in his room.”

She continued to tap her ring finger and didn’t spare me a second glance. I joined her in staring hoping—perhaps foolishly—that I might understand something by mimicking her. The wooden frame of the room stood in humble light against the stone quarters of the second floor dormitories. I could hear the gentle hooting of owls as they flew somewhere around in the dark immensity of the night sky and once again Lady Rhea hummed a melody just below her breath.

I wonder if Byleth was really in there tucked under the sheets of his bed. Did he curl himself into a ball when he slept? Did he hug a pillow? When he woke up, did his hair stick out uncontrollably in all directions? Was he a late sleeper or early riser? Was he a complete airhead whose head was empty before he fully woke up? What was he dreaming about? Was it something pleasant or nightmarish? Did his mind and heart revolve around and around on our moments together? Was I on his mind the way he was on mine? Thinking about those smiles and laughs and tears and our bodies brushing against each other in warmth or nakedness?

My face began to burn as I pinched myself on my thigh.

_I’m sitting next to the Archbishop of the Church of Seiros while wondering if my Professor has the hots for me. Goddess—I’ll surely be smited for this._

Lady Rhea let out a long sigh that startled the hell out of me and I nervously glanced over at her only to still see her staring on at Byleth’s room.

“Pardon me—I must surely be coming off quite rude with my lack of conversing. Most of the other students find me intimidating so I struggle to find the right ways in which to speak with students.”

“The pardon is mine, Lady Rhea. I was the one who unnecessarily interrupted you in your peace and quiet.”

“To answer your previous question, I know that it is far too late to be waiting around for the Professor. In truth, I’m here—watching over him.”

“Watching over him? What for?”

“I realize it must look—unsettling to see me, the Archbishop, sitting in the middle of the night watching a professor’s room but I couldn’t stop my own instincts as a mother. I’ve heard from Jeralt that Byleth’s begun to experience dizzy and blackout spells suddenly in higher and higher frequencies. Jeralt brought it to my attention quite loudly in my office the other day going as far as to say it was my fault his son was wearing himself out. He had some—choice words saved up for me.”

“I—I don’t know what to say. Does Jeralt have no semblance of respect for you?”

Lady Rhea let out a small chuckle and gently shook her head.

“There’s no need to feel offended on my part. I understand completely where he is coming from precisely because of why I am sitting right here, right now. Has—Byleth spoken of his mother to you?”

“He has. On our way into town not too long ago he told me you’d told him her name, Sitri, and gone on to tell him a few stories. He mentioned she was quite frail and that she’d frequently fall—ill if she overexerted herself.”

“Yes. Sitri had always had such a frail body. She had frequent lapses of blackouts, fevers, colds, all kinds of symptoms of the sick even convulsions. Her heart had always been quite weak as well and so I made sure that she stayed within the bounds of the Monastery and that she was always accompanied with a Knight or bishop of the Church.

When she fell in love with Jeralt, a man who I trusted with my life, I knew she’d be well taken care of and cherished. I was happy to know that even with the limitations of her body she still wanted to live and experience all there was to life including starting a family with the man she loved.

She was not my daughter. We aren’t related by blood, lineage, or name but still—even then I could not help but fawn over her as if she was. I was the one who helped her give birth to Byleth—I’d held him for such a brief time, a few minutes, as she died looking on at him with a smile. Jeralt left after that—perhaps blaming me for her death and took Byleth with him. But…”

A small smile began to spread across her face and her eyes—they reminded me so much of my mother’s then. They were full with a kind of glow and warmth only a mother could hold when looking at her child. It seemed boundless and uncontainable. And it was all directed towards that small room where—maybe—Byleth slept dreaming of someone, dreaming of who he might love.

“But when I saw Byleth step past the gate of the Monastery, I felt my heart flutter so. It was like seeing his mother once again—the only part of her left in this world and I knew I had to do something to protect him. To shelter him in the way I had failed in her last moments to do for her.

When he began to have these spells, it also brought up memories of his mother in me and similar worries. No doubt Jeralt has thought the same. Our estrangement continues but—it does not stop me from looking at Byleth as if he were my grandchild. Someone Sitri would have entrusted to me. We are both in our own ways trying to watch over him.”

This is the most I had ever spoken with Lady Rhea and it was a side of her that was leaving me shocked and completely confused. Every encounter I’d had with her before she always seemed cold and calculating even severe in her reactions and decisions as Archbishop. But as she was sitting right here speaking to me, she seemed more like a simple woman. One who was anxious and unsure of how to protect someone she considered family who was left here by someone dear to her. She was tormented in a way similar to my own—a sense of inadequacy and inability to protect. And she seemed so so small in this moment sitting beside me on this bench.

“Do you have any ideas what might have started these spells?”

“Well—I do not have any definitive answers. I’ve been wondering myself what their cause could be. I’ve taken Jeralt’s concerns seriously and asked that Byleth’s duties be considerably reduced which Manuela and Hanneman were glad to pick up for him. It surely must be his body that’s developed the frailness but there has to be some agitator or stressor that’s causing him to show symptoms.”

It was difficult for me to help her in thinking of a cause. I’d been putting a lot of distance between Byleth and I so I haven’t seen him much outside of classes. The frustration and ineptitude I felt at the moment having only just heard of Byelth’s seemingly declining health also had me kicking myself. I’d spent all this time obsessing over strengthening myself and pushing him away in order to protect him and now that he needed me—I had no idea how I could help. Perhaps Dedue was right in scolding me…

“I’m not very helpful here either. I’ve only seen him during classes since I’ve been—busy.”

“Do not blame yourself. Byleth has tried denying that he’s in any way unwell. If it were up to him, he would surely struggle silently in order to save others having to worry or fret over him. In that way, it’s almost detrimental that he’s so like his mother. He puts the well-being of others over his own.”

Rhea then turned to look at me for the first time in our conversation and I was floored by the way her eyes seemed like his own. They were now shimmering—threatening to let loose some tears as she reached out with her hands and clutched my left one. I let out a small groan of discomfort and she pulled her hands away to find the slightly stained with blood.

It was a bit shameful to have my blood marring the white expanse of her own but before I could apologize she closed her eyes and let her hand cover my own. I saw a gentle green glow and felt a surge of warmth before she pulled her hand away and I saw the wounds left by the splinters free of blood and seemingly closed. She did the same for my other hand and then once again clutched my left hand with her two.

“I realize that he is your professor but—it would bring me much comfort if you were to watch over Byleth for me. My duties rarely provide me with much time to be or speak with him and likewise his father. Even if it is only during your classes, it would make me rest easy to know there were another pair of caring eyes looking out for him.”

I wanted to say no. There was no way I could confront him after the scene I’d made in town and after spending so much time ignoring him. He surely would have already noticed the distance I put between us and begun to resent or ignore me for it. Not to mention these—thoughts and imaginations I was having about him were nowhere near leaving my body or mind. In fact, they were only getting much worse. If I spent any more time with him even if it was only watching from a distance—ah. I’d be twisting our relationship with these sudden passions of mine.

But I was also—beyond worried.

I also had no way to reject her asking without coming off as dismissive to her concerns.

“I will—try my best to look out for me, Lady Rhea.”

She smiled and gave a slight nod of her head before she let go of me and stood up. She cast one last look at Byleth’s room.

“I appreciate it. At times like these—I am reminded of the time after I’d lost my mother. The sorrow and anguish that burned through my veins for the years and years after and even still. The heart lingers in its longing to deliver justice to the forces that take them away from us. We reach and reach into the depths of our memories to reassemble their likeness before we can forget them. Some long to move on. Some wallow in misery. But I—I,” she clenched her right hand, digging her nails into her skin before letting her hand uncurl, “I seem to be losing the thread of my thoughts. In the end, such loses are difficult to accept and I don’t think I have ever come to accept hers but that only makes what I must do now for Byleth that much more vital.”

She began to make her way up the path towards the training grounds with her back facing me. It was then that I felt a certain—chill begin to spill over the air around us. The hooting of the owls seemed to cease completely and even the trees stopped their rustling from the light and lazy night breeze. The hair on my arms stood on its ends as I felt this overwhelming need to run—anywhere that wasn’t here. But I couldn’t. My body was frozen in place as an invisible pressure seemed to crush out my instinct to run. I could only turn to look on at her back.

“If anyone or anything has become an obstacle for his well-being, then I’ll be happy to sweep them off the path he’s walking.”

She turned her head over her shoulder and a smile was still pulling at the corner of her mouth. The moonlight had stretched her shadow so that it seemed to span out like a wyvern’s wings behind her and her eyes held a menacing glint.

“Goodnight, Dimitri. Take care in your walk back to your quarters.”

With that, I watched as she rounded a corner and vanished from my sight.

I sat a bit stupefied on the bench. The unbearable pressure had disappeared and I felt my body rest easy again but my mind was not reassured in the least. Despite having asked me to look after him, it almost seemed like Lady Rhea had—threatened me specifically? Why else would she say such a thing when it was only the two of us? The sudden turn into animosity was—perplexing to say the very least. The stickiness of my own drying sweat was also not helping in encouraging me to linger on this as I stood up and began to make my way to my quarters for a change of clothes.

As I thought of warm water and sleep, Lady Rhea’s smile and glinting eyes remained ingrained in the back of my head every time that I dared to blink or close my eyes.

I was about to begin walking up the stairs to the baths and sauna when the sudden sound of a conversation had me stopping as my foot hit the first step.

“…you know why don’t I head on in with you? I could hold your hand in case you slip. Wash your back for you before you head in the water. Massage your head or back a bit maybe even your as—OW!”

I heard the loud echo of a slap and a slew of curses and mumbled complaints.

_Sylvain? But who is he speaking with?_

“Don’t push your luck. You’re lucky I let you keep up with these little games instead of complaining to Ingrid because if I did—wow. You’d probably need to say a little prayer to the Goddess.”

“Aw, Professor. You still hold up about the whole shorts business from last time? I was just giving you an innocent little compliment. Girls would beg for the attention that I’m giving you.”

“Yeah well—I guess I’m just not like other girls than huh.”  
“Exactly! I’ve messed around with so many girls already it gets real boring after a while. All they do is shower me with compliments and give me everything that I ask for. I bet they’d even lick the sole of my boots if I asked them to.

You on the other hand—I just say one syllable and your fist is already flying straight at my crotch. It’s like you already know what I’m gonna say and stop it with brute force!”

“It’s not particularly difficult to guess what an idiot might say.”

“Ouch. Goddess—that is what I’m talking about right there. You just freeze over the fire in my heart!”

I heard Byleth let out a sigh.

“What are you even doing out so late?”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you Professor?”

“Ugh—just buzz off to your quarters already before I drag you there by the balls.”

“Oh don’t threaten me with a good time Prof.”

I heard another loud smack and some more mumbled curses. The sound of boots hitting the floor echoed a bit before they suddenly stopped.

“Sylvain?”

“Yeah? Lonely and ready for attention already?”

“It’s true that some of those girls you mess around with might truly want you solely for your position as a noble who bears a crest. They might think they can slither their way into your arms and have you twirled around the tip of their finger. When they look at you, they see a slab of meat all ready for them to gorge on. Easy and well done. However, the opposite is also true.

I’ve no doubt some of those girls looked at you and when they saw you—their entire worlds seem to coalesce. Every wink and look and word wet from your lips had them wondering: what do I mean to him? Why does my heart beat like this? What do I—what do I do? Do I smile? Do I laugh? What does he think of me? You kickstarted their hearts into dreaming and thinking of a man for the first time.

And when you held them in your arms, your legs tangled up under sweaty sheets, their bodies became full of just you. They must’ve been so excited they couldn’t sleep even though you’d left them exhausted. Their toes were curled, they pressed themselves closer to your chest, their hair was splayed out like a cloud on your pillow. They thought: I am safe and warm and loved by him.”

“Professor where is this coming fr—”

“And in the morning when they woke up to a cold bed thinking you had business, things to attend to. When they were shining in the afterglow of their love for you, making sure their uniform was free of wrinkles and their hair tamed and well-kept. When they ran up to you, expecting a kiss like the one you’d shared with them in bed—and you turned and spat the taste of them out of your lips. As everyone watched them as they nervously pulled at their fingers and dress…

Maybe they thought: I’m nothing. I’m worthless.”

There was a loud and suffocating silence that stretched on from there. I couldn’t see Byleth but—I was struck by the way his voice wavered like a person on unsteady legs as he imagined what those girls must’ve felt after being played around with by Sylvain. There was an underlying heat—an anger that bubbled after each line he spoke so that even though his voice was quiet and collected—it seemed to ring out loudly between the two of them. It was like he knew each of those girls intimately and was angered on their behalf—like he’d been right there with them…

“You say the women around you are always after one thing. That you’re their victim and little plaything yet—here you are leaving empty bodies behind. How different then are you really—to the women that you imagine and create in your head?”

Again—the silence dragged on and on after Byleth had asked his question. It was difficult to keep myself put near the stairs wondering how the two of them were reacting. All I could do was imagine it inside my head and listen closely to what their voices and words betrayed. Imagine the way Byleth might be staring at Sylvain’s hung head.

“You’re really—one of a kind Professor. You cut straight through me—right through my bullshit.

Am I really that much of a scumbag? Do you hate me?”

“No. I don’t hate you. It’s because I care and worry about you that I have to call you out. I can’t pretend to like or agree or even understand how what you do to all those girls is justified. Your treatment of them no matter the reason is simply unforgiveable because I know that’s not who you really are.

I can’t begin to understand what burdens your crest and family name put on your shoulders but I know that none of it can excuse this. Whatever demons are following you—the accompanying fears and hatred—you have to face them and then choose how to let them go.”

I could hear Sylvain’s labored breathing. It was like he’d begun to struggle for air and he began to sputter out what sounded like coughs but in reality—I think they were sobs that he was trying desperately to quiet off.

“It’s—really lonely up there. When even your own brother tries to kill you because the worth of our lives is decided by some crap roll of chance.

When you grow up surrounded by people who think their very lives are worthless and meaningless because of your very existence. It just—it just—it just fucking eats you up. It ate me up. To know that I was always just a thing that could steal and give meaning and power and worth in everyone’s eyes.

It’s really lonely.”

Sylvain’s coughing sobs continued for a long while after. I imagined Byleth did what he had done for me all those nights ago in the baths. Let Sylvain rest his head on his chest or maybe his shoulder until the man could quiet his crying. That Byleth let the anguish roll over himself and sat their patiently with Sylvain right inside that seething and searing pain. That Byleth might be on the tips of his toes tentatively reaching up to run his boney fingers through the mop of red hair that belonged to my friend.

I’d never known Sylvain struggled so much with the burden of bearing a crest. The times his brother Miklan got close to almost killing him he’d usually wave it off and pass it as a joke—a prank gone somewhat wrong. Ingrid, Felix, and I had always assumed his frivolous behavior was a quirk in his usually considerate character. But to think it might be something more—deep-seated and difficult to overcome. It made me feel like a complete failure of a friend not to have noticed how much he’s suffered in silence like this and to not have confronted him so pointedly as Byleth had just done.

Sylvain eventually calmed down and I could hear some sniffling and a sudden laugh.

“I should play the dark and brooding noble some more if it lets me feel up your chest like this. Maybe next time you’ll comfort me by letting me massage those ass chee—ugh!”

“Correction. You might be a scumbag yet.”

I heard the sound of boots hitting the ground before the slam of a door echoed out above the curses and groans of Sylvain. I could hear his voice moving closer and decided to retreat a little bit aways back down the dormitory walkway. I could see the messy mop of Sylvain’s hair coming down the stairs and just as I saw him reach the end of them I acted as if I was just making my way toward him.

He was busy massaging his crotch before he noticed me and threw me a smile.

“Your Highness! What has you out so late past your bedtime? I’m surprised Dedue allowed you to be prancing around late at night. Don’t tell me your off playing in other people’s rooms…”

He trailed off and sent me a suggestive work as I rolled my eyes. I held up the change of clothes I had with me and I whacked him on the arm when I reached him.

“Wow—I’m seriously starting to think all of you are masochists. You guys just love unloading on me for the littlest things and watching me suffer. The Goddess would never condone such violence!”

“If the Goddess ever knew you like we do I’m sure she’d waste not even a second in unloading on you for getting flirty and handsy with her.”

“Ouch. You know but you’re not wrong. If all of the portraits and paintings of the Goddess are to be believed,” he let out a low whistle, “I’d be in the first pew during every prayer and choir at the cathedral. I’m sure she had some big rack on her—wow—little me is definitely agreeing with that. Yeah—big rack is definitely the way.”

He was holding his chin with one hand and nodding to himself with a smug smirk on his face. My cheeks began to flame up remembering the thread of my own thoughts when I was sat beside Lady Rhea and I began to sputter as I tried to scold this idiot.

“Goddess—you—you really don’t—have any sense of—dignity do you?”

He looked up and I felt myself tense up at the glimmer of mischief that began to color his eyes as he grabbed me around the neck and leaned on me.

“My my—is the virgin King really flustered with a bit of loose imagination? If you can’t handle this I’d hate to think of the poor time a woman who sleeps with you might have. You won’t even slip in before your sputtering all over her. Tsk tsk.”

“That—I’d never…”

He pinched the side of my cheek and I slapped his hand away.

“All flustered with a little talk of chest. What kind of chest do you like Dimitri? Ridiculously big that you can’t even hold them in your hands? Safe and average? Flat? Do you enjoy them as soft as pillows or do you like them as firm as a ball? Do you have more fun with nipples that are pink and proudly erect or ones that are sunk in and so shy you have to coax them out? Come on—man to man you gotta tell me, right?”

It felt like my entire face might get singed off by the embarrassing questions he was whispering in my ears. Worst of all—every question he asked had my mind circling back to—Byleth. That time in the baths—I hadn’t been able to see what his chest looked like. Flat maybe? No—as someone who was a mercenary and continued to fight I’d imagine his chest would be—huge in the sense that a man’s pec could be. Did they drop down when he removed his chest plate? Just a small little bounce down—maybe. His nipple—I didn’t know their color but I do remember how they felt grazing my collarbone—they were proud and perfectly erect peaks that got smothered down when they pressed up against me. And then—then—then—

Before I even knew what I was doing my hands flew up and slapped my face as I tried to hide my burning face. I could feel my penis beginning to press up against my uniform pants and I began to squirm nervously trying to get Sylvain to let go of me already before he ended up noticing and commentating on it. It was too late though—he leaned forward and let out a low whistle and a chuckle as he slapped me on the back.

“Man—your packing something serious down there. Is there anyone, in particular, your little Dimi is looking to break? Because with that thing—kinda feel sorry for whoever the poor girl you fancy is. It’s gonna be a looooooooong way down on that one.”

I finally shoved him off and gave him another hard punch to the shoulder that had him massaging it. I began to make my way towards the stairs and was just halfway up them when I heard him whistle at me. I leaned over the edge of the stairs to look at him and he gave another somehow fury inducing wink.

“Prof is the only one in there so don’t go swiping away at his innocence with your filthy mind.”

“I—I’d never!”

“You say that but—you’re still a man aren’t you? And—just between you and me—the Professor is awfully pretty for a man. To think of getting to see him—in the nude—right in his natural habitat. Oof.”

That little comment had me sending him a hard glare and he let out a laugh throwing his hands up in the air.

“Ok! Ok! I was just saying it so that you can control yourself while you’re in there. The Professor will probably flip a mental switch the minute he sees you’re in there with him and if you go in there carrying that penis locked and loaded? Geeze—I’ll send a little prayer for your future children.”

“Goodnight Sylvain.”

I finished heading up the stairs and entered the baths and sauna as he laughed to himself somewhere back behind me.

The minute I stepped in I could feel the warmth and humidity of the air weighing heavy in comparison to the light and crisp air outside. I had to be careful in here since the humidity made the floor slick with a thin sheen of water. I could feel myself beginning to burn up and immediately went to the changing room to strip myself down and leave my change of clothes for when I finally came out. I took a towel and wrapped it around my waist before making my way to the washing and shower room. I walked past the door frame and in front of me was a low wall that blocked any view of the bottom half of the row of showers if you weren’t already inside the room. Candles flickered from small chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and candle holders that ran along the walls giving everything a very intimate and warm red hue alongside the heavy steam that floated around making it hard to make things out from time to time. I could hear a shower running and the light sound of someone humming and a sudden realization hit me…

_Byleth is in here! I mean of course he would be Sylvain had warned me about it and I still just waltzed in without a second thought. Goddess—I dig my own grave._

I stood there completely stupefied about what I’d do. Just go into a shower further away from his to avoid him? No. He’d surely realize once he comes out that someone else is here and I’d still run into him in the baths most likely. There was really no way for me to avoid running into him unless I just left and returned to my room. But that wasn’t really an option, considering how disgusting my body felt at the moment. I’d just have to suck it up and go wash my body off already.

I made to walk back up along the wall to the left since the shower I heard came from the right side of the running row of showers but—something had me lingering in the middle.

I hadn’t spoken or seen him alone in such a long while and to think he was—so close and standing just over there naked with water falling over him. I began to walk inch by inch to the right down the small wall as the soft patter of the water seemed to ring around inside my head. His humming—it pulled me further and further along like I was tied on some kind of invisible string and my heart began its usual lurching like it was drunk on the memory of him. The closer I got the hotter my skin seemed to burn and I felt myself getting harder and harder until my penis was angrily and uncomfortably pushing against the towel around my waist. I was one shower away from reaching his when I realized he wasn’t humming—he was softly singing a song I’d often heard women singing at the tavern in town.

“ _Wonder where the wandering man went / who left his scent tucked between my thighs. / Wonder where the wandering man went / who left sweet nothings splayed out on my chest, along my back, around the rim of my eyes._

_He don’t come around here anymore. / He doesn’t spare me half a glance. / But I revel in the memory of his shape, / the way he kissed and pressed deep into my spine, the valley of my hips._

_He don’t come around here anymore. / He doesn’t spare me half a glance. / And in the depth of my nights my fingers follow his path, / as I cry and I long with a tear on my lash.”_

The lyrics alone were setting me off even more as I looked over to his shower felt all of my blood rush down south.

Byleth was turned away from me facing the wall. Suds of soap were all over him collecting in small little piles on top of his porcelain white skin. The ident of his back was deep and sharp as it ran and ran until it trailed off into his ass. His waist was small and flared out when you went down to his hips giving him a slim, hourglass shape as the two globes of his ass sat large and round further down. The water was rushing down and dripping off the bottom curve of them and trailing further around to the bulging muscle of his thighs.

I could feel my penis pulsing now as I took the sight before me in and felt my breath become pants as my fingers began to twitch. I fiddled with the edge of my towel before against my better judgment I let it go and my penis bounced up and slapped against my stomach. My hand reached tentatively down as I gripped myself and used my thumb to press right on my penis’ pink, angry head. I kept rubbing circles around it not being able to tear my eyes away from the droplets of water that traced the many valleys and grooves of his body desperately—almost foolishly jealous of them, wanting to replace them with my own fingers instead.

He turned slightly to the side and despite the panic that momentarily rushed through my veins I began to stroke slowly at the length of my penis. I wanted to take it in. Have this moment to ingrain the memory of his shape into my mind.

Those pink nipples that rose up like summits to the round and large curve of his pecs. The barely-there trail of hair that meandered from his navel to the small bush above his penis. The hill of his ass as it curved and lead to his thighs. His penis’ head that was hidden from my sight by a fold of skin and curled compactly between his legs.

I looked down at my own penis for a moment. Watching the veins that bulged out all along its length. I pulled and tugged at it harder feeling small droplets of pre-cum begin to drip out of its head. I grabbed it at the base and slapped it against my stomach, groaning at the way it vibrated with each impact.

In the stupor of my heat, I remembered the way that Byleth had scolded Sylvain for what he had done to the girls he played with as if he had been through what those girls had. Had been in a—relationship with a man before? Was he—experienced? Was he used to having another man sleeping beside him? Had someone already—buried themselves deep inside him and felt the warm grip of his insides? My mind trailed in this line of imagination as I was both excited and angered by the idea. That Byleth had the memory of someone else's body molded inside him. That he had bitten and kissed and marked already several and several times on that shimmering white skin. That he’d gripped down on a man’s back with his nails and sat on top of them while he slid down their length. That he’d cried out uncontrollable in the heat and throws of his own passions and maybe even—screamed out for more and more and more.

I grabbed my penis with both hands and began to thrust senselessly into them. I could feel a warm heat warming my balls and spreading up along y shaft as I returned my gaze to Byleth’s body and—

He was turned with his back towards me again. The suds of soap had already been washed off and now—I could hear soft moans echoing from the shower. I had no idea what he was doing now but his right hand was moving ever so slightly and I began to imagine how he might be using it to stroke his own penis. How did it look when it was fully hard? Was it smaller than mine, the same, or bigger? Was it veiny or smooth? Was it thin or thick? I stepped forward without thinking until the head of my penis was rubbing against the cold tile of the wall and I let out a groan at the sensation of heat and cold.

I wanted desperately to jump over this stupid little wall. To rush over and press my back against his. To let my penis slip and slide between the valley of his ass. To let it poke and circle the rim and center of his hole. To plunge inside of him and feel how he wrapped around me. I wanted to—so badly.

His left hand then moved along his left side until it reached his left ass cheek. He gripped the immense mound but his small hand couldn’t quite grab all of it and you could see how it sagged with heaviness outside his grip and bounced back into place. He kept up massaging and grabbing his ass until he brought his hand up towards his face. I was slightly confused as to why he’d done that until I saw it—the string of shimmering saliva that followed his now wet fingers as they dived in between his ass. His moans became more intense as he rubbed and prodded at his hole—teasing himself painfully.

It was painful to watch as is but—then I saw one of his fingers sink into his hole and I—I felt my penis twitch and jerk violently against my two hands.

The warmth that was crawling up my shaft began to burn at my tip and my pants became low and deep groans as I sped up my thrusts making them violent enough so that the small slap of my hips against my clutched hands began to echo out. I rubbed and rubbed at the tip with my thumbs feeling the pre-cum that was now dripped from its head. My entire body was trembling now in excitement as I watched Byleth work the finger in and out of himself feeling myself trying to lean over the wall to get a closer look at it. To see how his hole stretched out. To catch a peek of his pink and red insides. And then—

I watched as Byleth slipped in a second finger and felt the hairs on my hand stand on their ends when he let out a loud, high-pitched moan. The warmth at the tip of my head was now searing and burning as I felt my penis violently pulse from my balls at the way to my tip. It burned and pulsed as the head kept bumping against the cool tile in front of it until I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked down and saw as my semen burst out, flying forward and splattering against the wall. My penis kept pulsing and pulsing as string after string of white went flying. I watched it drip and slide down the tiles. I could only breathe in short pants as I kept tugging and tugging at my shaft. The lingering heat kept going and my head felt light and dizzy.

I gripped myself at the base and gave my penis a few slaps on my stomach.

“Dimitri?”

My head lazily rose up at the sound of Byleth’s meek and quiet voice. His face was flushed red and his eyes were wide and facing down. A towel was now hiding his bottom half from view and I felt an immense sense of disappointment before the stupor of my heat began to slowly lift and I realized what I’d just been caught doing.

“I—I—I—uh—”

I unconsciously took a step back but felt the heel of my foot slip. I went crashing down and my head hit straight onto the tiled floor. I could see stars in my eyes and felt my vision blackout.

When I fluttered my eyes open, I saw Byleth kneeled down at my feet staring rather intensely at the still dripping tip of my penis. A painful sense of shame came over me and I covered my face with both of my hands as I let out a groan.

“Byleth—I’m sorry—its its ah—shit—I’m—”

I felt a touch on my leg and peeked over through the gaps in my fingers to see him now kneeled between my legs, a hand on the bone of my hip. He kept staring at my shaft as it pulsated—still hard—and semen was still dripping down from the tip. My nerves were on their ends as I felt my breath begin to turn back to a pant. And then…

I watched him and felt him grip me at the base of my penis with his hand. His mouth leaned forward and done as I felt his breath tickle my head. I saw his pink tongue flick out as he licked at my still wet and dripping tip. And then he turned his face to look at me, used his free hand to pull his hair away from his face, and swallowed my penis going all the way down to the base all the while still looking directly at me with his ocean blue eyes. The warmth of his mouth—it was unbearable and my dick began to pulse painfully again. I watched him go up and down as his cheeks stretched out every time he rubbed my penis around and pushed my tip against the inside of his cheeks. He went down on me one last time, holding himself there as he gagged slightly before letting go of me with a loud pop.

He gave a small kiss to my flared head and I wanted to die as I closed my eyes. In that moment, I just wanted the earth to swallow me whole.

 _I jacked off to him. I was sneaking glances at him in the shower and stained the wall with myself. He—he saw me! He saw me with my penis dripping in semen._ “Dimitri.” _I was caught in the act and then—he swallowed me all the way down!_ “Dimitri.” _He sucked on it and—Goddess—he licked me clean! He really—tasted it without even—_ “Dimitri!”

His voice brought me back but my head was pounding painfully. I tried opening my eyes but for some reason, they were much heavier than a second ago and I had to take my time fluttering them open as I saw a dripping, half nude Byleth with his face right over mine looking down at me with concern.

I immediately bolted up and slammed both our foreheads together and he fell a bit backward as we both let out a groan.

“Are you—okay now? You slipped really hard and slammed your head. You even blacked out on me a couple of minutes there.”

“I blacked out?”

“Yeah. You didn’t notice?”

I glanced at my lap and—sure enough—my penis lay their limp against my thigh with a pool of semen around the tip and more now dried along the shaft. Which means…

_Everything I thought I saw just now—him licking me clean was—all in my head—Goddess!_

I felt the tip of my ears burn bright red as I turned over to him only to see him avoid eye contact. He had one hand playing with the edge of the towel wrapped around his waist while the other was busy twirling the end of a wet strand of hair. My eyes fell down to his chest and I couldn’t help the pulse of life that went through my penis as I saw his nipples standing erect on his large pecs. My fingers twitched.

I really wanted to touch them. I wanted to marvel in them the way Sylvain marveled at the chest of women.

“I—I—how long—um—were you exactly—watching me?”

My eyes pulled back up to his flushed face and I had to blink a few times before my sense of shame returned to me.

“Oh—ah—I wasn’t…”

I caught the lie right as it left my mouth.

I remembered Dedue’s words earlier. As I sat in front of Byleth with all sorts of worries and passions bubbling in the pit of my stomach. As I had him right here, right now watching me with half-lid eyes and a blush on his cheeks. Would I really let him go just like that? Would I listen to those dead voices pretending to be mother, father, Glenn? Asking me to spill blood and forsake happiness?

He was right here. This man that wasn’t a corpse. This man that set my heart sputtering with just a smile. That didn’t let me go when I lost myself in rage or fear or sadness. That invaded my thoughts and imaginations with his body. That had me wondering and wondering what on earth I’d do—now that I was here ready to burst, burst with this warmth and longing. This man that I couldn’t pretend to deny anymore was real and warm and as he sat here dripping wet in front of me I—

Before I could even think I reached out and pulled Byleth by the neck and pressed our lips into a kiss. His lips were soft. I prodded with my tongue a bit until I felt him very slowly open his mouth. He returned the peck, touching my tongue with his own as I felt his hand grab the back of my hair. I welcomed the invitation and continued to explore his mouth running my tongue along the rim of his lip, along his teeth, and the roof of his mouth. I pulled back and watched him as he looked at me with a glimmer in his eyes and a small tent poking in his towel. I went to go for another kiss when he suddenly bolted up.

He let out a yelp as he started to slip and flailed around before steadying himself. He looked at me with a bit of panic in his eyes and I stood up to walk towards him.

“Byleth…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to ask for forgiveness for—anything that happened here. I’ll just—I’ll just get going. Goodnight.”

And before I could say anything in reply he disappeared past the frame of the door.

“Crap!”

I hit myself on the thigh thinking, as the slap echoed through the showers, that Sylvain had been completely right. I wasn’t at all able to hold myself back at the sight of Byleth naked and alone with me. I’d even gone and watched him to get myself off without his consent or him knowing.

I groaned and scratched at the back of my neck making my way into one of the showers and turning a knob so the water could start running.

As I stood there letting the water wash over me, I couldn’t help but touch my lips. They were still tingling and burning from our kiss. My penis was flaring back to life as I remembered the way he’d pulled at my hair even just for a second to return it. My fingers still tingling and greedy for a chance to squeeze his chest and his ass with both my hands. Even as I massaged my head and felt the angry bump from my fall, I could remember the sight of him—imagined as it was—between my legs taking me greedily into my mouth. Basking in a taste of me that left me wanting to have a taste of him.

I leaned against the wall and groaned out in frustration as my dick stood once again proud and tall.

I knew perhaps it wasn’t the best choice but—I didn’t regret any of what I’d done. I’d spent long enough pretending to hide my reaction, my feelings, the way my body pushed and pulled me towards him that I was happy that I was caught—that Byleth had seen me and responded to me as a man and not a student. I was ready and longing to do it. Fill up his body with the memory of me and I wanted to stay inside him molding and molding him as he did the same to me. My penis and heart pulsed at the idea of it.

As I stood there letting the water wash over my sizzling skin, I plotted on ways to nudge myself deeper and deeper inside him. Ways in which I could keep making him consider and look at me as a man. Ways in which I could make him fall for me until he spent his nights tracing the memory of my fingers on his body until he realized it could never be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the slow in uploading. I'm starting my senior year of college so it might take me more time to upload chapters, especially around finals, and they might become shorter. 
> 
> Aside from that, ahhhhh it's my first time writing a smutty scene like this Dimitri x Byleth one so I hope it's sexy and steamy enough :) Dimitri's finally trying to get this ball rolling now!
> 
> You also get to see a bit of Rhea who, like I've mentioned before, I want to explore more fully especially her relationship between Jeralt and Byleth. Given her tenacity and the pain of losing her mother and who Byleth is it makes sense she'd fawn over him and obsess over protecting him. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and dropping comments. Be kind, stay safe, and try to have fun y'all!


	6. Imaginations and Unease

My heart—it felt like it might fall out of my chest at any minute.

I was almost running down the stairs back to my room after leaving the baths. I’d rushed to the changing room and just threw on what I usually wear to sleep. I didn’t even dry my hair. I could feel the drops of water dripping down onto my shirt and the sharp bite of the night air as my head got ridiculously cold.

My ears were still burning at the tips and—I pressed a finger to my lips as the tingling sensation lingered and lingered and I couldn’t help but remember him. The way he’d just pulled me into it. Him splayed out on the floor—naked with everything showing. His abs and his chest and his—his—

I climbed up the stairs to my room, opened the door, and slammed it closed as I threw myself into my bed, shoving my face into my pillow before letting out a muffled scream.

_Why did I stare at it for so long? I should’ve left the minute he woke up!_

It’s just that—when I turned around…

I saw him standing there panting and was immediately mortified. Had he seen me? When I was—messing around with myself? I became mortified by the shame of having one of my students see me doing something so—so—I don’t know in a public bath! I tried calling out to him but he was completely spaced out looking at something below the separating wall in the baths and when I walked over to see if he was fine I—I—I saw it.

His penis was pulsing as he slapped it against his stomach. The head was a slightly angry red and it was dripping—semen out. White strings of it were slowly running down the side of his shaft. A heat began to spread across my own body and I felt myself become almost light headed at the sight. He was—unbelievably big in comparison to a lot of the men I’d seen and my hole which was still a bit gapping twitched as I watched him stumble back and hit his head.

_Shit. Stop remembering it so much!_

I rolled over and stared at the ceiling of my room for a bit.

My hair was heavy and I could feel it dampening the pillow beneath me. The moonlight was coming in through my window at a slant that made it look almost like a spotlight or beam. I could hear the distant hooting of the owls that made their home around and within the monastery but the calm ambience of the night seemed to unsettle and frustrate me even more.

Because my body wasn’t at all calm. My skin felt like it was almost on fire and the tips of my ears refused to cease their burning as I rolled around in my bed trying to find a comfortable position to lay in as I gave up on the idea of sleeping under my covers. The chill in the air did nothing to bite into the warmth that was bubbling around inside my belly and crotch. My mind kept returning and returning to me kneeling beside him watching his penis pulse and pulse only a arm stretch away. I pulled at my hair and turned on my side facing towards my desk and my eyes widened a bit at the silver canister that stood right on the edge of it.

I groaned out and threw my head back onto my pillow remembering when Manuela had slipped its small silver body into my hands as I finished locking up.

_“What’s this?”_

_“That right there is a little self-care item for the lonely and needy.”_

_“A self-care item? For the lonely and needy,” I rolled it along my palm and eyed it questioningly, “What is it actually?”_

_“A lotion made by yours truly. It took me a while to get the right combination of natural ingredients that wouldn’t cause a bad skin or internal reaction but I am a medical expert. The body is my forte and this little baby has helped me and my fingers make it through the countless heartbreaks and rejections and no shows that I’ve endured the past couple of years._

_Just lather some on your hole and a bit on your fingers and your off! You can totally go to town on yourself without worr—”_

_“Wait wait wait wait! I—why are you giving me this Manuela?”_

_She sent me a smile smirk as she placed her hands on her hips._

_“I saw you eyeing up the men at the tavern during our last night out on the town. You were really eating up the tall blacksmith who was sitting at the bar and ohhhhhhh I approve of your taste in men! He was big and bulky and had that ‘I’m just out of work and tired’ dirty look to him. Those men are always the best in bed—in my opinion. They’re always real pent up and they really give it to you with no mercy. Talk about real men._

_He was eyeing you up too—by the way—so I figured as your experienced lady friend I should help you out. First times can be real painful especially if you’re not used to taking men in or you’re not used to bigger men. So—I thought before we came back to the tavern you should—you know—do a little of prep just—in case.”_

_I had blushed a bit then. I hadn’t realized I’d been so blatant with my likings and immediately wanted to spontaneously combust._

_I again glanced at the small silver body of the canister and watched the candlelight flicker in its opaque reflection before groaning and stretching my hand out to give it back to her._

_“This is only a waste of time Manuela. It’s impossible to find a man that’d be interested in me. I’m sure he just noticed my weird stares and got a bit freaked out by them.”_

_“Ah ah. I will not have you degrading your beauty or sex appeal like this. I’ve seen every kind of man under the sun. I know by the glimmer of their eyes when they’re ripping off your clothes in their minds. When they straighten up as you walk in, sticking out their chest so that you can peek through the single unbuttoned collar in their shirt because they want you to notice the forest of hair they got there and wonder if it goes all the way south. Acknowledge them as men, suitors for your bed. I’ve been around the block and then some._

_I also know that you’re looking for it too. Someone to leave their shape inside you. It’s this uncontrollable and magnetic need to be filled up with warmth. To be completely undone and unraveled and left desperate for more. To be smothered under a man’s weight and then be lifted above the clouds by their whispers and kisses._

_I remember my first time and—let me tell you it was absolute shit. He went in without so much the courtesy to at least kiss me and distract me from the unbearable pain. It felt like I was being ripped open. I even ended up bleeding quite a bit and was mortified about the whole experience. Sex can be like that. Scary, painful, and traumatizing but…”_

_She grabbed my hands and closed them so that I was holding the canister in between both my palms and she sent me a small smile._

_“…it can also be incredible and thrilling and mind boggling delicious. But you have to explore your body for yourself, see the limits of it, where your good spots are, and as a time to reflect on if you’re ready to do it with another man. I wish I’d had someone to talk to me about these things before but—we have each other now right? I just want to make sure you enjoy yourself and also stay safe.”_

_I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my lips and the warmth that burned bright inside my heart._

_It was true that I had always wanted to—feel what it felt like to lay in the arms of a man even if it was for a single night. But in dad’s mercenary company I had no interest in hooking up with fellow coworkers, I was always busy, and I didn’t have anyone to talk about these feelings and desires especially not my dad. Just the idea of having this conversation with him instead of Manuela was enough to make me want to jump of the cathedral bridge._

_I appreciated Manuela’s openness, her ability to just inhabit her sexuality and sex appeal with every step she took without being ashamed of it. There was no shame in sex, she would always say, because the Goddess had created us to be warm, inviting, and beautifully fragile. Our bodies were places of celebration and love at its most distilled and complex. “Why deny the longing? Why hide it behind some thin sense of shame? People hurt themselves and let their bodies rot away without every knowing passion or become pricks who police others cause they cannot acknowledge the needs and desires of their own bodies themselves,” she’d often say as the women in the tavern or Monastery gave her glares and sneers as we walked or drank together._

_It was—nice. Having a friend like her. That even despite our age difference we were somehow inseparable and comfortable and real with each other._

_I felt a few tears begin to well up in my eyes but I blinked them away as I sent her my own smile and held the silver canister tightly in my hands._

Now the silver canister twinkled invitingly under the moonlight as I turned to gaze at it.

I threw my feet on the floor and walked over to my desk. I grabbed it and held it in my palm, turning it around to get a better look at it. It was a simple silver metal that held no kind of engraving or marking that told you what it was or what it was supposed to be used for. There was a lid with a small handle covering it and when I went to pull it—the smell of vanilla wafted up into my nose. The canister was full almost to the rim with a white lotion that looked almost like butter and when I grazed the smooth top of it with my finger and rubbed it between my fingers it slowly melted away into my skin.

I bit my lips as the tingling continued to linger on them and my body seemed to flare up even more with heat as I began to consider it. Using the lotion to try and stamp out this frustration and calm myself down a bit.

_Ah—screw it. It might help distract me from what happened earlier to deal with it myself._

I took off my shoes and socks, setting them on top of my desk chair. I pulled my shirt over my head and slipped out of my sleeping bottoms and folded them neatly on my chair. I walked over with only my underwear and went to lay on my bed before I slipped them off so that I was completely nude. My penis flopped out still slightly hard from—earlier and I shook my head a bit violently before scooping up a bit of the lotion from the canister and setting it beside me to my right.

I dragged my lotion covered hands down the length of it and gave it a good tuck as it became slippery and slick. The pale foreskin pulled back with my hand and the head of my penis peaked out as the skin pulled further back and I let out a moan at the nice tingle the tugging skin left on me. The lotion had a slight chill at first but quickly became warm as it heated up along my now fully erect length. I was moving my hand up and down myself in a fist shape and the wet sound of my penis moving through my closed fingers had me slightly flushing in embarrassment.

I was beginning to get lightheaded. I began to thrust my hips upward to meet my hand and the hard slaps began to ring and echo inside my ear. I reached up to my chest with my left hand and began to flick the small peaks of my nipples alternating between the two. With every small flick one of my fingers did, a fuzzy tingle spread out across my chest and my penis throbbed at the sensation. I then used my thumb to knead them and I watched as they slowly slipped under the weight of it. I stopped and dipped my left fingers into the canister so that I could come back and massage them using the lotion and my toes curled at the sudden change between cool and warm as they became slick and slippery.

I could feel a warmth begin to pool in my balls and slowly begin to crawl up the length of my penis. I moans seemed loud and I felt like they echoed out in a quick and sharp melody alongside the sound of myself thrusting through the fist of my right hand. The air around me had become just as bright and burning under the moonlight as my hips pushed me further and further until it felt like I could almost fly up and above the bed. Pre-cum was now gushing up at my tip and I used my thumb to gentle squish and run over it. My foreskin and nipples were already adding to the heat that roaming around my body and messing around with the sensitive tip of my penis was pushing the throbbing warmth in my dick almost over the edge.

I felt the tingling rush forth almost to my tip but I uncurled my fist and let my penis flop against my stomach with a loud plop as it throbbed and twitched right underneath my belly button. My still wet hair was falling down in front of my eyes as I panted and tried to catch my breath a bit.

It had been forever since I’d done this. My body was still unbelievably hot and bothered but I could at the very least sense a mellowness in my mind now that I was taking care of myself. I guess there was a lot of truth in Manuela calling the lotion a self-care item.

I glanced down at my stomach and saw a string of pre-cum oozing out of my tip and pooling there. I bit my lip and pulled my legs up and apart and reached over to scrap up another bit of lotion with my right hand. My hand followed my eyes past my throbbing penis and I reached down between my thighs as I touched my fingers against my twitching hole.

The sudden feeling of the cool lotion made me jump a bit before I began to massage the lotion on and around my hole. I drew circles around the muscle of the opening and pressed a finger teasingly in the middle feeling just the tip almost enter. I was still a bit loose from earlier but—I wanted to push myself a bit further by using the lotion. My eyes were hooded—almost half closed as I tried to imagine what I’d look like. Taking a finger in. Then another. Maybe three. Would I be able to find and reach my good spots alone? Would I be satisfied with the memory of my fingers alone? Or would this set me more off down wanting—no—needing to feel a man hold me close? Would I not be satisfied without having a man leave the shape of himself inside me? I pressed and pressed at my entrance desperately wanting to know.

I reached up to grab some more lotion and rubbed it along the length of my right fingers with my left hand before reaching back down. I pressed a finger against my hole and placed a bit more force into it and felt the tip pop in and begin to sink deeper and deeper inside me. I let it slide in until I could feel it stop at the knuckle. My insides twitched and gripped hard at my finger as I felt the searing warmth wrapped around it. I waited a few minutes like that before I began to pull out my finger until just the tip was in and then slide it right back to the knuckle. I did this a few times as I pressed around trying to find the right place. I arched my finger up towards my belly and pressed and I let out a low and loud moan as I pushed my hips up off the bed.

_I found it_.

I pulled my finger in and out continuing to press and hit right on the spot. I began to get unsatisfied with the slow jabs and started to put more force and speed into my finger. I could hear the loud slap of my knuckle as I slammed my finger in—smashing against the spot so violently that warm tingles began to throb inside of my ass and I could swear to see stars in my eyes. I circled another finger around the edge of my twitching hole and slowed my thrusting finger enough to begin to squeeze in the second finger. It had already felt tight before but now my insides gripped violently at my two fingers and twitched and twitched around them.

There was a bit of throbbing pain around the opening of my hole as it got adjusted to the two fingers. It didn’t take away though from the immense pleasure and thrill I felt in my heart and penis at the sensation of having something inside me even if it was just my fingers. My penis throbbed against my stomach and I gripped it in my left hand giving it a good tug. The sensation had my hole twitching and I began to work on myself—tugging my foreskin up and down my length as I left my two fingers in to get use to the size of the space they were opening.

As I felt the throbbing around my hole numb, I began to move my two fingers slowly, in and out, while continuing to work my left hand on myself.

I sped up my fingers and started slamming them in. The lotion had made my fingers and hole so slick that the thrusting made wet squelching noises. That sound and the sound of my hand tugging hard at my penis joined up in one loud chorus of moans and cries as I began to feel the same warmth of earlier crawl around inside me. My head was somewhere lost against the white cloud of my pillow. It felt incredible. Having something buried inside me was thrilling and satisfying enough to scratch that hot and frustrating itch I’d felt since the baths. But…

I couldn’t help but feel that it still wasn’t enough.

My fingers were spreading me open but I knew I could be spread open further. My insides gripped and twitched around the length of my fingers but I knew I wanted to be gripping and pulling another man’s penis. I was hitting that spot inside my hole that made my toes curl but I knew a man who was big enough could be railing even harder and faster against it until I was close to losing my mind.

I was already imagining it. The veins that would be popping out of pale skin. The angry pink head that was exposed without foreskin. Its throbbing and huge size. The curve of it that would have my hole twitching at its sight. The loads and loads of semen that was pent up inside it—ready to just explode right here, right inside. The way it would pop out—my hole greedily trying to grip and keep it in—and leave me gaping and leaking as I looked at him for more. As I looked to him to keep pounding inside of me until I couldn’t possibly forget his shape, his scent, the face he made when he let it all out inside me.

I could feel my back arc off the bed as the tip of my penis felt ready to burst. My fingers were now thrusting in sync with the motion of my hand as I began to remember him. Splayed out on the tiles of the bath. His penis throbbing and half-hard against the abs of his stomach. The tingle of his kiss that flared up right as I opened my mouth to cry.

“Di—Dim—Dimi—Dimitri!!”

Right as I slammed my two fingers right deep inside me and I watched as string after string of semen spurted out of my tip and landed warm on my chest and face and stomach and hip. My arched back slammed back down onto my bed with a loud creak and I sat there for a few minutes—caught inside a bubble of warmth and heat that I couldn’t come down from.

My two fingers slowly but surely slid and slid until I heard and felt the loud pop of them falling out. My hole twitched and spasmed as I lay there under the sound of my heavy breathing, the hooting owls, and the rustling of trees. My mind was slowly coming back down and as I felt the cold finally begin to break past the dulling bubble of warmth around me my eyes widened. I slapped my hands against my face—semen smothering around on my skin—as I let out a groan.

_Crap. I am the absolute worst._

The Monastery was incredibly crowded today. There were quite a few pilgrims walking around for a week day and in response there were also many more Knights patrolling the crowds as I walked past the Knights Hall and Quarters and made my way through the reception hall. I had to do a fair bit of elbow pushing as the usually large and open space was now a mass of students, faculty, Knights, pilgrims, and clergy all trying to move in different directions. It was even harder to walk when I had a stack of magic tomes to carry in both my arms.

Since the Monastery was crowded and the day was nice, I had taken our field magic class out into the open meadow just below the Monastery town near the edge of the forest. We were reviewing optimal times for mages and clerics to use their magic to assist physical units in battle and doing a few practice battles to also work on strengthening the potency of their spells and improving their aim. For the Lions that were not adept at magic, I’d left them with their own review of weapon maneuvers and defensive stances that they were working on in pairs.

It was nice to get to practice these things in the open air from time to time so they’d get used to having to take into account weather conditions and terrain in how they choose to use mounts, weapons, and magic. Well—the class would have been enjoyable…

But the entire time I was walking around advising the mages and clerics, I could feel and see Dimitri’s eyes following me. They seemed to be burning holes into my clothes as I tried my best to focus on instruction and I felt the heat from that night rekindle itself underneath my skin. I could hardly speak to a student normally without sputtering around as images and thoughts flooded my mind and I remembered what I ended up doing after I’d gotten back to my room. It was incredibly, painfully awkward to know that I’d seen the penis of one of my students and then while masturbating I ended up fingering myself while thinking of him.

I ended up bolting out of there the minute the class had ended even as students asked if I needed any help returning the tomes to the library. Not wanting to give Dimitri a chance to catch me I politely declined the help and tailed it over here. But now my arms were begin to ache and burn slightly, sagging a bit lower as I was nudged around and felt the books slightly slip along my fingers. The tomes stacked up from my waist to at least my chest and the effort of holding them was beginning to shorten my breath.

I could see the door of the reception hall facing the cathedral bridge in sight and let out a relieved sigh as I began to push myself through the sea of bodies a bit more forcefully. I was turning the corner towards the stairs when I felt my left boot get caught under someone’s foot. Before I could react, I’d already stepped forward with my right and felt my footing slip. Instinctually—my arms came forward to shield my face from the sudden fall and I heard the tomes slam down into the ground. But before I could slam into the floor myself, I felt someone’s arms loop under my arm pits and stop me halfway from the floor.

I stayed there for a few minutes. My eyes were wide open in shock as I stared at the mess of tomes on the ground and was surprised my face I hadn’t joined them down there. I shook my head and brought my knees to the floor so I was at the very least kneeling instead of half levitating off the floor. But that only made it even more awkward, the person above me hadn’t unhooked their arms so now it looked like I was almost in a fetal position before them.

I finally looked up—cheeks burning as the people around turned to glance and whispered—and found an older looking man looking down at me. He had robes that were similar to the bishops in the clergy but his were instead patterned in black and red. His hair was quite long and managed to fall down below his shoulders—his eyes a warm and light hazel.

I smiled.

“Ah—thank you. You’ve saved me quite a bit of embarrassment. I can’t imagine how people would be looking at me if I was face first in the ground.”

He didn’t respond.

His eyes remained focused on my face. It looked like he was searching for something. His lips quivered a bit like he was on the verge of speaking before they stopped and he continued to simply look. My skin was beginning to crawl a bit and my knees were beginning to tremble in this really awkward position.

“Do you mind terrible if—you could pull me up?”

He seemed to snap out of it and nodded his head quickly.

“Oh—yes, yes! I’m quite sorry,” he pulled his arms from under my armpits and pulled me up by the hand, “it’s just that—I was floored momentarily by your beauty. You’re—truly her son.”

“Her son? Are you speaking of my mother?”

“Yes. I knew both your mother and father during the time they lived here in the monastery until—well…”

He trailed off a bit there. His voice slightly trembling.

“…well when she departed from this world. I knew your mother for far longer though. We practically grew up here together in the Monastery when I was just in training as a member of the clergy for the Church of Seiros. I watched her hone her abilities in white magic and eventually excel in them despite her health. She spent most of her time as an assistant nurse in the infirmary after she’d begged Rhea to at least let her do that much. I was actually there to vouch for her when she built up the courage to ask Rhea.”

I gave him another once over before an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach.

_Dad never mentioned a friend of mom before and neither had Rhea in our talks with each other. He could totally be telling the truth but…given the situation in the Monastery right now and my run in with Tomas…I wasn’t really in a place to trust random old men who wanted to monologue like they knew me._

I gave him a small, forced smile as I bent down to begin to collect the tomes back into my hands.

“Ah—I never knew mother had such a close friend. Father and Rhea never mentioned anyone to me but it was nice to meet you. I would love to talk more but—I’m just back from a class and in the middle of returning these tomes to the library,” I finished placing the last tome right on top of the stack and bowed my head towards him,” Thank you again for saving me from that nasty fall. Hopefully, we se—”

“Let me help!,” he reached forward and took half of the stack before I could even refute the offer,” I—realize that I might be overstepping my bounds here but I—want to take this chance while I’m here at the Monastery to talk to you. I heard that the child of the former captain of the Knights, Sitri’s child, was working as a professor in the Academy and well—I had to see for myself.”

He seemed anxious to hear of my approval. His words rushed out as if he were on some sort of time crunch and—though I’d like to say I felt bad for him and decided to let him help me—the reality was that I was getting annoyed by how many people seemed to be listening in and watching us talk. I let out a sigh just under my breath as I nodded and began to make my way up the staircase. I could hear his own steps following behind me and the minute we reached the second floor, which was empty save for faculty, he pressed almost shoulder to shoulder with me in order to walk right beside me.

I wanted to ask him to please give me space now that there was more room but it would just send us off down an awkward interaction. I kept my mouth shut and resigned myself to his company. Besides—the minute we dropped these tomes I’d just make the excuse that I really needed to get to my office to work on paperwork or maybe I’d run into Manuela. She’d surely see my distress and save me.

“I use to help your mother when she needed to return medical books and tomes. She was far too weak to carry anything more than a single book so I often carried them for her. They’d stack up just as high as you had them and she’d practically disappear from my sight. She was that small. With you though,” I could see him staring up at me with a gleam in his eyes I couldn’t quite make out that had my skin crawling, “your much taller than her. I can really appreciate the beauty your mother gifted to you.”

Ok—although I’m sure he meant these things as compliments his stare combined with his constant mentioning of my mother in comparison with me made it all—incredibly uncomfortable.

“Is that so? Well—I never knew my mother so I only have the stories father and Lady Rhea have told me. But they’ve never failed to tell me how beautiful she was, thank you for thinking I hold even a candle to her.”

“It is quite uncanny. Her hair was the color of pine needles and her eyes were the shade of a forest canopy. Your hair and eyes are her exact complement. Shades of blue that resemble the ocean on a clear day or stormy night.”

I simply nodded my head as we rounded the corner towards the library.

“I was actually having quite a hard time during the first months of my work as a member of the clergy here in the Monastery. I was making my way from the cathedral after prayers when I saw her. She was sitting on the ledge of the Monastery watching the wyvern knights flying on patrol and the wind seemed to be running its fingers through her hair as it blew behind her. She would stretch out her hand at times before pulling it back and pressing it against her chest. She was always doing that—staring and reaching outwards with a sad look in her eyes.

I didn’t talk to her then but I would always see her after prayer sitting on the ledge of the bridge and I began to notice her more often around the Monastery. Although she seemed kind and friendly, she hardly ever seemed close with anyone in particular. It was almost like she was holding herself back.

One day I did approach her on the bridge and seeing as I also was struggling—wanting to reach out to someone or somewhere—we began to confide in each other and offer each other support. She was the reason I built enough confidence to rise up in the ranks of the clergy to the point that I carried out missions for the Church on the direction of Lady Rhea.

Her constant presence and warmth—the shape of her and her flowing hair on that bridge—the memory still lingers inside me and carries me ever forward. There was no one quite like her. No one since in this Monastery that could match her as an equal.”

I had no idea why I turned to look at him as crossed the doorway into the library. But when I turned—I found him staring with affectionate eyes and a strange blush across his face that made the hairs on my arm stand on their ends. I sped up my walking and let the tomes in my hand go so fast that they slammed loudly onto the return cart.

I wanted desperately for this conversation and situation to end. I felt neither comfortable nor safe being with this man but when I turned back to the door I found him still clinging to the tomes he was carrying and looking after me. It didn’t seem like he had the intention of ending our conversation or time together.

“I’m glad she could be a rock to your during difficult times. I would love to continue this talk but I have to ge—”

“Did you ever hope you could see her?”

“Excuse me?”

“Didn’t you ever wonder—what she actually looked like? Beyond all these stories every keeps telling you. Their words can always be sweet and paint an image of her well. But it will always be a simple image, something that fades and wavers under sunlight. When they speak of her to you, they do so with the memory of her and her body and her warmth things that you never had the chance to have.”

It isn’t a lie. I’d already spent countless nights and moments wondering if I was like her and despite hearing from so many that I reminded them of her—there persisted this empty feeling inside of me. That somehow I was missing or lacking something of hers. The stories helped me fill out this blank outline I had of her—this idea of who she was as a woman to many she knew. But that was precisely it. I knew her as this outline—an outline I’d drawn from what others saw her as: wife or daughter or friend. She never had the chance to inhabit the space she’d left me with and that no one would ever be able to fill.

“Of course I’d wonder. I never even got to see the cold body she left behind. Now—please, I’d rather no—”

“And what if there were a way for you to see her? To get the chance to in grain her presence into your memory so you didn’t have to live off these stories of her? If someone gave you such an opportunity—would you not take it?”

“What? Why would you be asking someth—”

“I have no doubt she’d be enamored by you. She’d be thankful—grateful to get such a chance. To hold her son in the way that was denied to her so long ago. To deliver the love that you have been missing and needing for all these long years you’ve grown away from the Monastery.

There are chances this world gives to those willing to loo—”

“Enough!!”

I let out a shout that felt like it came straight from my gut. I was clenching my fist so tight that my nails were painfully digging into the grooves of my palm. It almost felt like I might pop a vein in my forehead just hearing this—this—nonsense!

“What do you know of me? About the life I’ve lived? Who are you to decided what love I need or have gotten?

I’ve never once not been loved in my life. It’s true that I never got the chance to know and love my mother but my dad never—never in any single moment of my life made me feel unloved. He held me in his arms and fed me when I couldn’t eat. He tied the laces of my boots when my hands were to clumsy to tie knots. He spent many—many moments of quiet right beside me watching me grow and grow. He’s never missed not one single step that I’ve taken. So never—never erase the love of my dad for me like that again.

And don’t drag the memory of my mother around with your hypothetical nonsense. I might not have known her or seen her the way you or dad or Rhea did but that doesn’t stop me from loving her or her from loving me. Wherever she is—with the Goddess or anywhere out there—I know she’s never stopped from walking alongside and watching me. Love is never only about memories or bodies. It’s beyond what any one of us could ever understand so don’t ever force your ideas of it onto me.”

I was spitting those sentences out so quickly and loudly that I felt my lungs burning and crying for air as I felt sudden tears of anger well up in my eyes. My blood was almost boiling and my head felt cramped and heavy. The last thing I wanted to do in front of this man was cry or lose it and give him another chance to rave endlessly off without a consideration. Instead, I pushed my way past him and made my way out the door fully intending to dump him here and never speak with him again.

But before I could walk past the frame, I felt my left hand get tugged back forcefully and almost lost my footing. I turned to look back at him.

His eyes almost seemed manic now and I slapped away his hand. He stumbled back a bit—hitting one of the library desk chairs and sliding the chair with a loud groan with the sudden press of his weight. He was babbling now and trying to right himself to stand and I was so close to knocking him down with a good fist punch when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Seteth was standing right behind me.

“Ah—so you two have met already?”

It took me a second to collect myself. Seteth’s hand on my shoulder was strangely comforting and calming. It felt his touch was letting loose a lulling and cool numbness wash over the sudden boil of my anger. I took a quick, deep breath before I responded.

“We only met just a few minutes ago. We—don’t even know each other’s names to be honest.”

“Well, I suppose I can do that quickly for the two of you. This here is Byleth, the professor of the Blue Lions and a faculty member here, and that there is Aelfric, a member of the Church clergy. Were you not here to discuss something of importance with Lady Rhea?”

“Yes bu—”

“Well, you’re late. If you’d rather not upset Lady Rhea with your sudden lack of punctuality, then I’d advise that you immediately make your way to the audience chamber before she loses anymore of her patience.”

“Can By—”

“I was actually looking for Byleth so he cannot accompany you and he’ll be busy for the rest of the day with me. We have much to talk about regarding recent issues of security at the Monastery so we’ll be reviewing Church investigations into the matter.

Please,” Seteth pulled me back with him aways from the door and gestured with his free hand towards it, “you’ve much more urgency than the two of us so I insist you go ahead. Lady Rhea is already awaiting you there.”

Aelfric seemed taken aback by Seteth’s surgical ability to deny all of his questions or requests before he finished asking them. His hazel eyes twinkled and gleamed a bit as he nodded and smiled at Seteth.

“Very well. Thank you for the reminder Seteth. I shall get going. I hope to see more of you as well, Byleth.”

He sent me another set of mellow and affectionate eyes before he passed through the door and disappeared around the frame.

I let out a sigh and turned around to face Seteth—sending him a small smile of gratitude.

“You really saved him from his death Seteth. I was seconds away from making his face cave in before you put your hand on my shoulder. How’d you even know where to find me? I was already hoping and praying for a way out of that conversation and you should up to my rescue like a white knight.”

“Call it fatherly instinct,” we went to both sit at one of the library desks so that we were facing each other, “It also helped that I saw you pass by my office and you were making a quite seriously hideous looking face as you passed by.”

“I’m glad you find amusement in my clear discomfort. Dad of the year.”

He let out a chuckle and shook his head.

“Jesting aside—what did Aelfric tell you that had you ready to beat him to death?”

“He was making assumptions of my feelings and needs regarding not knowing much about my mother. He asked offensively ridiculous and insensitive questions about the possibility of knowing and seeing my mother—acting and essentially suggesting there could be a way to bring her back,” I sighed and pulled at my hair, “—Of course I’d want to see her and touch her and then cry and cling onto her and never let her go. It’s cruel to think I wouldn’t but…

…I also know that even if I could I’d never do something like that to her. Knowing that there’s never a way to cheat death and only to have her suffer again.”

I placed my head on the desk and closed my eyes.

I hadn’t realized it before in the heat and awkwardness but—it was extremely quiet in here. I’m sure at the moment there wasn’t anyone aside from Seteth and I. It at the very least saved me the embarrassment of having students and faculty watch me completely lose it and berate some clergyman. They’d probably think I overreacted especially at the sight of how pathetic he looked leaning against the chair in a complete state of panic.

“Maybe I’m a bad person.”

My face was plastered on the desk and my hands were folded on my lap. The coolness seemed to be helping turn down the anger I’d been feeling and was replacing it with a chilly sense of guilt.

I’d seen a student’s penis and then fingered myself thinking about him and now here I am telling off one of the servants of the Goddess and possibly a dear friend of moms.

I felt a hand running through my hair and turned my face up to look at Seteth who was now busy playing with my hair.

“You’re not a bad person at all. I’m sure if an old friend of mine had spoken in the same manner of Flayn’s mother and I, Flayn would not doubt have reacted just as indignantly as you. I’m sure she wouldn’t have left quite the same path of destruction as you might have but—the sentiment behind her hits would’ve been the same. Let’s not forget I made your life in the Monastery nearly impossible with the way I was running you ragged with duties. I had my eyes over you like a hawk just to make sure you weren’t up to any good. I was convinced of some kind of ill intent and I ended up being incredibly childish for nothing at all.”

“I still remember the time you sent me to bathe the Wyverns and told all of the students they were off duty so I ended up cleaning them the entire day and missed my instruction periods. I was sure you hated me with all your guts then. I thought, _This man is a grade A asshole for sure_. And now look at you—just a big softy and an old man.”

“Shall this grade A asshole cease messing with your hair then?”

“No. You’ve earned the privilege to mess with it all you like.”

“What an honor indeed. Flayn hardly lets me hug her let alone mess with her hair.”

“But that’s because you take it to the extreme when it comes to her. If you think you’re doting on me, then you’re completely suffocating her with just your presence.”

“I can’t help it though. It’s a difficult habit for a father to break especially considering the whole ordeal with the Death Knight and now the missing students. Perish the thought she’d get caught up in machinations not even we know of completely yet.

That is why I understand your reaction to Aelfric as well. It’s wise to be on alert and suspicious and to trust your own instincts as well. Besides—we humans are not simple beings ourselves. Bad or good? Such a distinction is difficult to come across.

We react in the moment to what we are confronted with and sometimes we operate under fear or hatred or passion. We make grave errors and at other time great triumphs. It is how we choose to reflect on those decisions and whether or not we try to do better or different the next time that defines the arc of our character.

I see the arc of yours and I can tell you here and now that you are humble, loving, and courageous. You are a good person, Byleth.”

I winced internally as he smiled down at me through the gaps in his fingers and the strands of my hair. He had made me feel better about the Aelfric situation but—the situation with Dimitri continued to play in the back of my mind and eat away at my conscious. I couldn’t help but feel that I’d somehow betrayed the trust and judgement he’d placed upon me. I would’ve almost felt better if he’d thought I was at the very least a decent human being and not—some kind of pedestal role model.

Regardless, I did end up sending him an uneasy smile.

“Thank you, Seteth. Can you be my second dad?”

“Hah—I appreciate the sentiment but I’ve already one child who makes my hair grey with her tantrums. I don’t need a second.”

“Blaming your aging on your daughter? At the very least pretend you’re not over 25 like Manuela does instead of throwing Flayn under the bus like that.”

“Am I wrong? I had no idea about her little cooking lessons with Dedue until I found out a small fire had broken out in the dining hall and none other than my precious daughter was responsible because she’d somehow managed to set fire to potatoes she was roasting and dropped them near the wooden dish cabinets. I lost my breath running like a madman to find her smelling like burnt potato while Dedue extinguished the fire and then I lost my breath giving her an earful. She’s lucky that Dedue promised to be vigilant about how and what she used in the kitchen and convinced me to allow her to keep cooking.”

“Burnt potato?”

“Her clothes reeked of it. It was incredibly difficult washing out the smell.”

I let out a laugh and shook my head.

“You can’t say her enthusiasm isn’t contagious though. I caught her by the stables with Raphael practicing what I can only assume were battle screams? I have no idea what it was all for but I saw her for weeks around the Monastery just making all kinds of noises she swore held some kind of powerful change for her. You can only imagine how un-intimidating she was.”

“Is that what that was? I’d assumed she’d lost her mind when I found her shouting at herself in my office.”

“Her insanity has its reasons to her.”

We both let out a laugh.

I was only half joking when I asked Seteth to be my second dad. It was true he had been incredibly to me upon my early arrival at the Monastery but ever since the Blue Lions and I saved Flayn from the Death Knight well—he’d done a complete one eighty. That night we’d spoken about Flayn’s placement in my class, I could see the tears and look of relief that were battling for dominance in his eyes as he kept glancing down at a babbling Flayn in front of me. He sought me out to ask about how Flayn was getting along with the Lions and her classes and even began to chat with me about menial and trivial things.

Our relationship wasn’t like the one I had with Manuela.

With Seteth—I just naturally sought him out for advice like I did with dad without even realizing it. He seemed to always be around or near when I was desperate for advice when classes went wrong or missions got muddled and messy. And he returned the sentiment as well and confided things to me like the fact that him and Flayn weren’t brother and sister but father and daughter. I’d even sometimes find things like sweets or baked goods sitting on my desk on top of a stack of paperwork that melted my stress away or he’d come in and mess with my hair a bit while I tried to keep my eyes open deep to work on monthly reports deep into the night.

It was a fondness that grew out of a sudden and powerful trust and it was eating away at me that the completely repulsive thoughts I was having over a student, Dimitri, were a betrayal of that.

I wanted to tell him many things that I was keeping close to my chest like how I wanted to tell dad. I wanted to tell him that I was attracted to men and was anxious and scared that if I told anyone I might become hated or abandoned by them. I wanted to tell him that I’d had inappropriate interactions and thoughts about a student and that I didn’t deserve any of his respect or trust. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to trust in him—that he wouldn’t so easily cast me aside but—something inside me refused to let me speak. A continued fear that crawled around in the back of my head and eyes.

I stood up straight and opened my mouth to speak but just as quickly I closed it and stared at my hand sitting at the edge of the desk.

“Have you—heard anything of Tomas?”

Seteth let out a sigh and shook his head.

“I’ve heard nothing of him ever since you told me about your run-in with him a few nights ago. The Knights searched his quarters and the library but he’d left the evening before we spoke. The guards at the gate and faculty said he was leaving to address family matters at home on House Ordelia territory in the Alliance. Before your arrival he’d gone on a long leave of absence for family matters as well so none of those he spoke with questioned it. However, he did not inform Rhea or myself and I above all trust your judgement and story.

If he even hinted in the slightest some kind of threat towards you for aiding in our investigations, then that is probable proof of ill doing on his part. And now his disappearance—it appears your instinct was right.”

“Do you think he’s run off to wherever he’s taken the missing students?”

“I considered that but—its highly unlikely. The number of students missing is enough to garner attention and the area around the Monastery is well guarded and patrolled. The possibility the students are being held somewhere within the Monastery or in the passages beneath the Academy is still the most likely conclusion. If he indeed did leave, it might have been for an altogether different reason and it might suggest he’s left the missing students to a hidden ally.”

“A third intruder? Is that really possible?”

“It’s the only logical conclusion. We cannot go making accusations because it might alert those who work against us of our knowing but if we’ve found two culprits—it is not difficult to imagine how more could slither in.”

“How though? Has the Monastery not properly vetted those who work within the Monastery?”

“The Monastery is a public site of worship. Any of the faithful across Fòdlan can enter and go as they please throughout the day. The noble houses of the continent often recommend faculty to serve within our halls and provide the backgrounds and vetting of each. Perhaps we’ve been lax in assuming good intentions from each of the political states on the continent—it is something I am in the midst of discussing with Rhea. The possibility that certain states might be—actively working against the interests of the Church.”

In honesty, the political reality of Fòdlan was something I was having to catch up with and learn even with my months at the Monastery. My instruction focused primarily on combat and battle tactics but I was still lacking in knowledge of the dynamics of each states politics and the history of antagonisms within and outside them and the role or influence the Church had. Before my arrival here, I hadn’t even known about the Church of Seiros, the fact it was the ruling religion of continent, or about the system of nobility and crests embedded into each ruling state.

Dad had taught me how to speak, read, and write and everything I knew came from. My lack of knowledge about the political world around me was just another one of the things he’d kept from me in what I assume was his way of protecting me.

But because of it, many of these things flew at times past me. It was difficult for me to grasp that anyone could be harboring and plotting such schemes for years, decades—centuries! That there were such hatred running deep within the collective conscious of so many people that they were willing to cast down the life of others—even the innocent—to grasp at things like vengeance and justice.

“Do you have any idea what house or houses might be responsible?”

“I would like to launch such an investigation soon but Shamir is occupied at the present. We’ve begun to receive concerning reports from a small farming village, Remire, about people falling ill from a mysterious illness. Tomorrow I’d like to meet with you, Jeralt, and Manuela to discuss it this incident further. Rhea’s planning to send your class to accompany the Knights lead by your father on this mission so please prepare your students for that possibility.”

“I will. Thank you for the advanced notice.”

Seteth stood and up and pushed in his chair. He gave me a reassuring smile and another quick head pat as he watched the face of concern that had me furrowing my eyebrows.

“Please—do not over concern yourself by all that I’ve said. You are not shouldering all this on your own. Your father, the Knights, Manuela and Hanneman, Alois and Shamir, Catherine, and Rhea and I are all here to figure this out and fight what crawls out of the shadows. I ask wholeheartedly that you rely on us.

Don’t think it has escaped me that you’ve gotten ill. I heard the words your father had to say to Rhea and I’m sorry if I was in part responsible for pushing you so far as to hurt your health. I don’t mean to suffocate or dictate what you do but—for my own comfort—please confide in us,” he reached over once again and ruffled my hair with a handshake before moving over to the door and shouting back, “And stop acting like an old man. It’s fine to let people dote and worry for you.”

And with that he disappeared around the door frame.

I placed a hand in my hair and laid my head down again against the desk as I looked on for him from where I sat.

When he said things like that, it made me believe him. It made me want to roll myself until I felt small enough to be carried again on the shoulders of dad. It made me want to go back to the nights I celebrated our victories with the Lions and they all wrapped me up in an indescribable sense of warmth and hope. It made me want to roll all of me, my body, my thoughts, my feelings until I could be lifted up by any man and not have to think.

I’d just let him carry me away. My worries curled into his arms. My dreams whispering in his ear. My love wrapped around and clenching down on him. My ability to see undone by the wall of his body pressed down on me. I’d just let him carry me away and away and away from everything.

And as I sat there imagining who it might be. Who it might be who could press me small enough to carry me in his arms. I remembered the shape of him. The shape the two of us made together as my lips tingled at the remembrance and Dimitri found his way back into my thoughts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one starts of with an incredibly frustrated Byleth wow wow :3 and that Manuela is always ready for when the mood strikes and the time is right!
> 
> Aelfric pops up here and, again, I've taken the liberty of altering his character and my thoughts here were that if he had loved Sitri, found her body in Abyss, and then heard of Byleth that it'd really send him off the deep end being anywhere around Byleth. He'd just be constantly reminded of Sitri and I think that would be creepy and unsettling for Byleth since Aelfric's memories of his mother would be coming from a place of past adoration and new found adoration because Byleth is so similar in mannerisms and looks to his mom. Aelfric would also be convinced that Byleth wanted his mother to be brought back to life and that Byleth would willing help or let him perform the Rite of Rising to resurrect her, I think, because Byleth had never gotten the chance to see let alone talk to her.
> 
> Seteth is also here just being everyone's dad :3 I just think he's neat and fell in love with him the moment I saw him when everyone that he was just a prick but then he turned out to be real sweet.
> 
> Thanks again for reading <3 Hope y'all are staying healthy and safe!


	7. The Distance Between

I lost sight of him.

The smoke from the burning buildings and trees was filling the entire town with a thick cloud of smoke and the cloudy, murky skies did nothing to help my visibility not to mention the mass of Knights trying their best to subdue the seemingly crazed villagers around us. I could only afford to turn my eyes left and right quickly before I had to bring up my lance to block the incoming sword of a villager. The steel of his blade clanged against the brown shaft as I used my weight to push him back and watched as he fell backward and let out an almost inhuman growl. He scrambled to get up off the ground and turned to gaze at me with white voids for eyes missing their pupils and vein like tendrils bulging out of his forehead and across his cheeks. I slammed the handle of my lance down on his head and he went down, unconscious in a crumpled heap just in front of my feet.

I was about to move forward when three more villagers came and blocked the path forward to the spinning windmill at the center of the village. I let out a sigh and once again twirled my lance until I held it in front of me, gripping it with both hands as I dug in my feet and got ready to fend them off. They began to scramble forward but just before they reached me, I saw the blur of a blue hair bun rush in front of me.

Felix rushed up and let his iron gauntlet slam into the leg of a man. The man’s leg bent in a painful and awkward angle and Felix nimbly turned his body so that he spun away from the villager, who fell face forward in a crash of agonizing screams. The other two villagers, another man and a woman, lost their interest in me and rushed forward at Felix. Felix charged forward and as the two lunged forward—arms stretched forward—Felix slid down between their legs and stood straight up behind them, twisting his body back in my direction while raising a fist and slamming it down on the head of the man. I heard a hard thunking sound as the man simply collapsed unconscious and before the woman could turn to see who had attacked her partner, Felix was already swinging his right hand and I watched it slam into the side of the woman’s stomach. She screamed and fell on her side—clutching at her stomach and rambling off curses and gargling moans.

Felix righted himself and I watched his chest heave up and down as he blew a stray strand of blue hair from his eyes and he turned their cat-like slant from left to right to look for any other approaching villagers. I walked up to him and noticed that his gauntlets were missing their usual blades and briefly recalled him having tossed them off after we’d realized the state of the village and the fact that innocent people were our attackers. His forehead was covered in a glittering sheen of sweat and I suddenly became aware of the fact that my forehead was also covered in a similar sheen.

“Thank you for the assistance Felix.”

“I didn’t do this to help you. At the rate you and this miserable rabble of Knights are going, we’ll never reach the windmill. You’re unfocused and distracted and your stamina and strength in combat are waning. What happened to the Boar? You let him out to play earlier when we were surveying the village and now you’re back on your act.”

“Felix…our aim is to render the villagers unable to fight. I see you’re not holding yourself back at all when it comes to you staving them off but I am being—careful to watch my hand. I had a momentary—lapse of anger at the sight of the village’s condition but I assure you, I’m quite fine now.”

“Hah,” he turned away from me and began to survey the crumbling and smoldering buildings whose roofs occasionally emerged from inside the billowing cloud of smoke like islands where an occasional villager could be seen running or stumbling through, “I suppose a beast knows at the very least the opportune times when and when not to kill.

And I _am_ holding back. My blows aren’t doing anything too serious—aside from maybe a broken bone or two. Whether or not they’re out of their minds and simply common villagers, at the moment they’re a threat to our security and safety. It’s in our best interest to meet them with a force adequate to knock them out of the battle. There’s no need to endanger yourself by softening your heart and your blow.”

The sounds of shouts and clanging steel continued to ring out all around us and before I could think of what to reply with, Jeralt came bursting through the small thicket of trees just behind us on his paladin horse with his own lance in hand coming toward us. His eyes darted around after he’d seen us but the smoking fires and the bodies of our soldiers made it impossible to make anything out. Before he even opened his mouth, I knew what it was he was going to ask because it was the very same concern that was running through my own mind.

“Where is Byleth? He’d rushed ahead of me saying he was coming to help you stave off more of the villagers after I’d insisted he stick close to me.”

“He did indeed come while I was dealing with a wave of villagers but he was fighting farther ahead on this path up to the windmill and I tried to keep my eye on him. However, I lost sight of him a few minutes after and I have no idea where he could be. I can only assume he pressed further in.”

Jeralt clicked his tongue and let out a curse.

“None of the Knights have broken that far in. There won’t be anyone to back him up. Stupid kid!”

His horse stamped its hoof anxiously likely sensing the anguish of his rider.

I looked ahead down the village path but all I could see was the swirling mass of the fires billowing down from the windmill and houses. The broken, skeletal fans of the windmill turned slowly, calmly above the chaos and the long silhouettes of the figures standing below it extended and stretched out across the top of the smoke as thin, craggily fingers. I could see some inkling of a commotion closer to the base of the windmill but it was difficult to make anything out except for the occasional glimmer of a weapon that caught the lone ray of sunbeam that broke through the sooty darkness. Right as I was going to turn, I caught the sight of a white pegasus diving down into the mass of the grey cloud near the foot of the hill where the windmill rested.

“Over there! By the foot of the hill!”

Felix and Jeralt followed my eyes just in time to see Ingrid launch about ten or fifteen villagers up in the air with a kick and wing slap of her pegasus while she twirled her lance above her head and thrust the handle out—clearing away the large plume of smoke that engulfed the center of town long enough for us to get glance of the scene—slamming the heads of a few more villagers as they dropped all around her. As she cleared those villagers out, I could just begin to see a head of blue-green hair bobbing occasionally above the bodies of the villagers and not long after I saw him completely. The sword of the creator was dragging along the ground, in its lasso form, around his feet as he lifted his legs to slam a few kicks into the chest of villagers who got dangerously close to him. Just as it seemed he’d be surrounded, he lifted his sword slightly off the ground and snapped it around him, catching the feet of several of the mob and then tugging them violently until they’d flipped over and slammed into the ground. A single villager began to creep up on him but before they could come close, an arrow came slamming into their thigh and Ashe rushed forward as they were on their knees and slammed the riser of his bow down on their head. He then spun around while notching another arrow, shooting a flurry of shots in succession to down a good couple of the villagers before the smoke billowed back in like a closing curtain on the scene, blocking it from our sight.

“Seems their little party is leagues ahead of this pathetic lot. You can sit on your hands over here if you want, but I’m going to help those three push up.”

I felt my own feet begin to move forward before Jeralt’s lance was thrust before us, blocking Felix and I from sprinting forward.

“Step aside old man. Don’t you see where the real fight is?”

“And what of the Knights? The villagers who are sane and need rescuing? Will you recklessly charge forward like my idiot son?”

“Of course. You aren’t the head of my class. You aren’t my teacher or friend or commander. You’re the leader of that poor excuse of Knights back there who can’t even break past the encircling villagers keeping them at the entrance of the village. My professor and classmates are up ahead trying to take down whoever is sitting up on that hill watching us flounder about down here. They’re the ones that need my sword. Wherever they go, I go.”

With that, Felix ducked under Jeralt’s lance and sprinted forward, landing gut blows and uppercuts to the chin on any of the villagers who decided to stumble forward from the darkness and try to stop him. I gripped my lance and turned to send Jeralt an apologetic nod. The veins seemed to bulge out of his head slightly and he grinded his teeth as he pulled his lance away and turned his horse around.

“Byleth needs me as well.”

“Yeah. Yeah. What a troublesome brat I ended up raising. Pulling off our best fighters. Making his dad worry about him for the longest second. Just go. And make sure that airhead skull of his stays on, yeah?”

“Of course.”

And with that I rushed forward myself, my lance outstretched to my left as I followed close behind Felix.

Felix was doing great work in clearing the path forward as he launched flurries of blows in whatever directions the villagers were attempting to pile onto him. I was only maybe eight or ten feet behind him and I was left to push off and knock down the few stragglers who tried to rush in from behind him. Sometimes my strength would slip and I’d hear the way my spear’s handle would crack against a rib or thigh and I winced and pleaded the Goddess for a bit of forgiveness at that. The need to rush forward and lend a hand to Byleth was overwhelming my own sense of self-control and it didn’t help that the burning smoke rushed into my lungs and stung my eyes as we moved into the burning center of the village and sped through the hot, blinding cloud. The world seemed to turn into a seamless, desolate void of grey that slowly turned a brighter and more noxious red the closer we were to the source of the initial fires. Houses lined our path—smoldering under licking tendrils of fire and almost completely hollowed out by the inferno and the villagers around us seemed completely clueless to their immediate danger.

They were simply thrashing out violently—even at each other—at anything that came close or within their line of sight. There were three villagers circling something on the ground just ahead of us—and though Felix rushed past the group without a second glance—my eyes lingered on the scene as I tried to make something out of the little visibility I had. I began to notice they were clawing—at a small body on the ground! I veered off my course to my left and finally was able to take in the complete sight although now—I’d rather wish I hadn’t.

Even as I stood close enough to see them, the cloud of smoke kept rolling past and wrapping up their bodies until they were only figures of black from time to time. A small boy was curled on the ground, his hands and arms thrown up around his face as two of villagers threw the tip of their shoes right into his sides and stomach. I couldn’t tell how long he’d been there but his voice was so incredibly weak that I could only—at about six feet—away make out the broken and low cries that escaped from underneath his upheld arms and mop of messy brown hair. His clothes were colored a complete grey and the kicks would flip him back and forth between their two flying feet. The third villager—she was crouched near his legs and—as I came close enough to jab them with my lance—I could see the glint of something in the flickering of the fire and made out the small knife she held in her hand. She was cackling as she dragged the small weapon through the boys thigh, leaving shallow red trenches up and down his two legs. I felt an incredible chill spread over me and my sight seemed to narrow so tightly in on the woman—on the horror of what I was witnessing—that I stood still for countless seconds watching them.

The scene began—to change before me ever so slightly. Flakes of embers—ash—snow? They began to flutter down onto the long and immense forms of—the shadows that were attacking the boy. The wind began to roar all around me and bite hard into my skin—a chilling bite that could only belong to the most northerly winds of Fòdlan. Instead of houses I saw—smoldering carriages and bleeding, heaving horses without riders strewn along the peripheral of my vision as I stepped forward tentatively within arms rich of the long and immense shadows and the boy, who seemed to be shrinking further and further into a ball, deep into the winter ash—the battle’s heavy snow. The boy was no longer covered in ash but with splatters of red glimmering streaks of blood that burned bright across his royal blue cloak. I could hear his voice suddenly—as crisp and clear as if here were speaking right into my ear and it echoed out in the silence of battle snow and heaving horses and smoldering carriages. He was shouting, screaming. I couldn’t understand why it was all coming together bit by bit like if my mind was reassembling a torn painting right before my eyes. It ringed in my ear and I began to make out sounds of letters—words in the chorus of silence and the single voice of the boy. His hair was now a blonde bob and I could see an insignia—the crest of Blaiddyd beneath a knight on top of a griffin—adorned on the royal blue cloak with a single splatter of blood running diagonally across it.

My blood froze over. My breath caught in my throat. I heard wood splinter. I could hear what the boy was saying.

“Father! Father! Get up—please. Mother—Glenn—I don’t—there’s no one here. Father I—I’m scared, please. Get up! Father! Father!”

I stepped forward and heard a loud squelching and felt something sticky cling to my boots. I glanced down and saw that the battle’s snow was covered in small ponds of blood. Nameless bodies of knights were now strewn about amongst the burning carriages and dying horses. Some of them were half submerged in the red ponds and others laid in bits—their body parts strewn leagues away from them like dissembled dolls. And the boy was no longer curled up. Instead, he was thrown over someone’s body—clutching at the white neckline of fur that circled around the neckline of the man’s dead body. The man’s face turned facing towards me—his sky blue eyes wide open, piercing in their stare.

My father’s dead body watched me from where it fell.

I heard more splintering. I heard cries but I couldn’t tell from where they came. I could see more of the shadows. They grew—sprouted and stretched out of the pools of blood. They began to press forward—tighter and tighter that the air seemed to also squeeze in and it became difficult to breathe. I gripped the handle of my lance. I swung it straight across them. Piercing the middle of their long, lanky bodies. I watched them melt away before even more took their place. I jabbed. I gouged. I thrashed. I did all I could.

All I could to stop them from coming any closer. To the boy. To the grief. To their last moment together. I slashed. I jabbed. I thrashed. I did it all feeling his eyes. Knowing he was watching and waiting in the battle’s snow. Waiting—waiting—waiting.

The shadows drew tighter and tighter. Their claws grabbed at me. They dug into my arms. They pulled at my lance, my legs, and tried to slither themselves around my neck. I had no room to move. No room to breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t see anymore. It was all black. All void. And the crying—wherever it was coming from.

I couldn’t even feel my lance. It felt like I was just clawing now. My nails dug into something—even though the void around me had no form. I felt my nails scratch and drag. I kept trying to push it all back—away from me when I suddenly was hit on my hand by something hard, something that had me recoiling in pain. The throbbing spread across my fingers, knuckles, all the way into my wrist as I continued to fight. The pain tingled across my body. And as I kept getting hit and it tingled longer and harsher—I saw small circles of color. It felt like the tightness was receding—moving away and away as my eyes became kaleidoscopic. I saw the houses smoldering and the red tinged billow of the grey and ashen smoke cloud. I saw the boy now alone—laying on the ground but with his deep, dark brown eyes open wide watching me with a face full of panic and fear. And then—I noticed how many villagers were now strewn about around me. A few seemed to be bleeding profusely while others laid unconscious—tossed quite a bit away from us. I looked down and found I wasn’t holding anything between my fingers—just wooden splinters and when I looked around in confusion for my lance—I saw him.

He was panting just in front of me. His armor had been hacked off violently in an assortment of manners. Dents, pierced holes, scuffs and scratches, and slashes. Parts of the metal around his torso and legs had gashes where a weapon had managed to sink even into his skin and so lines of blood were now pooling there in the wounds. I could hear him panting as he stood in front of the boy, his legs rooted into the ground and his sword raised up to shield his chest. His hair was blocking his eyes and it swung gently back and forth—each individual strand swaying like a wind chime.

The left shoulder of his armor, which was facing me, was beyond repair. The shoulder plate was pulled completely off from the body of armor and it hung mangled, dangling haphazardly against his arm. The shirt just below the plate had been torn apart and the skin just below was riddled with shallow scratches that were colored with lines of thin blood red.

He remained frozen there.

When I made a move to step forward, he gripped his sword tighter and dug his feet harder into the ground as I heard the dirt sift below him. The boy let out a whimper as he managed to stand with a limp and cower behind the frame of Byleth. I tried stepping again but he flinched backwards, his feet slipping a few inches back as he used his free hand to scoot the boy further behind him.

I was completely confused at their reactions. It seemed like I had just woken up from my strange—memory or nightmare—and hadn’t moved an inch from the spot where I’d been frozen before. But when I tried to take another step forward, I felt hard bits and pieces beneath the sole of my boot and when I looked down—I saw that all around where I stood and trailing up to the feet of Byleth were pieces of his armor. And suddenly it made sense.

The injured and unconscious villagers. Byleth in his torn armor and injuries. The boy cowering behind him, looking at me with fear and panic.

It was me. I had done it.

I felt my chest tighten. I felt my knees grow weak. I felt my eyes burn under the threat of tears as I stumbled forward and my heart ached to watch him skid back again, pulling the boy against his leg, never once breaking his stance. It was then that I saw his eyes. The small movement back had the strands of hair swinging just enough that I saw their ocean blue and—I felt chills run down my spine as they stared back at me. They were dull and sullen. There was no sparkle or light in them—not like the moment after Gronder under the stars when they glowed with sadness—or our walk into the Monastery town when they were radiant with an uncontained happiness. Instead, they had almost lost all color to them and appeared grey—dead. Not even the flickering red of the fires around us glossed or lit his eyes as he looked back at me with a cold, calculating, and far away narrow glare.

“Byleth—I…”

“Professor! Dimitri!”

I didn’t take my eyes off his still form even as Mercedes, Ashe, Felix, and Dedue came rushing forward from somewhere ahead of us. They stood just behind him taking in the scene around them before they noticed the state of Byleth and the boy hiding beside him.

“Oh my! Professor those injuries—what happened? Oh Goddess—come, come. We have to see to these injuries.”

She stepped forward and crouched down to be at the same height as the boy and sent him a reassuring smile.

“Hello there. Mind telling me your name?”

She reached a hand forward but before she could even stretch her fingers, Byleth crouched and used his legs to launch himself backward and flipped over the trembling form of the boy, landing his body between the boy and Mercedes with his sword hissing through the air and slamming down a nail away from her fingers. She stumbled backward and fell down in shock as she snatched her hand back.

“Mercedes!”

Dedue rushed forward and offered her a hand which she took gratefully. She kept throwing nervous glances in the direction of Byleth as he stood once again frozen with the boy cowering behind him.

“The Professor—Goddess, he doesn’t seem to recognize us.”

“Not to mention the state of his armor. By the looks of it—seems like he was facing down an entire mob of them trying to protect this brat.”

“Your Highness—did you not see what happened? The Professor left us to deal with the mob at the foot of the hill while he came back to look for you after Felix joined up with us alone and that was quite a while ago.”

“Something must have really shaken him up. His eyes are—quite murky,” Mercedes stood their scanning him with her pale blue eyes before they widened a bit,” Perhaps it might do well to use some healing magic on him? I don’t need to get any closer to him then I am now so I should be relatively safe. It might be that the adrenaline and survival drive to protect himself and the boy have whittled down his senses. It’s not unheard of for especially skilled fighters to narrow their focus so much they become only focused on motor functions related to battling.”

“Are you quite sure about this Mercedes? If he sees you raising your hand and casting a rune, then he might see it as a sign you’ll attack him.”

“It’ll be fine Ashe. Dedue and Felix can stand in front of me if we’re truly concerned about my safety. Frankly, I think he reacted the way I did because I moved to touch the boy. His entire focus must be narrowed down on him so as long as I’m not aiming at the boy—I think it should be fine.

Here I go.”

Dedue and Felix moved just in front of Mercedes, leaving a gap in between so she could aim her rune and spell. Dedue brought up his heavy shield and steel axe while Felix readied his fists and brought them up to his chest. Mercedes began to mutter her incantation below her breath as she stretched out her hand. A rune began to quickly be stenciled in the air with a mellow, green light as she pointed directly at Byleth’s statue like body.

“Recover!”

With that small shout, Byleth’s body was covered in a warm and bright green glow. It shimmered and lingered over him like an outline before it faded away.

I couldn’t really see his face from here behind him, but I did notice the sudden trembling in his legs before his sword clattered out of his hands and he began to fall forward. Ashe rushed past the others—dropping his bow aside—and quickly caught him by the arms. Everyone else crowded over the two as Ashe and Byleth were kneeled in the dirt. His breath was ragged and sputtering as he tried his best to stand back up but only managed to push himself a bit off the ground—then his strength would fail him and his feet bent back so that he crumpled back into kneeling there.

“Professor! Please, don’t over exert yourself. My magic only stopped the pain and bleeding for the smaller wounds I could see. You still need to recover your energy.”

“I—I—I,” his breath labored a bit here and there, “I’m sorry, Mer…”

“It’s quite all right Professor. There’s no need to worry. You weren’t yourself there for a moment but—you’ve come back to us which is what matters most.”

_“The Ashen Demon” is what they called me. I was this cold, calculating, and lifeless apparition on the battlefield that mindlessly cut down those we were hired to kill in the name of those who gave us a sum of bullions…_

_They started to think I had no semblance of empathy or compassion and that if they got on my bad side I wouldn’t hesitate to cut them down…_

_I hate that name. It isn’t even a name. It’s a thing. A thing that I’m not. A thing I don’t want to be…_

I stood there the entire time. I said nothing. I moved not an inch. I was afraid he’d notice me. I was afraid to see his face, his eyes. Would they still twinkle under the stars for me? Would they still swirl with a carnal fascination at the sight of me? Or would they always be clouded by this grey smog? The memory and sight of me lost in the need, the longing for blood and justice and revenge? My heart lurched up and up so far in my chest I felt it might get stuck somewhere in my throat. My feet slid back and forth in the dirt. His bits of armor groaned as I stepped on them. I rambled up to them as they crowded him.

It was all my fault. I’d pushed him to it. To be the thing he hated most. The empty and clouded ashen grey of his eyes. The flat line of his mouth. The mindless and mechanical swings. Swings that didn’t recognize friends. A body working to spill blood.

I could feel tears begin to sting at the corner of my eyes.

I stopped just a foot away from him and the boy. Simply stared down. I’m not sure what kind of face I was making but whatever it was—when Dedue looked over to me his eyes darkened suddenly with a knowing murkiness. His face didn’t change at all. Instead, his eyes raked over the body of Byleth—his eyebrows sunk down ever so slightly into a silent and watchful sadness. Felix turned and threw me a questioning look as he noticed me standing over them in silence. When his eyes caught mine, they burned bright with a glowing clarity as they slanted into narrow and spiteful slits. He didn’t even bother looking at Byleth—he stood up with his eyebrows slanted down into a confirmation of an obvious and lingering truth. And he would not be quiet.

He stood inches from my face and let out a dry chuckle.

“Feeling fine now that you let yourself have fun, _Boar_ ,” he chewed up the word on his teeth with a focused hatred and rolled it with a particular sense of disgust, “It’s like you ripped up the memory right from my head and laid it out before me.

Did you enjoy it _Boar_? Ripping some holes into those villagers? Snapping your pathetic lance so your _paws_ could get a bit of blood under their nails? I bet their screams really riled you up and your _snout_ got all twisted in the corners with that wide open smile of yours. You wounded a few villagers and then the Professor rushed in to see you in the middle of your little _hunt_ and he was probably just as shocked as I was. Watching someone he thought he knew revel in the way he could g _naw_ at the flesh of a person with his bare hands. He rushed to stop you. He tried to bring you back. Then I imagine you tried to attack the boy and you swung your lance down and he took it. He took each of your blows. Even as his skin was torn and his bones ached he took _every single one_. Did you enjoy that too, _Boar_?”

His words rung through my ear. My head pounded and I shook and shook my head. Even as I felt the wooden splinters of my lance get crushed in my clenched fists I shook my head. I couldn’t have enjoyed it I—I didn’t enjoy it! I could feel it eating away at me right here! Right here in my chest because Byleth—he—he’s—

“No? _No_ ,” he almost spit the two lettered word out as he laughed, “No. You still have the _gall_ to say that while he’s crumpled over there on the ground? Can you look him in the face and tell him that?”

“Felix—what are you going on about?”

“Yeah Felix. What are you trying to say?”

“The Professor didn’t do any of this. The wounded villagers, the frightened brat, the Professor’s wounds, why he felt pushed so far—it’s all because of this _thing_ standing right in front of you.”

Felix’s stare continued to pierce through my eyes. I felt and saw Ashe and Mercedes turn to look at me. Ashe’s face was twisted in complete confusion while Mercedes’s was caught up in a look of troubled concern.

“Dimitri!? Why in the name of the Goddess would he attack the Professor? Don’t go about spouting nonsense Felix—we have to attend to the boy and him. We don’t need you picking fights.”

“Dimitri would never do such a thing. He’s incredibly kind and thoughtful. Let’s let the Professor fill us in on what happened here onc—”

“Hear that? They still think you’re an honest person. Are you really going to keep lying straight to their faces like you did to our Professor? Go ahead— _reassure them_.”

I stood there and said nothing. Felix’s eyes remained slanted, narrow, and burning as he stared me down. I could feel the small, calm exhales of his breath. I’m sure he could see the glossy tears that made my eyes shimmer. I’m sure he could hear my labored breathing. I’m sure whatever face I was making it didn’t matter. He could see what he wanted to see in me. The guilt and remorse and fear that left me in waves and waves of cold sweat that swept across my skin. The trail of bodies of a merciless monster. An inhuman liability.

I’m sure he saw all of that and all of that went right into the force he put in the punch that had his iron gauntlets slamming right into my right cheek.

The force of it knocked me right into the ground. I felt my entire head rattle and vibrate. My vision oscillated and blurred. I heard the sudden gasp of Mercedes and felt her hands push me up into a sitting position. Dedue was shoving Felix around as Ashe darted his mellow, grass green eyes between the two while Byleth continued to force himself up.

“You will not disrespect His Highness.”

“Should’ve known that _things_ little loyal _lap dog_ would rush in to protect his master. You know as well as I do what he did. You really going to stand there and pretend not to know?”

“You will not disrespect His Highness.”

Felix went to slam a fist into Dedue but the bigger man grabbed him by the head and tossed him onto the ground. Felix’s face began to burn bright with anger as he scrambled to get back up and went to try for another hit.

I stood up on my own as my right cheek burned and Mercedes stood beside me nervously wringing her hands. I could see the boy still cowering beside Byleth and Ashe. Felix was shouting and hurling insults at Dedue to egg him on to throw a punch and Dedue stood there taking it all as it came.

The punch had hit me out of the circular rounds of agony I had been stuck in—somehow shoved the tears and cowardice back down into my eyes—and I tried to shout at them to stop. But the minute I tried to open my mouth, my right jaw throbbed with a pain that kept me from being able to open it.

“Please! Felix you need to stop this! We can’t be airing grievances here of all places. Please. Listen.”

Felix looked like he had no intention of stopping. He was now going as far as to circle around Dedue and throw a quick jab at him that managed to land on his legs or arms. I could see Dedue’s face begin to wear thin as I made my way to at least take the blows of Felix away from him by stepping in when Byleth managed to stand—a concerned Ashe fluttering around him.

“Professor! You should really stay still. You’re not fully—”

“It’s okay Ashe. I’m fine enough to at least walk right now. Besides—it seems my students have throw all I’ve taught them into the trash the minute I lose consciousness.”

“Profes—”

Byleth shuffled over between the two men and turned to look right at the disheveled and bright red face of Felix. He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and sent him a small smile—one that was meant to reassure my cat-eyed childhood friend that he was fine now. But it was easy even for me to notice how the burning glow of his amber eyes lingered, even seemed to burn brighter as they softened at the sight of Byleth. The angry blush on his pale cheeks moved slowly away from beneath his eyes until they pooled cover the center of his cheeks.

“I’m fine Felix. It wasn’t Dimitri’s fault at all.”

“You’re defending him too!”

“I am not defending anyone. You also did wrong to hit Dimitri and try to start a fight with Dedue. We’re in the middle of an active field of battle and for all you knew I’d be rendered useless indefinitely for the rest of the fight. You should’ve regrouped, found my father, left me in the care of Knights, and pressed on to finish our assignment.

We’re not in the clear. There are forces that are at work here that are difficult for us to stamp out. Any second of pointless bickering and distractions feeds right into the hands of those responsible for this atrocity. I know you know this—that’s why I’m asking you now that I’m here to focus.

We can deal with this once we’ve saved the people we can and return to the safety of the Monastery.”

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose and gave all of us his back as he let out a sigh. Byleth’s hand slid down and hung beside him as he watched on.

It was difficult for me to speak with Felix and I’d never mentioned him in conversation with Byleth to a serious extent but it was clear by the punch he landed on me that he took it personal—that I’d overstepped some bound, some line he’d drawn that I hadn’t seen. Not even after the Western Suppression campaign, when he first saw me on the battlefield and deemed me “the Boar,” did he ever go as far as to land a blow on me or confront me so directly. It was usually silent glares, eyes slanted with an unspeakable disgust and hatred that he never once explained or let out. It all festered in every syllable in his dry, sarcastic tones and the biting remarks he’d mutter out whenever we were near one another. There was this unspeakable pain and hopelessness that stretched between us and no matter what the other might do—it kept growing into this seemingly ancient and intolerable aching. An aching to do or to say something. To just air it all out for once.

It wasn’t to say Felix was unfeeling. His warmth, his care was also a silent one. It was something unspoken and unsaid that created a safe enough distance to keep up the act and lie. That you could love people and at the same time not lose them. Even his seething hatred was not enough to stop the slow warm crawl of his instinctual care—the way that in battle his feelings rushed forth without permission and carried his sword to block a blow, his feet to out speed a foe, his eyes to dart from his struggle to another’s. The way his eyes held a glow of relief, a glow of pride at the sight of Byleth standing again in front of him mustering all the strength he could to be able to talk to him. To bring him back to his senses. It was a respect that had blossomed somewhere beneath the stillness of his sadness and I wasn’t sure if anyone else could see it or realized how important the look in his eyes was.

It was the glowing eyes he’d read tales of chivalry with what now felt like so long ago. A bubbling admiration that spurred dreams and hopes. The dreams and hopes that Glenn had given him—the ones I’d taken away.

“Right. I’ll let the Boar and his lap dog go—this time. But once we deal with this mess and get back to the Monastery, I want a sparring rematch. My hands are aching to really go at it with someone who can keep up.”

Byleth let a small smile pull at the corner of his lips.

“Felix! Don’t make insensitive demands of our Professor. He’s in no condition at all to fight a brute like you in his conditi—”

“Manuela can patch him up on our journey back. It’s why we brought her, right? She might as well be useful for something besides making those little Knights wet their pa—”

Before he could utter the last word, Byleth’s leg had slammed right up between his legs and Felix bent over, groaning and letting out a multitude of curses. Even injured—Byleth’s Sylvain reflexes were as sharp as ever.

Felix glanced up from rubbing his crotch in a look of total disbelief.

“Why?”

“Well, Manuela is an excellent nurse. I’m sure she can patch that up too.”

I could hear Mercedes trying her best not to let slip the chuckles that were sputtering out of her mouth and Ashe grimaced sympathetically. I couldn’t really allow myself to join in.

Byleth was taking it all in stride and Felix was bottling up all he had to say under his practiced and comfortable silence. But even if I’d calmed down, the cold sweat kept trickling there just below my armor. I was also doing my best to put on my own performance and it was an ancient act like Felix’s. It was something I’d never meant for anyone to see aside from Dedue. Felix had shown me what would happen if anyone—friend or rival or foe—saw what I allowed myself to be reduced to. All in the name of those voices—the ones that whispered to me when my eyes lingered long on the things that I thought I could love. The torrential wall of their regrets that washed over and colored everything that lay before me. Even though I’d told myself and Dedue I’d try—to pull him close and take something for myself.

But even in their absence, their warnings lingered and crawled up from the corridors of my mind. Though wrong—they became true in a sense. I couldn’t protect Byleth—from myself.

Right as I felt myself beginning to sink down into myself, we could hear the neighing of horses and in seconds Sylvain came riding in with Annette hanging onto him and Jeralt just behind him with a couple of other mounted Knights. Ingrid also came swooping down on her pegasus with Manuela looking frazzled clinging onto her and landed beside the others who were mounted. Jeralt surveyed our awkward group and zeroed in on Byleth who gave him and gentle wave which had the man’s eyebrows and eyes wrinkling with anger.

“I thought I told you to stay with me.”

“My students needed me. You know that. We weren’t getting anywhere and needed a break and they were willing to back me up. I trusted them.”

“Then tell me what exactly you’re doing back here with your armor in tatters when you’ve already cleared out the foot of the hill?”

“I came back to help a boy who was being attacked by villagers.”

The boy in question was still following along and clinging to Byleth’s leg. It didn’t look like he planned to let go of him anytime and the scrutinizing and pissed off fatherly gaze of Jeralt did no favors in calming him down. Byleth had to turn and look down at the boy, kneeling so that they were face-to-face. He reached out his hands—the thin bony fingers gently cupping the boy’s face and gently outlining the scratches on his face before Byleth gazed at the shallow red valleys of the knife cuts.

“Would you mind telling me your name?”

The boy looked on in an unsure silence, his brown eyes shimmering as he watched Byleth intently and tugged at the pants beneath the broken armor. He only came up to about Byleth’s waist and his dirt and ash covered brown hair swayed back and forth.

“Quinn,” he mumbled so below his breath that it was difficult to hear.

“Quinn—well, why don’t we get to helping you feel better?”

Byleth pressed his two hands lightly onto Quinn’s body—one on each leg. Quinn seemed to squirm slightly, his eyes widening in anxiety as Byleth’s fingers touched every so slightly against a cut.

“Sorry,” he shot an apologetic look, “I’m gonna use a bit of white magic to make the cuts less nasty and painful. There’s gonna be a bit of light show but it won’t hurt at all, ok?”

Quinn stared directly into Byleth’s eyes for a few seconds before he nodded and muttered a quick “ok.”

Byleth closed his eyes and began to mutter an incantation to himself and Quinn looked on in astonishment as two circles began to sketch themselves against his tan skin. They made a low, jittery buzz and when the two circles were complete Byleth whispered “recover” and a light green halo around the outline of Quinn’s body. But unlike the affect Mercedes’s use of recover had, the minute Byleth finished the incantation I could see the skin at the edge of the cuts begin to pull closer and touch until the red valleys of blood had disappeared and the wounds had closed. The scratches that littered his face and arms vanished in seconds and Quinn’s trembling legs became still, stable enough for him to stand.

Quinn gazed at Byleth. His eyes becoming red and shimmering. His arms letting go of their fistful grips as he wrapped his arms as best he could around Byleth’s thigh in a tight and sudden hug. Byleth’s eyes opened wide in surprise at the sudden press of Quinn’s full weight but in second he was giving one of his signature small smiles as he ruffled the boys hair with slow and gentle pats.

A bubble of heat rose in my chest and I found myself glaring at Quinn from where I stood. It didn’t last long—but when I realized the kind of look I was sending the poor child I was overwhelmed by a wave of shame. I was jealous of a mere child and jealous in a moment when I should be completely repentant. Not to mention I had no right to act the offended lover no matter who Byleth went around caressing or spending time with. There was nothing binding us. There was nothing meaningful connecting us. At any point, he could simply fade away in the distance through the emerald fields of Gronder, the crumbling earth of Morgaine Ravine, and into the royal blue waves of the southern Gudrun sea. That is the kind of distance that separated us. An immense one that would not be easy to close. I had only the memory of his body covered in suds and droplets of water. His sky blue eyes staring straight at his exposed body sprawled on the tiles of the Monastery baths. We had moments like these that we’d given to each other but—ever since the incident of the baths it was no longer enough. I wanted something binding, real, and definite.

Rhea’s silent smile interrupted my wandering mind and a shiver crawled down my spine as the naked Byleth I’d begun to reassemble from that night fell away from my sight.

The Goddess was surely bidding her time to strike me down any minute.

Everyone stood around in amazement at Quinn’s recovery and they were so amazed that no one could bother to utter a single word. Manuela was the one who broke the silence by unceremoniously throwing herself off of Ingrid’s pegasus—landing with such a loud and sudden force that the pegasus raised itself on its hind legs in surprise—and made her way angrily towards Byleth.

“And when exactly were you going to tell me about this?”

“About what?”

“Your white magic! I just saw you sew skin back together with magic alone. You’re going to tell this senior nurse you just pulled that trick out of your ass!?”

Byleth rubbed the back of his head and sent Manuela a grin.

“Yes? I’ve been practicing white magic and I guess I found I had an affinity for it but I’ve never used it beforehand since we have cleric plenty to deal with wounds on the battlefield.”

Manuela scoffed and gave him a light punch on the shoulder.

“Well—keep those slender fingers of yours to yourself. You’ll run a gal out of business. There’s no way I can compete with,” she twirled her hand around while jutting it out to point to Byleth’s chest and thighs,” _this_. They’re all at my level of exquisite. You’d pull all of the regular Knights away from the infirmary,” she tapped a manicured nail against her bottom lip and nodded as if she’d just realized something, “Must be the chest…it is ridiculously big…paired with the airhead naivety written on his stupid face…those men eat that crap up…”

“I’d have to agree Professor Manuela. I’ve seen the Professor training shirtless and those things are dange—”

“Can it Sylvain!”

Quite literally everyone shouted that line in unison and Sylvain threw his hands up in the air in mock surrender as Annette punched his back. Jeralt massaged his forehead with his free hand.

“Manuela, refrain from speaking about the size of my son’s chest in the middle of an active battlefield. Take the boy and By—”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“…Take the _boy_ then and head back with Ingrid once she’s done delivering her report.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved off Jeralt with a hand still tapping her nail, “I understand quite well where I am, thank you.”

Jeralt sent a pointed, cold, hard glare at both Manuela and Byleth. Quinn saw and felt the intensity of his stare and went to cower behind the two. Perhaps realizing the kind of face he must be making, Jeralt let out a sigh and turned his horse around to face Ingrid.

“Were you able to make out any lingering enemy forces in the village?”

“As far as the villagers are concerned, I saw no more that needed rendering assistance or rescue. There is still that lingering group of mages standing below the windmill. They’ve made no movements since the battle started and I’ve kept track of them. They’ve simply been watching and they’re still seemingly doing so.”

“Then there’s little time to waste. Now that the path for us has cleared we have a straight shot up to the windmill. Not to mention the building fires have slowly been starving themselves as they hollow out the buildings. Visibility is starting to improve quite a bit so we should be able to see any enemy’s approach.”

It was true. The grey billowing cloud of smoke was beginning to thin considerably in places as the fires ran out of kindling fuel. The larger and thicker part of the cloud lingered though at the stairs and hill that led up to the windmill.

“Once you drop those two off Ingrid, fly back toward the windmill in case we need aerial support. We still aren’t sure what this group of mages is capable of.”

“Well…” Ingrid seemed a bit conflicted, her eyebrows furrowing, “There was something I thought strange and pertinent to say.”

“What is it?”

“Although I was quite high up, I did see—Tomas among the black robed wizards.”

“Tomas? Is he being held captive?”

“Well that’s exactly it. It didn’t seem from what I could see that they were restraining or threatening him in any kind of way. He was simply standing there in the center of them.”

Jeralt’s face morphed into one of worry and Byleth rushed over to his side giving Jeralt his own look of worry.

“Tomas did disappear suddenly from the Monastery on the pretext of visiting family. He gave no notice to the Knights or Archbishop Rhea. Not to mention…”

Byleth bit his lips as if he wanted to say something but shook his head.

“Seteth was in the middle of doing probes into members of the Church to find evidence of a culprit for the student disappearances. We both suspected Tomas heavily once he’d disappeared.”

Jeralt mulled over the information as Knights began to catch up with our group behind us. He turned to his men and called over three of them that were mounted on horseback. He commandeered the horses and asked the Knights to continue securing the village on foot to which the three soldiers readily agreed. He then turned back over to us.

“Right. This doesn’t change what we’ll have to do. The rest of you will ride with me on horseback to confront the mages at the windmill. We want to be quick and hasty. There’s no telling when the group will bail or pull out some other card out of their sleeve. Sylvain and Annette will keep riding together. Dimitri and Ashe, Dedue and Mercedes will ride as pairs together and Byleth will come with me. Felix you’ll be the riding alone.

I’ll be riding at the front. The rest of you stick in formation around me and close behind and together to me. Visibility still won’t be great around the base of the windmill. We want to be ready for an ambush or any kind of attack.”

“Got it, sir.”

“Right. Let’s go.”

Everyone began to hitch up onto their horses. I hopped on to a black and white maned horse helping Ashe hop on behind me as he began to inspect his bow and the arrows in his quiver. He tapped the steel arrowhead with his fingers, testing their sharp edges and checking for any sign of detachment. It was then that I realized I had no lance or weapon to use myself.

“Catch.”

I heard the gruff voice of Jeralt just in time to turn and catch the steel lance he threw towards me. I bowed my head in thanks.

“Thank you Jeralt.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Jeralt pulled the reigns of his horse and moved off to where Ingrid was making ready to fly and where Byleth stood speaking to Quinn. The boy seemed nervous to be left with a new group of strangers but Byleth kept giving him reassuring smiles and making animated gestures between him, Manuela, and Ingrid. I couldn’t hear him but Manuela seemed to be beaming at whatever he’d told Quinn. The boy was still not completely convinced and Byleth stuck out his pinky and wrapped it around Quinn’s, giving him a quick head pat. The pinky promise seemed to do it and Quinn reluctantly moved away from Byleth’s side and let Ingrid pick him to set behind her. Manuela hopped on to the pegasus herself and the two women sandwiched Quinn in between them to keep him safe.

The pegasus began to flap its wings and lift off the ground as Byleth waved a farewell and the three shot up high into the sky. He quickly ran to Jeralt and threw himself onto his father’s horse and the two made their way back to where the rest of us had lined up. Jeralt placed himself at the head of our group with Ashe and I to his immediate right followed by Sylvain and Annette and Felix to his left. That left Dedue and Mercedes right behind him closing our group out.

“Right. Let’s go!”

And with a loud “yah!” Jeralt’s horse sped off and the rest of us pulled our reigns and sped off right behind him.

The clopping of the horse’s hooves against the ground echoed. Now that the villagers had been subdued by us and the Knights and the fire’s crackling had begun to quiet, an eerie silence began to hang in the air as we rushed past. The thinning grey smoke swirled around us—almost parting in half was we followed the peaking head of the windmill north. I could hear a light humming to my left and saw Annette—her lips pursed—moving her head back and forth as she swung her feet which dangled on the side of Sylvain’s horse. The man in question sighed—his ginger red hair being chaotically yanked about by the rushing speed of the horse.

“Annette. I don’t mean to be that kind of guy but—would you quit the humming? It’s giving me all the wrong kinds of shivers.”

Annette ignored him and kept humming.

“Annette. Genuinely, this entire place has been a creep fest and that humming is just adding to the unwelcome mood.”

“Well what do you want me to do!? There’s definitely some malevolent magic ahead and it’s totally messing with my nerves. I don’t like anything about this. It’s like walking around the Monastery at night but it’s totally daylight out. If I stop humming, then the silence will start getting to me.”

“She’s not wrong,” Mercedes chipped in somewhere behind us, “I feel an almost—oppressive cloud of lingering magical energy and its getting thicker and thicker as we draw close. Do you feel it as well Professor?”

I glanced my peripheral vision to Jeralt’s horse and saw only the back of Byleth, his hair flowing back in neat strands that would occasionally jump up in a messy mop with each leaping gallop of the horse.

“Yes…I feel it too. It might be that the field of magic was always there it was just too thin for us to feel from where we were in the village. You two should be careful using your magic. We don’t know if this field has any effects on casted spells.”

The conversation ended there and the eerie silence settled back in with only Annette’s humming puncturing it from time to time.

Although I wanted to focus my attention to arriving at the windmill, my eyes betrayed me as well as my thoughts. They’d wander and wander until I found myself looking at right at his back. Tracing down where I imagined the valley of his spine was and remembering the way water cascaded through it like a waterfall. It was only when I moved my eyes to the jagged and deep dents and gashes of his armor with small lines of blood streaking in loud crimson across his pale skin that I was again ashamed with the way my body squirmed and grew rigid at the imagination. I was being overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts and reflections that pulled me by the arms one way and another. I wanted to be with him—I wanted to hold some tangible and obvious bond that told the world that I was his and he was mine. But I also could not quiet the voices, their rage and regrets, from reminding me of the path I was choosing to walk. That that path held nothing but blood and bodies and misery for me. Asking for his heart, his hand, his body would be knowingly endangering him—selfish and cruel.

I was heartbroken.

After he’d returned to his senses, he’d not once glanced my way. He’d not once directed a word to me. His body had been turned away from mine. I was always looking on at his back like I was now and it felt like the distance between us was becoming even more impossible to cross. There was this sudden desperation I had to see his face. See it clearly like I had. I pulled the leather reign of the horse hard, kicked his side with the heel of my boots and felt us rush forward. My left hand began to let go of the reign, slowly and slowly until the leather strap dangled precariously on the tips of my fingers. I was itching to just—to pull the hair back behind his ear and see the sharp profile of his face—the bridge of his nose and the curve of his lips. But right as I was pulling up almost within arm’s reach, I felt a gentle tap on the back of my shoulder and realized what I was trying to do.

I yanked the reign back into the ditch of my palm and saw his body float away on the back of Jeralt’s horse.

“Ah—yes, Ashe?”

“Sorry for bothering Your Highness. I just—wanted to check in on you.”

“On me? Whatever for?”

“Well—I realize everyone was caught up in the scare with the Professor—me included. But I also noticed you looked devastated and quite sad, even after Felix hit you and no one asked if you were okay. I wanted to at the very least ask even if it’s late so—are you okay, Dimitri?”

He couldn’t see my face but it contorted painfully at the sound of his concern, the way it permeated my name as it slipped out of his mouth for the first time ever. 

_Are you really going to keep lying straight to their faces like you did to our Professor? Go ahead— **reassure them**. _

“I—I’m fine, Ashe. It really—touches me that you were that concerned.”

“Well—I know that it’s not only the physical beatings that can hurt a person. Life in the streets of Arles outside the walls of the Gaspard Keep were always tough. Whenever I managed to scrounge up enough for my brother and sister to eat, the challenge wasn’t the actual stealing but managing to keep what I stole. There were gangs of orphaned kids all around the city even then when things were supposed to be going well. I stuck to myself and my siblings but that afforded me no protection and there was times I’d be cornered by older kids who’d beat me until I dropped my cache of food. They knew I was good for it so I always had something on me.

I thought things might change once I was adopted into the Gaspard family with my siblings. There weren’t things like hunger or poverty to force people to be the worst version of themselves like on the streets. Lonato and Christophe were proof of that. But it wasn’t very different inside the walls of the keep either. It was a subtle thing. Whispers and words, lies that would be muttered loud enough as you passed by down a hallway or just as you turned the corner to leave a room. Beatings on your character and sense of dignity.”

Annette’s humming started up again and I felt Ashe’s two hands wrap tighter as he spoke, with his head leaning on middle of my back and his words muffled by the rushing wind.

“What Felix said—I know it’s not true. I just wanted you to know that. In case—you were taking them to heart.”

_Are you really going to keep lying straight to their faces like you did to our Professor? Go ahead— **reassure them**. _

I didn’t respond. Couldn’t. And so our ride entered back into silence as Ashe clung on and I felt his dull warmth like a flame of judgment burning against my back.

The windmill now stood before us in small, quaint majesty. Massive boards of wood on the larger blades were missing and bits of its roof were caught on fire. Nonetheless it spun and spun as if it hadn’t at all lost it’s comforting and cozy appearances against the backdrop of the countryside. The stairs were right before us on the incline of a small hill and we ready to gallop up it when I felt it.

The air turned to pins and needles of cold. A weight—like a blanket—of pressure seemed to fall on us and my nerves were twisted on their ends. The lingering plume of smoke around us seemed to start to swirl around us—tightening around the group so that our line of sight was dramatically narrowed. The horses began to neigh anxiously even as we pressed on with our speeding gallop. Annette’s humming stopped all together and the silence returned stagnant and oppressive.

“Guys…”

Annette’s shaky voice rung out as I turned my eyes all around ahead of us. I could still see everyone clearly despite the thickening smoke and I saw every one of the Lions and Jeralt and Byleth swiveling their heads around. It wasn’t anything obvious—but I could see the wall of smoke just in front and to the right of Jeralt move—almost imperceptibly. Just a strand of smoke swaying against the rest of the cloud and then—two red dots glowing low fixed on the form of Byleth.

He burst out of the cloud. His black scythe swinging through the cloud—making right for the head of mossy blue hair. I pulled the reigns violently, jeering us forward as I raised my lance and caught the curve of the weapon’s sharp blade. The clang echoed as the metals rubbed and hissed along each other’s surface. The red eyes turned to look directly at me as I held the scythe back in that split second—burning a harsher red. He swiveled his horse enough for the black beast to slam its back hooves—one into the side of the horse and one on the side of my stomach. I went flying. I slammed my back against the ground and then rolled over a few times before hitting the burnt and dilapidated remains of fence. I cried out as my ankle twisted in a queer direction as I came to a stop. Chips of wood falling around me.

I raised my head back in the direction of the group and saw my horse was also launched to its side, Ashe flailing his arms at my sudden disappearance on the horse’s loss of balance. The horse tumbled to the right, slamming into the ground with Ashe. He was pinned down by the weight of the horse and let out a scream, his bow clattering harmlessly beside him.

The Death Knight swung his scythe down again—aiming right for Ashe’s head when Sylvain blocked its swing on his own black horse—sliding it down the base of the Lance of Ruin before deflecting it with a flick of his arms to the left—the scythe slicing through the poor neck of the neighing and confused horse. The horse ceased to move as its head was almost cleanly cut through becoming sudden death weight. Ashe screamed out again. The blood of the horses severed head beginning to touch the edge of his body and pool around him.

“Sylvain! I’m pinned! Both of my legs—the weight. It—It’s really—painful on my—bones!”

I struggled up to my feet—my ankle burning in pain as I hobbled my way over back to the group. The others were already circling Ashe, Dedue and Mercedes hopping off their horse and rushing to push the weight of the dead horse off Ashe—the blood now an enormous sloshing and squelching puddle below their feet while Felix jumped off his horse with Byleth and Annette. Jeralt and Sylvain remained mounted as the Death Knight paced on his horse just in front of them.

I made it right up to Mercedes and Dedue as she was pulling an anguished and blood soaked Ashe from beneath the horse Dedue was lifting up all on his own. Her pale hands were soaked and sticky with blood as she began to squeeze and prob his legs for any broken bones or twisted ankles.

The Death Knight ignored all of them. His red eyes locked on the form of Byleth raking over him from head to toe—Byleth’s back again facing me.

“So close…I knew I could smell blood. Faint…sweet…fresh. The sight of broken armor. Its jagged edges tipped in drops of blood. The thin lines sharp against the paleness of flesh. I…swung without thinking. Almost…almost dug in.”

He groaned through the black skull of his helmet and I heard my lance splinter slightly as I tightened my grip.

“Hey there. Dude, why don’t you calm down your raging hard-on. You look like you're seconds from busting. I never shame a man for his taste but you’re not digging in to anyone here if I’ve got something to say about it. The Professor is off limits! I haven’t even gotten a chance to see the goods and I’m sure he hates men who can’t las—"

“Why are you here?”

Byleth’s voice cut over and silenced Sylvain’s. His sword was now pulled out before him and I could see the way his hand tightened around the handle.

“You hang your mind on…such empty notions. I simply smell it. The iron of blood meeting the iron of a blade. I simply hear the anguish. The shouts of the fallen crashing against the shouts of the slaughterers. I simply want…to weave in and…,” he groaned and lifted his scythe, “I grow bored of…talk.”

He gave us no chance to move or think as he launched himself forward, his horse galloping like a flash of lightning and swinging his scythe towards Byleth.

Byleth quickly parried the sharp curve which glowed with an ominous purple tendril of light and held firm. The Death Knight seemed to lean in with his entire weight, the horse standing on its hind legs for seconds and seconds. Byleth began to slip backwards with the sheer pressure of the weight and I rushed forward with Dedue following beside me. I swung my lance—aiming for jab at the belly of the black horse when the Death Knight jutted his armored leg to take the blow without even sparring him a glance. The tip of my lance hit the obsidian black armor and clanged, the armor so hard that the lance vibrated and bounced back harmlessly. Dedue rush past me and swung his axe in a sweeping motion at the back legs of the horse and it looked like his swing would hit. The Death Knight—not turning or changing his stance—used his left hand to catch the edge of the ax, stalled its swing as Dedue struggled to free the weapon, and picked it up, tossing it away from him with Dedue still gripping on to it. He hit the floor with a groan somewhere right behind me.

Byleth was still holding his own but now he was skidding backwards and I again rushed over, this time with a plan. I feigned another swing for the horses legs and saw the Death Knight begin to move his leg to block it when instead I used the moment of my rush to slide myself underneath the horse and made quick jabs at its soft underbelly. The horse made absolutely no sound of pain or distress as the head of my lance was soaked in its blood and I jumped up on the other side of him.

“Dimitri!”

I turned to see the Death Knight galloping feet away from me and the scythe buzzing through the air towards my neck. Jeralt came rushing in to block the swing. His lance slammed into the side of the scythe’s handle and the Death Knight’s swing swerved awkwardly off target—losing the sureness of his grip on the handle for a few seconds. Glowing green blades cut across the air and slammed into his left side. His horse stepped about unsure as his rider lost the balance of his mount. Annette was alternating between both of her hands, letting loose a barrage of cutting gale’s and her face was twisted in concentration. Felix rushed in using the opening run right up to the side of the Death Knight’s horse and he bent his legs in a jump—swinging his fist into an uppercut meant to slam into the villain’s jaw. But right then, the black armored rider swung his own armored fist and slammed it directly into Felix’s face. Felix’s fist brushed along the bottom of the Death Knight’s arm harmlessly as the smaller man was sent flying straight into the ground.

Byleth rushed over and attempted to help Felix up to his feet and was readying his hand to use white magic when the man straightened himself into a sitting position. He gently brushed Byleth’s hand away, giving him a smile covered in the blood running down from his broken nose which was now twisted slightly to his left. He spit on the ground. A red glob of blood with a back tooth right in the middle as his teeth were stained the same color.

“Bastard—really think you’re something, huh?”

The Death Knight trotted casually a few steps back, his eyes still focused on Byleth. String of blood were pouring down from the punctures I’d made in his horse’s belly, splattering in gushes on the ground. But the horse stood there without a sound or sign of struggle. They appeared like a seamless and undefined shadow against the swirling smoke behind them.

“I am—nothing. I exist only to stain my blade when the urge arises. I do not think. My hand is unhindered by—emotion. You’re attempts are beginning to—wear on me.”

He once again galloped forward. His scythe went straight for Byleth but this time he swung it down repeatedly. It slammed and clanged again and again as the Sword of the Creator glowed a dull red and orange. The horse’s belly gushed and gushed blood with every harsh and sudden movement.

Jeralt galloped back and forth, slamming the tip of his lance into the grooves and gaps of the Death Knights armor. Chips of black metal began to peel and fall around the figure as he continued his laser focus on Byleth. Using the opening gaps of the armor, Ashe, who had propped himself behind a collapsed house wall and laid down on his belly, began to launch precise arrows. They buzzed through the air and struck their mark dead-on. The arrowheads disappearing underneath the armor. Blood began to run and drip at the end of each arrow that hit. Sylvain joined Jeralt’s passing flurry jabs and Annette launched more cutting gales, aiming the blades of wind at the broken bits of armor to help widen Ashe’s targets. Felix, Dedue, and I rushed forward to Byleth’s side and traded places taking raining blows of the scythe and swings at the horse.

This was a battle of stamina.

We went on for minutes like this. I could see the horse begin showing signs of pain and fatigue and the Death Knight’s own blows were becoming easier to predict and parry. But at the same time, our own strength was waning. The four us taking his blows were covered in sweat and panting loudly while Sylvain and Jeralt along with their horses were slowing down, the time between their passing jabs growing longer and longer. Mercedes had been throwing constant healing and recovering spells but now she could barely conjure a spell strong enough to restore half our stamina and Annette’s cutting gales were doing nothing but bouncing off the Death Knight’s armor. Only Ashe continued his faithful volley of arrows. The openings in the Death Knight’s armor had between four or six arrows jammed in them and blood was pouring in steady streams along their lengths.

Sensing that he was losing out and annoyed with the way the arrows were draining him slowly of strength, the Death Knight stopped his swings and had his horse jump over the four of us, galloping straight towards where Ashe was laying. Jeralt and Sylvain were about to gallop after him when Byleth screamed.

“No! Please, just get out of the way! You three grab me by the waist behind and my right and left. Dedue go behind you’ll have to be my anchor.”

I had no idea what he could be planning and neither did the other two but we followed his orders. Dedue gripped him around the way and Felix and I took left and right respectively.

“Dig in your feet and hold me down as hard as you can.”

He snapped the Sword of the Creator and it spilt back into its lasso form. He pulled it back to his right side and with all the force he could muster he threw it out in the direction of the Death Knights gallop. The long and unbound blade hissed across a long distance before them and once the tip rushed past the front of the villain’s horse, Byleth swung it left and the blade snapped and began to wind around the damaged abdomen of his armor. Instantly, the group lurched forward and was dragged along with the galloping horse. Everyone dug their heels into the ground. Byleth yanked the sword back. His face was covered in sweat. It sparkled under the setting light of the sun. Rays peaking and crawling across our bodies. His eyes were closed. His mouth was shut tight. The effort of his pull was clear.

They finally managed to stop moving and in one last tugging yank, Byleth managed to send the Death Knight flying backward, off his horse and tumbling violently into the ground. His body slammed down head first and the black skeletal helmet covering his face snapped clean in half. A head of light, pale brown hair was exposed with a ponytail tied with a black ribbon. His horse continued to trot towards Ashe and he aimed his arrow right at the beats head, the horses body flying past him and crashing into the ruined house behind him.

Byleth’s sword loosened around the collapsed form of the Death Knight and recoiled back until it snapped into its original form.

Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief and we began to make our way to the Death Knight’s still body when a red glow fizzled around him. It glowed almost in layers around him with the outermost part of the glow being a dark, maroon red. Before we could even begin to question what it was, he was covered in a bright explosion of pink and red light and when the light settled his bod was gone! Completely vanished!

“That’s quite enough.”

The voice came from behind us. We turned and found that the smoke had completely cleared away now and the warm orange glow of the sunset colored the entire village in hues of red. Up at the top of the stairs stood Tomas flanked on both sides by mages with black, long flowing robes that obscured their faces save for their completely white eyes that peered from the shadows of their hoods. I stepped a bit forward and pointed my lance at the old man.

“What’s the meaning of this Tomas? What is the purpose of your being here?”

“Little prince what do you imagine? Isn’t it quite obvious why?”

Tomas outstretched his hands and gestured around the entire village. I gripped my lance harder and the wood began to splinter more. Tomas spied the sudden tense grip and let out a small chuckle.

“You have no idea how insufferable it was to have to deal with brat after brat’s requests in the library. Always snickering behind my back about my limp and cane. Quite vicious. It made it all the more satisfying to disappear them one by one. Quite enjoyed how they screamed at the hands of this poor, poor old man.”

“You were the one responsible for the disappearing students Tomas?”

Jeralt spit out the question as he trotted closer beside me and glared at the old geezer on the hill. Tomas sneered down to him.

“My name is not _Tomas_. I’m Solan, a sorcerer without peer.”

In seconds, he was swallowed up in a purple smoke that—once it had disappeared—revealed him and his new body.

He had black and maroon robes with iron tassels strewn all about his chest with a strange piece of metal below his neck with engravings and a blue light. His hair was a strange light blue and his hair line was receded right to the middle of the top of his head. There were bulging veins that ran from the ridge of his non-existent eyebrows all the way up his head. His right eyes was larger than his left and had six strange, black lines around it. The robes were so long and wide looking it appeared to swallow the old man and his deathly pale skin.

“Wearing the skin of that old man was months of disgusting torture.”

“His skin?”

“Quite. Where do you think the real library worm is? I required his body in order to assume it. With how frail that bug was, it was almost comically boring to kill him. On his way to Ordelia Territory to visit family if I recall.”

“There’s no way you’re running off now. We’ve already dealt with your little magic show.”

“Magic show? This isn’t even the full extent of my magic’s capabilities. I spent so long playing faculty that I forgot how good it felt to stretch my fingers a little and get a quick taste of chaos and fear. I was surrounded for months by Church rats. That damned hag Rhea and her faithful little pets larking over all of Fòdlan while I was right there under their noses. With their little prayers and mercy, their pining and desires for the Fell Star to be reborn.”

_The Fell Star?_

He spit out the word with such disdain and sent his leery glare toward Byleth.

“You forced my hand _Fell Star_. I was hoping to collect a few more student bodies but I was short for my experiment batch. I needed to sizeable number of people to test with. What was a one little country dump like this in the grand scheme of things, right?”

Byleth readied his sword and matched Solan’s glare.

“If you’re always crawling around in the filth and shadows, of course you’d take for granted the ability of people to fight back.”

“Please, rabble like you and those pathetic villagers are beneath me.”

He made a dismissive waving gesture and the other mages disappeared in a red, fizzling glow just like the Death Knight. He was alone standing on the hill as the sun cast a sharp shadow over the right side of his face from the west. His large red eye glowing a strange hue of white and yellow.

“I’ve gotten the intended results. I very much doubt you’ll see me again. I did so enjoy that little show you gave me. I’ll be sure to have the Flame Emperor properly punish the Death Knight for yet another failure.”

And with that, Solan was gone too.

We all stood around in a strange stupor. The sky was clear now. A shade of purples and reds and pinks. Birds began to chirp their evening songs and flutter over the skeletons of shops and houses. We could make out the song of powerful wings behind us—Ingrid making her way to us. Our shadows were long and solemn against the many pools of blood the Death Knight’s horse had left about. We were all beaten, bruised, and out of breath. The windmill kept turning and turning with a groan.

After Ingrid’s arrival, everyone began to wake up and slowly start the trek back to the village’s entrance. I would’ve joined them but as I turned—I saw Byleth still frozen in the spot at the foot of the hill where he’d shouted at Solon. I was far enough for him not to notice my presence and I watched him.

Two bluebirds landed near his feet and his head tilted down to look at them. They were chirping and hopping along the ground—a male and female. They danced about occasionally rubbing their beaks together and flapping their wings so that the tips would just barely touch. His shoulders were stiff and rigid but even from here, in my kind of silent seclusion and distance, I could still see his beauty.

The sun filtered through each strand of hair and turned them a light green. His legs were bulging and thick and did very little to hide their power under his armor. The metal accentuated the soft flesh that was hiding just beneath. I could see glimpses of the pale skin of his think waist where his armor had been badly damaged and his collarbone jutted out sharply from where the metal shoulder had been violently broken off.

And without warning he fell down into a crouch, his body folding into itself. I instinctively took a step forward but a sound began to trickle gently to my ears. It was one I’d only heard once under the same stars that were beginning to twinkle and emerge from the purple hues of the sky. My heart lurched and stopped me from taking one step more. I knew what the sound meant. I knew with each wave.

I was heartbroken. Watching his back from an impossible distance.

Under the purple twilight and chirping birds and the pools of fresh blood shimmering crimson, Byleth sat curled into himself sobbing.

It had been several days since their mission to Remire. The Monastery was full of a strange and oppressive tension. No matter how the Monastery continued on as normal, at least for the Blue Lions, there was definite and undeniable change. The fight and ensuing violence had left a mark that would be difficult to hide.

Felix was still stuck in bed rest. Manuela was doing her best to fix the cartilage of his nose and she had high hopes of fixing it though it was still something that was touch and go. His nose had to be propped open with wooden pins to make sure he could still breathe. Ashe had his right fibula partially broken from the weight of the dead horse that had fallen on him. His right leg bore most of the weight and now he had a cast around his right leg and had to use crutches for likely the next three weeks so the bone could properly close and heal. I had a small cast on one of my ankles because of the twist I’d given it after I was launched from the horse. Mine would only take two weeks to heal since nothing was really broken—the ankle just had to be righted again and made straight. I also had a nasty purple bruise on my cheek from the punch Felix had landed and I now had a nightly ritual of ointment and ice to stop its swelling.

Byleth—I’d not spoken to him but Ashe told me he’d seen the extent of his injuries at the infirmary. Aside from the cuts which we had seen, his body was littered with purple and even green bruises. A few of his ribs had been in danger of breaking and Manuela spent a long while mending them with white magic before prescribing some rest and a chest wrap. She also gave him an incredible scolding and Jeralt sat there silently, his face a steely flat expression though his eyes betrayed his concern.

And Archbishop Rhea…

Not even the clergy dared to approach her at the moment. She’d rushed to the infirmary at the announcement of our return and hearing of Byleth’s injuries completely ignoring Ashe and Felix who remained bed ridden for that first week after our return. She’d assumed an eagle like watch over Byleth who was fast asleep, exhausted and watched him silently from a chair to the right side of her bed. She moved little from there and dismissed any nurse that approached who wasn’t Manuela taking whatever medicine or wash cloth they brought and handling their duties herself. Once he’d awoken they spoke and she quickly hid the worry that had wrinkled the fair and smooth skin of her forehead. Ashe, however, told me that when she got up and made her way to leave the infirmary he managed to get a glimpse of her face and he was struck with an unexplainable fear. The smile she’d shared with Byleth was gone. Her lips had set into a flat line. Her eyes seemed to glow with a bright and ominous green glow, the pupils almost a vertical slit as she passed through the door.

_If anyone or anything has become an obstacle for his well-being, then I’ll be happy to sweep them off the path he’s walking._

The image of her staring in the depth of the night at Byleth’s door came back to me. The thin smile and green glow of her eyes burning somewhere right behind my eye lids. A chill sent the hairs on my body standing on their ends and I had to shake my head to clear my thoughts.

Regardless, with Byleth confined to the infirmary on order of Archbishop Rhea, the Blue Lions’ classes were cancelled until he’d recovered to the satisfaction of the Archbishop. Normally, Seteth would’ve taken over Byleth’s charges but at the moment he was pulled every which way deep into his investigations for the still missing students and trying to snuff out anymore impostors like Jeritza and Tomas. The Knights increased their numbers and made themselves more obvious as tactic of intimidation and vigilance to deter any more tragic incidents within the Monastery walls. A cap of visitors into the Monastery had been introduced. A strict curfew was now being enforced for students and faculty. Even the clergy found themselves restricted in the hours of their worship. Only the Knights remained constant in their presence through the day and deep into the night.

Perhaps that was part of the oppressive weight that was falling on my shoulders.

It was difficult to find time and space to be alone with my thoughts, my regrets, and my shames. The Lions had been incredibly worried for my own safety and Dedue had become particularly insistent on following me around wherever it was that I wanted to go. Even my one solace of the late night baths was taken from me by the curfew, I found myself bathing awkwardly alongside the other students of the Academy. Awkward only because of the memories that seemed embedded right into the tiles of the place—the two encounters I’d had there with a naked Byleth. Our second meeting still burning and setting alight my body from time to time whenever my thoughts wandered to him. I had to do my best to hide my excitement from the other men.

But I had to chastise myself as I stood underneath the immense shadow of the Goddess Tower, leaning against the bridge and watching high, thin wisps of clouds streak the bright blue sky. The cathedral was quite empty and quiet and the air of solemn piety had been replaced with a silent anxiety that you could make out in the quick steps of the clergy. They fumbled with the matches as they lit the red and white candles that lined the pews, statues, portraits, and columns inside. The visitors squirmed under the harsh gaze of the Knights as they scurried by—not taking in any of the majesty around them. The students were the only ones who seemed to be taking the whole situation to heart. They spoke animatedly beside the cathedral well, the stairs, by its massive wooden doors and jeered and laughed over one another.

I sighed and looked down at the two delicate lace bags Annette and Mercedes had shoved into my hand earlier this morning. One was white embroidered with flowers—roses I think, running along green vines and tied neatly with a red string. The other was pink and embroidered with small baby blue lions that ran along across white clouds with a white string. The two bags felt warm as I held them in my palm. Tendrils of steam rose up from them and tickled my nose.

_“Hey there. Here!”_

_Annette has rushed up behind me, slapped me on the back, and shoved her small pink bag into my hand. She was carrying a wicker basket full of more identical looking bags. She stood there twisting her arms in circles around her. Her basket swaying along with her._

_“Oh Annette. We’re supposed to make the boys feel better not scare them half to death. I’m sure more than half those poor cookies are crumbles now.”_

_Mercedes walked up to me and placed her white bag into my other free hand and patted it gently, smiling all the while. Her basket sat still against the crook of her elbow._

_“These are for you Dimitri.”_

_“Are you two making deliveries?”_

_“Quite. We figured that everyone needed some sweet to warm their bellies with. I’ve never seen Ashe look so dejected. I think he’s worrying a great deal about his leg.”_

_“Yeah. So we figured, well, what did we think could bring smiles to people’s faces? Duh, sweets! It’s hard to feel all gloomy when someone deliveries baked goodies for your tummy.”_

_“Yes. We were lucky enough to catch Lysithea in a well enough mood. She taught us how to reduce the sugar and alter the ingredients so that we could bake a patch specially for Felix. Only lightly sweetened.”_

_“I tasted one and it was…well…not very satisfying. But they’re for Felix! As long as they sit well in his stomach that’s all that matters. But Mercie, we totally totally have to get going! We can’t let the cookies get cold. Eating baked goodies cold is like the worse!”_

_Annette snatched Mercedes hands and she zoomed off in the blink of an eye. Mercedes bumbling behind her, waving back to me and shouting out a farewell._

Honey and lemon. I’m sure they’d taste well with the care and sentiment they were baked with if not for the flavor of their golden crumbs.

“Staring awfully intense at those bags of cookies.”

I turned to my left and was surprised to both hear and see Edelgard leaning against the bridge an arm’s length away from me. The wind blew at her hair gingerly like fingers sifting and pulling each strand behind her. It seemed to float like the wispy thin clouds I’d been watching for a good few hours. She tossed her head in my direction. Waiting for me to talk.

“Would you like one?”

“A cookie?”

I pulled at the white string and pulled back the pink frill edges of the bag and stretched out the bag towards her. She seemed thoroughly taken aback and confused by the offer, her eyebrows quirked up as she stretched out her hand and sunk it into the bag. She pulled back her hand and opened her palm, hundreds of golden crumbs rolled down off her hand like a golden avalanche onto the grey stone of the bridge. She stared at the golden pile that still remained silently, her purple eyes blinking. I turned the bag towards me and found the entire bag a sea of golden crumbs.

We both looked at each other.

She was the first one to break. She brought up her hand to try to stifle her laugh but ended up just tossing her head back and fully belting it out. Her body shook and the lingering crumbs in her hand shimmied off as the laugh racked her body. I joined her and struggled to place the bag back down on the bridge’s ledge as ran out of breath. We stood there for minutes laughing without end until we could die it down to some chuckles.

“Was that on purpose?”

“I swear it wasn’t! I had just been thinking too about how Annette had just shoved them into my hand earlier. You just mentioned cookies and I offered the bag without thinking.”

She continued to giggle as she shook her head and stared off into the blue sky. She tossed the crumbs into her mouth and propped her head on her two hands, her elbows sitting on the ledge. I joined her and stared up again at the clouds.

“They’re pretty good even as crumbs.”

“Well—not to gloat—but it was Mercedes and Annette who baked them for us.”

“I’m jealous. Dorothea baked tarts for us a few weeks back and—they were awful. The shortcut pastry was raw, the custard wasn’t set, and the fruits were misshapenly cut. We all took a bite hoping the taste might redeem it but the flavor of the custard was so pungent—I’m not sure how she managed that—not to mention the raw pastry was impossible to swallow. Everyone was fighting back a death choke while we tried saving Dorothea’s pride and acting like the tarts were edible. That idiot Caspar ending up just biting his whole tart in one go. He coughed and spewed bits of custard and fruit and pastry all over us.”

“Guessing Dorothea realized they were Goddess awful?”

“Yeah. It was difficult to rescue ourselves from that. I swear my mouth and sense of taste is still traumatized them,” she opened her right hand and stretched it out in my direction, “Give me the crumbs. I need them more than you.”

I dropped the pink bag in her hand and watched as she tossed another handful of crumbs into her mouth. Never tearing her eyes from the sky before us.

I wondered how the two of us looked standing here hidden from the rays of the sun. I’d had very little opportunities to talk with Edelgard outside of Monastery and class duties and activities. My thoughts became overly occupied with my worries regarding Byleth and even now his back remained seared right there in the back of my eyes. But there was also another memory, an image that shared the space of Byleth there.

A brown haired girl spinning me around the empty ballroom of the Fhirdiad Castle. Her sure and graceful steps met with my rambling and unsteady legs. The heel of my boot always biting down on her toes as she let out scream after frustrated scream. The evening light filtering through the long and clear windows as a light flurry of snow began to flutter down from ambling white grey clouds. How even under her screams I could hear the quacking of a laugh and the hints of a smile. The brown haired girl with purple ribbons in her hair who ran off with the dagger she’d carve her path through life with.

It had taken me a bit to realize it was her when I saw her again at the Monastery but—here we stood now again—together, laughing, talking. It warmed my heart and managed to bring a smile to my forlorn face.

“This is just like back then. It’s nice to know we can still be like this even after all these years and the distance that separated us. That things don’t change all that much.”

“They have changed. We’re both going to assume our respective thrones. Millions of futures will be entrusted to us. We’ll finally have the power to steer the direction of all their fates.”

“That is true. There we’ll be important choices ahead of us. Parts of us we will have to leave behind little by little. But—it is my hope that at the very least, I’ll be able to step down that path together with you. With someone who’s heart I know. I’d like to take those very first steps into a new day hand in hand with the sun bright and the sky this crystal blue.”

She didn’t respond immediately. A silence lingered over us as the cathedral’s bells began to toll and people continued to laugh and shake and watch all around us. I looked over at her and saw her hand had frozen inside the small pink bag and her lavender eyes—were faraway. Not exactly here with him.

“And—what is this path that you see us walking down.”

Her voice had flattened.

“Ensuring that this peace continues. That people are allowed to continue dreaming and seeking their happiness without bloodshed or war. That we support the Church and share the responsibility of guiding our people forward. It is a lonely office. The throne and the crown. Sharing the burden and worries as well as celebrating the successes.”

“Is there nothing else? Is all you see a stain glass of unchanging and unmovable peace and virtue?”

“Of course nothing is ever set. There are periods of strife and conflict but that is why it’s important to carve out paths together. To attempt to avoid what is needless.”

“But what if things are required of us? If there is a need? A need that is unnegotiable? A choice, a path that necessitates sacrifices?”

“Sacrifices?”

“Yes. A moment that requires the resolve of your blade. A moment that that must be loud and torrential in order to force a change that is necessary. A moment like now.”

“I’m not sure I quite follow. Is there something required of us now?”

“Yes! All around us there is a rumbling right below the gilded walls of our castles. The caste of nobles and their lineages of crests. The power and suffering that they pass down generation by generation. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how we all suffer? Noble children and common alike?”

I saw Sylvain’s sagged form standing over his dead brother’s body in the crawling shadows of Conand Tower with the Lance of Ruin glowing an ominous orange in his hands. I saw Felix watching Glenn’s body lowered into the frozen earth of the Fraldarius family cemetery as a cloud of praise swirled around him, praise for Glenn’s noble death while his unrecognizable body, devoid of any semblance—of a face—lay underneath a metal coffin.

“It’s—true that there is suffering.”

“There is. It’s all around us if we choose to see it. If we tear off the blinds that are tired around people’s eyes. Why do we stay quiet about the shackled people sold into the Black Market in the ports of Derdriu? Why do we stay quiet about the conniving nobles in the Adrestian Empire who bicker for the strings of the throne? Why do we stay quiet about the center of the sex trade that exists right underneath the walls of the Fhirdiad Castle? Why?”

I saw Mercedes and her mother fleeing from Adrestia in the cover of a bitter and cold night all the while crying and sobbing into the howling wind as men on horses galloped closer and closer behind them. I could see Ashe and his two siblings hunkering down in the cold and wet alleyways outside the Gaspard Keep, his pale fingers setting out whatever he’d managed to get his hands on top of an old crate for the two to eat. I saw Dedue standing in the small kitchen where his sister and mother once stood cooking and were now slumped down against the kitchen cabinets—crumpled in pools of blood holding hands. 

“No one does anything. No one. The Church tosses its Knights around like pieces on a board. They do everything to maintain this,” she waved her hand at the sky, “this silent perfection. They stamp out any of the ugly truths that peek their heads from every crevice, every stone. The path I’m walking cuts through it all. The Church, the noble caste, through Fódlan itself. I want to rip off this veil that covers us. I want people to _see_.”

“Then we can walk that path together. We can figure out how to go about bringing change. Our hearts are set on the same things. We are not unalike—the two of us. We aspire with virtue and honor to attain justice for those we know are wronged.”

“We are similar. But we are not equals or partners. There is no way to walk my path with base and idealized notions of virtue and honor, of justice. There’s no space for patience or consideration. We must do what we have to—no matter the cost. There is no other choice.”

“But there is a choice! There is always time. There is only ever one path forward when we choose to only see ours. I can see yours, truly. I am asking you to see mine.”

A moment of silence hung between us. She continued to stare forward. Her hand still frozen inside the bag and the purple ribbons that were both close and lost somewhere behind the two of us blew like steamers at a harvest festival. She let out a sigh and turned to look at me—a smile adorning her face.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. It doesn’t escape me how many think I am crass and calculating and insufferably unbearable. I just—really believe in the things that _I_ can see and grasp. I don’t mean to discount the way you’d like to see Fódlan—the path you are making forward. After all, you were the one who told me to carve mine.”

“No—the fault is mine as well. I’m acting as if I knew you like the back of my hand but it’s clear I’m still much to naïve. We’ve not seen each other for years and this is our first time genuinely speaking with each other. I’ve this tendency to want to draw things close because—I suppose in some way I fear them not being real at all. That I was somehow just clinging to a mist, a vague form or idea of someone. This reminds me so much of…”

I saw Byleth then. His nervous and unsure tears as he confided in me under a starry sky not too far from here. I could see the ledge where we’d leaned next to one another. The bench where I’d felt him pressed against me for the first time. And I remember his back. Him crouched, folded into himself crying under a suddenly clear and beautiful dying sky. The distance was there. But it was harder to let go, his form something sure and warm and real. Only far.

“It reminds you of the Professor.”

My eyes widened. She let a small smirk stretch up from her lips as she went back to watching the clouds. I stood there taken aback with a blush crawling up my cheeks.

“How?”

“I saw you that night at the baths. You were hiding by the stairs and listening to Sylvain and him talk and pretended not to have been there. Then you went in and not a few minutes later, I saw the Professor rushing out. His hair still wet. His clothes soaked. There was a blush, a really pretty heat spread across his face. And then I saw you rush out in a panic as well, looking—for him.

It doesn’t really take much to piece it all together.”

“Well—there isn’t much there really except for what you saw. We’ve not talked since then and I doubt he’ll want to talk now.”

“Is this the same Dimitri who gave a girl a dagger?”

“You too? I get harped enough by Sylvain about how tactless I am.”

“I didn’t think it was tactless.”

I gave her a doubtful look.

“You don’t?”

“No. If anything, you’re quite sincere and honest. You let your heart carry you the last bit of distance you’re courage won’t take you. You spend so much time stuck in your head to then simply—move forward, to say what you truly mean. To make sure people can understand.”

I felt the tips of my hears flare up.

“Yes—well…I’m not sure if I prefer the ridicule or praise.”

“What I’m trying to say is that you should give him a dagger.”

“A…dagger?”

“Just thrust out your hand, spit out the things you want to say. At the very least then you’ll know if you can pull him close, hold him as a body and not some vision or longing or memory. Isn’t that what you said you feared? The distance between ideas and forms of people? Well, that’s also your choice. To decide for someone else how they must be thinking or feeling instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt. Of letting them and giving them the space to talk.”

She was right. I’d not even properly apologized yet. I hadn’t given the two of us the chance, the space to just air out the things we’ve been feeling. The way the two of us must be torturing ourselves with these circular fears. I’d just assumed that his back meant distance. That his back meant fear. That his tears were my cause. But I’d not walked up to him, to hug him and wait. Just wait. For him to be ready to talk. For him to turn back to me and show me with his eyes the things that a clear blue ocean couldn’t hide.

But I’d turned my own back, left him crouched and bent in on himself. Crying with the dancing bluebirds and the dying sky.

“Thank you.”

Edelgard nodded her head and the hand she had stuck in the pink bag went back to tossing handful of crumbs into her mouth.

“I’m a bit jealous of your relationship with the Professor actually.”

“Really?”

“Yes. When I see you two here and there talking or working together, it seems like you’ve just waltzed out of a dream. Even many of the Black Eagles are taken by him and he’s not even their professor. He has a warmth that’s always glowing and inviting people to come closer. He never speaks about his beliefs or hopes or ideals but—I’m sure no matter what they were who could convince and command people to follow him on the sound of voice and smile alone.

And he’s chosen you. He’s chosen to help you build this path forward even though he can’t see it right now. He’ll believe in it with all the blood in his veins and until the last drop is drained out.”

“The Pro—Byleth believes in the people around him. The friends his made with each student, faculty, and clergy. Everyone who’s touched him has become the reason that he moves forward—the way he carves out his path.”

She hummed gently. Her eyes held a faraway look again.

“I hope his path crosses some time with mine.”

A strange sadness glossed around the rim of her lavender irises as she whispered her hope. Her hands tossing golden crumbs of lemon and honey—crumbs of brittle sweetness—into her mouth. The clouds of her hair continued to streak across the sky. Far away. Far away.

There was an impossible distance in her hope that didn’t dare speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys and thanks for your patience!
> 
> I've been gone for about a month but don't worry I'm still dedicated and working on this fic. My college classes are getting in the way of the time I have to write so my work on chapters has slowed a lot. Mid-November I should be back on my weekly schedule once holidays start. I just want to take my time with this and don't want to rush out a garbage chapter that's not entertaining or giving you guys something fun to read. If you want to follow me on Twitter here's the link --> https://twitter.com/_WorkingPrince_ 
> 
> I'm pretty active there and it can be a way to get to know me if you'd like :)
> 
> The Lions are fighting together this chapter woo!! Lot of action and angst here again (hope I made the fights quick and fun) and what's this!? Some wholesome Edelgard x Dimitri and some Edel foreshadowing :'( . Next chapter we move back to Byleth and the aftermath of Remire. Thanks again fo your patience and for reading my work it means a lot!


	8. Valerians Blooming

Fishes swirled in little schools as I sat at the edge of the fishing pond pier. The more curious little ones would idly brush up against the bottom of my bare feet that I had dipped and was swinging through the water just below me. Their scales shimmered like polished silverware and rubbed against my skin slick and cold making me let out a few small giggles. They somehow knew the bottom of my feet were my weak spot when it came to tickles.

This was a welcome change from the oppressive and stuffy infirmary. I was constantly having my skin seared through by the eyes of Lady Rhea and her general presence had begun to tax heavily on me. I knew she was worried and I appreciated her concern but she daily positioned herself in the seat beside my bed every time she found a break in her duties as Archbishop. She’d tell a few stories about my mother and make small talk about what was going on around the monastery. Her green eyes shimmered and never once moved away from my face as she spoke or even when she sat there in silence. She was always simply watching in some way. I was glad Seteth and Manuela would shoo her away every now and again by reminding her of some clerical work there was to do or that I needed time to rest again.

Even the fretting over my health I found to be slightly annoying. I’d gotten a bit bruised up it was true but it was nothing to lose our collective minds about. I’d been through things like this as a mercenary before so this bit of pain wasn’t anything to die over. I was much more pained and guilty about Ashe and Felix. Ashe was up and about on his crutches and he swung by to get his leg checked out by Manuela and also talk to me. His voice was as animated as ever and he made a good show of keeping his eyes full of that mellow hue of green when he came by to share stories about the student’s antics while I was gone. When he would get up to leave though, his arms would hesitate slightly when reaching for the silver handles of his crutches. His shoulders would sag down like a sudden weight had overwhelmed him as he waved a quick goodbye and went moving along, his back hunched over. I know the injury was demoralizing and Manuela’s constant reassurances that his bone would fully heal did nothing to stop the panic that ran through his mind of possibly being unable to serve as a knight to Faerghus someday.

Felix hid it better. Although he’d never quite admit it to the others, he did stop by almost as frequently as Lady Rhea to chat about his training regimen and for tips and pointers about how to improve his weapon technique. A white molded cast covered his nose and kept it straight as it healed and mended but where Ashe suffered in stillness over his injury, Felix spent it restlessly trying to improve. No matter the entreaties for him to rest as well—no one, not even Ingrid, could tear him away from the training grounds. They told me he’d spend the entire day until late night hacking away at the dead dummies. Never satisfied. Never done. The broken bridge of his nose became a symbol of his weakness and he was not going to let another stain the body he was constructing—a wall of pure pride and solitary rage.

I wanted desperately to apologize to the two for my inability as their professor and leader to keep them away from harm but I knew that would only be insulting. They were their own people. They had pride and felt that pride had been wounded when they were struck down as everyone continued on in the fight without a serious scratch. Where before they had had something to show, now they had something they were desperate to prove. Of course, everyone would say they’d proven themselves already in that fight but they also knew that would be deeply insulting too. They’d already concluded they were lacking and the best we could do is believe in them—support them fiercely as they figured out what it was they had to do.

And so I bit my tongue and swallowed whatever apologies and reprimands that bubbled in my throat at the sight of those two.

I’m sure I was an incredible sight on my own with the white bandages still wrapped around my legs and chest and arms as I sat there in my sleepwear on the pier. It was still mid-day. Students hollered a hello as they passed by while others simply waved and I gave a polite nod to them as they came and went. The fish continued their gentle, scaley caresses as my feet kept their lazy pendulum swing. As they arced up, they’d create a small crest like an ocean wave until my feet swung back and pulled the artificial wave back down with them. I could hear every sound like a low, mellow rumble in the background. The tapping of feet against stone. The chatter of two students sharing some rumor. The rhythmic clang of the patrolling Knights’ armor. The distant clinging of forks and spoons and plates full of food. The powerful flaps of pegasus and wyvern wings above. The sudden burst of laughter that would crest above all the other sounds and then sink back into the melody.

It was full of life. Freeing and so far away from the dreary and silent infirmary.

“Finally! We’re free from that maniac.”

I turned toward the voice and found Sothis sitting beside me swinging her own feet through the air. She was making a pretty concentrated effort to stretch out her toes to touch the blue water rippling below, her tongue sticking out at the corner of her mouth as she slid herself further and further. I watched with a blank expression and not really having the heart to tell her that her legs were too short or that she could float over the water if she really wanted.

“Who are we talking about?”

“Rhea of course! That lady’s always breathing down your neck and now that you’ve gone and got yourself hurt she’s even worse. It looks like she’s always seconds away from locking you in the Church’s basement or something.”

“Ah—right,” I rubbed my right arm with my hand and let out a nervous laugh, “I’m sure she means well and that she just—has a hard time expressing her worries.”

“That’s one way of looking at it. An idiotic way. I’m with your father in this so I won’t give her creepy behavior a pass.”

“You agree with dad?”

“Yeah. He apparently hoarded all the sense when it comes to you two. The minute we got to this place he warned us to be careful of her and she hasn’t exactly inspired better thoughts from me at the very least.”

“I think it’s unfair to judge her so harshly. It’s true that I find her way of going about things to be—harsh and overbearing, but I don’t think she ever does them with bad intentions. During our tea times together—I’ve never felt anything insincere about how she thinks of others or what she wants the Church to stand for. I think she feels things a lot more strongly because of the loss of her mother. She’s only ever mentioned her mother in passing but,” a small smile stretched across my lips as I looked on at her, “I feel like I understand her on some level. Call it a hunch.”

She gave me a small, disapproving glare.

“People can have all the best intentions they’d like it doesn’t mean they won’t cause harm. You’re a bit too soft for my liking. Even when you were stone cold, you always had a tendency to act recklessly. Just take your inane attempt to save that Edelgard brat. You were just going to take an axe to the back for no good reason. Really. You’re still somehow beneath being a child.

I disapprove of being friends with Archbishop Mother Issues.”

She thrust out her hand and aggressively waved around a thumbs down. I had to laugh a little at the sight. For someone who claims to be thousands of years old, she sure can act childishly mad and judgmental. Without really thinking, I stretched my hand down and ran it through her hair right at the top of her head. Her hair felt incredibly soft and my fingers occasionally brushed the white and pink tassels that were braided through it. I felt her head lean into my hand and couldn’t help the small smile as I patted her head a few times. She was hunched over a bit now so that her braided hair fell and swung across the face. I could only barely make it out in the rippling water below.

“Thank you for worrying.”

She stopped trying to touch the water with her toes and pulled herself so she was sitting straight. She snapped her face to look up at me and she jabbed a finger into the side of my stomach. I could feel her finger jab over and over—a small and light poke.

It was her face that caught me by surprise.

Her cheeks were flushed red and her eyes were sparkling with tears. She kept jabbing the same spot at the side of my stomach and it managed to get a small wince out of me as she began to hover closer to the edge of a bruise.

“You’re a first class idiot! Of course I’d worry when you’re constantly throwing yourself in the face of danger without bothering to think for a minute. Even a child would have a stronger sense of self-preservation then you.

I told you to use a Divine Pulse during that battle. I told you to run and call for help. But you stayed to protect that stupid child, you ignored me even though you were scared. You were scared. I can feel your heart as if it were my own.

I could hear how frantic it was beating when you saw him hunched over the boy. I could hear it when you parried his lance and when he slammed his fist into the side of your stomach and tore an entire piece of armor from your shoulder. I could hear it when you screamed out for him while he kept slamming his lance into you and when that broke—how he just clawed at your armor and skin.

And then I…I…I didn’t hear it.

I couldn’t tell if you were scared or hurt or dead. There was an immense silence like you’d hidden yourself, you’d gone to sleep somewhere. I couldn’t hear you breathe. You were frozen there with the color drained out of your eyes.

I told you! I told you!”

She was screaming. I could feel her frustration as each tear fell and soaked the bandages wrapped around my thigh. She’d stopped jabbing my side and instead had let her hand press lightly against where the ugliest of the bruises had bloomed an ugly green. It was right where his fist had slammed into me.

Still—the small smile remained on my mouth and I touched the hand she had pressed against me.

“I know. I should really listen to you more, right?”

“Don’t deflect my anger by trying to act cool,” the tears kept trickling down her cheek, “I know you’re lying when you say you're fine. He can’t even see or touch me and when I saw his state even I felt like I was frozen in the air where you left me. It’s no use lying to me.”

I let my hand fall from hers and went back to staring at the swimming fish.

_The smoke was still incredibly thick as I was making my way back in the direction Felix had come running from. My eyes kept being drawn to the utter devastation around me. Roofs collapsing in on themselves. Flames spiraling up from the fall to lick the ashen grey sky. Villagers strewn all across the road. Some dead, some unconscious, some unable to move. I could faintly remember a certain putrid smell lingering alongside the smoke._

_The smell of burning flesh._

_My feet seemed to pick up their pace when my foot caught on something and I almost went tripping face first into the ground. I turned to look back and found a horribly bloodied villager. The man seemed to have a large diagonal gash in his back. A spear…it cut from the edge of his left shoulder down to the side of his stomach. It was deep but not lethal. I could hear his labored breaths as he turned his face to look up at me. He had no pupils—just white, blank eyes as he seemed to growl at me and try to claw his way over to my feet._

_I shook my head and turn around to keep going only to find my foot hitting another body and another body and another body. Countless villagers seemed to be thrown about with similar injuries. I could hear screaming up ahead and hurried in following the sound. I thought I heard Dimitri voice somewhere along with the rising screams and—sobbing? My feet picked up their pace. I was running. The wall of grey and red rushing past me._

_For all I knew, Dimitri could have ended up meeting someone who was part of the party responsible for all this. He could be struggling to fight them off. He could be in danger._

_“Byleth. It would be wise for us to turn around and find the others. Whatever is up ahead—it sounds dangerous.”_

_Sothis has suddenly popped up, flying beside me as I ran. I looked over at her and her emerald green eyes were twinkling with concern. My feet only began to stride faster._

_“Byleth! For once, listen to what I am asking of you!”_

_“Sothis, you know I can’t. If he’s in danger somewhere up ahead, it could be too late by the time we make it back with the others. I’m sure once I meet up with him the two of us will be able to handle whatever the new danger could be. Trust me.”_

_“You trust me! You don’t even know what you’ll be facing and yet you’re rushing head first into it. Please, don’t be an idiot.”_

_The screaming and cries were so loud now. I could make out several figures through the smoke. Shadows brought to life by the flames all around us. I finally broke through into a small clearing between some houses. What I saw then—shivers still run up my spine._

_He was facing away from us. His blue academy cloak draped over the back of his left shoulder searing and burning as bright as the flames around us. Four villagers were stood just in front of him—two women and two men. His lance was jutting out to his right with its silver tip coated in dripping blood. The drops steadily splashed on the dirt below, pooling and turning it a murky and dark red. The villagers then broke free from their frozen state only to collapse down to their knees and it was then I could make out the deep gashes sliced across their legs. I could hear something—almost like…growling? I began to open my mouth when I noticed him twirl his lance and dig his heel into the ground. He swiveled on and leaned into his left leg lifting the tip of his spear to the height of the kneeling villagers necks. The bloodied tip streaking across the air with drops of blood following behind it._

_He was going to kill them._

_I bolted. My feet pounded against the dirt as I slid beneath his left arm, swiveled crouched on the ground with my heels, and caught his lance with the edge of my sword. The loud clang echoed around the clearing and I almost fell onto my back with the sheer force he’d put into the swing. Even as I’d blocked it, I felt him push the lance even harder trying to force the tip back into its intended path. All my focus was on parrying his blow and stopping it from slicing through the necks of the villagers behind me. I heard the thud of their bodies as they collapsed to the ground and I turned up to look at Dimitri._

_My strength wavered suddenly._

_His eyes were a dull and sullen blue. His face was caught in a sneer that seemed frothing with nothing but pure and uncontained hatred. His eyebrows were slanted down and his nostrils were constantly flaring. It was now that I was arm’s length away from him that I noticed that I had indeed heard growling. The deep, guttural noises were bubbling up from inside his throat as his mouth curled into a snarl. His white skin was ashen._

_I needed to breakout of this deadlock quick. I couldn’t keep matching his strength like this when I knew I was bound to lose out. I already felt my entire body slipping backwards and the tip of his lance was slowly working its way up and over my sword. The silver tip was now scratching along my upper cheek close to my eye. I felt the sting of the metal and knew I had to be quick._

_I began to mutter a Thunder incantation and saw my right hand begin to glow a bright blue as I braced my legs. I slid my sword up to the tip of his lance and shoved it up with all the force I had. He teetered backwards a bit but his lance began to swing back down. I threw out my right hand and let the magic rune fire as a bolt of lightning went arching right into him. His body jittered and convulsed a bit and he let out an almost feral growl as I quickly stood up and swung my foot up, slamming it into his chest and sending him flying backwards and away from the villagers. He slammed into the ground and laid there momentarily, clawing at the dirt with his nails._

_“Byleth. You have to run and get the others. Please.”_

_I looked on and watched as he began to pull himself back up from the ground. He was now growling and grumbling as he swung from side to side like he was dazed. His face was hung facing the ground. The blonde strands of his hair following the swing of his body._

_I’d seen him react violently before. In the Monastery town when we were attacked in the alleyway. In the Monastery baths when he felt desperate to tell me his feelings. It always happened when he felt like he was beginning to lose his grip on something—something he cared about. But this…this was something totally different._

_He wasn’t at all in his senses. He was lashing out at everyone around him no matter who they were but maybe—like back then in the alley—if I simply reached out to him and pulled him back, I could help him come back to us._

_“Dimitri!”_

_“Byleth! What are you doing!? You have to run! You won’t be able to hold out against him by yourself you need the other children to help. You have to run while you can! Listen!”_

_“Dimitri! Dimitri! Pl—”_

_Before I could say anything more, he charged straight at me and swung his lance as I parried it with my sword. He didn’t give me a second to breathe. He kept hacking away persistently as I tried to meet each blow with my sword. Sparks flew off the tip of his spear as the metal screeched across the length. He went for another swing for my right arm and I moved my sword to meet his blow when he suddenly shifted his lance mid-swing. He used both of his hands to twist it so that it came slicing down the left side of my shoulder down my stomach. The metal tip screeched down as it cut through my armor and dug into my skin. I let out a groan as I brought my sword up and slammed the hilt into the side of his jaw. He jeered back enough for me to put some distance between us again and I looked down at the large gash in my armor._

_He’d somehow managed to cut right through the metal with the sheer strength he put into the swing and apart from that my left shoulder pad had been loosened by the initial blow. A cold shiver ran through my body as I turned back towards him but—he had turned away from me and was facing to his left. I followed the line of his sight and felt my heart stop._

_A small boy…was he always here? I hadn’t noticed him when I first rushed over to Dimitri. Maybe Dimitri got caught up in saving the boy. But then…what pushed him to act like this? The need to protect the boy? An injury made by one of the villagers? The boy was covered in bloody scratches as well it—couldn’t have been Dimitri who’d left them on him—could it? Regardless…the boy wasn’t safe even more so now._

_I didn’t even give Dimitri the opportunity to make a move and sprinted to place myself between him and the boy. I swiveled myself to face him and used my left hand to usher the boy behind me. I could hear him sobbing but I couldn’t do much more to comfort him without lowering my guard and attention from Dimitri who became even more agitated as I readied myself to stop him._

_“Are the cuts painful?”_

_“Th…they…burn.”_

_“They aren’t too deep then. That’s good to hear. Listen to me okay? I know you must be incredibly scared but don’t worry. I’ll make sure to protect you and my friend.”_

_“Is…is your friend…hurt?”_

_I tightened my grip on my sword._

_“Yeah—it’s something like that. I don’t want to hurt him so I’m gonna try my hardest to help him get better. But if things get too scary, I’ll tell you to run and when I do you run—ok?”_

_“O…ok.”_

_He whispered his understanding and I honed in my focus. I breathed in and let out a deep breath._

_“Byleth…you must run. Pick up the child and run with him if you must. But please, won’t you listen! Listen!”_

_“Dimitri! It’s me—Byleth. I know you’re not doing this on purpose. I know you must be suffering and I’m sorry I can’t do anything to stop it but tell you that I’m here. No matter how many times you hurl blows at me, I’m going to meet each one with the blade of my sword. I’ll dig in my heels and be as relentless as you. I’m not going anywhere until you come back—to me. Please, Dimitri.”_

_For a moment, his body stopped its rhythmic swinging and he drew his lance downwards as his face seemed to waver into one of confusion. He straightened himself and began to talk small and uncertain steps towards me and I felt a tentative smile return to my face._

_“Dimi—”_

_But then as quickly as he had hesitated, he rushed forward and slammed the base of his lance into the wounded and open left side of my body. The reinforced wooden body of the lance thwacked and thwacked mercilessly and repeatedly against me and I felt the air being knocked out of me before I could try to stop him. He jabbed quickly and shallowly with the tip of his lance against my armor—denting it at places and piercing my skin in the gaps between it. I couldn’t help letting out a scream at the sudden flurry of pain all over my body and the boy let out a cry somewhere behind me._

_I bit my lip hard and slammed my elbow into his neck enough to stumble him and then lassoed my sword, wrapping it around his waist with a flick before I used all of my might to fling him forward—sending him flying and careening into the ground a few feet further in front of us. He slammed into a shrub and struggled to stand and I took the chance to breathe and recover._

_“Byleth…”_

_“I know Sothis.”_

_“You—you should use a Divine Pulse. You can turn back time enough to grab the brat and r—”_

_“That’s not possible. I won’t be able to run and defend us from any of his attacks. I be severally blindsided not to mention I’ll be slowed down by the boy. Nothing will change if I use your power. I’ll have to hold out until the others notice or I manage to knock him unconscious.”_

_“Byleth…”_

_I turned to look at her as she floated beside me, her eyes glittering with worried tears and a little fear. Even as my hands trembled and the gashes and bruises on my body began to throb and burn, I sent her a small smile._

_“I’ve got this.”_

_I turned back to face Dimitri only to find him launching forwards again and I ran lightly forward to meet him. I caught the middle of his lance with my sword and the sharp edge bit slightly into the wood as I tried hacking at it over and over as I blocked his blows to try and snap his weapon. But as I was busy blocking and breaking the wood, he used his left hand and slammed a fist into my left shoulder throwing me off balance. He reached forward and gripped the loose shoulder pad of armor and pulled it back, tearing the entire metal piece off my body. He crushed the dented piece of metal in his hand enough that it began to fragment and break into smaller pieces. I nonetheless kept up my parries and used my legs to keep him on his own feet. I would spin on my heel as I swung and raise the a leg to follow the swing and slam it into his waist or his knee. No matter how much I did though—he didn’t seem to budge and he maintained his relentless hits. The tip of his lance still managed to further dent my armor and scratch at my exposed skin._

_I hadn’t been holding him back too long and I was already losing my strength._

_It was in that sudden feeling of overwhelming fatigue and throbbing pain that my guard had fallen apart as my sword broke his lance in two and I thought I’d managed to even out the odds. In that relief, I missed the clenched fists that came slamming into each side of my waist with the sound of the splintering and snapping wood of his broken lance. The air was knocked out of my body and I keeled over as I felt a darkness begin to cover my vision and I could only hear the sound of snapping metal, the throbbing burn of scratches, Dimitri’s growling, the cries of the boy and the angered shouts of Sothis._

_“I can’t do anything! I can’t do anything! Idiot!”_

_I felt myself draw in and behind the curtain of black falling over my eyes and I didn’t open them again I felt until I was suddenly surrounded by all the Lions._

I turned back towards her and saw her fiddling with her hands as she swung her feet over the water.

“I—I can’t do anything. All I am—is an empty apparition of the Goddess that everyone prays and clamors to. They want miracles and wishes and hopes and dreams to come true. They think my power that all-encompassing and yet—I’m no more useful than despair. I can’t do anything else but watch as my friend is clobbered close to death.”

Her voice was simply a whisper. She reached out her right hand and laid it across my thigh as I touched the bruise that layered over the gash on the left side of my body.

“I was scared. I was incredibly scared. I’d seen him react violently towards others in order to defend people he thought were in danger but—when we found him in the middle of Remire Village it—it was something else. There was nothing I could do to reach him. He didn’t care who it was he was lashing out against as long as it was—someone.

But I couldn’t—leave him there. Right when he needed someone the most.”

“You can’t save everyone Byleth. You can’t just—shoulder that burden on your own and selfishly believe you can handle everyone’s pain. You’ll never be able to do it. That pain—the memories and their wounds—it all seeps over the cusp of your palms until you end up drowning in the suffering yourself. Sometimes—no matter how important a person is to you and you are to them—you aren’t the person who can or should help them. Dimitri—he needs help. Some kind of—deep and profound healing.

When you were holding him off, I could feel this immense anguish and sadness pouring out of him with every hit he landed on you. He was consumed by it to the point that he physically hurt you with absolutely no recollection of it.

That fight—it proves my point.”

I clenched my fists and I nodded. I nodded but I could feel the sting of tears at the rim of my eyes. Tears of frustration that just bubbled up without stop. I had ranted to myself about Ashe and Felix’s belief that they had somehow failed and disappointed themselves and the rest of us when really—I was much the same as them.

“I know Sothis! I know! But he—ever since I came here, he’s helped me. I’m the one that’s supposed to be guiding them and yet somehow I feel like I’m the one being guided by them. I couldn’t even so much as crack a smile the first months I was teaching here and then I just—felt something inside my head and heart get knocked loose and I was scared. I began to feel things so intensely and I started to worry about what others thought of me. When their reactions to my happiness at winning the Battle of the Eagle and Lion were shock and surprise, I wondered if they hadn’t considered me normal before. And he felt that worry and helped me realize I belonged here—that I was in my own way complete and whole. Even before then he tried to make sure I was included in small talk and gatherings. He wanted me to feel like I was a part of the group and it wasn’t until recently that I began to feel and understand that sincerely.

I thought I might be able to return the favor. I thought I could reciprocate his good will and start to get closer and when he seemed keen to it—I was happy. Then when he had his first panic at the baths, I told myself I’d be there for him in the silent ways he was there for me. I’d be ready to shoulder the burdens he seemed to be carrying. But really—how could I even do that when I knew so little of him? Somehow I as always centered in every talk and moment we were together. I didn’t bother to ask him more about why he had moments where he lost himself. All I gave him were empty reassurances that were nothing in comparison to what he did for me.

And then—somewhere along the way—I got confused. About what exactly it was that I felt for him. It started with gratitude and then it grew into friendship and then—into something new that I’ve never felt before. It scares me because I’m not sure what it means. If I truly—like him, then what does it say about me when I’ve already failed him like this? If liking him feels strange when I’m also supposed to be his teacher—his guide?”

I was shaking now. My hands clenched and sitting on my knees as my voice died down into a whisper.

These were things I couldn’t quite tell anyone because I was unsure of them myself and the reactions other would have to them. All these doubts and frustrations led to me crying by myself in Remire. It was the reason I couldn’t quite look at Dimitri or the others yet. It kept me from speaking these silent truths out loud. I knew I wasn’t totally alone. Manuela was one of my very first friends and I knew she wouldn’t think differently of me at all given that she just invited me into her life even after she knew I liked men. Ingrid didn’t seem to mind at all when I’d told in her during our expedition in the Monastery’s underground passages as well.

But if they knew I was beginning to feel strongly for a student, a dear friend, a future king? What would they all think of me then? Assuming they even accepted the fact I was attracted to men to begin with.

I felt a hand at the small of my back and turned to see Sothis looking on at me with a warmth that felt ancient and familiar. I felt my fists slowly unclench and a sudden calmness wash over me. She moved her hand up and down my back and kept smiling—a bright twinkle in her eyes. It reminded me of the way Lady Rhea looked at me during our tea time together and the chats we’ve shared over the past months. A smile that reached all the way to the eyes and felt like…

A mother’s…

“There’s no need to rush. You will tell them when you feel it’s the right time to tell them. It’s not ridiculous to be fearful of losing relationships that you don’t feel you could live on without. To accept and admit your own inner and personal truths—that in and of itself is an act of bravery.

The feelings for Dimitri that you are working through—there’s no need to rush to conclusions. If you want even your friendship to work, you’ll have to answer and meet his advances honestly and sincerely say you’re not ready to answer them. If he cares, he’ll give you the time you need. And in that time you can get to know him better whether as friend or something new.

What I will insist on is that you not make yourself a miracle doctor. I was serious in saying no one can shoulder another person’s burden on their own—lover or not. When he is ready and perhaps with your suggestion, he should speak to others about his struggles and to Manuela as well. I’m sure all of you together can think of something to help me.”

With her eyes still lingering on me, I nodded and turned back to the fishing pong, swinging my feet through the water again.

“Thank you, Sothis.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m ready to have all the praise heaped on me for my endless wisdoms!”

We both laughed and I felt her hand slip away from my back as I watched us swinging our feet in the reflection in the water. The two of us together like we always were.

“I mean it. Even just knowing that you’re somewhere close to me gives me sometimes the courage I need to keep pressing on. You may think I’m not listening but I am doing more than listening. I’m considering everything you have to say and trying to best understand it because I’ve also come to consider you a truly amazing friend,” I turned and smiled at her, “Thank you, for pulling my head out of the water.”

She pretended to scoff even as her cheeks flamed up a bright red and she refused to turn to look at me.

“Yes well—you’ve grown slightly less idiotic and frustrating the longer I’ve been with you. Maybe I’ve also come around to feeling the same.”

“What a roundabout way of saying it. Who’s deflecting now?”

“Don’t get smart with me! You still have about the same amount of sense as a rock.”

“And yet still—here you are trying to touch the water with your feet sitting beside me.”

“I don’t really have a choice.”

“You do. You could just not come out to talk to me.”

“Well—I’m going to sleep. I’m already regretting having shed tears for you and I’d rather not smite you down. See you—whenever.”

And with a laugh from me she was just as suddenly gone.

I sat there at the end of the pier for a few minutes more. The air was still a bit chilly but the sun was relentlessly warm and there weren’t many, if any, clouds in the sky today. I just took it all in again. The rising and receding sounds of the Monastery and the beautiful day. The talk with Sothis had wrapped them all up in a nice, mellow warmth that helped me keep a small smile on my face as I stood up, grabbed my boots and wondered whether I should put them on with wet feet before shrugging and beginning my walk barefooted.

It was surely strange to see me barefoot with my feet soaking wet, but to keep the offense smaller I decided not to go into any of the Monastery or faculty buildings and instead made my way towards the market entrance and front gate. I’d just make a swing around through the stables and up towards the tea garden. With how little people there were these days around the Monastery, I’m sure I wouldn’t bother anyone much. Classes had also gone into session while I was talking to Sothis and I hadn’t even noticed so there probably wouldn’t be anyone at the garden either.

With that in mind, I walked past the iron doors of the entrance distracted with my thoughts when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Greetings Professor!”

I turned to find Gatekeeper Fynn waving with me as he held his lance in his right arm. The sun made his silver armor sparkle and I could see strands of his brown hair slipping to cover his eyebrows from underneath his helmet. He was smiling at me and I could see the small simples of his cheeks as his brown eyes looked down curiously at my feet.

“Can’t say I’ve ever seen the faculty taking a stroll without footwear in the months I’ve been working here. Soaking wet no less!”

“Ah—right. I’m sorry if it’s a bit unbecoming of me Fynn.”

“Oh, I don’t mind! You know—back in my hometown of Bremen in the Empire—my brother and I would always run around barefoot during the summer months when days were particularly nice. We’d go soak our feet in the river nearby to cool off and then we’d run like crazy with our feet plopping around ‘til we got back to our house. My mother would be furious at us after she saw the track of muddy footprints around the wood floors. Seeing you like this just reminded me of him and put a smile on my face.”

“I didn’t know you were from Adrestia. Does your brother work in the Monastery as well?”

“Oh no! He’s actually an infantry solider for the Adrestian army. He told me in his recent letter that he was currently stationed at Fort Merceus for the time being. The army seems to be running drills across the Empire so they’ve been moved around quite a lot by the Ministry of Military Affairs. He’s a bit younger than me and decided to follow my footsteps into military service though he is not as devout as I am to the Church of Seiros. I always wanted to work in service of the Church and after an attempt at being a bishop in the chapel in Bremen I asked visiting clerics if there were any openings in Knights of Serios at Garreg Mach proper and I received a letter of recommendation from them. That’s why I’ve got the privilege to see the coming and going at the Monastery and of course to greet people like you Professor!”

“I appreciate the times you do pull me in for a talk. Sometimes I get so caught up in Academy and Church work that I forgot to just stop and chat with people. It’s nice to hear your brother has been staying in touch. Does the rest of your family write to you as well?”

“Oh yes! Though,” he rubbed a hand against his neck and let out a chuckle, “I think they write a bit _too_ often. You’d think I’d moved to Derdriu with the way they seem to check up on me. But I do appreciate their concern, I do love my mother and father dearly after all.

Enough about me though. Are you recovering well?”

“Yes! Thank you so much for visiting me at the infirmary. I don’t remember thanking you at all now that you’re asking about how I’m holding up. Those stuffed buns you brought were incredibly delicious. Did you bake them yourself?”

“I’m glad you’re doing well. I did indeed bake them from a recipe my mother sent me recently. It uses traditional sweet buns but adds a savory feeling to contrast the sweet dough. I added strands of chicken with a tangy red sauce and some melted goat cheese. Did you like them?”

“Like them? I _loved_ them!! If you wouldn’t mind, I’d definitely love the recipe and maybe even a run through of it in the mess hall kitchen if you’ve the time to spare.”

“I wouldn’t mind at all! I can’t do it today since I’m on duty until late evening, but I tomorrow I’ll be free in the morning if you can get away from the infirmary for an hour or two.”

“That sounds perfect! I’ll make sure to be waiting in the mess hall around noon then. Does that sound like a plan?”

“That’s definitely do able for me!”

I smiled and he nodded his head enthusiastically enough to have his helmet slip sightly off his head and rushed to catch it before it hit the ground. He mumbled a sheepish apology as he took the helmet back and I was briefly able to see the messy mop of light brown hair that was flattened like grass that had been stepped on. He fixed it back on his head and moved back to his post by the iron door.

“Thank you Professor. As always it was a pleasure to have a chat with you. I’m looking forward to our baking lesson tomorrow!”

“Likewise Fynn. I’m looking forward to tomorrow too. Take care of yourself!”

We waved at each other and I continued my walk towards the tea garden.

I quickly climbed the stairs to the stables and passed by the neighing horses and pegasus and the roaring wyverns. The sounds of the Monastery had receded quite a bit while I had talked with Fynn now that everyone had moved to either be or teach classes and other faculty was busy with duties. There was a serene silence that had fallen over and besides the animals all I could hear were my wet feet striking against the stone path as I drew closer to the tea garden.

Before I even turned left into the small little area of tea tables, I was caught by surprise by the wall of shrubbery that lined and pressed over the small walls enclosing the place. The normally bare and green shrubs were covered in bunches of small pink flowers. I turned into the area and found the shrubs had turned into a swaying and living pink wall along the three sides of the gazebo that they covered. The place was devoid of any students so I set my boots beside one of the tables underneath the gazebo and made my way to one of the shrubs to look at the flowers.

Were they recently planted or added? I’d never seen them blooming or budding before now. And with flowers this beautiful I would have heard the students mention them. I stretched out my hand and gently ran a finger over the petals of a bunch of flowers. I leaned forward and pressed them to my nose.

They smelled like…vanilla?

“Those were your mother’s favorite.”

I jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, but I turned around and found dad smiling at me. I returned the small and turned back to gaze at the flowers longer and try to take in every little feature of the buds and flowers.

“Mother’s favorite…I’d never seen them blooming before.”

“That’s because we got here when they were out of season and now is their usual seasonal bloom. It’s a pretty delicate and simple flower so when they bloom no one ever pays them much attention.”

“Really? It’s kind of hard not to notice them when there’s so many.”

I heard the metal steps of dad’s boots as he made his way over to me and titled his head around to look at the bunches of flowers across the wall of shrub. Butterflies were fluttering about and stopping here and there on the flowers alongside a few bumblebees and the sun still felt nice on my skin. The grass even felt nice underneath my feet even as they continued to slowly dry.

Dad gently tore off a stem with a sizable bunch of the flowers and turned around to look at me. He reached out a hand and pushed back my hair just behind my right ear, tucking the stem of the flowers behind it. He stepped away a little and nodded his head with a small smile.

“They’re called valerians. They suit you kid.”

I couldn’t help a sudden blush from burning across my cheeks as I returned his smile.

“Of course you’d say that.”

“Well—sorry that I happen to humbly believe that my son is the most beautiful person in the world right alongside his mother,” he let out a laugh and continued, “I am being sincere. The flowers are usually used for medicinal remedies. They’re practical and useful so aside from doctors and healers, no one gives them much time. Your mother was very adamant about the power and beauty they held. She said valerians are supposed to symbolize readiness—awareness for things to come and the strength to be prepared for them. You know I’m not very big on these folklores and sentimentalities but,” he placed a hand on my head and ruffled my hair a bit,” if the two of you showed an admiration and appreciation for them, then the meaning they possess must be true.”

He began to make his way to the tea table where I’d placed my boots by and I followed him. We sat facing each other and he folded his hands and began to have this far off look in his eyes.

“Your mother never had the best of health. She was prone to sudden bouts of weakness and dizziness and she had no real physical strength. She was susceptible to fall ill quickly and so Rhea as her only true guardian made sure she never left the Monastery grounds and that she was supervised by the Knights or clerics. The way we met wasn’t that special. I saw her one day on the cathedral bridge and she waved a quick hello and I returned it in kind. I didn’t even know her name but after seeing her once I seemed to see and run into her everywhere. We chatted. We told each other our names. We got to know each other.

One day I was making the rounds of the cathedral and I saw her huddled with the Church choir and stopped to watch and get a listen to what the song they were practicing. It’s no secret that I’m not exactly a believer but I remember thinking her voice was beautiful. When they’d finished, I was walking up to her to compliment her singing and she began to teeter and wobble on her legs. She collapsed onto the ground and everyone got sent into a panic. I was mortified as well. I rushed up to her, picked her up, and began booking it to the infirmary.

After I’d taken her and she was being tended to, Rhea rushed in frantically as well. I wondered why she was in such a panic and tried to ask her but she wouldn’t calm down until she saw Sitri well and breathing. Afterwards she explained to me her relationship to Sitri and Sitri’s condition and it all clicked for me. Your mother was doing well but it was a slow recovery. She managed to hit her head and the nurses wanted to keep her there to watch over her and so that she could regain some of her own strength.

I’d never seen your mother sadder than when she was trapped in that bed. Whenever I came in I saw her staring out the window with her hands folded in her lap. Her eyes seemed to hold this immense sadness. It occurred to me that I’d seen that look of hers before. Anytime I found her alone she was always staring off somewhere. It made me realize that she felt trapped by the weakness of her own body.

I wanted to make her smile and remembered she’d briefly mentioned in passing that she enjoyed the smell of valerians and set out to look for some. I came here, picked a good few bunches, and then decided to try arranging them into some kind of bouquet. It wasn’t anything pretty let me tell you because aside from me not arranging them in any neat or attractive way I also botched the cutting of the ribbon that tied it together. When I showed up to the infirmary and gave them to her though…her eyes just lit up instantly.

I thought I hadn’t really done anything too extraordinary, but she seemed to think the world of just that small gesture. The sight of her pressing the flowers to her nose and turning with a smile to thank me—I realized right then that I’d ended up falling in love with her.”

I hadn’t realized it but I had begun to lean over the table as I listened to dad talk about mom. He’d never really talked so intimately about what he felt about her or even just about her in general before. Watching him smile to himself as he remembered her, it felt like I was seeing a completely new side to him. I was enjoying hearing more about mom, but I also just wanted him to keep talking more. Dad was a man of few words even when we were alone and talking. I wanted to keep hanging off his every word just like this.

“So it took time to know you wanted to with her?”

“Yeah. Falling in love is rarely instant. How can you know you love someone if all you’ve ever done is see them with your eyes? With our talks and our time together, I’d gotten to hear and see and understand her thoughts and feelings. I knew what she wanted was to see the world and I wanted to bring the world to her. It all just clicked together when I saw her that day in the infirmary.”

_It all clicked together…_

Dad didn’t know this but between him and Sothis I’d received so much advice and comfort.

“Who knew my dad was such a hot shot.”

“Your old man has his charms believe it or not. Though don’t sell your mother short either. You’ve got both of us running through your veins too.”

“I’m not too sure. I don’t think I have the confidence to command people with charms alone.”

“Ah well—it always takes time to find the right woman.”

_The right woman…_

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt.

Advice and comfort aside—conversations about relationships always trended in the awkward direction for me. I haven’t exactly told everyone I knew and I didn’t really feel inclined to tell absolutely everyone either. Ingrid and Manuela knew but they were two woman who’s friendship mattered to me as professor and colleague respectively. It was already incredibly scary having to tell those two I couldn’t really imagine how I’d fair with telling others especially the men in my life. In these conversations, it was always just a given assumption that we were both speaking about women and it made it honestly difficult to follow.

I was caught up in these thoughts when I felt my dad’s hand caress my cheek. I looked at him and he had a stoic and serious expression on his face.

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m feeling pretty good. Manuela says she might let me go as early as tomorrow after she gives me another look over and gives me an all clear. Everyone made such a big deal about it but they should’ve put their attention on Felix and Ashe. They were hurt way worse than—”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Dismiss your own pain. I know you care about the brats and it’s true that they are much more visibly beat up than you. That doesn’t take away from the fact that you yourself were pretty badly beat up. Not to mention you refuse to tell us _how_ you got all those injuries in the first place.”

I winced at the underlying anger in his voice.

It was true that I didn’t mention the fact that Dimitri was the one who had cause all the cuts and bruises. If I had told them it was him, then Goddess knows the consequences that would have been given out to him by Lady Rhea, the Church, the Academy, and not to mention the reactions of dad and the students. I know he didn’t do it out of malevolent intent and maybe the others would hear me out and see that as well, but with the story out and about, it could easily mar his reputation and character and be used against him in some form or another. Not to mention it would—make things harder for him. If he was struggling with something deep-seated that he hadn’t shared with anyone, then I didn’t want to be the one to force him to air it out when he wasn’t ready or willing.

Dad let out a sigh as the school bell began to ring out and the noise of chattering students began to flood over the Monastery once again. He stood from his seat and went around to where I was, pulling me by the hand so that I was standing on the grass. He lifted me with both hands suddenly in the air—a surprised gaps jumping out of my throat—and placed me so that I was sitting on his shoulders. He bent down and scooped up my boots before beginning to walk straight out and into the stream of students on the walkways between reception and Knights’ hall.

My eyes widened and I tried to jump off but he was holding on to my right leg with his right arm. I couldn’t jump off without looking like more of an idiot and before I could think of anything else we were already walking along with the crowd.

I immediately bent over and hid my face against the back of dad’s head.

“Dad! I’m not five! Please…why would you go this!?”

“Because I clearly need to remind my own son that I love him, otherwise the brat will keep carelessly disregarding his own life. So I’m going to go show him off a bit to everyone.”

I gave his ponytail a good yank and he merely let out a chuckle. I could hear whispers and giggling and some students egging him on. Even some of the faculty were joining.

“Is that Professor Byleth you’ve got on your shoulders Sir Jeralt?”

“It sure is.”

“Why is he piggybacking on you?”

“Because I’m trying to show off his pretty face to everyone.”

“Dad!”

I yanked on his ponytail again and he let out a big belly laugh as I peeked over his head to be on the lookout for any of my actual students or faculty I knew. I was sending silent prayers to Sothis that I wouldn’t be met with complete devastating humiliation. Right when we passed into the reception hall and were walking toward the Academy classrooms I saw Ingrid and Dorothea making their way towards us. I dropped my head against dad’s and sighed.

_Thanks you useless thousand-year old child._

Ingrid had her head lifted in a kind of indignation as Dorothea chased behind her.

“Oh, come now Ingrid! It would be such a splendid idea. Don’t you think?”

“While I appreciate and see the sentiment behind the event you’re planning, I fail to see why it matters so much whether _I_ am a part of it or not. I’ve told you and the rest of the girls that—this kind of thing is simply not something I care for or have time for. I have to be focused on my training and flight lectures so that I—”

“So you can become a knight. I know! I know! But here me out…what if we completely unlocked the entirety of your beauty by stealing the show as a pair! Oh, it’ll be just like my time on stage back in Enbarr. A beauty contest that will have the men’s heads turning in every direction. We’ll have them at the tips of our fingers if you’d be my model for the show.”

Ingrid shook her head and turned to dad to wave a greeting.

“Hello Sir Jeralt,” right as she was mid-wave she noticed me peeking over his head and looked taken aback as I meekly waved at her,” and Professor? Why…”

“Oh, Professor! Just the man we need in a situation like this. Someone as pretty as you will surely understand the importance of tapping into one’s natural charms. Would you please, please convince dear Ingrid here to be my model for the beauty contest next month?”

I forgot my embarrassment and sat up straight as I looked down on them.

“A beauty contest? This is the first I’ve heard of this. Who’s planning the event?”

“Well, yours truly of course! I figured with the general dreariness and tension hanging over the Monastery it might be fun for all of us to let loose and focus on simpler things. The contest is open to anyone male and female and to faculty or student alike. You form a duo with someone else and one acts as the designer who creates the outfits for the other, the model, to wear. They’ll be four rounds of outfits and a talent showcase and all five of those rounds will be judged by four judges. It’ll be made up of two students and two faculty who aren’t participating in the contest. Don’t you think it’s a splendid idea?”

“I think it sounds lovely Dorothea. Have you decided where you’d like to set it up?”

“We’ll be using the reception hall for the audience and the walkways for models. The Academy classroom will be used for quick changing areas so we can keep it all running smoothly. I would like to sign up myself but Ingrid here refuses to partner with me.”

“Dorothea, I’m flattered by your offer but this—beauty business is simply not in my wheelhouse.”

“I think you should do it Ingrid.”

“Professor you’re taking her side on this?”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side. I just think the contest sounds like it’ll be a lot of fun and though I know you don’t particularly like dressing up or the like, that makes it a challenge outside of your comfort zone yes? It’ll be a way of seeing how far you're willing to go for yourself and your friends and even to build a bit of confidence in yourself. You’re extremely pretty and striking Ingrid. Dorothea sees that and wants to do her best to show others what she sees in you.”

Ingrid blushed and tilted her head towards the floor. Dorothea sent me a wink and a thumbs up and I sent her my own as well. I liked Dorothea a lot. She always knew how to roll with the punches as things came up and she was incredibly considerate with others. I knew that she genuinely believed in Ingrid and that she was trying to push her towards something new. And who knows—she might learn something incredibly important about herself in the process.

Ingrid turned her back up and looked at a beaming Dorothea before sighing and turning back to me. She pointed a finger at me.

“Well—if I’m running the risk of total mortifying embarrassment, then I’ll only do it if you sign up yourself Professor.”

“Me? Why would I—”

“People have to challenge themselves right? Well—here’s your chance as well.”

“Oh, that’s the perfect idea Ingrid! The Professor definitely has it in him to even win he entire contest I’d say.”

“Wait wait wait wait wait wait…I definitely can’t sew or seam clothes and I—I—I—I’m not sure exactly what I’d bring to offer with regards to beauty re—”

“Please Professor save us the self-deprecating and deflective speech. All the women at the Monastery know you’ve got charm beaming off of every inch of your skin and even some of the men see it as well. You’d obviously be the model in your partner pair.”

“But who would I ev—”

“With Manuela obviously. She signed up immediately as a seamstress for the contest given her time in the opera and her experience crafting costume and makeup for herself. I really would have thought she’d go for being a model but she said, and I quote, ‘It wouldn’t be fair of me to rob the spotlight with all this that I’ve got going on.’ Of course, she said that, but it seems no one’s really eager to partner with her. The women think she’ll make clothing that’s much to—unbecoming for them—and that she’s also…well…a bit of a chaotic mess at times. I’ll sign you up with her!”

I saved the unsavory remarks regarding Manuela’s treatment to myself and let out a long sigh. _Why didn’t she tell me she needed a partner?_ She probably was being considerate given my injuries and what I’d gone through but really. She tried acting cool and sexy but she was really an unselfish softy at the end of the day. The least I could do as her friend is return the favor and support her in what she was trying to do. And maybe show off those trash talking women in the process too.

“Fine. I’ll talk to Manuela about this but please sign us up as a pair if you will.”

“Yes! Our very first male entrant! This’ll give the contest a bit more of a flair.”

“Wait. Haven’t mo—”

“Ah, men. You know they’re pretty shy when it comes to acting like anything other than absolute pigs. We’ve gotten a few men among our pairs but only in the seamstress role. You might be our only male model by the end of the month. I guess that’s to your benefit though. As the only male beauty, you’ll surely steal ground from us women quicker.”

“Then I can’t possibly—”

“Well, we better get going than Ingrid. We have to begin discussing the kinds of outfits you’d like me to make for you for each round and we can’t talk here in front of the Professor. He’s part of our competition now.”

She quickly snatched up Ingrid’s hand and yanked her as she jogged away towards the dorms. Dorothea waved back at us.

“We’re off to my room! Thank you for convincing her and signing up Professor! Let’s all break a leg out there!”

And with my mouth still open on an incomplete thought, they turned a corner and vanished as suddenly as they had appeared. I let my head fall back against dad’s and let out an annoyed groan. For good measure, I yanked on his ponytail again.

“Hey! What did I do now?”

“You carried me around on your back like I’m five and now I’m somehow a male model for a student beauty contest. The _only_ male model apparently. Ugh…”

“I think it’ll be fun. You’re friends with Manuela right? I’m sure she’ll be happy to know you’re her partner considering how much she complains about how attractive you are. It’ll be working towards her benefit now. I’m surprised she hadn’t asked you before.”

We began to move again and now he was taking me in the direction of the cathedral. As we stepped out onto the bridge there were still people who’d stare but the novelty of the sight had worn off a bit. It also wasn’t—too bad being on top of dad’s shoulders. The light breeze seemed to hit me a bit more and I had a good line of sight to the ravine below and the mountains surrounding the Monastery from here. It was also just—nice. Nice to see dad just being a bit of a goof with heartwarming intentions.

“I think she was just trying to be a considerate friend. I have spent close to a week in the infirmary and she probably didn’t want to push me by asking me to be her partner in the contest. Although really, she’s told me not to shoulder things all by myself and yet when she needs help there she goes doing exactly the opposite of what she preaches to me.”

“Nice to hear someone else is forcing you to think a little bit more about your own well-being. It makes my job as father easier if even your friends agree with me.”

“Dad—I really am fine. It wasn—”

“It was. It was bad. You know why? Because you’re my son. Any kind of harm that falls on you is a big deal. There’s no way you’ll convince me not to treat something like those bruises and cuts like they were nothing.”

I stayed quiet.

We’d made it over to the cathedral and he walked us over to one of the sitting areas that overlooked the bridge and faced back towards the Monastery proper. He set me down on the bench and joined me in sitting.

“I know it might seem like I’m overbearing but all I am is worried. Knowing your mother had so many health complications has been something that’s never escaped my mind. You grew up healthy and fine when you were smaller but something like that could change at any second. I was fearful you might end up suffering in the same way as her and when you began to have blackout episodes and feeling weaker I began to think everyone was pushing you too far. You were doing too much and it was hurting you. It was hurting you but you weren’t telling me anything. You hadn’t come to me to say you were overwhelmed or stressed or tired and to ask for my help. I began to wonder if maybe I hadn’t done enough to build a relationship of trust with you. The life you’d lived before in my mercenary company—I know you’ve said our time together was precious but even I know that was no way or place to raise you. I thought it was all catching up to me. The failures of me as a father.

Maybe I hadn’t done enough to show you that I loved you.”

I turned to look at me and he was already staring down at me.

_That’s why you…talked about mother…and gave me the piggyback ride…you’re an idiot dad!_

I felt the tears begin to pool at the bottom of my eye and I turned my head away to stare at the stones in the ground. My vision was blurry with tears.

“I’ve always known that you loved me.”

“I know. But I also want to do more to show it. There were many things that I kept secret from you out of fear that they would ultimately end up hurting you. In the end, that fear ended up creating this distance between us that only began to close when we arrived here. I’m sorry I kept so much of Sitri from you. I’m sorry I haven’t told you enough that I love you.

I want to do this because you’re the only thing left in this world that matters to me anymore. We might not have all the time in the world to be together but for what time we do have—I’d like to spend it with you. Always only a step behind you.”

As I tried to wipe away the blurry tears from my eyes, I saw him place something small and circular in my lap. Through some sniffles, I picked it up and raised it to my eyes. It was a small ornate silver bracelet. The band was shaped to appear like countless flower stems twisted together in a kind of braid and scattered across the band were pink colored flowers that seemed to blossom across the winding silver. It shimmered in the incoming rays of the evening sun and as I looked at the small metal work details on the flowers I realized what they were.

“Valerians?”

“Yes. A few months before you were going to be born I was sent on a Church mission In Alliance territory and had to leave your mother at the Monastery. I spent the entire trip completely out of my element. I wanted to stay and look over your mother and you, but I also had a duty that I couldn’t ignore as captain of the Knights. We had to quell an insurgence of bandits who were plaguing House Daphnel and Edmund territory alongside the Alliance army. We were based in Derdriu for our time there and I happened upon a jeweler who sold handcrafted jewelry from various kinds of metals. He took commissions and so I decided to have him commission a bracelet for you. I wanted you to always be able to carry a symbol of your mother and I and when I returned I kept it with me for after your birth.

After your mother passed though—well it was hard seeing something that would remind me of her and so I stored it away. I lost that bracelet. A month or so back though I found myself back in Derdriu and on a mission for the Church again. It was nothing too serious just checking in on the Eastern Church when I happened by the same jeweler that I had all those years before. It was run by a grandson now I believe after his father had suddenly passed away and I decided to have the bracelet commissioned again. I want you to be able to carry around some piece of her and me wherever you go. Here.”

He grabbed the bracelet and pulled at it a bit. It snapped open and he took my right arm and snapped the bracelet over my wrist. I stretched my handout out and admired the glittering metal and turned to look at him with a smile.

“It’s beautiful. I—I don’t know what exactly to say but I will say this. We both lost mom but I know it was the hardest on you. I never made any memories with her the way you did. But you need to stop thinking you haven’t been enough for me, you’ve been more than enough. You’ve taught me so many things that have made me the man that I am right now. Someone who doesn’t back down. Someone who fights. Someone who cares about others. I love mom just as much as you, but to me—I think I am who I am because of you. You’re the one that I take after.”

I reached over and wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a hug. He hugged me just as tightly.

“Thank you for the bracelet.”

“No problem kid. Thanks for lending an ear to your old man.”

I let go of him and we went back to simply sitting beside one another and watching the scenery of the day moves past us.

I was still unsure about my feelings for Dimitri and the dangers that seemed to be lurking and skulking around us. But I wanted to simply enjoy these small moments for once, not think about failures and dangers and myself. I wanted to just follow alongside everyone and enjoy them in whatever form that maybe. Even if I completely embarrassed myself in a beauty contest, at least I’d do it laughing with people I considered friends. And I shared dad’s feelings as well. He was one of the most important people in my life and even if we did or didn’t have all the time in the world, I wanted to spend the time we do have walking together. And maybe—sometime along that long path—I’d tell him about the parts of me I kept hidden inside.

Manuela had pulled off the last white bandage cloth and she was looking closely at the bruises and cuts that rain along my body. I was sitting at the edge of one of the infirmary beds and the sun was orange as it began to set and cast hazy red and orange light across the room and the hallway outside. It was getting dark enough inside that she had lit the room’s candles to let her see better. She prodded one of the bruises and I winced slightly.

“Did that hurt?”

“Only slightly.”

She stood up straight and clapped her hands.

“Well then you’re totally free to go! The bruises are healing nicely and they’ll be gone in around a week and a half. The cuts have closed nicely and there were no infections. You also don’t have any broken bone. Please, try not to land yourself back here again.”

“Thank you Manuela. I’m sorry to have caused so much worry and for invading your infirmary for so long.”

“Please. Did you expect me to throw you out after a day? I wouldn’t advise doing any sort of training because it might stress your body out and reopen those cuts. Refrain from anything intensively physical for at the very least a week.”

“Of course.”

I put on my clothes when I remembered something.

“Right. Dorothea told me about the beauty contest she organized for next month.”

“Oh did she? I suppose she told you I was competing as well though not as a model. Imagine the total chaos and injustice if I were to run as a model. I’d run circles around those poor girls and their entire sense of security in themselves would shatter seeing me win,” she let out a long and strangely evil laugh as I watched her a bit incredulously.

“She also told me you were struggling to find a partner since no one wanted to pair up with you,” she stopped her evil laugh and made a sound like she was choking, “I told her to sign me up as your partner.”

She turned around to look at me as I stood up. Her manicured nails and their blood red polish tapped gently against my arm.

“You sure you’re up for something like that? I thought you should take some more time avoiding menial things.”

“I’m fine now. Thanks to your care I’m sure I can handle something like a beauty contest.”

She clapped her hands and let out a scream as she turned in circles, her heels clacking on the wood as she grabbed me and forced me to sit down in a chair. She began pacing back and forth, tapping her nails on her chin.

“None of those girls could meet the standards I have for fashion. I needed someone who captured a beauty on level with mine so I kept refusing the countless partners who came wanting to run in the contest with me.”

“Right.”

“But with you—I just have to pity those poor girls. With your natural beauty and my hands, I’ll make sure to bring out the totality of that sex appeal you’ve got locked away in that body. We’ll rule over the men of this Monastery. They’ll be flocking over to us with marriage proposals and date offers. For once, we’ll be the ones in the midst of youth. The romance will be all for us!”

She let out another disconcerting laugh as I watched her with raised eyebrows.

“You make it sound like we’re at war with young women or something.”

“We are! Those little brats are way too young to appreciate the nuance and emotions of true love. Love and romance are wasted on youth when it’s us who deserve to be swept off our feet. The women and men who have fought so long in the trenches. It’s time we show them we’re not out of the game yet.”

I refrained from reminding her that I was still very much part of that youth she was targeting and instead simply nodded my head in solidarity.

“Well—I’m under your command General Casagranda. Let’s go demolish young girls dreams!”

I lifted my hand up in the air and she met it with a quick slap, nodding her approval at my excitement.

“We’ll have to get started tomorrow though since I still have work to do here at the infirmary this evening. Tomorrow afternoon though we’ll be doing your body measurements and brainstorming outfit ideas for the themed showcases. Did Dorothea tell you what they were?”

“No. She ran off with Ingrid the minute I agreed to the contest. I know there are four themed outfit showcases and then a talent round.”

“Right. Well the four outfit showcases will go as follows: casual, ballroom, festival, and wedding. We can get more into detail them for tomorrow. As for the talent round, start thinking of any talents you have that you might like to show off.”

“Sounds like a plan. I’m actually quite nervous now. I might be the only man up on the stage that night and I’m sure the outfits you make will be amazing but with me—who knows how we’ll end up fairing.”

“Oh, shut it! I don’t want to hear you already selling yourself short when you haven’t even gotten on the stage. Save the wallowing for after the contest. If things really go as bad as you say they will, we’ll head out for some late night drinks and if they go super well, we’ll _still_ head out for late night drinks! We might even catch some guys while we’re at it.”

I let a laugh and shook my head as I got up and made my way to the door. Manuela followed.

“That sounds like a great idea. I’ll see you tomorrow then so we can get to work.”

“Yes! Meet me here at the infirmary and we’ll head to my room from here. Don’t stay out too late now you need your best beauty sleep so we can think off outfit ideas.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be ready. See you Manuela.”

“See ya Byleth.”

She gave me a wink and headed back into the infirmary as I continued down the hallway.

The sun was quickly setting and the darkness of night was slowly creeping over the entire Monastery as I went down the stairs and out into the late evening. With the new curfews for students, the Academy walkways were deserted as the Knights had already made their sweep across the area. I made my way towards my room with the hopes of spending an hour or two writing and thinking about instruction for classes the day after tomorrow when I noticed something strange.

Between my room and the staircase to the baths, I saw the figure of someone standing facing the stone wall there. I could only make out red hair and a student uniform. As I stepped closer, I saw the hair was tied up into two red buns and that it was a girl standing there alone. She wasn’t moving at all. She was simply facing towards the wall and I tried thinking about which student it could be when I remembered. I stepped just behind her and lightly tapped her shoulder.

“Monica? Are you alright?”

The girl swiveled around quickly and made what sounded like a tongue click as she turned to look up at me with a smile. She had her hands behind her back and she was leaning back and forth on her heels.

“Oh, hiya Professor! Me? Oh, I wasn’t doing much just got lost in my own thoughts while I was going back to my room.”

“Lost in your thoughts?”

I leaned my head to look behind her at the wall but didn’t really see anything to odd or fascinating about it. There were just some barrels of provisions and crates of rusted weapons that were left there for the training grounds. I looked back to see her still smiling. The sun was behind her to the west and was low enough that a shadow was being cast over us by the Monastery walls.

“I’ve never heard of finding them by staring at a wall. Regardless, you should’ve already been back in your dorm room. The curfew has been set since the start of last week. What were you actually doing?”

“Well—I was running a bit behind while on duty at the cathedral. I had to relight candles and dust the saint statues so it took _forever_ to get it done and come back here on time.”

“Cathedral duty? I’m pretty sure we only assign students to cathedral duties every seventh day of the week.”

“Yes—well—we were told by Hanneman to do it and I just listened and followed orders. Does it really matter anyways? I haven’t done anything bad like I said I just got lost in my thoughts for a bit.”

_She’s lying to me_.

I squinted my eyes slightly and gave her a once over with my eyes. She still had a smile on her face as she spoke but it didn’t really seem to reach her own eyes. Their red hue seemed to hold a sharp glint as the sun faded more and more into the west. I walked past her and peeked around the barrels and crates going as far as to lift them up and peek inside. I found nothing and walked back up to her and gave her a scrutinizing gaze.

“You realize all I have to do is ask Hanneman whether it’s true or not that he assigned you to cathedral duty right? I’ve no idea what you’re pretending at by lying to me but you’ll find it won’t work with me. All I’d like to know is what exactly you were doing outside of your room during curfew.”

“I—I,” she let out a sigh and placed her hands on her hip, “Fine. I was here trying to meet up with another student. He told me to avoid curfew and wait for him here but I guess he just ended up ditching me. Can you really blame a little girl for trying Professor?”

“Right.”

I kept watching her as she watched me. The glint in her eyes seeming to sharpen and burn brighter as her face was darkened by the Monastery’s shadow.

“You—don’t believe me Professor? I just shared something awkward and embarrassing and you’re still doubting me. You’re so cruel.”

“I’m not cruel. I’m treating you like I would any of the students if I’d caught them wandering as night fell. Regardless of your reasons, you should hurry over to your dorm room now before you test my patience.”

There was a twitch in her eye. A momentary glare that took over her face before her smile slipped back and she folded her arms back behind her. She began to rhythmically lean back and forth on the heel of her feet as she looked on at me.

“I get the feeling you don’t like me very much Professor.”

“It’s not that I dislike you Monica. You’re suddenly being quite difficult. I realize that you would’ve graduated had you not been kidnapped and that that situation in and of itself must be difficult to contend with, but you have to adhere to the Monastery rules regardless of how unnecessary you find it having to remain here until graduation.”

“It was traumatizing being stuck inside the Church’s cellar. The constant cold and the darkness. I was constantly being put to sleep and moved around. All I could dream about was being free to come up back to the surface. I wanted to see the sun and all the people of the Monastery once again! All I thought about was,” she hummed a little—her smile still spread on her face, “how much _fun_ I wanted to have with everyone. I’ve gotten to play around so much up here.”

I nodded my head and began to make my way to pass her.

“I’m glad you’re having fun during your last year. Get going back to your dorm now. You can hang out with whoever you want tomorrow morning.”

I was right beside her when I caught the sudden gleam of something. Something had caught a bit of light and shined briefly in my left eye. It seemed to have come from Monica’s folded hands. I turned my head slightly to get a better view and thought I saw the handle of something tucked beneath her sleeve when I got a sudden severe chill. Her hands seemed to be twisting around to grab hold of something and I instinctively touched the side of my leg looking for the scabbard of my sword. It wasn’t there though because dad had left it in my room after I’d been left in the infirmary.

Instead, I got ready to try and block what I felt like might be an attack. I raised my left arm to shield my stomach. Just as I walked past her, I saw her grip harder on the handle and swiveled back to meet her head on.

“Professor?”

Dimitri’s voice caught me off guard and I stumbled in the middle of my swivel. I hit my own foot and tumbled backwards. I didn’t touch the ground though as I was caught with two hands under my arm pits and helped back up. I turned and found Dimitri in his academy uniform and was momentarily confused before I remembered Monica. I turned back to look at her only to see her casually brushing her hair with a black metal comb.

“You look a bit scared Professor. It’s just my hair comb. Promise it won’t hurt you.”

“Monica? Aren’t you defying curfew?”

“Geez, can it please? I’ve already received a heartless lecture on it from Professor here. I was just carried away by the prospect of a night out with a boy I really thought was into me and he just stood me up. I’m heartbroken and trying to keep myself together, but here I am being harassed with bureaucracy?”

“Bureaucracy!?”

I was suddenly pissed off. I’d somehow been threatened by this stupid girl who I knew was trying to mess with me with that comb stunt. I could feel my ears turning red as I began to clench my fist when I felt a hand on my back and turned to look at Dimitri who was standing behind me.

“The Professor is not being heartless Monica. He’s lecturing you for your own good. You know the Monastery has lately been attacked and there are still students disappearing all around the grounds. You should know better yourself having been kidnapped by the group working against the Church. If you’re out like this right now, you could be targeted again.”

Monica continued brushing her hair and let out a sigh as she began to walk off towards the second floor of the dormitories.

“Then what exactly are you doing defying curfew Mr. Prince?”

“That’s none of your concern.”

I heard another low tongue click as she waved indifferently with her free hand.

“Talk about playing favorites. Whatever. You’re pretty handsome so I guess I’ll listen to your lecture and run off to my room like a good girl. But it’s so dark outside now, I don’t think someone as defenseless as me should be left to walk all alone to her room. I think I need someone who’s strong and dependable to escort me back. Could you Di—”

“I’m actually planning to talk and walk the Professor back to his own room.”

“The Pro…but his room is like…right there!”

She stopped combing her hair and pointed with it towards my room which was only a few feet away from us.

“And what of it?”

“He’s a man. He can walk himself a few feet to his bed. I have to walk down all the first floor dormitories to reach the stairs leading up to the second floor. Anything could happen between here and there to me.”

“Well—you should have thought of that before defying curfew. We can watch you as you walk there from here.”

Her eyes twitched again and she lowered her pointed comb. She closed her eyes and composed herself a bit before sending an empty looking smile.

“Right. What a _gentleman_ you turned out to be Mr. Prince,” she turned around and waved the comb in her hand back at us, “I suppose some men don’t vie for a maiden’s heart. They waste their time on whatever crawls along the floor.

See ya Professor and Dimitri! Can’t wait to have you back for lectures tomorrow!”

She walked off down the dorm walkway and I thought I heard her mumbling curses as she went but I simply shook my head and moved her out of my thoughts. I turned to look up at Dimitri and I jabbed him with my elbow with a smirk.

“My white knight came to save me from an annoying girl. So cool and charming!”

“Well—she was being a bit of a handful wasn’t she? I caught half of that conversation and I never thought someone who had her life put in jeopardy would disregard and disrespect the person responsible for her rescue. I also could tell you wanted to be done with the conversation. Your eyebrows tend to furrow a bit and your ears get red at the tips when you’re annoyed or angry.”

“You—noticed that?”

“I have seen you deal with Sylvain and Felix for nearing a full year now. Those two have been turning the tip of your ears red about once every day.”

“Right. I’m not sure if he’s been acting like a decent human being or if people have been saving me the details of his misdeeds. I haven’t had to hit anyone for a week—what a nice feeling.”

“It’s nice to see you’re back to your usual spirits. I know the last mission took its toll on everyone and some more than others. I’d been meaning to talk to you for some time but well—you were always preoccupied or indisposed.”

An awkward silence then fell over us.

I was waiting to hear what he wanted to talk about but I couldn’t really muster up the courage to ask him outright. I had a feeling it would move into— _us_ territory and I wasn’t sure if my heart was prepared. We hadn’t been this close to each other since— _that_ incident at the baths and the _other_ incident in my room that followed after that. My cheeks were already flaring up as I cleared my throat a bit to egg him on to speak.

My hand was suddenly grabbed and I was pulled along behind him. Before I knew it, I’d been pushed into my room and he shut the door behind us.

My nerves were standing on their ends as I kind of just awkwardly stood in the middle of my room. He was still facing the door and had both his hands pressed against the frame as he let out a long sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

The apology came out in a quivering and unsteady whisper. I immediately knew what he was referring to and the nerves left my body enough that I went over to sit on the edge of my bed. He didn’t make any move to leave where he stood by the door but I could see his body shaking as he clung to the door frame. I stayed quiet and resolved to just—listen to what he had to say for now.

“I’m sorry. I never thought—I could hurt someone I cared about like that. Blood and pieces of skin under my nails. When you fell on the ground and cried. The way you wouldn’t look at me during our time at Remire. You suddenly felt impossibly far away. All I wanted to do was take you and run away from there somewhere where it would be only us so I could apologize and beg for forgiveness but—I knew that would only end up making you hate me more. I’d already shown you what Felix knows me as—the Boar.

I want more than anything to say that that isn’t me but that would be me lying to you. What you saw that day—it’s very much a part of me. Something in me that clings to the dead and their memories and their regrets and thinks of them as his own. A man who’s called to answer the anguish and anger of ghosts with the spilling of blood.

That anger I feel—it blurs into my sense of duty and justice so much so that at times I do the greatest atrocities in the name of helping others. On the battlefield I’ll simply—blackout and I become relentlessly violent. I thought I could so my best to control it ever since Felix saw me in that state back during the Western Rebellions. He’d thought of me as almost a brother and after he saw this—what I’ve always been and am—and the death of Glenn he rightfully created the distance he felt necessary. That was already something painful in and of itself.

Having such an old friend look at me with such disdain and disgust. I didn’t want anyone else to leave and so I tried even harder to hide those intentions of vengeance for my family from all of my friends. I ended up putting a distance between myself and them that when I got here I realized would be difficult to close.

And then I met you and—it was difficult to understand what exactly it was that I felt for you. I went from worried to grateful to endeared and then—to this heavy and consuming passion. More and more I was worried about your safety and the dangers of getting any closer and I tried putting distance between us as well. But it failed spectacularly. I find myself stumbling back to you and making amateurish mistakes to get closer to you that ended up pushing you away.

I’m sorry for forcing myself on you and for neglecting you. I’m sorry for what I did in Remire. I didn’t want to hurt you but I just—I just don’t know what more I can do. To stop myself from being pushed back there.”

His voice had died down to whispers by the time he had finished.

It was clear that it was eating him up. I’m sure he’d spent the entire time I was in the infirmary beating himself up and blaming the entire ordeal at Remire on himself. He didn’t visit the infirmary once to see either Ashe, Felix, or myself after all. I knew he shouldered the responsibility of keeping the others safe by himself and thought it his duty as their future king to lead them well in battle. Remire must have seemed like a total failure to him in his eyes because not only had he not protected them, but he’d also lost control of himself and hurt me.

My heart was hurting for him. I wasn’t sure if what I had to say would be much more comfort but at the very least I’d tell him how I saw things.

“The fault is not yours only. I also think I failed you in some ways.”

Dimitri turned quickly to look at me and was opening his mouth to say something when I raised a hand to ask him to stop. His blue eyes were shimmering in the late, dying sunlight that was spilling through my window. I could make out some darkish bags under his eyes and there was a sickly glow to his skin. I sent him a small smile and tapped the spot next to me with a hand and watched as his reluctantly walked over and sat next to me. The bed dipped down with the addition of his weight.

“You’ve always been incredibly kind to me and when I had moments where I thought I’d lose myself you were there to remind me of who I was. I struggled so much to fit in here to begin with because it was difficult to express my own feelings, but you still pushed me and tried to learn more about me and to share that with the others. Our time together always seemed to revolve in a circle that returned to me though. I realized after Remire that I was inadequate. I thought I could reciprocate the care you showed me by helping you in a moment where it seemed you forgot yourself. But I couldn’t.

All I could was call your name. I had no idea what was happening to you because I hadn’t at the very least asked that. I knew so little about you that all I had to offer was this gesture that was useless and empty. I couldn’t be the one to help you completely because—the feelings I felt for you were blindsiding me in a lot of ways to the danger you could cause to me if I wasn’t careful.

I’m not sure myself when exactly my idea of you changed. I know I considered you a student and then a friend and I began to feel an immense gratitude and warmth. But that night in the baths, when you decided to—to kiss me and I saw—you naked—there was something scary and new that filled me. It was a kind of craving that burned every inch of my skin and wouldn’t let up until I’d let myself get roped in on the thought of you.

I was mortified.

I was supposed to be your teacher, a guide or mentor for you. I had this responsibility towards the Church and the position they gave me. No one besides a few—knew that I was attracted to men and if they knew that and that I thought I was attracted to a student, then surely it would mean ruin for the both of us. You’re going to be a future king and to be in a relationship like that with me—a commoner, a man, your teacher—I didn’t want to add more to your misery. But I also—can’t deny that there is something I do feel. 

Thank you for the apology. I sincerely accept it. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to fully respond to your sentiments, to give you a proper response. But if you’d give me the time and space, I’d like to—navigate these feelings alongside you. I’d like to know more about you and what you’re trying to move through alone and I also want to push you in time—when you’re ready—to seek help from others to find a way to overcome the voices that speak of blood and vengeance.”

I had been speaking calmly the entire time I had spoken but when I turned to see Dimitri staring down at me my body felt like it had begun to melt. The sunlight made their deep blue almost glow as he leaned in closer to me. Our thighs were touching and I could feel the warmth of his body seeping over to mine.

“You want to give _us_ —a shot?”

“Y-y-yes that’s—um—what I said.”

He brought a hand up and tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear. My cheeks continued to flush and I sat a bit stiffly there with my hands folded in my lap. Contrary to what the scene in my—bedroom that time might say—I really didn’t have any experience with men or dating at all. Getting so much attention from a man that I thought I was beginning to feel strongly for—maybe I was just digging my own grave at this point.

“I’m sorry.”

He whispered his apology again as he held his hand against my ear. I looked up at him and his own cheeks seemed to flare up as he realized how close we were too. But he didn’t pull his hand back, he continued to stroke the hair behind my ear.

“You don’t have to keep saying that. Wasn’t what I just said clear enough? There’s no need to ask for forgiveness. I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re both here beside each other aren’t we?”

“I suppose—you are right.”

“Then let’s focus on what lies ahead now.”

I reached up a tentative hand and caressed his cheek and sent him a small smile. His face was covered in a bright red shade as he placed both his hands on my chest and pushed me down onto my bed. His hair was drooping over the two of us as he watched me underneath him. My breath got short and I felt a kind of—welcome anticipation that was different from the time he’d pulled me in in the baths. This time I was expecting it and I’d told him I wanted to give it a try. I don’t think I was ready for anything beyond touches and kisses—but I think that’s fine.

“Can I…”

I couldn’t even say a word. It seemed like my heart was caught in my own throat and all I could do was nod my consent. I moved around to get more comfortable and tossed my boots off before lifting up my legs onto the bed. He crawled up so that his head was right over mine and he was hover just above my body. We sort of stayed like that for a few minutes just staring at each other while I slowly died of embarrassment beneath him and he tried to mumble something every now and then. I tried to move my legs a bit and ended up hitting him with my knee in his stomach and he let out a groan, closing his eyes as I panicked.

“Oh crap—I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine. You’re fine.”

He opened his eyes back and caught my worried look.

And then he laughed. He laughed and the sound of it made the strange awkwardness and intensity of the situation melt away. I started to laugh too and began to shake my head.

“Aren’t I such a charmer? I’ve worked you up only to be frozen on top of you.”

“I guess we’re both pretty bad at this. I just kneed you so what does that say about me? Here I am ruining the mood by being clumsy.”

I was still laughing with my eyes closed when I felt it. His lips pressed against mine and he brought his body down so were both up against each other.

It was a light peck at first. He just pressed our lips together and touched the nape of my neck with his hand. Then he began to trace my lip with his tongue and tried pressing it again and again through my lips. I opened my lips and gave his tongue permission to come in as it moved around and searched for my own. I met his tongue with my own as I timidly titled my head and leaned my head forward to press my lips a bit harder against his. I heard a ragged breath come from him and he pressed me back down onto the bed with his weight and pressed our lips harder together. Our kissing began to make loud smacking noises as our tongues danced together between our lips and his left hand moved down my shirt and hooked on to its hem.

I felt his hand crawl under and move along my stomach until he reached my chest. He splayed out his hand and suddenly squeezed my right pec and I lost my focus on our kiss enough to let out a quiet moan that had the tip of my ears burning. He was gripping it with his entire palm and using a finger to gently play with my nipple. I forgot entirely about the kiss and began to pant as I looked down to where his hand was stretching through my shirt.

“I see you enjoy that.”

His voice had dropped down into a deep, slow drawl as his other hand slipped underneath my shirt and joined the other in squeezing the opposite side of my chest. My breathing picked up and I began to squirm as I felt another moan beginning to bubble with the next hard squeeze of his hand when he pressed his lips back to mine. He kept up the harsh palming and squeezing of his hands while my moaning was stifled by his kiss. He leaned back out of the kiss to look down at me and all the unsureness in his face had melted away into a look of pride and satisfaction.

“We can’t have you moaning so loud. Dedue is right next to us, remember?”

I glared at him.

“I know. Don’t remind me while you’re groping my chest. You’ve suddenly gotten a bit smug for my ow—AHH!”

A moan slipped out and my cheeks flushed harder in embarrassment as the thought of Dedue possibly hearing any of this began to haunt my mind. I wouldn’t be able to look him straight in the eyes tomorrow in class…

As Dimitri pressed his lips back onto mine, I decided to stretch my hand down and press it between his hips. My body grew warmer as I felt his penis already hard and pressing against his pants. I spent a bit just feeling it and felt my own beginning to press through my pants.

He was—big.

My mind went spiraling down as I remembered how it looked free of clothes and standing straight up pointing out proudly in the air. I tried imagining where the veins had been bulging and traced along its length through his pants with my nail. I could hear him begin to grunt and his hands start to squeeze at my chest even tighter and he began to use two fingers to pull at my nipples.

I was losing my mind.

I really wanted to pull down his pants to stroke him. I teased him with my fingers, letting them slip a bit past the top of his pants and letting my nail graze the head of his penis. I kept flicking the head with my nail and he groaned his approval and tugged at my nipples harder. I gave his bottom lip a light bite as I kept playing with his head and he began to grind his hip against mine. I broke our kiss and sent him a small smirk.

“I guess you’re liking that.”

“What kind of man would I be if I didn’t? Stop riling me up.”

“You’re the man who initiated it so now you’ve gotta follow through on it.”

I know it was hypocritical of me to ask for time and space when I was egging him on. But now that we’d agreed to figure this out together and I had him so close, my body had just come to life and the awkwardness had been transformed to a need and anticipation for more. We could do—just a little bit more than kisses. For now.

I pulled down his pants just enough for his penis to bounce out. It was standing straight out and I could see that some cum had begun to drip out. I gripped it in my hand and gave it a long stroke, using my other hands to rub the head and smear the cum around as I went. Dimitri then pulled my shirt over my head and blocked my view of his penis as he pressed his mouth against the left side of my chest and started sucking on my nipple. I stifled my moan now that I was self-conscious of noise and lost a bit of the rhythm in my stroking as I felt his tongue flick the tip of my nipple. He bit down on it and it sent a nice spark of pain across my body that had my hole twitching. When he finished sucking on that nipple, he let it go with a wet pop and quickly moved over to the other while continuing to play with the other using his hand. The cool evening air brought a chill to the small, wet, pink bud and I focused more on servicing him as best I could.

I grabbed his head and lifted it up from my chest. He looked at me with half-hooded eyes, the blue in them seemingly darker than before and I pressed a light kiss on his lips. I then pushed myself down along my bed until my face was right below his penis and blew a bit of air on the head. His entire body shivered and his penis jumped at the sudden sensation.

“Byleth you do—shit!”

I placed a kiss right on the pink head and watched it jump up again in excitement. I tugged at it with both hands and watched the foreskin pull back and forth as I kept placing kiss after kiss on the leaking end. I stuck out my tongue and began to flick it around and could taste the saltiness of the semen that had begun to leak out in strings. Whenever I pulled away from a lick, the white string would stretch out and follow my retreating tongue until it snapped and fell against my lip, dripping down to my chin. It was twitching a lot and was slapping up against his belly before slapping back down onto my tongue. I used my free hand to fondle his balls which were covered in a small bush of blonde, almost transparent hair and I looked up at his face as I continued.

His eyes were closed and his face looked like it was straining as if in pain. I moved his head and slipped it just slightly into my mouth and gave it a quick suck, watching as he bit his lip and let out a groan. I kept slipping more of it into my mouth even as I began to sputter a bit and got around to half way down it when I suddenly popped it out of my mouth. Dimitri slammed his face into the bed and I just as my lips pressed in for another round of my kisses…

“Byleth don’t—don’t—”

I pressed my lips against his head and suddenly his penis started to spasm. I felt warm shot after warm shot of semen sputter out and land on my cheek, forehead, and mostly on my lips and in my mouth. I held it right over my face as he emptied himself out and when all that was left was a small, white, dripping string on his head—I leaned in and licked the head clean.

I was suddenly grabbed by the sides of my stomach and lifted back up the bed. Dimitri slid down my body and pulled my own pants down so that my penis slapped against my stomach. I blushed and felt the tips of my ears close to searing off. I tried to stop him in my embarrassment.

“No. You don’t have to—”

“It’s too late to be bashful after what you just did isn’t it? If you made me cum, I have to return the favor in kind.”

Before I could say anything else, he swallowed my penis in one go and I felt his tongue trace along right down the shaft. I covered my hands with my mouth to muffle the moans that were coming out as his warm mouth squeezed against me. I looked at him through the curtains of my eyelashes as his head bobbed up and down and when his blue eyes turned to look up at me—I felt my toes curl. He reached up with a hand and moved my hands away before presenting me with two of his fingers. He pressed them against my lips and I let them in, taking the time to swirl my tongue and suck on them. As he pressed them around inside my mouth he kept up his pace on my penis and I began to squirm and squirm as I felt a hot and bubbling warmth collecting just below my stomach.

He took out his fingers from my mouth with a wet pop as he moved them back down my body. He reached right between my thighs and just beneath my balls when he pressed the two right on my hole. I let out a low moan as I felt the two wet fingers circle around, pressing and teasing my entrance with a push here and there. I felt like I was close to coming completely undone when he let my penis pop out of his mouth and—keeping his eyes on my face—I watched as moved further down until face went below my twitching penis and I suddenly felt a warm breath on my wet, twitching hole and finally—the single stroke of his tongue.

I bit my lip and felt my penis throb as string after string of semen came bursting out and splattered all the way up to my chest as I arced my back off the bed before collapsing back down on it. I was panting and dizzy as Dimitri came back up, cleaned the head of my penis with a lick, and came back to give me a soft kiss.

He got up after and grabbed a piece of cloth I had hanging on a chair and wiped the mess from my chest and stomach and face. He threw the cloth somewhere on the floor and then crawled up to me, wrapping me up in his arms as he snuggled his head into the crook of my shoulder. We were both still panting and I felt the warm breath of his mouth as he pressed kisses along my nape.

“You were great.”

My ears burned red at the compliment and I covered my face.

“Well—we aren’t doing anything like this again for a while! Goddess—I have no idea where I found the courage to do any of that. Just thinking on it right now I’m already somehow embarrassed and mortified.”

He let out a laugh and tugged at my waist so I was laying even closer to him on the bed.

“I enjoyed seeing you unravel a bit. I can only imagine what you’d sound like if there weren’t anyone around to disturb us.”

I pinched his hand as he let out another laugh.

“Yeah, yeah. Well it’ll be in your dreams now. I can’t believe you’d just—suddenly use that voice on me! It should be illegal to use it.”

“I was holding myself back. I could’ve told you a lot more while I was busy with your chest.”

“Right. You went right for there. I guess it’s good that mine’s apparently pretty big. At least according to Sylvain and Manuela. I might keep you roped in longer with it.”

“Ouch. I’m not after only your chest you know.”

I felt his arms tighten around my waist and I felt that sense of comfort and ease cover me over again like it had after I’d spoken with Sothis and dad.

“I know. Shouldn’t you be going back to your room? You might get in trouble now that it really is night out princely privilege or not.”

“I will in a bit but for now—would you humor me by letting me hold you a moment longer?”

A smile spread across my face and I simply nodded my head silently and grabbed the two hands he had clasped by my waist. I pulled his fingers and spent my time simply looking at them under the last rays of orange light left in the day. I could see the dying light crawl up across our bodies pulling along behind it the shadows of the night. Even as the light faded away and left out bodies, the warmth continued and its burn lingered across our bodies. The pink Valerian buds seemed to glow against the pale skin of our wrists as I wrapped my hands around his and the silver band pressed cool against our skin as he continued to leave kisses along my nape.

A faint smell of vanilla hung in the air. Maybe not the actual scent but—its lingering presence. It seemed to get stronger each time Dimitri nuzzled into the back of my ear and ruffled my hair. A lingering memory.

_It all clicked together…_

_Maybe_ …that’s what I thought. As I thought of mom and dad underneath a wall of pink Valerians.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry it's been over a month now since my last update here. My past semester at college was pretty rough for me I had research papers and lesson plans to draft up that took all of my energy. Then I got sick the week of my birthday with the flu and I didn't have any energy left. I tried to write this chapter the week I was sick and wrote a good deal but hated it and scrapped the whole thing. Then I finally got on break and decided to take some time off and played Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity, binged the entirety of Welcome to Demon School!! Iruma-kun (I recommend it), and then came back to ype this up and I really liked how it turned out.
> 
> This chapters focused on Sothis and Jeralt who are important constant family for Byleth (with a few guest appearances by other characters) and Byleth himself trying to workout what he wants to do about his feelings and relationship with Dimitri. To make up for the long delay, the two seal their status as a relationship by getting a little smutty :3. There are also hints and foreshadows and flags littered throughout the chapter about future events coming up down the line in subsequent chapters.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you could recommend it to others I'd appreciate it! It really lifted up my spirits when I posted the last chapter and saw your super sweet comments when I was feeling pretty down about myself. Regardless, thank you for sticking this out with me and continuing to read. Stay safe and healthy and I'll see you in he next chapter :3 !! Love y'all <3


	9. With Dawn Washing Over

“No matter what role a soldier possess on the battlefield all of them are liable to suffer fatigue and battle weariness. The use of magic and runes, of physical weapons, of healing arts all require great focus and a great amount of energy from the caster or fighter. This holds true even more so in battles where it appears to your army that you are losing significant advantage. If your soldiers are already battle weary and fatigued, then the most dangerous threat to your possibility of success and survival is the onset of hopelessness and fear. You must muster your charisma wisely and make choices in strategy as well as speech that inspire morale and hope as well as be sound and logical in considering the present situation of your forces.

There is a battle that took place in Faerghus history in which charisma and strategy was pivotal to the Kingdom’s very foundation. Can anyone name that battle?”

“Oh! Oh! I know Professor! I know!”

Annette was waving her hands frantically just in front of me. The bench she was sitting on skidded back with a loud scratch with the sheer enthusiasm and desperation she held of being able to give the answer. Mercedes shook her head with a smile as some of the other Lions giggled or chuckled and Byleth turned to face us from where he was writing on the black board.

“Go ahead Annette.”

“The Battle at Tailtean Plains! The War of the Eagle and Lion had been raging for four years by then—from 747 to 751—and both sides were growing weary of the fight. The war hit hardest for the Kingdom because back then the Empire surrounded them on two sides. The Alliance didn’t exist so the Kingdom was fighting on two fronts and there hadn’t been any decisive kind of victory for some time.”

“Precisely. You have two armies who had a massive number of troops who had begun to see the war as an unending, dreary slog and particularly so for the Kingdom’s men. With food scarcity beginning to set in given the fact the Empire was in control of the Kingdom’s western and most fertile lands, an unrest was bubbling just beneath the surface and the Empire figured that if it crushed the Kingdom’s forces with the entirety of their best forces, then it would decisively win the war for them as the war weary people welcomed its conclusion. However…”

Byleth had begun to sketch out a rough map of the Tailtean Plains as he began to speak and began to add in the rough positions of the Empire and Kingdom forces on the day of the battle. I had a military strategy text open and my notebook open to a blank page as I tried to focus and write down small tidbits of the insight and wisdom he was giving for the historical battle. But it was with utter shame and embarrassment that the lesson seemed to fly in through one ear and leave out the other. My eyes would start at the white chalk marks of Byleth’s handwriting and drawing but then slowly drift and drift until I was entranced by the way his hips swayed and moved underneath his academy uniform as he walked back and forth at the front of the class. The curve of his chest jutted out quite obviously and a brief image of their large paleness and pink nipples had my penis jumping to attention in my pants as my hands reflexively clamped into a fist like I had gone to squeeze them. His ass was sadly hidden by the black cloak he wore. I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I heard a loud snap and looked down to see my feathered quill shattered into pieces in my right hand.

“Is everything okay Dimitri?”

I turned my head back to the front of the class startled by the sound of Byleth’s voice calling my name only to find all the other Lion’s staring back at me with questioning faces. His blue eyes darted down to the shattered quill and a look of worry passed through his face as he looked back at me. I felt the flush in my face begin to burn all the way up into my ears as I sputtered around for an answer to move the attention away from myself.

“I—I—uh—”

I felt a sudden arm drape around my shoulder and turned to see Sylvain smiling at Byleth and waving his right hand dismissively.

“Don’t worry too much about this guy Professor. He goes around breaking stuff all the time. He can’t really control his strength so if he isn’t focused on controlling his hand, he ends up snapping or breaking things. That’s why you never see him participating in the hand-to-hand spars at the training grounds.”

I felt his left hand pat my shoulder a few times as Byleth still gave a concerned look.

“That is true. Our sewing lessons haven’t gone exactly to plan since he keeps snapping the needles and poking himself in the fingers,” Mercedes had moved down from her seat next to Annette and her blue eyes were now inches from my face scrutinizing it, “But he seems to be a bit feverish. Are you sure you’re okay Dimitri?”

Dedue crowded in from my left side and squinted his aquamarine eyes. Both him and Mercedes began an unending scrutiny of my face with Mercedes going as far as pressing her hand against my forehead.

“He does seem to be burning up.”

“His Highness might be once again overdoing himself. Could it be fatigue?”

“I would think so. Dimitri does tend to overdo it by helping us with our Monastery tasks. Not to mention the work he does for the Kingdom here at the Academy and our lectures.”

“Ah, a fellow workaholic! I think I might be so used to doing everything in one go by myself that I’ve developed some kind of immunity to feeling tired. But I also power myself up with sweets and cute songs. Doing that drives my small body to keep char—”

“Please Annette. I saw you just this morning fall out of your room as the bell was ringing half-dressed and dragging your bed sheets behind you on the ground. The reason your this forgetful and messy is the fact that you _are_ tired and half-dead most of the time.”

“Wow—why would you tell everyone about that Felix!? I swear—you’re the biggest meanie in the entire Academy and there’s still Hubert and Claude right behind you.”

“How am I being mean? Anyone walking from here to the dorms saw you running out in a total mess. If you’re worried about being socially shamed, you didn’t need any help from me so don’t go around lumping me with anyone.”

Annette had now moved over to where Felix was sat nonchalantly writing in his notebook and had her hands on her hips as she glared down on him from behind.

“Now, now you two. Let’s no—”

“Shut it Ashe!”

Ashe sat behind Felix and was raising his hand in a mediating wave at the two as Annette ignored him. Mercedes and Dedue continued their careful inspection and Ingrid let out a groan as she slammed her notebook shut.

“You are all acting like brats right now. If Dimitri is feeling unwell, then someone can accompany him to the infirmary with the Professor’s permission. The rest of you can stop using this as an excuse to kill each other and run over poor Ashe in the process.”

“Run me over!? I—”

I was left sitting in awkward silence with broken pieces of a quill in my hand. Annette was beginning to ramble off instances of Felix being mean as he did his best to completely ignore her. Ashe sat caught between wanting to intervene and trying not to become an innocent casualty of the sparks flying around the room while Ingrid watched on with a cool and calculating eye, ready to land a punch the minute anything sent the class further into chaos.

It was right then as I was asking to be launched out of the classroom that Sylvain stood, pulling me along with him, his hand still on my shoulder. I quickly placed my hands folded over the area where my erection was poking through my pants and winced at how painfully obvious I’d made it.

“Well, as fun as it would be to watch murder, I think I’ll be taking old Dimi here to the infirmary before you all make him spontaneously combust. That okay Prof?”

Byleth seemed distracted by me before he shook his head and nodded with a smile, waving his hand towards the door.

“Yes. That sounds good to me. You both have my permission to take your things and be excused from the remainder of the lecture. The rest of the Lions can catch you up on what you miss or you can set up a time to talk with me. Make sure to tell me how things go.”

Sylvain patted my shoulder and sent Byleth a wink.

“Roger, roger Prof. I’ll bring back our beloved hunk recovered and unscathed!”

“Perhaps it would be better if I accompanied His Highness.”

Dedue made to get himself up when Sylvain waved his offer off.

“Nah. Take it easy Dedue. You can release His Highness from custody every once in a while, can’t you.”

“I—suppose so.”

Dedue answered the joking response with a straight face and returned to his seat as Mercedes gave us a smile and walked back to hers, grabbing Annette by the elbow as she went while Annette continued to mumble reproaches and glare at Felix.

Sylvain steered me back to the entrance of the classroom and we pushed past the large wooden doors into the cloudy grey gloom of the day outside. The courtyard still had some students scattered about in groups. I thought he’d go straight into the reception hall and then towards the second-floor stairs that would lead us up to the infirmary, but he instead made two rights so that we cut through the small sitting area next to the mess hall and into the walkways for the dormitories. He ushered us down towards the greenhouse before leading us up the stairs into the second-floor dorms. He then made a beeline straight to his quarters and closed the door behind us as we entered.

His room sure was—something.

A pile of shirts and pants were draping over his desk and the chair that was pulled away from it and sitting right in the middle of the room. I moved my foot a bit and found my boot getting caught in a small pile of underwear that was unceremoniously strewn about inches from the door. His bed was also wrinkled beyond belief and the sheets and pillows were precariously leaning off the mattress ready to fall on the floor and join his underwear with the slightest accidental touch. Even more strange were the books that were hidden here and there on the bed, beneath the bed, by the feet of the desk, and piled beside the door. A quick glance at them showed them to be serious academic texts—things on the use of black magic with physical military units, the art of rune crafting and spell casting, a treatise on crests and Fódlan’s system of nobility, and— _On the Great Bridge of Myrddin_. I stared blankly at the title of the popular romance novel and shook my head as I stood awkwardly by the door—still doing my best to cover the erection that was still alive underneath my pants.

Sylvain nonchalantly walked over and fell face first into his bed, his hands and feet splayed out like a star as he let out a huge sigh.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

“Is it,” I walked further in aiming for the chair and found my feet hitting the hard edge of a book beneath _another_ pile of underwear, “possible—to get comfortable in a room like this?”

Sylvain turned his head to look at me.

“Listen, I just did you a solid Dimitri. If I hadn’t tactfully saved you from staying through the last half-hour of our lecture, you would have hurt someone with that weapon you’ve got carrying around in your pants. You had that thing locked and loaded my friend.”

My entire face felt like it was going to burn off as I shoved the pile of clothes on the chair onto the floor and sat down facing him.

“That—Goddess,” I rubbed a hand across my forehead, “I wasn’t really expecting or wanting something like this to happen. I couldn’t really ask myself to calm down now could I?”

“Right you are. When a man’s switch is turned on like that, nothing can get in the way which is why I rushed in to save you from embarrassment. But I do have to wonder Your Highness,” Sylvain’s eyes shimmered with a mischievous gleam as he sent me a wink, “what kind of woman is inspiring such unholy and unbecoming thoughts from our future king? She must be inspiring your imagination real far if your cock’s close to busting out of your own pants.”

I let out a groan and turned my face towards the floor, my head held in both my hands. When I woke up this morning, this was most definitely not a conversation I’d imagine or want to be having especially with Sylvain. He already teased me enough with my failure at courting women and if he knew I was trying with Byleth—who was man—I’d never hear the end of his teasing. I’ve already got the sudden erection story looming over me now.

“I quite honestly—wasn’t thinking of anyone in particular. You know men just suddenly—get erections from time to time.”

“That’s true enough, but you looked pretty mortified and hot and bothered for it to be a simple bodily fluke. You looked like the entire class had caught you right in the act of sleeping with a woman.”

I glared at the floor.

_Why are you so astute and perceptive when it comes to this of all things?_

“Look, I’m not accusing you of anything or looking to shame you for it. I just wanted to give you a cover and help you out a bit cause I know how you hate embarrassments like these. I’m just surprised that someone has you hooked so bad when you’ve seemed so indifferent to the idea of dating or being with anyone before. I’m honestly happy and hope it goes well for you. I’m sure you’ll introduce her to me first when you’re ready.”

I raised my head slowly to look at him. He was absentmindedly flicking through the pages of a book he’d picked up from somewhere around him even as he said something that was surprisingly thoughtful and endearing. I folded my hand across my lap and rested my head on top of them as I watched him.

“This is surprisingly thoughtful.”

“Ouch. Am I that bad of a friend? I know my reputation with women turns everyone off from me to a particular degree, but I haven’t mistreated any of you have I?”

“You haven’t.”

“Right. Contrary to Felix and popular belief I’m actually always worried about how all of you are doing. I might get annoyed by how you all try to dictate my choice in love life, but I know the anger and hits are coming from places of concern. It’s nice to know that no matter how much of a fuck up people might think and say I am, at the very least, all of you respect and see me for who I am at the end of the day.”

Sylvain said this while still flicking through the book, his face covered by its cover. My heart warmed a bit at his small show of gratitude and my frustration abated a bit as I sat up straight in the chair. He caught the movement and pulled his book away and sat straight up as well. He placed a hand under his chin and looked on expectantly at me.

“That being said—I still think I deserve to know some general knowledge about the woman who’s got my friend running ragged with a boner behind her.”

“Is—is this really necessary? Didn’t you just tell me to take my time?”

“Oh yeah and do. But little general, vague details about her, I think I deserve at least that much for saving you an embarrassment.”

I let out a sigh and gave him an annoyed look.

“What—exactly would you like to know?”

“Well I know you won’t be keen on telling me anything too personal so we’ll keep it to superficial little factoids for now. What’s her hair color like? Is it short or long?”

“Uh, well— _her_ hair color is I’d say a greenish blue and it’s not very short, but it doesn’t pass her shoulders.”

Sylvain had his right hand in a fist that he used to raise his head with as he nodded stoically at the response and gave a low _hmmm_.

“Right. What nation was she born in?”

“She,” that was a bit complicated I’m not even sure Byleth ever mentioned his birthplace in great detail but at the very least I knew his parents were from the Kingdom,” was born in the Kingdom itself though she works at the Monastery at the moment.”

“A Monastery woman? My my what a sly little dog our prince has turned out to be. Pining for the innocent and pure clergy women. I can see the appeal in them. Nice. What about her chest size?”

My cheeks flared up again and I wriggled around a bit on my chair at the question.

“Excuse me? What kind of question is that? That has nothing to do with getting to know her better?”

“Like I said, we’ve got to stick with superficial things since you don’t want to go around telling me who she is. The only way for me to assess her suitability for you right now is through pure body compatibility so it is _crucial_ that I know her chest size.”

“Really,” I sent him a pointed glare, “so this is supposed to be for my benefit?”

“Of course. It wouldn’t do good if I let you get dragged around by a woman who wasn’t _the_ perfect candidate for future queen and lover in every way which includes her body. Half of what makes up love is physical desire and without that well—your relationship is pretty much a doomed, self-fulfilling prophecy isn’t it.”

_What clearly faulty logic. Clearly, given what just happened in class and the other night body compatibility isn’t an issue._

Not to mention I’d never really thought of a man’s chest size before now so how exactly would it measure up against the chest of others? I’d never really looked at men besides Byleth so there wasn’t much basis there for comparison and a woman’s chest was completely different to a man’s. I’d just have to do my best to describe it to Sylvain…and now that I just said that I feel like I might’ve thrown up a bit in my mouth.

“Her…uh…chest is pretty—large I’d say. There’s plenty to grab and—latch onto I’d say. It’s soft—really easy to squeeze in your hands and it’s incredibly sensitive for a—”

Sylvain’s eyes were wide open and ogling me up and down in total surprise. I stared a bit at him in confusion before my own eyes widened and I realized what I’d just gone off and said. The burning in my cheeks seemed to spread all across my body as I slammed my head against the chair and Sylvain let out a whistle.

“This is—damn. I wasn’t expecting this from a man like you Dimitri but—you must be completely whipped to have gone all the way with her.”

“We didn’t go all the way! We just—uh—whatever! I don’t have to explain myself to you about something like that. We did some things and that’s all you really have to know if you must.”

“I underestimated you quite a bit then. This is pretty serious. Is she older than you?”

“Yes.”

“By how much?”

“About a year or two maybe.”

“Ah well, that’s pretty much nothing. She could be a student but—she could also be someone in the faculty. But who’s close enough to our age to be…”

“Don’t go around snooping! This is something we’re trying to figure out and work through. It would’ve been better to have no one know of it but now that you do—I’m asking you sincerely as a friend to not go meddling in it, please.”

I looked up from where I’d hit my head against the chair and saw Sylvain with a genuine looking serious face as he looked back at me. His hazel eyes had lost their mischievous gleam and instead seemed to have dulled a bit into a fierce calmness. He’d sat straight and ditched his joking thinking stance.

“I’d never. You can trust me to keep quiet and away. None of you have ever interfered with any genuine relationships I’ve had with others, so I won’t be betraying that respect by doing something like that. Besides, you're also one of my best friends and I want this to work out for you. If I somehow ended up ruining it or messing it up, then I’m not sure I’d ever be able to forgive myself. The way you’re taking this seriously must mean you're genuinely hoping to be in love. I’d never mess with that.”

A small smile spread across my face and I gave him a silent nod.

It had been a longtime since we’d been able to manage such a sustained conversation that wasn’t within the context of the Academy or Monastery and it was genuinely just about us. Even after the death of Miklan, I hadn’t really approached him and neither had he approached me. But maybe that didn’t really matter in the end. Him showing such loyalty and friendship made me think that perhaps—all of us, including myself, had been extremely unfair to him over the past year. Sure, he could be a bit tactless during certain moments of tension and seriousness, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t taking things seriously. At Remire, he somehow managed to slight the Death Knight with lewd commentary and still snap back to meet the Death Knight in battle with the same tenacity as everyone else. He was a good guy—at heart.

“Thank you. For what you did today and what you’ve done for me before now. I know it must seem like none of us appreciates you or that we dismiss you, but I wanted you to know too that if you ever need something, I’m here for you as well. Whatever happiness looks like to you so long as it harms no one else, I will be behind you all the way. I hope you know that.”

Sylvain sent me a wink and smile.

“Got it Dimitri. I’ve gotta admit I don’t make it that easy to love me but—I appreciate hearing the occasional verbal appreciation from you guys then and now. Raises my head a bit more on my shoulders. So keep heaping on the praise please.”

“No. I think it’s better to keep the praise rare in your case otherwise you’ll easily let it all get to your head.”

“Ouch. Back to the Sylvain hate train I see.”

“Regardless, we should at the very least pay a visit to the infirmary. If anyone thinks to ask Manuela about our visit, then it’ll be difficult and embarrassing to have to explain our way out of not going. I’ve calm down now so let’s go.”

“Right. Let’s get on it Your Highness.”

We both stood and I maneuvered my way through the flat valleys of the floor between the peaking piles of clothes and were on our way down the stairs to the greenhouse in a few seconds.

There was still about ten minutes before classes ended and students were let out for noon break though you’d never be able to tell it was even day time today. I turned my eyes upwards as we made our way up into the mess hall and the sky seemed pitch dark now with the clouds colored a sickly and ominous green. I could make out the distant rumbling of thunder and the blitz of flashing lightning following it just over the mountains. The wind was also suddenly fierce and chilling. Kitchen attendants were rushing to move the kitchen produce crates inside as their dresses and pants flapped violently against their legs and the long hair of anyone out helping was slapping relentlessly against their face. I threw a backward glance at the pond and saw the water restlessly moving in small rising waves with the force of the wing, turning almost white with foam.

Thankfully, the minute we stepped inside the mess hall the warm orange glow of candlelight and the burning ovens managed to chase away the encroaching chill of the storm. There weren’t many people around besides the kitchen staff and we walked past the empty tables into the entrance hall. Right as we were about to pass through the door, I stopped as I caught the small flash of something purple dash underneath one of the mess hall tables. I blinked a couple of times in confusion as I turned and bent down to look underneath the table beside me and was shocked to find a wide-eyed Bernadetta sitting hunched over, clutching a plate with a single slice of chocolate cake on it.

“Bernadetta—why are y—”

“Why not! I’m not bothering anyone!”

“I,” an uneasy smile spread across my face as I remembered that she was a bit—difficult to deal with, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you. You just ended up surprising Sylvain and I when you went running past us. I thought I was just seeing things.”

Sylvain walked over beside and also bent his head down, sending a casual wave to her.

“Well if it isn’t cute little Bernie. It’s me your biggest f—”

“Why did you bring him here!? Are you TRYING to kill me!!? My heart can’t handle any more of this monster! TAKE HIM AWAY!”

“Monster?” “Monster!”

The two of us said it at the same time as I turned an accusing look at Sylvain who immediately threw up his hands in the air in surrender. He bent down to look at Bernie again and sent her a innocent, hurt look.

“Come on Bernie. I’m sure I haven’t done anything at all to you. We’ve never even really talked since you always run away. Even then, I only wanted to talk about your writing. That story you wrote was—”

“Stop! Stop! Don’t continue your sentence you’ll only finish this cruel and unusual torture you’ve subjected me to. I’ve spent weeks locked inside my room because the moment I stepped outside I knew everyone would start looking at me. They’d talk about the stupid, weird shut-in who spent her time writing trashy hero romance fictions and my life would be definitively over. This is the first time I’ve left now that the stars have aligned for me. A dark storm to cover my tracks, ditching classes again, and the nice kitchen cooks who baked me a cake and said they missed me. If you’re gonna take my dignity away then take it, but whatever you do please don’t take my comfort cake too!!!”

Bernadetta was now uncontrollably sobbing underneath the table as she shoveled fork after fork of cake in her mouth and mumbled incoherently about her life being over and I threw a concerned look at Sylvain, who let out a sigh as he scratched the back of his head.

“She’s going to choke on her cake at this rate before I ever do anything to her.”

“Is she always—like this?”

“No but her imagination runs pretty wild, pretty fast. In all the times we’ve met I’ve never even properly talked to her because she has these sudden panic attacks. I wasn’t trying to upset her but I found a book on a library table and thought someone had left it off the shelf and I got curious when it had no kind of title or cover only the blank binding. I went to read it and was shocked to find out it was Bernie who wrote it and it was an all original story. I wanted to return it and tell her that her story really was riveting, and she had a great talent for it but as you can see now,” Sylvain cast another worried look at a still cake eating, weeping Bernadetta, “She seems convinced I’m out to blackmail her for it.”

“This does seem a bit problematic. We can’t just leave her like this.”

Sylvain nodded.

“If you want, you can make a head start for the infirmary. I wouldn’t want you getting caught by the other having not went. You can lie and say I ditched you for a girl or something as a cover for me not being with you. I’ll try to calm her down a bit and follow after you if I can.”

“Sylvain…”

_Even though the others will surely look down on you for being irresponsible and women hungry…_

“No,” I shook my head, “I’ll wait for you. Do what you think would clam her down and when you’re done we can get going together. We’ll think of an excuse for not going right away to the infirmary if we run into the others.”

Sylvain sent a smile and winked with a thumbs up.

“Alright then. Give me a few minutes and we can get going.”

He then bent down on all fours and made his way to join her underneath the table. I stood there surprised and worried as I struggled to think how him getting closer to her might calm her down, but I decided to trust him here.

“Wha—what are—why are—you coming down here!? Get away!! Don’t take this—”

“Bernie please—just listen to me for a couple minutes, yeah? I promise I’ll leave you alone after this.”

Her purple eyes seemed to shrink back as she slouched back down from her tense and fearful back lean. The messy strands of her purple hair swayed over her forehead as brown crumbs of cake were littered around her mouth and lips. She still clutched on to the white plate nervously.

“If it’s—just talking then I think—that’s okay.”

He sent her a smile.

“Thanks. I just wanted to start by saying I’m sorry. I realize I can come off really strong and it’s a habit of mine that I should learn to be better control. I should’ve respected the fact that you like your privacy and that if you wanted to talk to me, you’d come of your own free will and when you felt ready.

I’m also sorry I made you worry so much about your book. You don’t have to worry about that since I haven’t told anyone about anything that’s written inside it or that it even exists. I guess in my excitement for talking about the book I forgot that I read it without permission and I should’ve really just returned it once I saw it belonged to you. That’s on me. I just genuinely enjoyed it and wanted to let you know. I hope you keep at it.

I also—well—thought I wanted to get to know you better. Why you decided to start writing and if you were thinking of becoming a novelist or if it was just a hobby. I thought it would be awesome to start considering you a friend. Don’t worry though I’ll give you back your space so you won’t have to worry about me bothering you anymore after this. See ya later Bernie.”

It was a strange and new side to him indeed. To see him with his neck uncomfortably pressed up against the bottom of the table as he was hunched over with a smile looking at her. She stared at him for a bit with a blank face before looking back down at the small piece of cake left on her plate. I briefly thanked the Goddess no one was really around to see this as he nodded and made his way crawling back out from underneath the table.

“Ok. Why don’t we get going then Your Highness.”

He began to walk out of the mess hall as I cast worried looks back at the table where I could see Bernadetta’s feet poking out from. I hurried up to match his pace and looked over at him.

“Will she really be fine now?”

“I can’t be sure but at the very least she’s calmed down. I just didn’t want to leave her in that state of panic. I guess my charms for women just translate poorly over to making friends and getting people’s attention. I can’t really blame them though considering my behavior is the problem. If a man goes around carelessly breaking women’s hearts, then what can you really expect of him, right?”

He sent me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

He’d done this before even in our childhood. He’d shoot himself down and not push back against what others said or thought of him. He’d simply accept it even though it was clear it hurt him. I wouldn’t deny that now as an adult it was partially his fault for feeding into the rumors with his behavior but it was also true that people over-blew his exploits with women. They made him sound desperate and forlorn when it was clear that had nothing to do with it. It wasn’t really women that Sylvain was after.

I went to open my mouth when there was a loud banging noise that suddenly echoed out from behind us. I turned around and saw Bernadetta running up the stairs with her half-eaten slice of cake in hand clutching her head with her freehand. She stumbled around awkwardly, leaping over some steps and not walking up them in a straight line.

“Ow ow ow ow,” she looked almost like she was going to cry again as she reached us, “Um—um—Sylvain?”

Sylvain turned around at his name and seemed shocked to see Bernadetta had followed us.

“Oh Bernie. What’s up?”

“Give me a—second running is—bad.”

She was desperately trying to catch her breath as she looked up at him. I was a bit surprised at the look she had in them. A burning kind of determination, I think. She fiddled from foot to foot as we waited for her to speak.

“I’m—the one who should be sorry. You probably know that I don’t do well with people especially men. I just—you guys are pretty scary! I can’t really—I don’t know—stand up for myself and speak up when there’s people with so much confidence who could make friends and talk to people in their sleep. Just waking up sometimes is hard for me and—maybe I’m saying too much now but—I don’t want you to—talk down about yourself! You tried complimenting me on my writing. You apologized for pushing me. You’re—really nice I think.”

Her cheeks were red and she couldn’t seem to stop shaking even as her eyes stayed gazing up and unwavering.

“So it might take a while but—I would really like to talk to you about my writing. I might not be able to say much at first but I—I promise with time I’ll get better at talking. There might be days that harder for me than others but I—really want to try. I hope you can understand and maybe we can be—friends!?”

She blurted the last bit out with what felt like all her will to live. As she said it she stumbled a bit forward and her body continued to shake. Sylvain was taken aback at first but quickly let out a small laugh and walked over to her. He placed a hand on her head and gave her a few pats.

“Sure Bernie. I’d really like to be friends.”

Her entire face was red. Her mouth was open and she was sputtering out nonsense words as her plate and fork clattered against each other.

“Y-y-y-you—why—the pats—you—monster! This is—too much,” she shoved the plate of cake into his hands and then began bolting it down the stairs, “that’s a slice of—forgiveness and acceptance. But—don’t think you can go around—teasing me like that—jerk!”

I watched in disbelief as she rounded the corner back into the mess hall and left the two of us dumbfounded at the top of the stairs. I looked over at the half-eaten cake and up to Sylvain who stood still, blinking his eyes every now and then with plate in hand.

“Did she really—forgive you? It somehow feels like she managed to circle back to where the two of you started.”

“I mean—I think so? I did receive this slice of forgiveness and acceptance after all.”

We both looked down at the slice of chocolate cake. The brown sponge had spots that were darkened like wet soil and I couldn’t help but wince slightly after realizing it was wet with tears.

“You know you can’t possibly…”

“Yeah. It’s weirdly endearing and disgusting. It feels kinda bad to have to throw it out.”

I shook my head and turned to continue our walk right as the Monastery bell began to ring and the sudden swelling sound of student voices began to crescendo. We sped up our stride just a bit and he stuck close behind me as we began to walk through the reception hall into the second-floor staircase.

“Is there a reason you really wanted to make sure Bernadetta was fine?”

“You think I have ulterior motives? Wow. The sheer cruelty.”

“Not that you fool. Don’t try to ignore the question with jokes. It’s just—you seemed a bit sad after you told her you wouldn’t bother her anymore. I remember that same look in your eyes back when we were still children in Faerghus.”

“Nothing gets past you Dimitri,” he let out a chuckle as the candlelight flickered over his face, “I did really want to make sure she was fine. In a lot of ways, Bernie and I are the same.”

“You two are—the same? Sorry you’ll have to explain a little because I’m having a hard time seeing it.”

“Well—I’m not sure why she is how she is exactly, but I understand how she feels during those moments of panic and fear. You remember Miklan right?”

“Yes. Your older brother.”

“Yeah, dumb question on my part. We did kill him only a few months ago after all.”

I turned my head down at that quick quip. It didn’t really feel right to do that especially considering he was Sylvain’s brother. Not to mention that we had to watch him turn into a—demonic beast right before our eyes. I remember turning to Sylvain—worried—about how he was handling all this and I remember the look in his eyes. His body was still. He had his lance in his hand. His face was turned in a flat, indifferent look. But his eyes held a deep, burning sadness.

“When we were younger, we never got along. Since I was born and found to bear a crest, the work he’d done to prove himself a respectable heir to my father’s title had been erased in an instant. It didn’t matter that he was skilled or strong or knowledgeable. My crest gave me influence and power he could never hope to gain for himself. He turned bitter and saw me as responsible for the downfall of his favor with father. Everything circled around me.

He tried to kill me quite a few times as well. He pushed me into a freezing well in the winter. He poisoned my food during a banquet. He left me in the middle of the woods. Then he went ahead and tried to outright stab me. That one was hard to keep secret and when father and the entire house knew of the incident, father had no other choice but to disown him.

We’d caught wind after that he’d joined up with a group of thieves and ended up leading them. They would ransack towns only in Gautier territory and father thought this was my brother’s way of spiting us. He said he was ready to kill him on the battlefield but—I’m not quite sure he would have been able to do that himself and besides…,” Sylvain stretched out a hand and gazed at the palm, “He ended up dying at my hand anyway. The person he hated the most.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. He’s the one who chose to see me as an obstacle to his own well-being. He could have very well done anything else, but he chose to hate me for something beyond my control, something I didn’t ask for. He hated his own brother without even knowing him. He’s no different to the many like him that circle me all the time.

The women who float around thinking they want a piece of the power that my brother thought I’d taken from him. They want me in the moment and the promise of further and steady power in marriage and children. The men who want to be my friends and constantly flatter my ego to build a connection to my house. That’s why I think Bernie and I are the same.

She feels that everyone is closing in around her—that everyone wants to hurt her. She has a deep seated mistrust that’s coming from experience, but she still doesn’t have what I have with you guys. At the very least you, Ingrid, Felix, Dedue, Ashe, Mercedes, Annette, the Professor—you guys are the constant of my life. Bernie has her own in the Eagles as well but she still struggles even with those she trusts.

She pulls into herself while I push out. She locks herself in her room to ready herself for the next attempt while I put myself out there ready or not. She hides from people so she won’t feel pain while I break them before they could ever break me.

It’s complicated and yet so simple.”

As we stepped onto the second floor, he let his hand fall back at his side. The flame of the candlelight flickered and burned bright in his eyes.

“Sometimes—I wish I’d been born a commoner. It would have saved me a life lived in constant lies and struggles of political power. It would clear out the multitude of people who vie for control over me and my life. No doubt even as a commoner there’d still be those who’d still do much the same…but at the very least they’d do it for something that was my doing, my choice.

I think,” he let out a chuckle and looked at me, “I would regret not being able to be friends with all of you. The system of nobility would make sure I’d have no chance of every meeting any of you. A world where even the relationships between people are dictated by something that’s untouchable, unseeable, arbitrary—to who those people are…”

As he looked at me it was no longer the candlelight burning in his eyes. There was a light much brighter and fierce burning there that I could see now. His chest seemed to puff out and he stood taller, straighter than before. He stopped our walking right in between Jeralt’s office and the infirmary.

“So I want to do what’s within my power to tear it down. I want people to be able to choose who they want to be and be able to reach the limits that they set for themselves. I don’t want people to be trapped and warped by the pain that’s passed down to them as an inheritance, as destiny. And,” he placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it tightly, “I hope I can count on you as the future king to help me.”

His face was set in determination. His fickle and small smile from before replaced with this bigger, triumphant one. The passion behind his words—the force of his request all made this flurry of warmth pass through my chest. So many have suffered—not only me. They’ve suffered at the hands of things they are taught to be beyond their control when really many times they are the result of other people’s malice and loss. When I thought of them, all of my friends who have found a way to not lose their hope and their dreams—I’m inspired to carve out the path that will help me build that world with them. One where we can at the very least—lessen the tragedies that come from human hands.

I placed my own hand on his shoulders, squeezing it with a nod.

“You can count on me, Sylvain.”

He sent me a nod and we both continued along to the infirmary’s door.

“Now, I’d say that’s enough with the gloom and seriousness. Women love a dark brooding noble but let’s turn back to you. I reason a perfect way to really cement the deal with that mystery woman of yours is to invite her to the Garreg Mach Founding Day ball, don’t you think?”

“A ball…I’d honestly forgotten such a thing was happening given what we’ve all been through. Besides is a ball—really a place to do something as personal as wooing someone?”

“Unbelievable. I can’t imagine how this girl managed to get into you with such an unromantic attitude as that. Of course it’s the perfect place to get down with a woman! It turns into a spectacle of your affections and attractions to each other. She comes in dressed and adorned in her best to bring out all the qualities that you love in her. She’s thoughtful in how she presents herself to maximize her own charm. She’s waiting for you to meet her with the same dedication. To sweep her off her feet in a dance that will feel magical and otherworldly because anyone who was paying attention could see that you’d made the night only yours.

You’ve got to invite her!”

We stepped into the infirmary and found Manuela scanning cabinets with a clipboard in hand, tapping the pencil on vials of medicine and vulneraries as she went. At the sound of our voices, she turned her head and seemed surprised to see the two of us together.

“What brings you two to the infirmary right after class?”

“Our little prince here was feeling a bit feverish and I volunteered to bring him here safely so he can get a quick check up, Professor’s orders!”

“Byleth sent you, huh. How are you feeling Dimitri?”

She placed her clipboard down and walked over to the bed Sylvain and I had decided to sit on and placed a cool hand against my forehead.

“I feel fine. I honestly think everyone overreacted in sending me over here.”

She pulled her hand away from my forehead and nodded her head.

“Your temperature seems fine. Do you have any additional symptoms?”

“No. I must have just flared up because of fatigue or something like that?”

“Are you having difficulties sleeping then?”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

Sylvain’s little quip earned a pointed glare from Manuela as she walked back over her clipboard and picked it back up. She rummaged a bit using her pencil to tap vials before pulling one out and walking back over to hand it to me. I took it and looked inside. It had small green herbs.

“Green tea. It’s infused a bit with cure magic. Make yourself a cup of it every morning to give you a bit of an energy boost. Besides that—make sure you’re sleeping adequately enough and try not to overextend yourself throughout the day. If you don’t have any other questions, then you’re all clear to go.”

“Thank you, Professor Manuela.”

“Don’t mention it. Oh! Could you do me a favor though?”

“Of course.”

“Please remind Byleth that we’re doing a design workshop and confirming body measurements today for him.”

“Design workshop? Body measurements?”

“Oh, I guess you two as men with no interest for the stuff wouldn’t have heard about it. Byleth and I are teaming up for a beauty contest that’ll be held next month. Dorothea was the one who came up with the idea and is running it. We need to think about designs for the outfits he’ll be wearing during each round of the competition and I also wanted to take some additional body measurements just to make sure we’re all good in sizing with body proportions.

I guess he’s just a bit shy as the only man who’s signed up for modeling outfits and he isn’t going around telling.”

“This is the first I’m hearing of this.”

“Are men allowed to sit in and— _observe_ the measuring?”

“Don’t make me throw this clipboard Sylvain. The Professor won’t want people—let alone his students—watching him undress in my room. If I so much as see you anywhere in the vicinity, trust that the Professor and I will make _very_ short work of you.”

Sylvain placed his hand over his heart.

“I swear on my fragile and precious balls that I will not approach your room.”

“Splendid. Now get out of my infirmary. Thank you, Dimitri. I hope you continue to stay in good health.”

“Yes, thank you.”

“So cold.”

I pulled a mumbling Sylvain out with me, but after his small remark I’d completely blocked out his voice. My mind started to race a bit at hearing that Byleth would be modeling in an Academy competition.

What kind of outfits would he be wearing? Was there a summer beach round? No…it was already to beginning of winter that would be strange. A dinner round? A ballroom round? What exactly would he decided to wear? Would he be influenced by Manuela’s advice? Would his outfits be risqué and provocative? Would they be simple and pretty? Would everyone start to notice what I’d always been able to see in him—his ethereal beauty?

A hot pang burned through my chest at the last thought and I felt my hands curl up into a fist. I quickly shook my head loose and away from the thought. Imagine being so jealous when Byleth had already shown me something no one but me knew of. Sides and dimensions to him that I was the very first to see and explore. I should really be above these kinds of childish and immature thoughts really. But even the idea that Manuela would see him undressed in any fashion or length didn’t sit very well with me.

“Dimitri? Hello?”

“Ye—yes! Sorry, I didn’t catch what you said.”

“Are you going to invite your girl to the ball?”

“I don’t think that’s a great idea. I’ve told you we’re trying to test the waters on our own terms and we don’t want to be broadcasting it to the entire Monastery like that.”

“Who’s going to know? I mean really know? Only me most likely since I might be on the lookout for who you are ogling and even then I’m sure I’ll be busy with my own things. Everyone else is going to be busy in their own worlds trying to woo their own people. You’ll miss out on a one-time event that gives you the perfect chance to really cement this. I’d say consider it a bit.”

“But how would I—even go about asking them?”

“Well my first piece of advice is to please not gift her a dagger when you ask. Give her flowers or a piece of jewelry that’s simple and beautiful. Maybe even add a nice note paired with the gift and leave it in her room or ask her in person and in private.”

“You’re really never going to let that dagger thing go. It’s not as easy to make a moment special for someone as you might think.”

“Don’t you know her likes and dislikes? You really need to get to know her better then otherwise she’ll be pushed away by your lack of romanticism.”

“I’m not even sure—she’d appreciate overt acts like that. She’s more—reserved I’d say.”

“Everyone likes a bit of romance here and there. The girls who look like they wouldn’t care about small things like that end up being the ones who care about them the most. You can’t really judge people at face value.”

“That’s—true enough.”

As we stepped down the stairs and back into the reception hall floor, I was mulling over in my head all the conversations Byleth and I had had for any hints of things he might like. I remember Ashe mentioning he enjoyed fairytales and I also remember the night we spent together he had on a really intricate bracelet. I actually hadn’t even asked if he’d bought it or been gifted it. Maybe he enjoyed jewelry? I noticed he’d get annoyed occasionally with his hair falling into his face during lectures. It was pretty long—maybe he’d like a nice hair pin. If I paired it with a book, then handed them to him and asked him to be my date to the ball—I think he’d appreciate that. I’d have to head into town and look at the shops and vendors later on.

My heart raced a bit at imagining how Byleth might react. Would he smile? Would he blush? Would he get teary eyed? Would he hug me? Would he kiss me? Would he do all of those things?

“Could you please not smile like that? You’re creeping me and everyone who sees you out.”

I shook my head and saw that people were indeed casting some concerned faces my way as we reached the Academy classrooms. I was getting a little too caught up in the fantasy of making Byleth happy to honestly care at all what they were thinking. I just felt a sudden need to set all the pieces together perfectly for him. I was definitely going to ask him to be my date and dance partner at the ball.

“What? Sorry. I didn’t even realize I was smiling.”

Sylvain nudged me in the shoulder with his elbow as he whistled.

“You’re totally whipped man. Ah—at least I nudged you a bit into growing some balls and a heart. I can only imagine how devastated and sad she would’ve been if it weren’t for my incredible intervention.”

“Yes. Surely she’ll place all her gratitude on you.”

“Continue with the underhanded sarcasm Your Highness but it doesn’t erase your pure and messy way of loving. You plus a woman could only result in a fun time.”

“Are you actually trying to help me or secretly rooting for my demise?”

“Who knows,” Sylvain gave me a wink as he turned to watch a pair of girls chatting on their way running to the mess hall, “I’m always in the corner of love so if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time I find mine. Good luck with your courtship Dimitri. Break a leg out there!”

And with that, my egocentric friend sauntered off in the direction of the two girls as I shook my head and turned away from them.

The sky was still a sickly shade of green as thunder continued to crack with flashes of lightning. The wind was still incredibly strong and I briefly wondered why the hell we’d walked out into the Academy courtyard when the weather was becoming so foul. I looked around for a moment wondering what I should do with lectures done for the day and the weather all but certainly closing the training grounds and outside facilities for the day. I eyed the doors of the Blue Lions classroom and shrugged my shoulders as I jogged my way over to them. I’d missed half the lecture so it might do me good to use up some time reading up on what I missed or moving on ahead. I made it to the large wooden doors just as the sudden patter of rain began to fall across the Monastery and become a torrential downpour. I pushed the door open enough to slip in and then I closed it. The wind violently thrashed against it—a constant banging ringing out as the wind kept trying to blow its way inside.

Looks like I’d be spending a good while inside here until this storm lets up.

“Dimitri?”

I looked towards the front of the class and was surprised to see Byleth sitting at his desk with papers and books staked all around him. They formed peaks to his left and right with him sitting right in the valley of air between them. Seeing his blue eyes stare back at me with the glow of his candlelight giving them a smoldering look sent my heart racing still again. It was a perfect recreation of the way they looked then when he had been laying between my legs in bed.

I shook my head violently as I tried to move away from imagining him like that. I’d already embarrassed myself with my boy like inability to control my own erections earlier today. I didn’t need another repeat.

“Sorry. Am I disturbing you? I thought the classroom would be empty and I reckoned I’d spend the stormy day in here catching up on what I missed and getting a head start on tomorrow’s lecture.”

“Oh no! You can totally hang in here if you’d like. I stayed here doing work and reckoned since there was a storm coming it’d just be better to stay and do stuff here then carrying all this to my office. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Manuela cleared me and said it was likely just fatigue,” I raised up the vial of green tea leaves, “She gave me cure infused green tea leaves for me to drink at the start of each day.”

“That’s good to hear. You honestly do overdo it a bit helping others. It’s perfectly fine to say no here and there when you’re not up to taking on tasks.”

“Says the man who’s always trapping himself inside to do cleric work for the Academy and Church?”

Byleth let out a laugh and gave me a half serious glare.

“Well—Your Highness—this is actually a part of my job’s responsibilities so I can’t really refuse to do them. Besides, I’ve been more careful since I had that spell of fainting episodes on the recommendation of my father and Manuela.”

“You haven’t had anymore?”

“Nope,” he sent me a goofy smile and thumbs up, “I’m totally good for the moment. No need to go worrying about me.”

"Manuela asked me to remind you that you should swing by her room today to do your body measurements for the beauty contest the two of you are signed up for. I didn't know you'd be a part of something like that."

"She did? Thank you for reminding me for her. Yeah, I'm honestly not quite sure how to exactly feel about it? I was roped in by Dorothea and Ingrid when they mentioned Manuela was having trouble finding a partner to model her clothes. I'm doing it mostly for her with encouragement from my father of all people. Although the more I think of it, I don't know, it might be a lot of fun to do it with Manuela. Do you think it's silly or dumb?"

"Me? I don't think it's silly or dumb at all. I wish you'd told me earlier or I would've just gone through the month into the next and missed the show if she hadn't had told me."

"Sorry. I was a bit embarrassed to tell anyone. Only the girls, father, and you know if it now."

"Sylvain knows too."

"Ugh...he'll never finish teasing and annoying me about this."

I made my way up towards the front of the class and picked up one of the Faerghus war tactics texts that was left on the desk from our lecture and sat in the desk bunch right in front of his desk. I opened the book to some random page on using follow up offensive magic spells after heavy weapon strikes I think though I really didn’t care much for catching up or getting ahead of lecture material now.

Byleth—seeing me sit down with a textbook—took it as a sign I was starting on my studying and turned back to his paperwork. I watched as the quill in his hand flurried across the sheet of paper he had set out in front of him. His eyebrows were furrowed downward and he had one hand tapping against the wood of the desk. His hair would fall down slowly bit by bit until he had to use the tapping fingers of his hand to push it back and away from his eyes. A look of annoyance would come across his face and his tongue would poke out ever so slightly from his mouth as he tried to refocus.

My eyes just couldn’t tear away from my watchful wait. I wanted to take note of every small quirk of his body and save it to my memory. Tells for his moods and thoughts. Ways of knowing him that were a testament to our time together and connection.

He turned his head slightly upward and sent me a smile.

“What is it?”

“You’re beautiful.”

His face flushed red and he lifted the paper from his desk to cover his face.

“Weren’t you supposed to be studying? Stop trying to tease me and focus on your work.”

“That’s a hard ask when you’re always standing in front of me in class.”

“So now it’s my fault? Sorry, let me just go and get ugly or something.”

He let out a small laugh and lowered the paper enough so I could see his blue eyes peaking just over the top. There was a playful shine to them that was somehow different from the mischievous glint of Sylvain’s eyes. The look sent my heart racing forward and I fumbled around a bit to find a clever response.

“I think—it would be impossible even if your tried as hard as possible to make me think of you as anything less than beautiful. You could try. It might just end up making me like you more though.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Wow Mr. Dimitri. You’re really laying down the charm this evening huh. Well,” he pulled the paper back up to cover his face, “you’re not exactly innocent yourself. It’s difficult to teach when I’ve got a—really handsome guy eyeing me up the entire time.”

Without even thinking, I felt this pride swell in my chest as I sat straighter and pushed my chest out. Just knowing that I had the same effect on him that he had on me gave me this sense of confidence and happiness.

“Handsome you say?”

“Yeah. Maybe annoyingly so based on how smug sounding he seems after I’ve told him as much.”

I let out a chuckle and placed my head on top of my folded hands.

“What are some of the things you like?”

“Things that I like? That’s an interesting turn in conversation,” he pulled the paper fully down and looked at me intrigued, “Is there anything in specific you want to know?”

“No. I just want to listen to you talk about the stuff that gets you excited or happy really. It occurred to me while talking with Sylvain earlier that I haven’t done a great job of having this kind of small talk with you. What kind of man would I be not knowing even the most basic things about the man I love?”

“Hmm…well I’m okay with talking a bit about myself if you’re okay with telling me about you as well.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

He set the paper down and folded his hands across the table, resting his head across them as he stared back at me. I noticed his bracelet again. The flickering candlelight reflecting slightly off the silver metal as the classroom darkened more with the violent storm outside.

“Where did you get that bracelet from? I noticed you wearing it only during our last night together.”

“Oh,” he raised his right arm and let me see the bracelet more clearly, “It was a gift from my father. He said he’d meant to give it to me when I was recently born but my mother’s death made the bracelet a painful reminder of her and he ended up losing it. He saw the jeweler shop where he’d commissioned the original one and commissioned a second which he gave me a few days ago the same day we,” a blush rose on his cheeks and he set his arm back down, nuzzling his face beneath the ridge of his arms to cover his face, “yeah. Did—those things.”

_Hmm—I guess Sylvain was right. It seems Byleth does enjoy acts and gestures of affection like this._

“I remember Ashe mentioned you really enjoyed fairytales. Is there any reason in particular that you like them?”

“Hmm,” he tilted his head side to side as he hummed, “I suppose I enjoy the magic they seem to infuse into stories that are ultimately rooted in ideas of otherworldly love and heroics. Not all of them have happy endings or a prince and princess, but there is something magical about hearing about places that may or may not exist—people who may or may not exist. A tactician sacrificing himself for the prince he loves to end a bodily curse, a young dragon hoping to stop his biological family and adoptive one from sending two nations to war, and a young mercenary who fights with his lover mage to halt a Goddess from undoing their world. They all just—take me away somehow.”

“Spoken like a true bookworm.”

“That’s me alright. Now my turn to do the asking. Besides weapons and anything related to government or military, what are some things you enjoy?”

I scratched my imaginary beard and thought a bit on my answer.

“Well let’s see…simply visiting the school and orphanage in town. Seeing the children and how excited they are to see me. Despite the unsavoriness of how our morning went getting there, there was something completing about seeing you there surrounded by children, smiling and playing around with them. When I think about it now, there’s this future that starts to come together for me.

So, I would say I enjoy helping and looking after children. I would also say I enjoy doing a bit of quiet star gazing. It gives me some time along to sit with myself and just—reflect on something here and there and it’s always nice to appreciate the magic of the night as well. I happen to think you needn’t look too far to see some magic in the very world we live in.”

“Do you have any favorite foods?”

“Well…to be quite honest my sense of taste is a bit shot. I have a hard time really savoring the flavor of food. Some flavors get to me, but most are dulled.”

“I didn’t know at all. You should’ve said something earlier! There might be a way to help with that if we ask Manuela. I can’t believe you just kept eating without getting to really enjoy the food and never told any of us.”

“It’s been with me for quite a while now. Really—it’s nothing to be worrying so much over.”

“Well…if you say so I’ll trust you.”

“Do you ever regret taking this position as professor in the Academy?”

“Ha—there’s a loaded question. Well, I’d say that I don’t regret at all taking this position. Being here with the help of the Lions, faculty, and you really helped something like—a wall get dislodged between my heart and mind. I started to learn how to actually express myself—my thoughts and emotions in a way I had never before. I’ve laughed, cried, smiled, been annoyed, had fun all because of the people I met here. Of course—there are actions the Church has taken that I disagree with and it’s my hope I can discourage those measures that I find—excessive and inhumane. But overall—no, I don’t regret it. I’m here talking with you after all aren’t I?”

The smile he sent my way had my penis flaring up into an erection once again inside my pants and I sent a silent prayer of mercy to the Goddess to help keep my body and thoughts in line.

“Do you like dancing?”

“Well—I’m not really quite sure. I lived my life in a mercenary group going from town to town and camp to camp for our next job. I never stuck around a place long enough to enjoy festivals or parties and I’m a commoner, so I’ve never attended something as extravagant as a ball either. To be honest—I’m a bit intimidated by the Founding Day ball. The rest of the faculty and the students themselves will have had classes over etiquette and dance as opposed to me. I just hope if anyone thinks to ask me to dance that I don’t embarrass myself too much.”

“You could always practice with me. I won’t say I’m as nimble or graceful as Sylvain or even Claude, but I’ll know enough to make sure you can stay standing.”

“That would be nice and fun. Although, it could also be really embarrassing if I’m as bad as I think I might be at dancing. We could spend the hour or so practicing for me to only leave you with sore toes and feet. Would the two of us really want to sign up for that?”

“I don’t mind getting my toes stepped on her and there. It’ll give me an excuse to hold you by the waist as close as I can and a reason to dance with you.”

His face flushed again and he turned his head away, distracting himself by tucking some stray hair behind his ear.

“You’re really going for it today.”

“Is that bad?”

“No. I actually—like the initiative you have. It’s nice to hear the person I like play around with me like this. I feel like the times we’ve talked have always been surrounded by—tragedy or something close to it. It’s fun to see you lose a bit of your cold feet around me at the very least. I still remember the first time you told me about Sylvain’s need to constant need to sleep with women. You stumbled over how to put it into words and always flushed beet red even after you’d made the explanation virgin ear proof. It’s a strange feeling being the one that’s now backed into a corner and blushing. Though I don’t dislike it.”

“You—must stop saying things like that. It really,” I shifted my legs around and felt my erection press painfully against my pants, “riles me up.”

“It must be really hard on you then. If just a little flirting is setting you off,” he gave me a once over with his eyes that were now half closed, his lashes curling delicately and not reliant on the flickering candlelight to burn with a searing smolder, “imagine how worse off you’d be if I actually tried.”

I groaned and moved a hand down to palm down my erection, his blue eyes following the hand that disappeared underneath the desk. Despite his sudden bravado, a light flush still lingered on his cheeks and he licked his lips slowly as his eyes lingered where my hand had disappeared. I gave my erection another squeeze through my pants as my skin tingled with the warm sensation of having his intense eyes watching.

“Yeah. It’s your fault I get like this. I have to watch you walk around the front of the class, around the Monastery grounds knowing that I’ve already held you before. I don’t need to imagine your skin or the indent of your hip because I’ve seen them, touched them. My fingers already twitch at the memory. You’ve never had to do more than what you already do and are. I’ve already been charmed and properly whipped.”

“A man really after my heart huh.”

I patted my lap with my free hand and sent him my own half-hooded glance as I palmed my erection with the other.

“Aren’t you going to take responsibility?”

His face flushed and its redness reached all the way to the tips of his ears as he glanced nervously around the classroom.

“Here? Is it really—wise to be doing this? It feels awfully guilty doing this in what’s supposed to be my classroom. Not to mention what if someone—came in. I’d surely be kicked out of the Academy and you’d be disgraced as a king for sleeping around with faculty.”

“Classes are over for the day and the weather will make sure everyone stays inside. I doubt anyone would want to risk getting themselves wet just to come back to an empty classroom. If it makes you feel better, you could always lock the class door.”

He squirmed a bit at his desk and bit his lip. He looked over at me and I kept my look steady and half-hooded still palming my erection as he shook his head and let out a sigh of frustration. He stood up and quickly walked over to the class door, turning both of their locks and then making his way back. I followed him with my eyes the whole time and he sent me a pointed glare.

“Don’t look at me right now. I can’t believe I’m about to do something like this here of all places. We’re supposed to be taking things slow you know.”

“You said you weren’t even trying to rile me up right? I just wanted to know what it’s like when you actually do try. Are you backing up on your words now?”

“Haha—sure, make this about pride like you aren’t the one dying to stick that thing in me,” I frowned a bit at the dry jab at me, “But you aren’t getting the luxury of taking me for a ride you virgin, the best you’re getting from now is my mouth.”

“Aren’t you a vir—”

He came right in front of me and suddenly disappeared beneath the brown oak of the table. I felt his hands reach up and hook on the waist of my pants and underwear before he tugged on them together and pulled them down to about my knees. I felt his warm breath tickle my head and pushed the desk forward enough for me to see him rubbing my penis against his face. It twitched at the sight of him, slapping against his cheek with no help and I already felt like I was close to bursting just at that. He turned his face up to look at me while he gripped it with his right hand and then slapped it against his open lips. This was—a really dangerous sight.

“You weren’t wrong—it looks like you’re about to explode. I mean,” I felt him give a light slap from beneath my balls and groaned, “these two guys are pretty heavy. You sure you’re not going to disappoint me by being a minute man?”

I felt the challenge in his tone and pushed my hand through his hair before giving it a light tug. His eyes glazed over a bit and he kissed each of my balls and gave them a light suck while making sure to keep his stare on me. I watched them slip into his lips, felt his tongue swirl around them and the gentle, rhythmic tugging of his mouth, before he let them out with a loud, wet pop.

“Try me.”

A small smirk past through his face before he pulled his hair behind his ear and gave my shaft a lick from the balls up to the head. I watched his pink tongue run along the slit and felt my toes curl as he kept a steady hand fondling and squeezing my balls. He kept his gaze right at me as he slipped the head past his lips and he moved his mouth down along the shaft until his nose touched the pale blonde bush of hair above my penis. I felt like my eyes would roll out of my sockets as I twitched uncontrollably inside his warm mouth. I tugged at his hair harder and felt the vibration of his low moan on my penis. He kept squeezing me with his mouth and I could feel my head still deeper inside maybe even hitting the back of his throat.

“Where did you—even learn to do—something like this?”

He hummed and it felt like the vibration was shooting right through my blood. He began to move his head, pulling back up and off of my penis before he suddenly pushed himself back down and gagged a little at the force. I was completely soaked in his saliva by now and I watched the clear strings of precum and saliva follow and drag along—up and down—with his mouth. He dedicated both of his hand to playing around with my balls. While his mouth kept its steady up and down motion, his hands would go from tugging or fondling my balls. His nails would drag lightly along the small little indent of a valley between them. My breath was coming out in ragged pants as I watched him work on me and the wet, sticky sounds his mouth was making made this a definite—dangerous situation. I already felt a pent-up warmth bubbling right below my stomach and I knew I wasn’t far from bursting.

I could feel trails of saliva trickling further down my shaft, dragging along the curve of my balls and crawling along the gap of my thighs. The few trickles would move a bit further and caress the rim of my hole before settling there. I felt my hole twitch at the sudden sensation of wetness and my ass squeeze tighter. It was beginning to be too much when Byleth let my penis go with a pop and spent a bit rubbing it against his face. It slapped against my stomach and twitched uncontrollably as he nuzzled and kissed it. I felt his hand grab and squeeze my balls together and a curse slipped from my mouth.

“You’re close right? Sorry, I can’t have you breaking promises on me now. I’ve still got a few things to show you and this little guy here. Well,” he squeezed the shaft with his other hand, “I guess he’s not a little guy. I can barely grip him in my hand.”

“You seem to be enjoying the big guy quite a bit yourself.”

With him having his head pressed into my crotch, I hadn’t even noticed when he’d pulled down his own pants. His penis was twitching and pointing proudly up into the air while he squeezed at mine. I wanted to reach down and touch him myself, but this position would make that awkward and a bit painful which left him in total control of where to take things.

“What can I say? There’s plenty of me for to enjoy here.”

He moved himself down so that he was almost on all fours. His back was arched, and his ass was stuck up in the air. The cap from earlier was gone, draped over his desk chair so that I now had a great view of the round mounds of his ass cheeks half-covered by the pants he’d pulled down. He took my balls back into his mouth again and left my penis neglected, twitching against my stomach. I kept my hand on his head, sifting through his hair and giving a tug here and there. I was surprised when I felt both his hands grab and squeeze my ass cheeks. He tried to lift my waist up and I helped him a bit by raising my hips. He pulled me so that I was positioned with my ass slightly off the chair and facing a bit upwards. He kept sucking on my balls, but I felt his hands begin to knead and massage my ass at the same time.

I could feel the cum right there, at the tip of my head and could see the small drip of white sperm slip out of the slit. I was so incredibly—close. I just needed him to—touch me, give me one more good tug.

Right as I was thinking this, I noticed him let go of my balls and begin to slowly move himself further down. He left a trail of kisses as he moved right below my ass and then he stuck out his tongue and dragged it right down the gap of my thighs until it ran over my hole. I jumped a bit at the sudden sensation and watched his face disappear between my cheeks with only his eyes still locked upward gazing at me. Then as he watched me, I felt his tongue begin to circle the rim of my hole. It grew incredibly wet as he circled around teasing me and I felt myself arch my back upwards almost off where I sat.

“That’s—fuck.”

He had no mercy for me. He moaned out at my reaction and then began to mercilessly lick right on my hole. He pushed against the twitching opening with his tongue and let more and more of his saliva soak and wet the hole. His hands all the while kept up their fondling of my ass and as his tongue pushed its way a bit past the opening of my hole, about to break past into my ass, I grabbed Byleth’s head with both my hands and pushed his face further into my ass. I heard him moan and his tongue worked even more furiously on my hole, his hands becoming more aggressive as they squeezed my ass—the sudden sting of a slap on each cheek making me groan—almost growl out in pleasure.

One of his hands moved to work with his tongue and I felt one of his fingers circle the rim of my hole as I continued to press his face against it. His finger circled and circled the edge as his tongue kept jabbing right at my hole and I felt like I’d lose my mind when I felt his finger push right in the middle, pressing past his tongue and pushing its way into my ass. My dick was painfully hard now and as he slowly moved the finger up and down and kept licking at my hole, I could hardly keep track of all the sensations across my lower body. He moved his finger so that it threatened to slip out before he pushed it back in agonizingly slowly again. He kept arching his finger upwards, towards my belly and pressing along as he went before I felt a sudden shock of pleasure and let out a deep, guttural groan and Byleth let out his own moan. He began to thrust his finger so that it kept hitting that same spot as before and my toes were curling, my breath was ragged, and I watched him through a fog of pleasure.

He kept up his thrusting but moved his mouth up and back towards my penis. He gave it one long lick before taking it back down to the base in his mouth. He began a more aggressive bob up and down on it that matched his aggressive finger thrusts and I just couldn’t control myself anymore. I stood up and the desk was shoved with a screech further away from us. Byleth kept up his finger slamming into my hole, but now he was kneeling in front of me as he kept up his attention on my penis.

I grabbed his head and began thrusting myself into his mouth. I could hear the loud slaps of my dick slamming into his mouth and his finger slamming into me from the back. I was working myself on both ends as he kept up with me and met each one of my thrusts. I could feel the burning warmth begin to crawl up my shaft and began to groan and groan over and over again as I looked down at him. His eyes seemed to have glazed over and had a bright glow to them as I watched my penis move in and out of my mouth.

“Fuck!”

I slammed into his mouth one more time and held hid head there as my penis spasmed and shot stream after stream of cum into his mouth. I felt his finger slip out of my ass and watched as his throat bobbed up and down while he swallowed every drop. He popped my penis out of his mouth and gave it one last good lick on the head before leaning back on his legs and giving me a smile.

“See. I told you you couldn’t handle me when I really tried. You were really pent up and aggressive I think my throat my need time to—ah!”

I scooped him up into my arms and he let out a squeal. I shoved aside the book I had picked up at the beginning and pressed him down against the desk. Our faces were only inches apart as he watched me with his eyes—the same wet, glazy look as before lingering in them.

“You think I’m gonna let you off for teasing and bullying me like that? You’re not the only one who can drive the other crazy you know. You deserve a bit of disciplining for going off on your own like that.”

I flipped him over so that his stomach was pressed up against the top of the desk and pulled him back enough so that his dick was hanging off the edge pointing downward with his ass sticking up and out. He tried to move himself off and stand straight up, but I gave one of his ass cheeks a hard and loud slap that made him squeal.

“You’re not getting off with just making me feel good. Now it’s your turn. Be a good boy and stay there while I make you lose your mind.”

He didn’t say anything, but I could see his dick twitching and took it as a sign of his enjoyment. I moved myself right behind him and crouched so that my face was level with his ass and dick. I placed both of my hands on his ass and began to slowly squeeze them in my palm. The mounds of flesh jiggled back down into place when I let them go and I gave them a light slap at the bottom, watching mesmerized a bit at how they bounced with every smack. I pushed the two cheeks apart and was greeted with his twitching pink hole and I moved my face closer to give it a kiss. He let out a moan and tried to push his ass back onto my face, but I gave him a good hard slap on his other cheek.

“Stay still Byleth. I told you it’s your turn to feel good and I’m the one who’ll be doing all the work.”

I spread his ass again and pressed my face right in, sticking out my tongue and pressing it with a bit of force against his hole. It slipped in a bit and I found it easy to jab at it with my tongue, thrusting it in and out—feeling the warm walls squeeze tight around me. He let out a couple of moans as I pulled back and used my hands to stretch out his hole. It wasn’t a perfect slit, but I noticed it was open enough to offer an easy entrance inside and to egg him on I gave his ass another couple of slaps.

“Someone’s been having fun on their own, haven’t they? You were off taking care of yourself without thinking of me—how selfish. Aren’t you sorry?”

He didn’t say anything so I gave him a few more slaps as encouragements.

“S-S-Sorry! I wasn’t being selfish I just—didn’t want to bother you by—being needy. You’re busy with Kingdom and Academy work. I can’t possibly bother you for something as trivial as thi—ah!”

I slapped both his cheeks at the same time—annoyed by his answer.

“This isn’t trivial to me. If you need me for anything, you should rely on me. Taking care of you as my lover is not only about mind and heart but also body. If we both want to let out steam or need a bit of attention, then we should seek each other out. Next time you’ll come to me when you’re feeling needy right?”

He was silent and I squeezed his ass.

“Y-yes! Promise.”

“Right.”

I moved my face back in and began to lick mercilessly right in the middle of the pink, twitching hole. Wet, squelching sounds echoed around the classroom as my tongue thrust in and out and I moved a free hand down to tug and squeeze at his penis. My hand covered it in one good grip and I felt it jump up at my sudden touch. I raised my other hand up and fondled his as well. I gave them a few slaps before tugging at them and moving my tongue down from his hole. I licked a trail right down between his thighs and moved from his balls to the tip of his penis, turning myself so I was sitting right beneath where it was pointing down. I moved the hand I’d been using to squeeze it back towards his now wet hole and began to tease it, circling around and putting a bit of force on the finger every time it strayed into the opening of his hole.

Right as my finger pushed inside, I pushed his penis into my mouth and began to bob up and down on it as he moaned above me on the desk. I couldn’t see him, but I watched his stomach spasm a bit and felt him thrusting back to meet my finger. It seemed he wanted me to go faster, but I moved the finger even more painfully slowly and began to tease another alongside it.

“Come on—Dimitri. Just—that one—at this speed—it won’t do! Please…”

Hearing his desperate voice had my dick twitching back to life. I squeezed the next finger in alongside the first and with the two of them began to pick up the pace of my thrusting. His penis twitched sporadically as he began to really slam back on my fingers with force. I twisted myself so that I was sitting with my legs facing forward and my head beneath his ass and groaned at the sight above me. I could see his ass bounce with every thrust he hit on my fingers. The wet sound felt like it was shooting right through my veins and back down into my newly hardened erection.

I moved down on his shaft and kept only the very tip of his penis in my mouth, dragging my tongue across his slit and tasting the salty pool of his precum as I went. He began to thrust his hips with an angle downwards so that he was now slamming into my mouth as he slammed himself into my fingers. His moaning had picked up considerably and I could see his legs shaking and I began to slam my fingers into him.

“Dimitri—it’s too much—I…”

I squeezed my throat and he let out a cry as I felt a warm stream of cum shoot out and fall down into the back of my throat. Even as he came, we both kept up our hard thrusting as I let his penis go and quickly licked up the stray strings of white semen that threatened to fall to the ground. I moved back up so that I was standing and watching a few seconds his ass bounce up and down my fingers before I yanked them out with a pop and pressed my dick between his cheeks. He lifted his head to look back at me.

“You can’t…”

“I won’t. I just wanna—rub here a bit.”

I began to move my hips back and forth and watched my penis slide up and down between the wet valley of his ass. I watched it almost disappear beneath his two cheeks and groaned at the way it wrapped warm around me. My hips were slapping against his thighs and every time my head slid and pressed in a bit where his hole was, he’d a loud moan. I felt the same burning warmth bubble below my stomach and begin to crawl up my shaft and before I could even warn him, I felt the head of my dick stop right over his hole and the warm stream of cum pour out. I struggled to catch my breath and pressed myself onto his back as the two of us tried to calm down and find our breath. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest and the rushing of his beating heart and he turned his head to the side to give a sidelong glance.

“You really went and came again. Right in between my ass too. How am I supposed to clean that up? I don’t have anything to clean up with here.”

I was still floating on my high. I responded to him with a gentle kiss that I pressed on his lips before pulling back with an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry. I’ll help.”

I moved off of him and took a step back but…

I could see my cum dripping along almost like it was coming out of his hole and I felt my penis twitch slightly again. I groaned and shook my head.

_Goddess—give me strength. I think my nose might bleed at this rate._

Ashe let out a long yawn beside me as the rest of the Lions and I followed behind Byleth through the dorm walkway to the audience chamber. It was early enough that the sky was still a shade of light purple and dark blue and the birds had started to chirp morning songs as we walked through a brisk and chilly Monastery. Byleth had swung by everyone’s room to wake them up since we’d been called by Lady Rhea and most of us had managed to wake up and get going besides…

I felt a sudden hit on my shoulder and turned to see a sleep, eye half closed Ashe falling back to sleep against my arm as he kept walking and a bed head Annette swinging her lulling head against an annoyed Felix. It didn’t take long for her to join Ashe and press herself against Felix’s arm as he let out a groan. She was letting out small snores that were drowned out a bit by Mercedes and Dedue’s voices. Ingrid and Sylvain pressed forward a bit so that they were walking beside Byleth.

“It sure is quite a nice morning isn’t it? It seems the first snowfall has been delayed quite a bit for the season. The chill seems to have gotten here with no problem though.”

“It is pleasant.”

“Right? I know some people struggle with colder weather, but it gives me an excuse to sew and seam some nice warm clothes for myself. Do you enjoy colder weather Dedue?”

“Quite. Duscur winters are as cold as anywhere in Faerghus save the Sreng peninsula. The snowfalls in my village were quite a sight. Watching the snow fall as my mother, sister, and I cooked are some of the fondest memories I possess.”

“That’s a lovely memory. I remember sitting on the steps of the church that my mother and I fled to in Gideon territory in the village of Harstad. We’d make some hot chocolate and sit together on the front steps and just talk. It’s a very different life to the one we have now with father. All the same—it warms my heart still.”

“There are indeed wonderful memories buried even in the coldest of days.”

“That’s a lovely sentiment Dedue. Oh,” Mercedes clapped her hands together and smiled as she looked towards Dedue, “what if we bake some treats on the day the first snowfall arrives? We can make things that are sure to warm our bellies and—oh!—I could sew us all adorable sweaters that match like our very own team uniforms. We could sit on the cathedral bridge and watch the snowfall from there. It’ll be so magical!”

“Hmm,” Dedue had his hand raised on his chin and nodded, “A pleasant idea. I would be happy to assist you with baking. Does everyone agree with our proposal?”

“You can count me out of this. I’m already a second away from throwing up at the disgusting notion that we’re close family. I won’t be eating any treats or wearing any stupid sweaters. And—Annette would you wake up and get off me!? You’re being absolutely ridiculous!”

Felix was trying to shove off Annette as Ingrid turned her head.

“You can count me in! I can’t pass up the chance to taste both of your guys food my mouth is already watering at the thought. And don’t worry about him. I’ll make sure he shows up _and_ wears the sweater. This will surely be a great memory.”

“I’m also down. I guess I can let the ladies sleep easy one night of the year to bless all of you with my presence.”

“Anyways…I think it’s a lovely idea Dedue and Mercedes. I’ll make sure to leave my work and join you guys whenever the first snow falls. I could also help in the kitchen if you think you’ll need a second hand?”

“Oh no. I’m sure Dedue and I will have it covered Professor. Just make sure everyone meets up in our classroom so we can make our way to the cathedral bridge together and in our sweaters. Oh! I’m so excited!”

“I also think it’s a grand idea! I’ll help our Professor make sure everyone meets up in the classroom as well.”

“I’m pleased you agree with the sentiment Your Highness.”

Felix had in the meantime managed to shove off a half-awake Annette who was rubbing her eyes and glaring over at him.

“Can’t you even be nice early in the morning? It’s rude to just shove people around.”

“What’s rude is falling asleep pressed up against people who don’t want you near them. I wish you’d at the very least take a summons from Lady Rhea seriously, but you seem incapable of such a feat. Grow up.”

“Grow up!!?”

Everyone ignored the sparks flying between those two.

“I must admit—this summons is quite sudden. Do you have any idea of what the reason behind this could be?”

“I’m not very sure myself Dedue. I was woken up just as suddenly as I woke up the rest of you. All I know is that it was urgent and she wanted you all to be present alongside me.”

“With how many dangers have come to pass in and around the Monastery, we should be prepared for the worst.”

We walked a little longer before we reached the large threshold of the audience chamber doors. Instead of the two usual knights guarding the door, I was surprised to see Catherine and Shamir standing on either side of the doors.

“Well, if it isn’t the superstar Professor himself.”

“Good morning Catherine, Shamir,” Byleth gave the two of quick greeting and bow before furrowing his eyebrows, “Do the two of you know why we’ve all be summoned?”

“Beats me. Despite how much it annoys me, Lady Rhea only seemed keen on telling you and your class. She should really lean on me more as her personal Knight who also happens to be incredibly attractive and packing these pair of massive guns.”

Catherine made a show of flexing her arms despite wearing a full suit of armor and Shamir let out a pained sigh as she looked on at her partner.

“Pardon my meathead partner Professor. I’m aware of the reasons for your summoning since I was in charge of the Church investigation that resulted in prompting this audience with Lady Rhea. However, we thought it prudent because if its delicate nature to keep it between Rhea, Seteth, and myself to avoid information being leaked out by,” she sent a quiet and quick glance at Catherine, “loud mouths—to say the least.”

“I reckon you can’t exactly tell us?”

“No. Lady Rhea wanted to be the one to tell and explain the summon to you. Feel free to head in.”

Shamir opened one of the long wooden doors and we all gave her a quick thanks as we walked through and she closed the door behind us. Lady Rhea was standing in front of her small throne with Seteth attending beside her. Her face was set in its usually serene indifference but this time—I noticed the same ominous glow as before when she was watching Byleth’s room shimmering over her eye. I seemed to betray her otherwise poised mannerisms. No one else but those two were in the chamber and as we made our way over to them our footsteps echoed out loudly.

We all gave a bow when we reached them and Byleth stepped forward.

“You summoned us Lady Rhea?”

“Yes. Pardon me for doing so at such a short notice and disturbing the sleep of you and your students. However, what I have to share required a sense of urgency I’m afraid.”

“There’s no need to apologize. We’re ready to hear what you have to share with us.”

“Very well. I trust that you are all well aware of the recent string of missing students at the Academy? The Professor and Seteth have been scouring the missing reports and investigating her at the Monastery while I sent Shamir on her own investigation so some of this will only be new to you students. It is all but assured that whoever is responsible for these disappearances is an accomplice or associate of Tomas or Solon. Considering that Solon the magic or natural ability to assume the form and appearance of others, it would follow that his partner, whoever they are, are at large and still. Disguised as someone from the Monastery.

Despite having found him out, the disappearances have only continued. We are at a total of 18 missing students with no leads whatsoever. However, Shamir’s investigation produced some results and we’ve come to a similar conclusion and produced a lead,” she moved slightly forward and the same chill I felt when she stared me down that night not to long ago returned, “What I am about to tell you must remain between us here. It is crucial to the well-being and security of the Monastery that no one else know of this.”

“You have our word of course, Lady Rhea. We won’t tell anyone of what you tell us here.”

She sent a smile in Byleth’s direction.

“As always—I am most reassured by your dedication and unwavering support Professor. I am sure that some of you at the very least have heard rumors of a place named Abyss?”

“I’ve heard the occasional chatter about it from the girls of the Monastery. Some sort of shady town somewhere underneath the Monastery where criminals, murders, the most despicable people run to for safety. They don’t really take their own story seriously. Its name mostly used to get a few students scared, poke a little fun at them.”

“Well, there is some truth to what Sylvain has said. There is indeed a place called Abyss deep underneath us in the catacombs and lost corridors of the Monastery. The Monastery was itself built over ancient structures originally built by the Goddess and her followers to house their bodies and as a space for their worship and living. Abyss is home to many a myriad of people who are mostly the downtrodden—people running from the cruelties and injustices of the surface. The Church has known of them since their settlement there and we’ve formed a treaty of sorts where we promise not to interfere in their affairs or wish them ill will and intent so long as they reciprocate the sentiment and action towards us.

This treaty has held for quite a many year, but I am concerned by Shamir’s report. In her investigation, I asked her to search for possible hidden entrances and exits around the Oghma Mountains that someone with access to the Monastery might use as possible escape routes to either move kidnapped students out, move accomplices to infiltrate the Church in, or possibly both. She ended up finding such an entrance and investigated it. She didn’t have to go far before finding a group of black robed mages moving alongside the Death Knight further into the Monastery’s underground. She followed them for quite a while but lost them some time after and found that the route the group followed had led her right to Abyss.

I have eyes and ears in Abyss who have informed me this isn’t the case, but the nonetheless I have my doubts, that the settlement is in no way involved with those who are seeking to harm the Church. They’re saying that they themselves have been attacked by the group and are struggling to defend themselves so as a form of courtesy I’ve decided to send them the Church’s support. Typically, classes are only assigned one major mission for the month and I realize that last month’s mission took a toll on all of you, but you are the only one who I am confident can help us get to the bottom of this.”

A silence hung in the room as everyone was busy taking in the information that was laid out before us. I was surprised to hear that such a place existed for the downtrodden and curious as well as concerned as to the reason why the Church wanted this kept a secret. However, venturing to such an unknown place that we’re aware of is being roamed by such a dangerous enemy…it seemed like quite a tall order for a group of students and their professor.

Byleth turn to look back at us.

“This mission will surely be dangerous. I can’t ask you to accept it if you find yourself fearful or concerned about the stakes of it. Remire was difficult and I can’t ask you with a clear conscience to follow me again when I’ve already put you at such great risk. You have permission to leave.”

I looked over in shock at Byleth and wanted to deny him outright but…his face was set into one of such fierce determination. His eyes were wavering with some strong emotion as he looked at each one of us and I found myself unable to think of a response. It was a surprise when Dedue was the one who stepped forward to face Byleth.

“Professor, the burden is not yours for what transpired at Remire Village. None of us could have foreseen what was in store for us. We follow you precisely because of this empathy and responsibility you feel to guide and protect us. I’m sure I am not alone in considered it our duty as well to look after and support you. If you choose to take this mission, you may count on my support.”

Everyone else nodded and gave their approval. Byleth seemed taken aback for a second before he shook his head and gave a small smile.

“Right,” he turned back toward Lady Rhea, “We agree to take on the mission Lady Rhea. You may count on our support.”

“That is quite splendid to hear. You must ensure then that you are prepared to depart tonight in the cover of dark. Seteth will help you gather the necessary supplies and deliver them to your room Professor. You all should gather there once sun has set.

Not many are privy to this information, but there is an access point to Abyss right beside the Professor’s room. The Monastery wall beside the room has a brick in the center of it with the insignia of a wolf. Pull it out and the wall will swing inwards and reveal a passageway. Follow it and at its end you will meet up with Cardinal Aelfric and the group lead by my informant.”

“Will any of the Knights be accompanying us?”

“I cannot afford to send the usual battalion to accompany you on this mission. In place of that, I’ve asked Jeralt to accompany your group and he himself has already been briefed on the mission. Alois will be in charge of the Knights until your father’s return.”

“You asked father to come?”

“Yes. Considering the sensitive nature of this mission, I thought it prudent to assign someone up to the task to lend you aid. I’ve also already had my ear talked off for off-loading so much responsibility and work on your shoulders. If I hadn’t assigned and informed him of your mission, he surely would have run after you on his own volition. I might as well sanction him to remain at your side.”

“Right. Then we’ll make sure to account for him in our preparations.”

“Your responses have been most reassuring. May the Goddess light your path.”

Lady Rhea gave us a bow and we returned it before beginning to make our way back out.

“Professor, would you stay back a moment?”

Byleth halted at the sound of Lady Rhea’s voice and nodded before turning to us.

“Wait for me outside the audience chamber. I won’t be long.”

We nodded and slipped out of the chamber before closing the door behind us. We moved ourselves just in front of the faculty hallway while Shamir and Catherine watched on.

“So the rumors about Abyss were true. It’s hard to believe that an entire community of people has just been living beneath us without our knowing. I thought it was just a story girls used to make each other nervous.”

“Lady Rhea said it’s a place for downtrodden people, right? If the Church knows that these people are running away from cruelties and injustices, why wouldn’t they offer their support and look to fix those injustices? It seems a sad and cruel decision and fate to force them to flee underground. Surely, the Church has the authority to do _something_.”

“You can’t understand it Ingrid because your idealist sense of knighthood prevents you from accepting the reality of it. The Church doesn’t have the time to expend resources in saving a bunch of nobodies with no power, sway, or influence. They make a show of resolving only the most obvious affronts to people’s happiness and even then, they don’t entirely solve things. They consider the misery of individual’s arbitrary to the mission of the Church.”

“Felix…”

“No, I think he’s got a point. Take for example the system of nobility and crests. The Church must realize by now how the emphasis on crest inheritance has caused rifts and struggles for power within noble houses that usually end in violence. You only have to look at Miklan and I to see how messed up the situation is. But the Church despite knowing this, simply choose to remain silent and doesn’t encourage a replacement. You’ve gotta wonder why that’s so.”

“The Church couldn’t possibly hold such cynical intents. When they took me and my mother in, we were also just nobodies and yet they treated us with great respect and kindness. The work they did to help in Harstad wasn’t done for the benefit of any noble—it was done for those that suffered, those that needed spiritual guidance and who were lost. I’m sure the Church’s focus is always on them.”

“Yeah Mercedes—but that was one local church affiliated to the Monastery. It makes sense that they’d have an easier time of gaining members who truly felt and thought about the Church the way you feel. Once you get yourself entangled in the bureaucracy of the Central Church with different factions of people vying for different goals, that sense of mission and genuine hope get lost in there.”

I’d finally managed to collect my thoughts after hearing everyone and decided to add in my own thoughts.

“It’s true that the existence of Abyss raises more questions about the intents and character of the Church, but at the moment there is a far more ominous and looming threat. We still have no idea what the purpose of kidnapping Academy students is. I doubt it would be as petty as ransom and we’ve not heard of families being at all contacted by suspicious individuals. There must be some need that the students are fulfilling. I had to speak or imagine it but—it could be possible they need bodies for some sort of ritual or use of dark magic.”

“That is a sound assumption Your Highness. In Remire, Solon had mentioned using the village for a kind of experiment and the only group of enemies at the village was his and they were comprised of black robed mages. Shamir found similarly dressed mages in the Monastery underground. It’s most likely they are using the students for another one of their foul experiments.”

I nodded my head silently and everyone seemed to be caught up in their thoughts as the silence hung over us.

This would explain why the Church seems to be pushing the Founding Day celebrations so persistently across the Monastery. Hosting fishing tournaments, craft workshops, plays and musicals, offering themed foods. It was all meant to hide this ominous belly from showing and to keep everyone in the Church including students busy and with their minds distracted from recent events. It was scary how well it was working that all of us would have been clueless to this new threat if Lady Rhea hadn’t decided to ask us for aid. She seemed well-versed in putting to work maneuvers of deception.

We were all pulled from our thoughts at the sound of the chamber door opening and Byleth walking forward with a small smile on his face.

“Let’s go guys. We’ll be busy organizing ourselves all day. You’ll each have an assignment to handle for preparing our journey to Abyss but considering this matter depend on secrecy, it’d be best for us to discuss anything regarding our mission in the privacy of my office. I’ll assign you to dos there.”

He walked between us and down the faculty hall as we filed in behind him. I couldn’t tell if it was the news Lady Rhea had imparted to us or the way the winter chill seemed to seep up into our boots from the cold stone beneath us, but everyone seemed rather tense. I looked at Byleth and could see him nibbling slightly his bottom lip as he turned right and unlocked the door to his office. It seemed whatever Lady Rhea had told him it’d only served to heighten his apprehensions regarding our mission. He waved us in and we all crowded in while he closed the door behind us and then made his way over to stand behind his desk.

He seemed to be debating something in his head, his eyes wandering from here to there as he tapped his fingers before he looked directly at us.

“Lady Rhea told me this in confidence and asked that I not tell you but quite frankly keeping something like this from you guys doesn’t sit well with me. Just promise to keep this to yourselves and to not mention to her that I told you in advanced.

Apparently, the Church has an additional concern on top of the sighting of the Death Knight and his black robed mages. Lady Rhea has an inkling that they might be after a sacred artifact that was hidden away somewhere in Abyss for safety: the Chalice of Beginnings.”

“The Chalice of Beginnings,” I furrowed my eyebrows, “I’ve never heard of an artifact by that name. What significance does it have for the Church to have seen the need to seal it away?”

“Lady Rhea didn’t tell me in great detail, but she said the ritual was practically wiped from Church records and only those who were passed down knowledge of the period would know of it. The ritual was performed upon the completion of the Monastery by the Four Apostles of the Church to resurrect the Goddess, but the ritual ended in a horrifying failure. Something horrible was unleashed by it and to prevent the chalice from being used the Apostles scattered across Fódlan to hide their blood and crests.”

“Their blood and crests?”

“It seems they’re necessary for the ritual, but that’s all that Lady Rhea shared. Part of our mission is to recover the Chalice before anyone can get their hands on it and deliver back here to the Church.”

Ingrid stepped forward with a worried look.

“Would it not be prudent and practical to destroy the chalice? If this resurrection ritual only serves to unleash something that made even the Church abandon its use, then it would be better to dispose of it.”

Byleth nodded his head.

“I’m in agreement Ingrid. If there is an opportunity and manner for us to get rid of it, then we will do so.”

“But,” Ashe’s voice interrupted from his place beside a coffee table, “would the Church not be upset if we defy their directive? If we return empty handed, would it not be suspicious?”

“That is a valid concern. I’m sure Lady Rhea holds quite a bit of good will towards you Professor, but I think that good will has its limits. You telling us this is already pushing her restraint and if her reaction towards the Western Church is anything to go by…”

“What Felix is saying is if we’re caught, we’ll surely all be looked at as apostates attempting to defy the Church’s—and by extension—the Goddess’ will.”

A silence once again fell over us.

It was true that the Church showed absolutely no mercy even to those who were once part of the faithful and then decided to move against them. The Western church had been completely destroyed and ransacked by the Central Church after the death of Lord Lonato and the collapse of their little coup attempt. I did not feel bad for Lord Lonato. His army was comprised of local militia, citizens who were not even trained and he’d knowingly sent them to fight the Knights of Seiros knowing they’d be simple fodder. Not to mention Ashe who looked up to the man. He threw away the family he had over a vendetta for the son he had lost. The Church itself shared the blame as well. Meeting a force of militia with a military force knowing they’d be simple stones in their wake.

The powerful dishing out loss and taking away what was precious to so many. It seemed an unending cycle of the world.

“Right,” Byleth spoke up, “We will decide what to do about the chalice when we arrive there. Lady Rhea said it was only a concern not a confirmation so we may not even end up needing to find it. I just wanted you all to know ahead of time and not be caught by surprise if the concern does result.

As for the work of preparations, Annette and Mercedes please make sure to gather enough provisions to last us for a day or two trip. We’re supposed to meet up with Aelfric and Lady Rhea’s informant but there’s no telling how long it will take us to reach the rendezvous. We should be prepared to last a bit without more help. Make sure to pack the provisions and bring them to my room.

Ingrid and Dedue—check our weapons and bring them over to my room as well,” he tossed a key towards Dedue who caught it, “You should open my room first and keep the key with you. If anyone has anything they’d like to bring with them that is essential outside of what I ask you to bring, then pass by and drop it off.

Sylvain and Felix—head into town and buy anything additional you deem necessary for our trip. We won’t know how the situation is like in Abyss, if they have a blacksmith or shops, so we should be prepared to not find any,” he tossed them a bag that clinked loudly, full of bullions, and Felix caught it, “Those are the funds Lady Rhea provided. Try to stay well within the amount of funds and save a good bit of it to take with us.

Ash—you follow Ingrid and Dedue and when they open my room you stay there to watch over what the others leave there. Check over everything to make sure we aren’t missing anything crucial.

Dimitri and I will find my father and discuss the details of the mission and think of a rough course of action. Without being in Abyss ourselves and hearing from Alefric and his group we’re really flying a bit blind. Nonetheless with have to be prepared to respond to any situation that arises. Is everyone clear?”

“Yes!”

A chorus of our voices responded to him and everyone began to file out of the small office on their way to complete the tasks assigned them to them—save for Byleth and I. He remained behind his desk as Ashe closed the door behind them and I noticed his collected look melt into one of worry and concern. His face was turned downwards and his eyes darted across the surface as he closed his eyes.

“Are you okay? Is something the matter?”

He turned his face towards me.

“You remember where Lady Rhea said the access point to Abyss was?”

“Yes. Right beside your room inside the Monastery wall. I think she means that small area where people leave provisions and weapons crates from time to time.”

“Remember not too long ago when you helped me deal with Monica?”

“The two of you were in front of there. Yes, I remember.”

“Before you came and found us, I’d found her simply standing there—facing right where the access point of Abyss is supposed to be. She wasn’t with anyone or doing anything. She was simply staring at it and when I questioned her being there past curfew she tried deflecting away from it and then became combative not to mention…”

“What?”

“…it seemed like almost for a second she had the intent to—do something to me. Her eyes had something in them that I immediately felt threatened by and when she reached behind her I swore I saw the glint of a weapon, but then she only pulled out a comb. I’m only beginning to piece it together, but I think it’s too much of a coincidence that she was standing there and that feeling of—danger. I felt it once before as well the time I ran into Tomas, Solon, in the library. I’ve already mentioned my concern to Seteth and I wanted to tell you so that we’re at the very least—vigilant. We can’t be taken by surprise again like in Remire.”

I hadn’t been there from the start, but I had noticed the tension that was humming in the air when I ran into Byleth and Monica. I could tell by his face that he was weary of her and immediately moved to support and reassure him by making her leave. If he felt he was arriving at a solid answer, then I trusted his instincts.

“Very well. You can count on me.”

He walked over and wrapped his hands around me in a tight hug. We stayed like that for a few minutes and I ran a hand through this hair and nuzzled my nose on his head.

“Thank you. I just—since Remire I haven’t felt like I’m capable of looking after the others. Ashe and Felix were badly hurt and we only just managed to stop the Death Knight long enough to chase Solon away,” his voice was muffled as he pressed is face into the crook of my neck, “Then the two of them went and blamed themselves.

And then you…I’m also scared I won’t be able to protect you. That somehow I’m lacking in what you need in those moments where you're lost and scared.”

His voice was wavering as he spoke and it pained me to hear him doubt himself so. I raised his face with a hand and was greeted by a pair of watery blue eyes.

“You must realize that somethings are beyond your control. No matter how much we prepare for battle the situation always changes. All of us know what we are signing up for when we follow you whether it’s Remire or Abyss. Nothing comes over agonizing over the things you cannot change.

And as for me—you are everything I want and need already. If we something were to ever happen to me, I want you to promise not to do this to yourself. Whatever danger I am in was not brought about by your choices or will. I know you. I know you do everything with me and the others in mind.

Remember,” I cupped the right side of his face with my hand, “you can rely on me. We’re partners, aren’t we? One of us covers for the other one when they need it.”

I leaned down and pressed a light kiss on his lips, pulling back after. The watery blue of his eyes was drying and he sent me a silent nod as I pulled him in again and rested his head on my chest.

I watched the blue and purple of the night melt away into the red and orange of morning. The birds were still chirping and the first school bell joined their chorus and filled the air with a kind of sonic warmth that crawled across my skin alongside the return of morning sunlight. I could feel Byleth’s breath push against my uniform and felt the quick, steady beats of his heart filling the empty gaps between the beats of mine. Despite the reality of our mission and the worries he was carrying, I couldn’t help but feel happy and content in this moment.

He’d taken to heart what I told him only just yesterday. He chose to confide in me and to ask me for my support in something that was bothering him. He had been vulnerable about those doubts. It meant that he trusted me.

And so even as we pulled apart and made our way to find Jeralt, the warmth of our closeness lingered on my chest. A faint smell like vanilla followed the two of us as we stepped out into the open air of the Monastery. It felt like we were connected in a way that distance could not easily sever and as I walked beside him—I slipped my hand over his, squeezed it, and held it in mine satisfied when I felt him squeeze back.

With the light of dawn washing over us, it felt like no matter what was in store for us—we would be able to face it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is going to be a long end notes but I hope y'all take the time to read through it.
> 
> Firstly, a late Merry Christmas and early happy New Year to all of you <3 I won't be posting a new chapter until the new year so I thought I'd wish it for you now and I hope all the wishes and hopes you're holding come true in the following year. this past year has been really difficult and lonelier than before and we've all got fights we're fighting, but I'm grateful that despite all that you've joined me on this journey. This fic is now over 200 pages long! WHATTTTTT?? I started this project nervous and unsure if anyone would be receptive of it a year after FE3H's release, but seeing all of your responses has made me so happy I decided to take the project on seriously. I'm grateful you've chosen to follow me, Dimitri, and Byleth down this journey.
> 
> I'm also starting my last four classes of university before I graduate so I might once again be wrapped in class work so progress on Encounters Under Dawn's Light will be slowed down once again. Hope that's okay with y'all!
> 
> This chapter marks the start of my planned Abyss arc for the characters. It's obviously way different since it'll be Lions exclusive considering the fic is a Blue Lions route scenario and I hope you're enjoying the deviations I'll be taking with the plot that was given to us in Cindered Shadows. I know this isn't an event that's canon to the base game but I thought making it canon would be impactful considering that the end scenario/final boss is directly tied to Byleth and Jeralt and offer a really powerful opportunity for a character moment. Things are going to get really dark and violent once again so expect lots of action scenes and a quick pacing. The arc will probably lasts 2 or 3 chapters before leading into the ball and a certain tragic event with both of these having dedicated chapters. We got to see some different sides to Sylvain and Bernie made a small cameo to help him show off that he's a genuine dude although he's trash to women he dates :/ and Dimitri has a bit of fun with Byleth in the Lion's classroom :o I hope you don't mind too much that they didn't stick strictly to gendered sex roles and the kind of sex play that implies. Dimitri is still an exclusive top as Byleth is an exclusive bottom, but that doesn't mean they won't eat each others ass and mess around a bit. It all comes down to preference but I just think people should be free to enjoy each other however they like without certain pressures within the queer community so I hope you enjoyed the sex scene! 
> 
> Thank you again for sticking with me and reading and I hope you all stay safe, healthy, and look out for one another. Love y'all :3


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